Leaving Your Children

[His karma 20]

My Heart melted last ngiht, my girls came home for their two weeks last night and my youngest (7) climbed into my lap stating, "Mommy, I have done alot of thinking, and I want to live with you". I know it will be a challange as my Ex isn't the most cooperative right now but I am going to try and find a councellor for my little one so she can be sure of her feelings and the ex will have "Professional" opinions to go on. He isn't willing to let her make the decision on her own, although he is for the 10 and 15 yr olds. I know it isn't going to be an easy road, but I am just glad to be finally moving.

[NikLR 13,227]

I hope he can learn to be reasonable. My heart would melt as well. Your post made me smile when i read it and wish for the same. Make sure you write her down as follow to join!

Edited April 9, 2013 by NikiR

[leenas 2]

Thank you so much NikiR. it does bring comfort reading your posts and all the others as well...

Edited April 25, 2013 by leenas

[His karma 20]

Well, he has done exactly what I expected. Sent me an e-mail stating, "I will not give my consent to allow the children to move with you" this after saying to my face, 'I want them to see a councellor first and get a third party neutral help for them". I am not angry, not in shock, I knew it was coming because he won't allow anything that might be out of his favor in any way. If my children ask why they can't move with me I will be very clear that it is their fathers decision. Not to paint him in a bad light, but to be completely honest with them. I in no way would ever restrict them from making a choice, or having a voice in this matter.

What I really had to laugh at is that he couldn't even get my name right. He used my maiden name in addressing me. Legally, my name is still my amrried name and will remain so until I remarry as there is no point in paying to change it twice.

So now I get to deal with the fall-out when my youngest finds out that her father refuses to allow her to live with me.

So it looks like I am leaving all of my children behind even if it is only for a few years till we can get immigration to Canada straightened out. Lets pray for some good seat sales.!!!

[Teddy B 17,252]

I have read this thread 4 or 5 times since it was started and everytime I do it makes me realize just how much my wife gave up to move to the US to be with me. We are both nearly 50, she has two grown children with 3 school age grandkids and one newborn grandson that was born in February whom she hasn't met yet. That will be rectified in May when we make our annual visit to Ontario to see her family.

I want to commend everyone, man or woman, who has to make this tough decision to leave their flesh and blood behind to pursue happiness with the one they love. It must be the toughest decision most of you have ever had to make. Cheers!

[His karma 20]

Thank you Teddy. It is a very difficult choice. I have talked with my children over and over about it and even the youngest has said, she just wants me happy. If my kids didn't have all thier family here, I would never leave them, but they will have loads of support from family as long as my ex cooperates.

[NikLR 13,227]

My daughter has recently told me she doesn't want me to move. I know she doesn't. I told her she has the option to come too and she said she'd have to leave all her friends. LOL Kids! I let her know that I've had to move a lot of times and make new friends. Sometimes the new friends are even better than the old ones! You never know. It still kills me a little inside though. But it has to be her decision to do what she wants with her life. I told her that.

I'm sorry your ex is being a d-bag His Karma. It really sucks he won't take their wishes into consideration.

[Boiler 45,525]

But it has to be her decision to do what she wants with her life. I told her that.

So you are prepared to go along with her decision.

[NikLR 13,227]

So you are prepared to go along with her decision.

She gets a choice on the perimeters set before her. Life is not easy. It is not full of rainbows and sunshine. It's full of hard decisions and choices. You can only hope the rewards balances it out. If she chooses to live with her father she certainly can. I'll miss her more than I could ever express. More than I could ever even fathom myself. Just as her father would miss her if she chose to live with me. But he's also okay with her choice should she want to live with me vs him. I will set it in stone if necessary but as of yet, I don't feel it is.

[His karma 20]

Hey Niki,

My oldest just told me last night, I am making the wrong decision, while on my otherside, my youngest is crying because my ex has no refused to let any of them move with me. it is so hard to help them understand my reasoning behind my decision. They don't understand that if I was truely doing this for just my own happiness, it would be a court battle and they would be with me no matter what they wanted. I am also now getting the flack from my family, extended so far, that I am making an irresponsible, immature descision. They don't seem to think that I have thought this through. I am just simply stating to them, You show me a viable option that doens't involve staying apart for at the very least another two years and I will concider it. So far, no one can come up with anything. I find it interesting that those not in this situation are so quick to judge and point fingers. I dn't by any means take this lightly nor do I have on rose colored glasses thinking it will be easy.

