Still no friends

[CorinaN 2]

Pardon me if I asked how you go about trying to make friends. I'm NOT judging you at all. Pardon me if you feel that way.

The question about "needy" is not about saying you need anything in material terms. You see in America, or at least where I'm from, it's a community thing so people let friendships 'flow' naturally through the avenues I mentioned earlier...either through church, schools, sports arenas, online, games, events etc within the community. So when a stranger with clear intentions albeit, appear too persistent in making friends, people tend to 'see' that as the stranger having some ulterior motives.

Clearly you have very good reasons/intentions for trying to make friends, but it might not appear that way to the people you're trying to be friends with. Let me give you an example. I grew in NY around Yankees stadium. I love baseball and football (Yankees & NY Giants fan). Over the years, I have met many many people and became friends with just going to the ballpark and football games. We became friends just because of our shared love for the game; talking and even arguing about it. My point exactly is, our friendship started from a common shared love for something and moved on from there. It was mutual -- so my guess is that the people you're trying to befriend do not find that shared connection.

Also, look at it this way. It's a very dangerous world out there with lots of crime, scams & untrust worthy people around. So a lot of folks are quite iffy dealing with perceived 'strangers'. Excuse me if it feels judging you. Good luck in finding your desired friends.

Apologies accepted ! I totally understand what you are saying to me . I lived in a big city in my country, Bucharest, and I did have friends all my life. Yes , some I met in school, some at work and so on. Some of the people I wanted to be friends with here, are people I see sometimes because some of them are my hubby's family. And others are coworkers of him. These are 2 examples I can give you here. And even though we don't have so much in common at the first look, when we meet we speak like crazy about everything, we have a good time and it looks like we look forward to meet again. But we don't get to be close so we can talk on the phone or meet just because we want to, no, we meet next time at a family reunion or a political party. I can talk pretty much about anything with everybody. Looks like everybody likes me. People from work tell my husband how sweet I am ,what a nice person, yet I am all alone hehehhee, how is that huh ??? And it really hurts me because I know I can be a great friend.

[CorinaN 2]

I understand this reaction to the comment and I agree with you 100% about it not being above to have just your partner. I've moved around a lot and haven't stayed in the same area for longer the 8 months in 5 years. I moved from New York to Pennsylvania for school, moved to England for school, moved back to PA, went to London for a bit, moved back to New York and then moved out here to California. Going to London was the hardest thing because I had no friends there - only my boyfriend (now fiance). And while he was and is my best friend, after a few months it just got so tiring to have no one else. I've only been in California 7 months now and it took about four months before I had a friend. It's getting better and my line of work makes it really easy to meet lots of people with shared interest (filmmaking), which is a huge help.

I wish I had advice for you about how to find people, but sometimes it just takes a long time and some places just aren''t as easy as others for various reasons. If people think you're being "needy" or "aggressive" or whatever was suggested just because you're being friendly then that is their problem. But I doubt that's the case. More likely it is just a cultural barrier that will take time to overcome.

Thank you Sam for your nice words. Yes there are many things that could cause this problem of mine. I just hope things will change around here. And I am sure it has to do something with this place and the people from here. It must have been hard for you too but now you found your place, you have your job and it's going to be good for the two of you. Yeah , we need more people in our lives, that is for sure. Good luck to you in the future !

[The Mean Lady 604]

I'm the USC. I have no friends.

My husband is my only friend.

[JstaRebel 48]

Hello everybody !

There is something I would like to ask those who came to USA from another country some time ago. Do you have friends ? I am from Romania and I live In Puerto Rico since 3 years ago. I married a Puertorican, a great man who is the most important thing in my life. We are great together, we have everything we need but there is something I cannot make...friends. I have tried so many times with so many people. I am the nicest person, I treat people with respect, I always try to help if I can, I always speak nice, I hate gossip and I am so open minded. Yet people seem to not notice any of this, or they do and that's why they don't like me, I don't know. I don't have a job yet and with how the things are around the world I don't know how soon I'll have one. So I have a lot of time on my hands. I do know so many people here. We often go to all kinds of parties, either family parties or parties from my husband's work. They are all so nice with me there but that's it...and even though I invite them over to our place or I say we should get together soon, nothing happens....I see them next time at another party. I wish they would treat me with no interest but no...they are nice and everything....they ask me things about my country, how I like it here so far ,bla bla....we speak for some time but I cannot connect with anybody. My hubby is my best friend and sometimes I say I am lucky I have him but I would lie if I would say I don't miss having other friends too. I am such a happy person and I would love to share so much with others. I speak English, I speak Spanish so language is no problem. What is the problem then ? It's because Puertoricans are not friendly with foreign people ? Are the Americans different ? How is that working for you ?

