arranged marriages

[Rimpz 7]

How soon would you send your wife packing if she did not put out?

I went 6mos w/o having sex with my last bf

Granted that's because I was checked out of the relationship and we eventually broke up

but he had no intentions of sending me packing.

Actually, side note, given that I was the main provider, I would have sent HIM packing for complaining.

try to view this from a culture norm and from the point of view of guy that probably has been told about being laid on the first night since the minute he started college or whatever. We aren't quite as open about sex in India, as we are here. So sometimes its hard to talk about the problems.

If I was the guy I would talk to my wife if I am not getting any action and if she doesn't atleast talk to me about the problem, I would be frustrated too. If she is willing to talk about it, then I could wait as long as she needs. Remember it takes 2 to tango.

I really like this idea. I have found from dating that it tended to end once the guy starts really being himself instead of trying to impress or doing all the things to "get the girl." Whatever you did to "get the girl" she's going to expect your whole life if you get married so don't lay down the false #######. I love that my husband was just himself. He feels I've changed a bit, and I do tend to get more compliant once I'm in a relationship. I stop thinking about what makes me happy and try to make him happy. But generally he's happy with the original. LOL So it's a lesson to everyone eh? Just be you. Do you. And the rest follows. I can see how an arranged marriage would promote that. Plus you have to work harder to start, so the hard work that is in a relationship just is always there instead of suddenly popping up.

Granted if you're both working too hard at it, some of it should be a little eaiser.

I can't imagine what it would be like to be married to someone though that you have never been attracted to, or share a connection with. You might as well be roommates.

Do people divorce in arranged marriages?

People do divorce in arranged marriages. And now days we do marry people we are attracted too because both girl and boy are asked for consent before the parents take the talks forward.

[The Mean Lady 604]

I'm a believer in sex being about trust and love.

I realize arranged marriages are not based in love (duh) but I also think you're meant to eventually gain a mutual respect for each other which can be interpreted as "love"

I think it's highly improbable that you could learn to "love" or trust someone so soon.

Sure, that's probably my ignorance in the culture, but it's still my personal opinion that if you expect a woman to put out so soon, then you expect that same woman to lose her dignity just to please you.

Edited March 2, 2013 by KDH

[Darnell 8,478]

Am I obligated to marry, if two Uncles and Three Aunties have given their approvals, on my side?

[Rimpz 7]

Am I obligated to marry, if two Uncles and Three Aunties have given their approvals, on my side?

nope, at least not in my family. I remember when we were little my family visited India and this girl's family thought my brother was the cutest/sweetest guy ever. He was 16 at that point. Since my family was already close to the girls family, everyone on both sides thought it would be really nice if they could get married once they are in their 20s. We time passed, my brother had no clue the whole family wanted him to marry this girl but she knew and kept track of my brother through my aunts and what not. Everyone thought for sure they would get married. My aunts and uncles had already given their consent. But when the time came by brother wasn't ready for marriage and he said so. The girl had the option of waiting and my brother might have never said yes to her to look for someone else. Her family looked for someone else, and she found someone else. Today she lives a couple miles down from us, she is happily married with a little boy. She still visits us and even visits my brother.

[Rimpz 7]

I'm a believer in sex being about trust and love.

I realize arranged marriages are not based in love (duh) but I also think you're meant to eventually gain a mutual respect for each other which can be interpreted as "love"

I think it's highly improbable that you could learn to "love" or trust someone so soon.

Sure, that's probably my ignorance in the culture, but it's still my personal opinion that if you expect a woman to put out so soon, then you expect that same woman to lose her dignity just to please you.

We don't just wake up one morning and our parents marry us off. We have the time between our engagement and marriage to learn about each other. to date, fall in love and to create that trust. Because that time is not spent trying to impress each other, trying to get the other person to like you. Your over those formalities and truly learning about each other.

You know the excitement you guys find in finding your true love, that's the excitement we get in finding our match. Neither is your excitment right nor is ours wrong.

