What should I do?

[Andrea&Henry 311]

I think the OP is not reading our opinions anymore...It's pretty obvious that he's doing all wrong and even when we respect other's peoples culture, is NOT ok to treat people like a broken merchandise and marriages doesn't come with a free 30 days trial.

So for the people who are planning to get married with someone you don't know and obviously not in love with, please think twice before bringing someone here to the States. If a regular married couple needs a couple of moth to adjust to each other, a couple from a arranged marriage needs even more. So if you don't have the patients and will to build a healthy a relationship it's better to wait until you find your "better half"

Edited February 25, 2013 by Andrea&Henry

[driver 9]

This really turned into a lynch mob...

Arranged marriages are common in that part of the world. So I don't have anything to say about that. If OP and she were agreeable to get married under those circumstances then that's their business.

I can understand OP is frustrated. He is living in a culture of marriage mates being heads-over-heels in love and getting it on all over the place. At the same time, cultural and family pressures got him married to someone he doesn't know - the same goes for his wife. It is better OP allowed her to return to India instead of snapping out of frustration (justified or not). If they want to salvage the marriage then it is up to them to try. OP wants advice? Mine is to make it work in a loving and kind way. Win her over.

I understand OP is in a bad position, in a culture of arranged marriages he is likely expected to make it work using methods that are unacceptable to the country he is now in.

FWIW, I have a friend from India who also was in an arranged marriage. In his case, his wife returned to India once the kids were raised - he was always stuck in a one-way form of love. She never reciprocated. He didn't divorce and just takes care of her in India while living alone in the US. I can tell he is sad but he is thankful...

[Brit Abroad 166]

I came from England - a country that has a common language with America and many similar customs and culture and it took me a YEAR before I felt comfortable here. Coming from a sheltered world to a totally different culture with different custom and practice I can totally understand your wife being overwhelmed and intimidated. You don't mention her age, so it's hard to know if she was unable to cope and gave up trying.

Did you spend any time trying to find her suitable friends to welcome her into your home town, find stores where she could find familiar foods from home, find her a library with books/newspapers/magazines in Hindi or Punjabi or whichever regional dialect she reads and writes? Did you attempt to find other Indian families in the area to see if they could help her adjust?

Something tells me that you were so focused on getting your wife here that you overlooked the fact that, for you, nothing changed but gaining another person in your household. For your wife, her whole world changed. The people she loves are thousands of miles away, the friends she has grown up with are no longer in her daily life and America is seriously different from India and all that is before she copes with a language change and cultural differences. It's not simple. Most of us do it with a degree of willingness because we are already in love with the person we are marrying, but I can appreciate that your wife didn't start with that advantage.

Back track, don't go blaming her family for sending you someone you obviously feel has failed in her part of the marriage agreement. Contact her and her family and ask what her expectations were, what she wanted from the marriage, what she needs to be happy enough to want a sexual relationship with you and work from there. Be honest in what you need and want from the marriage and come to an agreement as to whether you made a mistake. Stop seeking to blame her or her family for the lack of communication between you. Such things happen and are often connected to both sides of an argument.

Marriage is a two-sided relationship. Both partners have to be happy. If not .... you simply join the 50% of divorcees and move on to find someone who is better suited to you in what they want and need from life.

Best of luck to you, OP. Hopefully you're man enough to stand up and be counted in sorting it out.

[catknit 144]

This really turned into a lynch mob...

Arranged marriages are common in that part of the world. So I don't have anything to say about that. If OP and she were agreeable to get married under those circumstances then that's their business.

I can understand OP is frustrated. He is living in a culture of marriage mates being heads-over-heels in love and getting it on all over the place. At the same time, cultural and family pressures got him married to someone he doesn't know - the same goes for his wife. It is better OP allowed her to return to India instead of snapping out of frustration (justified or not). If they want to salvage the marriage then it is up to them to try. OP wants advice? Mine is to make it work in a loving and kind way. Win her over.

I understand OP is in a bad position, in a culture of arranged marriages he is likely expected to make it work using methods that are unacceptable to the country he is now in.

FWIW, I have a friend from India who also was in an arranged marriage. In his case, his wife returned to India once the kids were raised - he was always stuck in a one-way form of love. She never reciprocated. He didn't divorce and just takes care of her in India while living alone in the US. I can tell he is sad but he is thankful...

Excellent advice - and I know quite a few couples who handle their marriages in the same way as your friend. To me, being in a love marriage, it's odd and strange. But, again, different culture, different expectations, different ways of life...

[Moomin 292]

OP,

Immigration has nothing to do with your failed marriage. You vouched for her as your wife. You were married before she entered the US. It's her greencard. While you bought a plane ticket and she returned, she is actually free to come bacx to the US with a valid greencard.

Your petition can't be withdrawn. If you can prove that she used you for a greencard, then send proof to ICE. If you are disappointed in the sexlife I'm sorry. That does not constiture of fraud. Only USCIS can revoke greencard and change a decision.

You can - when filing for divorce - inform USCIS and/or ICE of your actions.

Dude, I've been in the US for 1½ years, speak fluently English and STILL adapting. Give it time. You're not 2 months into dating a girl. You married one, and had her relocate from across the world. That effects everybody, one way or the other.

On a personal note: When you already had expectations to your sexual life together, I can't really care about religion or traditions or culture. Apparently, it's not working out NOT talking about it before. How on earth is it possible to be cheated of something that was never an agreement or never talked about? To be honest, I'd rather talk about sexual expectations than ending up being divorced 5 times.

[CHarvey80 72]

I don't think the OP is coming back people.

I think it is safe to disperse!

Nothing to see here, keep moving! Keep moving!

No point in continuing past page 4 when the OP quit after page 1.......

I could be wrong though.

Edited February 25, 2013 by CHarvey80

[Ban Hammer 13,150]

i think this thread has run its course already.

half a dozen posts have been removed from viewing for adding nothing beneficial to the question posed by the op.

this thread is now closed.

Edited February 25, 2013 by charles!