Hola CorinaN, Bienvenidos al Caribe y El Pueblo de los Quesitos de Hoja. Yo pensaba que iba a comenzar mi respuesta en español, así que usted puede darse cuenta de que entiendo su problema ya que estoy muy familliar con Puerto Rico.

That being said, Puerto Rico and in fact all of the Caribbean is quite different than the mainland US. I currently live 44 miles south of Puerto Rico on the little island of St. John with my Dominican wife who even though there are many other Dominicanos here, has had the same problem as you are having with refrence to having friends. First of all, Puerto Rico and the Caribbean see a lot of tourists, and many people move here to "live the dream" only to leave after 6 months because things are just too different here. This causes the natives here not to befriend newcomers to the islands because they figure they are going to leave soon anyway. Also you ask the question if Puerto Ricans are friendly towards foreigners. This is a tricky question that I will first say "Puerto Ricans are very friendly people". However, that being said, Puerto Ricans want nothing to do with my wife because she is Dominican and is looked at as a second class citizen not equal to the Puerto Ricans. Her being married to a gringo only makes this situation worse. I also have a Puerto Rican friend that married a Mexican girl and was literaly disowned by his family for doing so. Why? Puerto Ricans are a very proud people, and look at themselves as different from other latin cultures including having their own unique way of speaking the Spanish language. One other obsticle you will find is that PR women in particular are a very jealous because of the "machismo" that is prevalent in their country.

I know that you are looking for answers to your problem, and I realize that I'm not giving you any. I will say that my wife goes home to Santo Domingo 2-3 times a year, and also goes to Miami to visit family there whenever airline prices are cheap. Other than that, My wife and I do everything together which isn't a bad thing. Some things that we do together that may give you ideas is Diving, fishing, sailing, hiking, and dancing salsa and bachata regularly. She actually has made a few friends in the past three years she has been here simply because she dances well believe it or not. I wish I could give you some good advice, but at least you have an idea of why this is happening to you. Remember, It's nothing against you.. It's just how their culture is..

Good luck, and I wish you happiness,

JstaRebel

[CorinaN 2]

I'm the USC. I have no friends.

My husband is my only friend.

And how do you see that situation ? Is it working for you ? Tell me more please !

[CorinaN 2]

Hola CorinaN, Bienvenidos al Caribe y El Pueblo de los Quesitos de Hoja. Yo pensaba que iba a comenzar mi respuesta en español, así que usted puede darse cuenta de que entiendo su problema ya que estoy muy familliar con Puerto Rico.

That being said, Puerto Rico and in fact all of the Caribbean is quite different than the mainland US. I currently live 44 miles south of Puerto Rico on the little island of St. John with my Dominican wife who even though there are many other Dominicanos here, has had the same problem as you are having with refrence to having friends. First of all, Puerto Rico and the Caribbean see a lot of tourists, and many people move here to "live the dream" only to leave after 6 months because things are just too different here. This causes the natives here not to befriend newcomers to the islands because they figure they are going to leave soon anyway. Also you ask the question if Puerto Ricans are friendly towards foreigners. This is a tricky question that I will first say "Puerto Ricans are very friendly people". However, that being said, Puerto Ricans want nothing to do with my wife because she is Dominican and is looked at as a second class citizen not equal to the Puerto Ricans. Her being married to a gringo only makes this situation worse. I also have a Puerto Rican friend that married a Mexican girl and was literaly disowned by his family for doing so. Why? Puerto Ricans are a very proud people, and look at themselves as different from other latin cultures including having their own unique way of speaking the Spanish language. One other obsticle you will find is that PR women in particular are a very jealous because of the "machismo" that is prevalent in their country.