Not all love marriages are wonderful, neither are all arranged.

[Caryh 5,206]

You're one smart cookie Rimpz. Your explainations really make arranged marriages sound good and sensible, even to us from a love match marriage based system. There's definitely advantages to both ways, and your family appears to be moving in the direction of incorporating the best of ours into yours.

[Darnell 8,478]

I swear, all I learned about arranged marriages comes from the 117 Bollywood movies that I've watched these last 10 years. Sometimes, somedays, I find the arrangements to make sense. Other days, I can understand the frustration of the love marriage couple.

Looking back, I see my first marriage was really an arranged marriage to please my father. And that's ok...

[The Mean Lady 604]

We don't just wake up one morning and our parents marry us off. We have the time between our engagement and marriage to learn about each other. to date, fall in love and to create that trust. Because that time is not spent trying to impress each other, trying to get the other person to like you. Your over those formalities and truly learning about each other.

You know the excitement you guys find in finding your true love, that's the excitement we get in finding our match. Neither is your excitment right nor is ours wrong.

Not all love marriages are wonderful, neither are all arranged.

Not all arranged marriages are like this.

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I think arranged marriages can work fine if both parties are committed to it as a real marriage and willing to give eachother respect and understanding (as this is how it has been done for a long time). That guy in that thread did not treat his wife with respect AT ALL - he treated her like a hooker and sent her home like one would return a milkcow that doesn't give milk. WIth that attitude, I am not surprised the wife could not feel comfortable enough around him to be interested in sex. He sounds demanding and gross. He should be trying to make her feel comfortable, respected, and maybe even loved (or admired or cherished something if the "love" is too soon).

Personally, I am glad for the concept of romantic love...

[Rimpz 7]

You're one smart cookie Rimpz. Your explainations really make arranged marriages sound good and sensible, even to us from a love match marriage based system. There's definitely advantages to both ways, and your family appears to be moving in the direction of incorporating the best of ours into yours.

exactly. Both systems our good and have their advantages. That was the message I was hoping to send with this thread. things have changed alot in the arranged marriage world. There are marriages today that our love but made to look like arranged for the happiness of elders. There are lot of marriages that are out and out love marriages in our culture too. My uncles had told me, if I ever find mr.right to come and talk to them they would arrange it.

Not all arranged marriages are like this.

on the same note I could say not all love marriages are good either.

[The Mean Lady 604]

on the same note I could say not all love marriages are good either.

I didn't say bad or good.

I said they are not all like this.

As in, not everyone gets the opportunity to talk with their spouse before marriage.

[Rimpz 7]

I didn't say bad or good.

I said they are not all like this.

As in, not everyone gets the opportunity to talk with their spouse before marriage.

My cousins, brother and they all got to talk before marriage. I am the only sneaky one that talked before parents introduced us.

[NikLR 13,227]

Is your family the norm or would you say that your family has embraced a change that seems to work better?

[X Factor 1,112]

Ha ha

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

As a non-Indian woman married to an Indian man, the topic of arranged marriage has always intrigued me. I have asked my husband multiple times why he did not choose to pursue an arranged marriage. He told me he always wanted a deeper emotional connection with his wife and that he wasn't sure he could find that with an arranged marriage.

When we met, it was by sheer luck. I was also quite wary when he began flirting with me. I had lived in India for 6 months prior to meeting him and I was well aware of the games some Indians like to play with non-Indian women when they are abroad. I've heard too many stories of Indians "having fun" with the local girls but when their parents tell them its time to get married, they ditch their non-Indian girlfriends and return to India to pursue an arranged marriage.

It took me a while to completely trust that he was not going to break my heart but when I finally did, our relationship blossomed. 2 1/2 years later he proposed to me in Thailand and we were married this past May .

I commend those who do commit to an arranged marriage but I personally could never see myself in one. I take too much time to warm up to someone and I need to be sure I know them, really know them, before marrying them. This, in my opinion, can only come with time.