How much did your previous marriage/relationship affect who you are with now?

[one...two...tree 2,762]

For example, if your ex was really bad with managing money, was that something in the back of your mind in the early stages of your current relationship? Or if they were a heavy drinker, etc.

...and have you later discovered things about your SO that are similar to your ex (positive and negative)?

Edited November 12, 2006 by Steven_and_Jinky

[garya505 2]

I was with my previous SO for 20 years until she died suddenly about 3 years ago. I learned a lot from that relationship, most of which I'm happy to say will be for the benefit of my future wife.

So to answer the question, I'd say A LOT!

Edited November 12, 2006 by garya505

[one...two...tree 2,762]

I was with my previous SO for 20 years until she died suddenly about 3 years ago. I learned a lot from that relationship, most of which I'm happy to say will be for the benefit of my future wife.

So to answer the question, I'd say A LOT!

I'm sorry for your loss, Gary.

Do you find traits in your current SO that are similar?

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

My first marriage of 16 years definetly affected my choice. I can say I learned a lot from him, a lot I would never put up with again.

My husband now has absolutley no bad qualities, and I genuinely mean this. In three and a half years I have yet to find a flaw in him, except sometimes I think he loves me to damn much because I certainly have flaws.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

My first marriage of 16 years definetly affected my choice. I can say I learned a lot from him, a lot I would never put up with again.

My husband now has absolutley no bad qualities, and I genuinely mean this. In three and a half years I have yet to find a flaw in him, except sometimes I think he loves me to damn much because I certainly have flaws.

That's awesome! It's nice to have a second chance at true love and happiness.

[Tim and Bethanie 1]

My first marriage of 16 years definetly affected my choice. I can say I learned a lot from him, a lot I would never put up with again.

My husband now has absolutley no bad qualities, and I genuinely mean this. In three and a half years I have yet to find a flaw in him, except sometimes I think he loves me to damn much because I certainly have flaws.

That's awesome! It's nice to have a second chance at true love and happiness.

Yes it is, I love my bond!

[garya505 2]

I was with my previous SO for 20 years until she died suddenly about 3 years ago. I learned a lot from that relationship, most of which I'm happy to say will be for the benefit of my future wife.

So to answer the question, I'd say A LOT!

I'm sorry for your loss, Gary.

Do you find traits in your current SO that are similar?

Actually now that you mention it, yes I do. They are both very modest and have the same values I do. Of course no drugs or drinking, and very interested in a healthy lifestyle.

But I think it's more that the relationship changed me for the better, and both me and my fiancee benefit from that. So, I guess that's the legacy of my former SO. I only wish she could know that.

[KarenCee 3]

My first marriage of 16 years definetly affected my choice. I can say I learned a lot from him, a lot I would never put up with again.

My husband now has absolutley no bad qualities, and I genuinely mean this. In three and a half years I have yet to find a flaw in him, except sometimes I think he loves me to damn much because I certainly have flaws.

I was with my ex for 20 years. I learned a lot - a lot of what I didn't want IF I ever found someone in the future. Which I did...my beloved Joel. My husband has taught me what real love is. I have to admit though, my first marriage has left a lot of emotional scars, of which Joel is very patient with me on as I am still in the healing process. The physical ones healed up a long time ago...it's those emotional ones that take so bloody long to go away.

I can't see how a previous marriage can NOT affect one or change one and it certainly would have an affect on any future relationships, especially another marriage. Just my opinion of course.

[keltic 1]

hopefully we all learn from our experiences... sure there are things that are "baggage" from the past that ppl will carry forward... it doesnt have to be a bad thing... i certainly learned what my limits were from previous relationships... and there are certain things that will catch my attention a little quicker as a result as well... but all this is normal... if we dont learn, we are doomed to make the same mistakes... while we may notice those similar behaviors (or at least seemingly similar), we do, however, need to keep in mind that our current partner/spouse is not our previous... also, we have to expect that our partner/spouse will also have things that will be sensitive spots for them as well... i am a firm believer that communication can ease all this

[Cristy 4]

My first (not marriage but father of my kids and common law) was an abusive alcoholic and dead beat dad.

