What should I do?

[needvisahelp2013 2]

Hello All,

I'm a US citizen and I got married in India in February 2012, in March I applied for CR1 VISA for my wife and she finally arrived here in US in December 2012. Since then we haven't connected properly and basically we are strangers in bedroom. Whenever I ask her about our sexual relation, she says she needs more time and sometimes says she is not interested. Since the marriage was arranged this topic never came before marriage and now I feel like me and my family (parents) are cheated.

Without waiting any longer and to avoid and chance of physical or mental abuse, I bought her a ticket to India and sent her back to her parents last week. Since then I haven't got a valid response from her family. All they are saying is that she needs more time and needs to adjust. However, I think there is some serious problem which they are trying to hide. We feel her family knew about this all along and tried to hide it from me and my family.

Please, can someone let me know what should I do?

• Should I file a complaint with Immigration department?
  
• After all this I don't see we getting back together, so should I start the divorce process immediately?
  
• Any suggestion on where I can find divorce information for Washington state?
  

Any sort of suggestions is really appreciated this matter.

Thanks.

[Hypnos 6,576]

I bought her a ticket to India and sent her back to her parents

People are not commodities to be bought or sold; perhaps you have identified the issue which has put you in your current situation.

[needvisahelp2013 2]

People are not commodities to be bought or sold; perhaps you have identified the issue which has put you in your current situation.

Before you jump to conclusions without understanding the situation... I spent 60 days with her and didn't complain, but I reached the peak of my patience level. I treated here really well and for our first anniversary took her to Las Vegas too. When I finally decided get serious about it, she didn't eat well and we couldn't look at each other. So, I had to send her immediately back to her parent house in India so she can be comfortable.

Edited February 25, 2013 by needvisahelp2013

[MedRoni 161]

Hello All,

I'm a US citizen and I got married in India in February 2012, in March I applied for CR1 VISA for my wife and she finally arrived here in US in December 2012. Since then we haven't connected properly and basically we are strangers in bedroom. Whenever I ask her about our sexual relation, she says she needs more time and sometimes says she is not interested. Since the marriage was arranged this topic never came before marriage and now I feel like me and my family (parents) are cheated.

Really? You sound like you paid for bad merchandise...

Without waiting any longer and to avoid and chance of physical or mental abuse, I bought her a ticket to India and sent her back to her parents last week. Since then I haven't got a valid response from her family. All they are saying is that she needs more time and needs to adjust. However, I think there is some serious problem which they are trying to hide. We feel her family knew about this all along and tried to hide it from me and my family.

This now sounds like you were worried you would cause physical harm to her if you did not have relations in the bedroom...

I really try not to get too judgmental here... but honestly the way you explained things here tells me it is more likely your lack of patience and good communication skills that was the problem. It is possible she has an issue she is embarrassed of or uncomfortable with. Instead of being patient and loving you make it sound like you want a return for a defective product. I would maybe say counseling would help... but in her case I think she is better off staying in India. You can get a divorce by doing the paperwork yourself with the county courthouse where you live.

Edited February 25, 2013 by MedRoni

[Hypnos 6,576]

I am dispassionate about the situation, but I have no time for people "buying or selling" husbands or wives or "sending them home" like they are a package for FedEx.

Good luck to you.

[Rimpz 7]

You seriously need to talk to her, not send her back. This is why I hate arranged marriages. Haven't you watched Hum dil da chuka sanam? Be patient and help her with whatever her issue is. Either she will fall in love with you for being such a great guy and everything well be great or you will have peace of mind you did the right thing.

As for who you can complain to. Just be patient, she has to go to another interview in 2 years to renew her green card and without a real relationship, it will fall through...she well have to leave. But I recommend trying to work it out.

idk about divorce.

[Boiler 45,371]

Why?

Your call

Google

[PuppyLove 24]

I certainly advise you and your family to not jump to suspicions of your wife and her family because that is CERTAINLY not going to make the situation better. Give them the benefit of the doubt when they tell you she needs more time. After all, for a woman, jumping into sex with someone who is by all means a stranger is pretty scary and wouldn't interest me either... You should both work on the romance and getting to know each other before rushing ahead physically. If your wife tells you she needs time then give her the time because if you try to force her along she is going to develop some pretty negative feelings/attitudes towards you. You should be encouraging feelings of affection and understanding instead. Please share what makes you think something is wrong with her, other than the fact that she is not overjoyed at sleeping with a stranger she hardly knows (sounds perfectly normal to me).