I know that you are looking for answers to your problem, and I realize that I'm not giving you any. I will say that my wife goes home to Santo Domingo 2-3 times a year, and also goes to Miami to visit family there whenever airline prices are cheap. Other than that, My wife and I do everything together which isn't a bad thing. Some things that we do together that may give you ideas is Diving, fishing, sailing, hiking, and dancing salsa and bachata regularly. She actually has made a few friends in the past three years she has been here simply because she dances well believe it or not. I wish I could give you some good advice, but at least you have an idea of why this is happening to you. Remember, It's nothing against you.. It's just how their culture is..

Good luck, and I wish you happiness,

JstaRebel

Thank you so much for your answer. And of course you can speak Spanish anytime, but I am not sure everybody around here will understand Yes,they are very friendly indeed but it's just when you see them on different occasions. And they always offer you drinks, food and help if you need with some stuff. But I cannot make that special connection with nobody how I said before. Here in the town I live there are not so many tourists. And I am here to stay. And lets switch the tables a bit. If I was in my country and there was a girl from another country who came to live there I would be so interested to get to know her, I would try to be as friendly as I can, I would see her as something....different...special...I would be curious. But that means to be open minded, to be interested in new stuff, new people, new countries, new situations. I really don't see the people from here being that way. I am glad you said also that PR is way different from the mainland. It's a very beautiful place, a piece of heaven some would say. So small though and yet very populated.... So you say they don't like your wife. That is bad because your wife belongs here in this part of the world, they are neighbors, she speaks Spanish perfectly, she is a lot like them. I am not. I have the ability to adjust to new things. Oh and there are so many new things here, look at the weather alone, summer since I got here hehehe, I miss the winter so much. And the food. Way different. But after more than 3 years I can handle all those things and it was not easy. Why people have to be like this ? Why can't we all be friends no matter where you were born, the color of your skin or the language you are speaking? ..............Thank you for sharing your story with me !

[The Mean Lady 604]

And how do you see that situation ? Is it working for you ? Tell me more please !

Works fine for me.

We do everything together.

[NickD 203]

Wife wanted to bring her car here, several obstacles, divorce wasn't finalized and her ex wouldn't sign it over to her, besides wasn't built to our EPA standards, so just got her a brand new car. With food, arepas, got her three, a 2, 4, and 6 aprea maker with a pantry full of the P.A.N. flour, that didn't last very long, wife and stepdaughter found much better foods to eat here besides corn flour. Both became vegetarians with a 532 selection at our grocery stores.

No bars on our windows, and feel safe taking a walk at night, Stepdaughter could not travel because her biological father refused to sign that filled out permission paper. So she had to wait until she was 18 some four years later. Did get her a plane ticket to travel back home and my wife and I thought she was going to stay there. Her childhood friends were not the same people, did some stuff with that until her money ran out, and couldn't wait to come back home. So after hearing about that for four years, that subject was dropped.

Wife was shocked that if she purchased anything in her home country, could never return it, even if it was defective. Took her some time to get adapted to that, now returning things herself. With our beautiful roads, she still doesn't understand our low speed limits, but neither do I.

Think I will withhold any comments about religion.

[CorinaN 2]

Works fine for me.

We do everything together.

That is just great then !! I might just follow your example one day !

[CorinaN 2]

Wife wanted to bring her car here, several obstacles, divorce wasn't finalized and her ex wouldn't sign it over to her, besides wasn't built to our EPA standards, so just got her a brand new car. With food, arepas, got her three, a 2, 4, and 6 aprea maker with a pantry full of the P.A.N. flour, that didn't last very long, wife and stepdaughter found much better foods to eat here besides corn flour. Both became vegetarians with a 532 selection at our grocery stores.

No bars on our windows, and feel safe taking a walk at night, Stepdaughter could not travel because her biological father refused to sign that filled out permission paper. So she had to wait until she was 18 some four years later. Did get her a plane ticket to travel back home and my wife and I thought she was going to stay there. Her childhood friends were not the same people, did some stuff with that until her money ran out, and couldn't wait to come back home. So after hearing about that for four years, that subject was dropped.

Wife was shocked that if she purchased anything in her home country, could never return it, even if it was defective. Took her some time to get adapted to that, now returning things herself. With our beautiful roads, she still doesn't understand our low speed limits, but neither do I.

Think I will withhold any comments about religion.

Life is never easy when you move from your own country. It takes special people to deal with it. That is what I think about us, all immigrants, that we are special human beings who manage to deal with all those changes. In my case I sacrifice myself to be with the man I want. And I know there are so many just like me out there.Good luck to all of us !!