*sighs* and life rolls on

[Ontarkie 14,227]

Hey Niki,

My oldest just told me last night, I am making the wrong decision, while on my otherside, my youngest is crying because my ex has no refused to let any of them move with me. it is so hard to help them understand my reasoning behind my decision. They don't understand that if I was truely doing this for just my own happiness, it would be a court battle and they would be with me no matter what they wanted. I am also now getting the flack from my family, extended so far, that I am making an irresponsible, immature descision. They don't seem to think that I have thought this through. I am just simply stating to them, You show me a viable option that doens't involve staying apart for at the very least another two years and I will concider it. So far, no one can come up with anything. I find it interesting that those not in this situation are so quick to judge and point fingers. I dn't by any means take this lightly nor do I have on rose colored glasses thinking it will be easy.

*sighs* and life rolls on

I wanted to ask who the kids live with, which one has custody you or your ex? I haven't been through any of this as I brought my kids with me, but was trying to figure out what you're dealing with. BTW I did go to court to make sure I could take my kids with me, I wasn't going to let it be up to my ex as he would of done anything to make my life a nightmare.

Edited May 7, 2013 by Ontarkie

[His karma 20]

We have joint custody, nothing in the courts yet, but I need his permission noterized to move with any of them and he has now refused that. My youngest wants to come, but I can't deny, as much as I want her with me, it is better for her to be up here with all her family, immediate and extended. We aren't staying down in the US as my fiance wants me to be close to my kids and his daughter will be starting collage in 2 years as will my oldest, but there are circumstances that make it very difficult for him to move up here right away. It is crazy.

[duraaraa 203]

I'm lucky that my future wife comes from a country of nomads. There was no real difficulty... just asked the kids, "Want to move to America?" "Yeah!"

Truth is, though, they are so flexible, it could be "Want to move to North Korea?" "Yeah!"

I'm lucky that I have a great relationship with my fiancee's kids (we all lived together in Mongolia). If for whatever reason the kids couldn't come, that would be a dealbreaker, and I'd move back to Mongolia.

[Orca1971 0]

This is my first post on the forum but this subject is very close to my heart right now. Been a single mother since my son was 11. His Dad is not in the picture so it's been him and I for years.

My son, who is 22 next month, originally said he'd love to move over to the USA once I'm settled and then we can start the procedure for him. However he is currently a volunteer police officer in the UK. He researched doing law enforcement in the USA and recently had a 12 hour ride along with the local police department which he loved. Since returning our local police force have openings and he has applied. He told me that if he gets the job, he probably won't come as he'd had to become a US citizen before he could work in law enforcement there which would take years whereas he could work immediately in a well paid job here.

Suddenly I feel like I'm a terrible mother for going now he has said he'd stay if he gets into a paid position. I don't think the matter gets any easier the older a child gets. I think I feel like I'm the one leaving home now whereas if he left home it would be easier to deal with this. He has the choice and will continue to have the choice to come out, but its still hard.

I'm relieved to have read this post knowing I'm not not only one having these types of feelings.

[mama-of-3 0]

Hi everyone. I have enjoyed reading this thread immensely as I am in the process of making this hard choice myself. I have been a single mom of two kids (14G and 11B) since my oldest was 6 months old. The kids have the same dad (for anyone trying to work out the math lol) and have always spent every second weekend with him only, never lived with him. Two years ago I "met" my American husband online. Since he has a 27B that is all grown up and married, it was a no brainer that he would come here (to Australia) to marry me and live wih me and my two kids. We've now been married 18 months and have a 6 month old son. Circumstances have now changed and we have made the choice for my husband to go back to America and for me to follow with our 6month old when my visa comes through, which won't be for another 6-12 months. Since I have court orders preventing my children from leaving Australia, I have decided to leave them with their dad (I think it's time they spend more than just every other weekend wih him anyway) for now. My husband and I have made it clear to them that if they decide they want to move with us, then I will go to court and fight for them to be able to come with me. At the moment they have both said they do not want to move to America with us. I am hoping that they will change their minds. This has been a very difficult and heart-breaking decision, but I know in my heart that taking them with me would just be me being selfish. They deserve a chance to get to know their dad and his new kids better, as well as stay in the environment in which they've lived their whole life. They are old enough now to make that choice. Although for me there's extra heart break as Australia is so much further to the USA than Canada or UK and so much more expensive, so apart from skyping and texting who knows when we'll be able to visit