Statutory Rape and Money Extortion

[menooneatall 0]

Sorry. I've been a long time member here, but made a new account for this topic. I really don't want to bring any judgement to my wife from people she knows on this site.

My wife came on a K1 visa from the Philippines. We've been married almost two years. Things are great for us, but now her family has an "emergency".

Last week we learned her 20 year old brother got his gf pregnant in the philippines. They have been dating for maybe 6 months. Not too surprising. My wife was very upset with him.

Today we learned he is now in jail for statutory rape. I guess the girl is only 16. Just figures. What an idiot. In no way do I condone what he has done. I figure, if he is breaking the law, then he deserves to pay.

I also learned that the gf's family will drop the charges if they are paid 100k pesos. Apparently, they know about my wife and me. This will never happen. In no way will we pay for his mistake.

How can this be, I wonder? Here in US, the district attorney presses charges, not the parents of the gf. Even if they were paid off, how would that affect the charges. I believe this is extortion. So I looked at the PH laws. Age of concent is 12 yrs old, but I read something about going through congress to change to 16 years old. I don't know if it did or not. Either way, this is not statutory rape.

What do you think is going on here? Do you think the parents and the police are both trying to extort my wife's family (mainly me, since they are very poor)? I won't pay a dime, but I also don't want him going down when he didn't really commit a crime. Stupidity is not a crime.

Does the Philippines have court appointed attorneys for someone who can't afford one? What should I suggest his family do?

[apple21 953]

Maybe this can help: http://www.pao.gov.ph/24/How-to-avail-of-services-of-the-PAO

[menooneatall 0]

Thanks. This helps. I will pass the link onto the family.

I wonder how they determine income. He has none. Only his sister there works, and his sister here works, and of course, we send money each month. They are renting. It looks like the cut-off is only 13k or something. Wow, that's pretty low. Will they include his sister(s) income or the money we send?

I learned more information. The charges are sexual abuse and abduction. Bogus. Apparently the girl told her dad, packed her bags and went to my wife's family's house. My wife's dad asked why she had bags and she said her dad told her she had to live there because she was pregnant. Her dad then shows up with the police and they want money. Since they have no money, they took my wife's brother to jail. I can't believe the corruption.

[We Are The Art 46]

Thanks. This helps. I will pass the link onto the family.

I wonder how they determine income. He has none. Only his sister there works, and his sister here works, and of course, we send money each month. They are renting. It looks like the cut-off is only 13k or something. Wow, that's pretty low. Will they include his sister(s) income or the money we send?

I learned more information. The charges are sexual abuse and abduction. Bogus. Apparently the girl told her dad, packed her bags and went to my wife's family's house. My wife's dad asked why she had bags and she said her dad told her she had to live there because she was pregnant. Her dad then shows up with the police and they want money. Since they have no money, they took my wife's brother to jail. I can't believe the corruption.

Be Advised: The following comments voice my strong opinions on a subject that many will find hard to accept. I make no apologies for my personal beliefs nor will I retract any of my statements. I will however ask that those who disagree respect the OP's posting by addressing the thread rather than launching any personal attacks.

That's the Philippines for ya! Take some good advise; Wash your hands of the entire affair immediately.

Let her family deal with their own problems and you make your own family your sole priority. Personally, and as difficult as it may be for a multitude of reasons, I would immediately cease to provide any and all monetary support to her family as well. (IMO it was a serious mistake to ever have provided financial support for her family in the first place) Your wife will no doubt protest and be upset if you do but, remember that you married HER, not her family. Your wife is your responsibility, her welfare and the welfare of your immediate family is your priority. By taking on the burden of her families needs you have unwittingly put you and yours at risk. Just take a look at the stress and strife that you and your wife are currently experiencing as proof of that fact. There are many unexpected consequences occuring and I suspect more are to come. As difficult as it may be for both you and your wife to witness and accept, poverty is a fact of life in the Philippines. As you can now see, the very perception that you "have money" is enough to invite disaster from all sides when such terrible desperation is a factor. The seemingly innocent and well intended injection of money (however small it may be) into the support of her family has obviously become well known to many others far beyond the scope of just her family, throw in the rampant corruption so commonly seen in the Philippines and that is all that was required to bring you to this current dilemma. Desperate people do desperate things, it happens every day all over the world, not just in the Philippines.