I took 8 yrs off of men, found out who I was and why I lived like that. Then I looked for someone who was not like that because I now deserved that.

It still effects me and I find myself reacting to what most would deem normal in an overboard way.

But I know that by husband is the polar opposite to my kids dad and that is exactly what I wanted.

[one...two...tree 2,762]

My first marriage of 16 years definetly affected my choice. I can say I learned a lot from him, a lot I would never put up with again.

My husband now has absolutley no bad qualities, and I genuinely mean this. In three and a half years I have yet to find a flaw in him, except sometimes I think he loves me to damn much because I certainly have flaws.

That's awesome! It's nice to have a second chance at true love and happiness.

Yes it is, I love my bond!

That's James....Bond.

I was with my previous SO for 20 years until she died suddenly about 3 years ago. I learned a lot from that relationship, most of which I'm happy to say will be for the benefit of my future wife.

So to answer the question, I'd say A LOT!

I'm sorry for your loss, Gary.

Do you find traits in your current SO that are similar?

Actually now that you mention it, yes I do. They are both very modest and have the same values I do. Of course no drugs or drinking, and very interested in a healthy lifestyle.

But I think it's more that the relationship changed me for the better, and both me and my fiancee benefit from that. So, I guess that's the legacy of my former SO. I only wish she could know that.

I'm sure she does, Gary.

I can't see how a previous marriage can NOT affect one or change one and it certainly would have an affect on any future relationships, especially another marriage. Just my opinion of course.

The person we are to our current SO was shaped by our past, and I think we are a better person to them for it.

[mybackpages 0]

I was with my previous SO for 20 years until she died suddenly about 3 years ago. I learned a lot from that relationship, most of which I'm happy to say will be for the benefit of my future wife.

So to answer the question, I'd say A LOT!

I'm sorry for your loss, Gary.

Do you find traits in your current SO that are similar?

Actually now that you mention it, yes I do. They are both very modest and have the same values I do. Of course no drugs or drinking, and very interested in a healthy lifestyle.

But I think it's more that the relationship changed me for the better, and both me and my fiancee benefit from that. So, I guess that's the legacy of my former SO. I only wish she could know that.

Somehow I would like to believe she does know that. It is a testament to her and your marriage that you were able to keep livign and find love again IMHO.

[Marilyn. 340]

this is my first and last relationship/ marriage.... so I have nothing to base it on...

I do know that a lot of the guys I knew were not nearly as motivated or mature as my hubby is.....

Edited November 13, 2006 by MarilynP

[garya505 2]

I was with my previous SO for 20 years until she died suddenly about 3 years ago. I learned a lot from that relationship, most of which I'm happy to say will be for the benefit of my future wife.

So to answer the question, I'd say A LOT!

I'm sorry for your loss, Gary.

Do you find traits in your current SO that are similar?

Actually now that you mention it, yes I do. They are both very modest and have the same values I do. Of course no drugs or drinking, and very interested in a healthy lifestyle.

But I think it's more that the relationship changed me for the better, and both me and my fiancee benefit from that. So, I guess that's the legacy of my former SO. I only wish she could know that.

Somehow I would like to believe she does know that. It is a testament to her and your marriage that you were able to keep livign and find love again IMHO.

Ya, there was a time when I didn't think it was possible.

[GaryC 7]

Not to get into ex-bashing here or anything but I think some of the things that attracted me to Luz so much are because of the way my ex was. My ex was very up-tight, judgemental and generally not a very nice person to be around. Luz is the opposite of her. Luz is a free-spirit, accepts me for who I am and the sweetest person I have ever known.

So I would say yes, my ex did affect who I was looking for in a wife. I didn't want a repeat of the hell I went through before.