However, if you are so upset about how long it might take for her to warm up to you, you can't understand where she is coming from, and/or you are afraid of responding poorly to her (yelling, abuse) then please just divorce.

[Andrea&Henry 311]

I'm from south america and I don't know much of indian culture, but so far I know your women are way different from women from the western hemisphere. You should gave her the chance to adjust. She is not only traded her whole culture for a totally new one and wayyyyy different from hers but also she needed to adjust to a new life as married women with a guy she barely knew. What did you expected? That she was going to jump into your bed like that? She doesn't know you, and if your marriage was arranged we CAN'T talk about love. So I bet she was scared and the only thing you did was preasured her while she was struggleing trying to adjust to her new life. I am from Venezuela, we are totally a western culture and we are pretty much liberal thinkers and even when I was happy to moved here I was scared to deathhhh! I can't imagine what your poor wife went through. And adjusting to a marry life is not easy either. I'm sorry if you feel insulted by my comments but ut really piss me of, cause as a non US beneficiary I know how hard it is too be in her position. We have to leave our family, our friends, our jobs, our culture abd everything we know in order to be with our loveones. Not only thst but we have to start from scratch, waiting for our documents to travel, drive, work or at least been able to open a freaking bank account. I feel like if I'm 15 again and is not fun. So to end with this the best thing you can do for her was sent her back to her family cause OBVIOUSLY you are NOT able to take care of her. Good luck! Btw 60 days is NOTHING! i've been here for 10 month and till working on it!

Edited February 25, 2013 by Andrea&Henry

[NikLR 13,227]

You can choose to give her time to adjust to being married to someone she was not in love with and may not be attracted to, OR you can get a divorce. Why on earth would you file a complaint to immigration? They're not the ones who arranged your marriage. YOU and HER decided that it was okay to marry someone you were not in love with. I don't care about cultural differences to be honest. When you make that choice, either stick to it or don't but it's no one's fault but your own if you don't. But don't ever think that you can force this issue. You can google how to divorce.

[biaobiao 40]

correct me if im wrong... 60 days only? she stayed in us for 60 days and you call it quits?

thats the thing with arrange marriage... when you marry not because of love.. it wont last long... only done emotional harm... maybe it was her first time abroad... first time to be away from family.. you should have taken this into consideration.. some adjust for 1 year or more.. its not easy to be away from family...

[Cathi 5,742]

You think her family knew she didn't want to have sex with you? seriously? This is why arranged marriages are backwards, you should marry for love, not because your family wants it. You want to file a complaint with immigration because you aren't getting?..again...SERIOUSLY?????? SMH

[Khal_Drogo 50]

Hold up, hold up, hold up, back up, there's one sentence in there that disturbs the Hell out of me.

Without waiting any longer and to avoid and chance of physical or mental abuse

Are you telling us you actually entertained the notion of ABUSING your wife?

I'm trying really hard not to get incredibly rageful, but it's hard.

[fantonledzepp 159]

There is no complaint to be made. If you really are disappointed with how the marriage is, then it is your right to terminate.

I will just say this: marriage is hard. To give up so soon because she wouldn't have sex with you is ridiculous. You barely knew each other and jumped into marriage.

[Lillen Faith 5]

Hello All,

I'm a US citizen and I got married in India in February 2012, in March I applied for CR1 VISA for my wife and she finally arrived here in US in December 2012. Since then we haven't connected properly and basically we are strangers in bedroom. Whenever I ask her about our sexual relation, she says she needs more time and sometimes says she is not interested. Since the marriage was arranged this topic never came before marriage and now I feel like me and my family (parents) are cheated.

Without waiting any longer and to avoid and chance of physical or mental abuse, I bought her a ticket to India and sent her back to her parents last week. Since then I haven't got a valid response from her family. All they are saying is that she needs more time and needs to adjust. However, I think there is some serious problem which they are trying to hide. We feel her family knew about this all along and tried to hide it from me and my family.

Please, can someone let me know what should I do?

• Should I file a complaint with Immigration department?
  
• After all this I don't see we getting back together, so should I start the divorce process immediately?
  
• Any suggestion on where I can find divorce information for Washington state?
  

Any sort of suggestions is really appreciated this matter.

Thanks.

Hello, one question: How long have you known her before you both got married? (just curious)