While any responsible husband does in fact have a responsibility to help the extended family (both sides) in times of genuine need, there are distinct limits involved. Sudden serious illness or injury as example or even some unexpected financial distress may require some temporary aid, but beyond that it is fool-hearty for any husband to allow his own family to become financially involved and at risk in order to satisfy the unwise and unrealistic "cultural expectation" of financial support from anyone who has the good fortune of escaping the poverty of their previous life. Yes, charity does play an important role in life; But always remember...."charity begins at home". One must first be able to "help themselves"....before one can truly help others.

This widespread and common belief amongst many Philippino's that a daughter (or son for that matter) who marry's an American or any other nationality "of means" by Philippine standards, has a "duty" to unendingly provide financial support to their natural family (even including cousins and 2nd or 3rd cousins in some cases) is born out of the desperation brought on by poverty and is probably rooted in the so-called "tradition" known as Sin-Sot commonly practiced in Thailand. Without going into too much detail, in Thailand, "Sin-Sot" is the practice of a prospective husband paying both gold and money to the prospective wife's family in order to compensate the family for the "loss" of the potential earnings that daughter may have provided had she not married and left the family. Basically, it's a corrupted form of "dowry". But even in Thailand, there is no evidence that it was ever a part of any true Thai "tradition". In fact, many respectable Thai families would never accept such payment as it would bring utter disgrace to the entire family. The truth is, "Sin-Sot" and the Phillipine custom of expecting and/or demanding financial support from any family member who is perceived to "have money" is a relatively new practice that is born purely out of desperation, corruption and poverty and did not come into play until large numbers of Thai and Philippino women began to marry Americans (primarily) during WWII. Since that time, both Thailand and the Philippines have long been economically distressed and poverty stricken. Sadly enough, the most common and abundant export from either country has been....their beautiful women. Human nature being what it is, it didn't take long for many less than honorable elements of both countries to seize upon their new-found "windfall" of wealth by basically extorting money from their own family members and the spouses they chose to marry.

Yes, many will strongly dispute my statements and attempt to justify this corrupt practice by claiming (and rightly so in some cases) that they do "owe" their families as much as they can give but, a large percentage of those nay-sayers are also the very victims themselves. Many a Filipina has been coached or even brainwashed to believe this corruption since early childhood and it has become deeply entrenched in Philippine society. All people have a natural desire to help their families and a deep emotional bond will always exist, it is that very bond that is so often used to manipulate many Filipina's into mistakenly believing they have a "moral obligation" to serve this destructive "cultural expectation" even at their own peril. In the end, neither party is well served by this corrupt practice and many Fil-Am marriages have been destroyed because of it.

I strongly urge you to take the above into consideration when deciding how best to address your current and future situation. Chances are, there is in fact a certain level of extortion going on and it may not be limited to only outside parties. Many a man has been used and manipulated in ways that boogle the mind to imagine, I'd do some very serious fact checking before I made any commitments if I were you. I firmly believe that many of your suspicions are completely justified and the truth may be even worse than you expect. Honor your wife by standing strong and refusing to allow this or any other outside interference to come between you, she may be a bit confused or even hurt at first, but in the end she will respect you for it. Let troubles on the other side of the planet work themselves out and focus on maintaining your own family's stability. You are not responsible for the problems in other people's lives and they should not depend on you to provide solutions, especially not if the solution they seek....is money.

Good Luck and Best Wishes!

[dave01 16]

I read your post and after living here for many years will tell you that these kinds of things happen all the time. This is not the US, the laws and the ways they are enforced are different here. Chances are that if the parents didn't see any money from this they would have just pressed for the two of them to get married. In this country it is up to the injured party to bring charges, the police do not do it. Your relative can probably get a court appointed attorney but you have to realize that cases here take years and he's going to sit in jail until it's done. The one hundred thousand that they asked for is just the opening price, it is negotiable. People get out of murder charges for less than that. If the other family is also poor they may not have the funds to keep the case going and it would be dismissed in the end. In my opinion you need to make it very clear to the other party that you will not be involved and there will be no money coming from you. They may hold fast for a bit to see if you really mean it and once they figure out that you do everything will change. If they do have plans for marriage that also would change things. My advise would be to stay out of it, as bad as it seems now, you could make it worst by getting involved. I would let the girl work on her family, chances are she loves the kid and wants to be with him since she packed her bag and went to him in the first place. They see some dollar signs now but that may change in short order once they know your not going to get involved.

[menooneatall 0]

I read your post and after living here for many years will tell you that these kinds of things happen all the time. This is not the US, the laws and the ways they are enforced are different here. Chances are that if the parents didn't see any money from this they would have just pressed for the two of them to get married. In this country it is up to the injured party to bring charges, the police do not do it. Your relative can probably get a court appointed attorney but you have to realize that cases here take years and he's going to sit in jail until it's done. The one hundred thousand that they asked for is just the opening price, it is negotiable. People get out of murder charges for less than that. If the other family is also poor they may not have the funds to keep the case going and it would be dismissed in the end. In my opinion you need to make it very clear to the other party that you will not be involved and there will be no money coming from you. They may hold fast for a bit to see if you really mean it and once they figure out that you do everything will change. If they do have plans for marriage that also would change things. My advise would be to stay out of it, as bad as it seems now, you could make it worst by getting involved. I would let the girl work on her family, chances are she loves the kid and wants to be with him since she packed her bag and went to him in the first place. They see some dollar signs now but that may change in short order once they know your not going to get involved.

Thanks for the info. I believe the other family is poor too, so chances are the case will be dropped after he sits in jail for a while, assuming the family doesn't pay them off. Serves him right. Hopefully it won't be too long. My wife and I have no plans on getting involved. Getting involved will only make things worse.

My wife's family, however, is doing whatever they can. My wife said they were at the jail all night giving food to the police so that he doesn't get hurt while in there. He is a very small guy. Hopefully he'll be okay.

I also heard that one of the sisters was considering selling some stuff in order to gather money. Maybe with that, and settling for less money, they can clear things up. If it were me, however, I would do nothing. But I also know how they feel about doing whatever is needed for family. I can't blame them, or get in their way.

[A and T 82]

20 and 16? i think thats perfectly legal in the philippines so something else seems up, are you sure its not a lie??? Or maybe more to the story?

[menooneatall 0]

20 and 16? i think thats perfectly legal in the philippines so something else seems up, are you sure its not a lie??? Or maybe more to the story?

We have a pretty good relationship with my wife's family. Also, after so many years of knowing them, I can trust what they say. Believe me, if there were any signs of red flags over these years, my trust would not be the same. Besides, my wife is in constant contact with them. We know what is happening. Know one is asking us for money. Only the other family has asked so far.

I believe 20 and 16 is acceptable in the philippines, but it is not neccessarily legal. It really depends on if someone pushes the issue. After reading the laws more, any adult that influences a minor under 18, is at risk for a charge for sexual abuse.

Update: The other family and gf have given their statements. As we were hoping, the gf stuck up for my wife's brother, saying how she loves him. She even shows that she is married to him on here FB now(typical teenage thing). My wife's brother is getting along well with the other inmates and guards. Apparently giving food helped, and plus, he's a likable guy. Now we are just waiting for the other family to see the light and just drop the charges. Hopefully it won't take long.

Edited February 27, 2013 by menooneatall

[actob99 156]

Thanks for the info. I believe the other family is poor too, so chances are the case will be dropped after he sits in jail for a while, assuming the family doesn't pay them off. Serves him right. Hopefully it won't be too long. My wife and I have no plans on getting involved. Getting involved will only make things worse.

My wife's family, however, is doing whatever they can. My wife said they were at the jail all night giving food to the police so that he doesn't get hurt while in there. He is a very small guy. Hopefully he'll be okay.

I also heard that one of the sisters was considering selling some stuff in order to gather money. Maybe with that, and

settling for less money, they can clear things up. If it were me, however, I would do nothing. But I also know how they feel about doing whatever is needed for family. I can't blame them, or get in their way.

Good stand and taking the right approach. This happens all to often here in the PI. Actually that scenario, it is bad and I don't agree with what happened, is no big deal and much worse happens all of the time.. Good luck and it will pass.

[menooneatall 0]

Update: Brother inlaw still in jail. His GF's family won't talk and they disapprove of them getting married or dropping the case. Apparently my brother inlaw is too ugly for their beautiful daughter. I wonder where they have been for the last year they have been dating. The arraignment with the judge keeps getting delayed. I have a feeling this could turn out ugly.

I still don't understand this. Attempts to raise the statutory rape laws from age 12 to 16 were blocked, I believe. However, the child trafficing and prostitution laws cause him to be guilty. They worded the law like this:

Sec. 5. Child Prostitution and Other Sexual Abuse. – Children, whether male or female, who for money, profit, or any other consideration or due to the coercion or influence of any adult, syndicate or group, indulge in sexual intercourse or lascivious conduct, are deemed to be children exploited in prostitution and other sexual abuse.

It's the "or due to the coercion or influence of any adult" that makes him guilty. So even though this case has nothing to do with prostitution or trafficing, he's guilty. Even though he's not guilty of statutory rape, he's still guilty of sexual abuse. This is crazy. Don't get me wrong, I still don't agree with what he did, but does it warrent years in jail? When searching on the internet, I cannot find a single case like this. I can't find anything where a young adult is charged for sexual abuse after getting their 16 year old GF pregnant. How can he be the only one. I'm sure lots of 16 year olds get pregnant from adults in the philippines. Why are there not any case records for others going to jail for it?

[Caryh 5,206]

Paying to get free after a crime is the Filipino way. The government even raises money to free OCWs in other countries facing the death penalty. Her family either gets over it and drops the case or your brother inlaw pays what they demand. Right or wrong has little to do with the legal system there. Being adult and being alone in a hotel room with someone under 18 who is not family is a crime to. You don't even have to have sex, that intent is assumed. Different country, different laws, different solutions. Good luck to you brother inlaw

[actob99 156]

When searching on the internet, I cannot find a single case like this. I can't find anything where a young adult is charged for sexual abuse after getting their 16 year old GF pregnant. How can he be the only one. I'm sure lots of 16 year olds get pregnant from adults in the philippines. Why are there not any case records for others going to jail for it?

Because its normal there. In my wifes province its 14 and pregnant.. Not too many girls make it to their 18 debu..

[dave01 16]

Paying to get free after a crime is the Filipino way. The government even raises money to free OCWs in other countries facing the death penalty. Her family either gets over it and drops the case or your brother inlaw pays what they demand. Right or wrong has little to do with the legal system there. Being adult and being alone in a hotel room with someone under 18 who is not family is a crime to. You don't even have to have sex, that intent is assumed. Different country, different laws, different solutions. Good luck to you brother inlaw

I have to agree with you, the laws here are different as well as the solutions. Many times cases are decided by who runs out of money first. Unless your willing to pay in this case I think I'd let the girl work on her family and see if she can't change their minds or if they eventually drop the charges because they can't afford it. He may sit in jail for awhile while this plays out but in the end it may be the best way to approach this kind of a deal. You can always pay at any stage for them to drop the charges but something to think about here is that if you pay, and the girl decides to go and see him again, even if she thinks no one will know and their caught together, he'll probably be back in the same situation that he's in now and you'll pay again

[dave01 16]

20 and 16? i think thats perfectly legal in the philippines so something else seems up, are you sure its not a lie??? Or maybe more to the story?

16 is not legal here, if you even get caught alone with a girl unrelated to you that is less than 18 years old you can go to jail, even if you don't have sex with her. Just being alone with her will be cause for Intent.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

If the family seriously thought the brother-in-law "spoiled" their daughter, the males in the family would have beat the brother-in-law within an inch of his life. This is extortion, pure and simple. The question is, is it just the girl's family behind the extortion?

My brother-in-law got jumped by his wife's brothers, after he got drunk and hit her. Serious questions of honor in the Philippines are taken care of between families.

As far as being alone with somebody under 18? You betcha! Even if that girl says she is 18, and she is, you will probably get rolled anyways. But, yeah, that is a common scam. Even the cops have been known to be in on the deal, take all your money, and if you are lucky, they will give you a ride to the airport.

Edited March 9, 2013 by The Patriot