K-1 Wife vanished after receiving conditional green card

[Greg3070 19]

Well, here is my story. I am hoping someone can give me some insight. It's very odd according to my attorney, friends and even my "former" wife's friends.

I met a woman in Eastern Europe while working. She was my interpreter for a project I was doing. As luck would have it, things went well and we fell in love. We both shared the status of divorcee and single parent. We both had children close in age and both wanted to have a strong family again. Well, so I was told anyway!

I was foolish for accepting things she told me while we were deciding if this would work out. She divulged that she hadn't been honest with me. Her initial story of being a divorcee was untrue. Her version continually varied in degree from in process, to only physically separated to he still lives there and divorce hasn't even been filed yet. As a fool in love, I accepted this and believed she wanted to be with me. I know, very naive.

She got divorced, came here, and moved in with my daughter and I. Immediately things went downhill. She treated my 14 year old daughter like a criminal and accused her of stealing everything her daughter lost. When I was home she constantly complained about how poor living conditions were in the average 3BR 2BA suburban home, she accused me of abuse because I would only let her have $300 a week to spend after she blew through 2 paychecks nearly getting the power turned off. She insisted that her child have exclusive use of the family swimming pool and asked my daughter to get out. She would go to church with her daughter and refuse to take my daughter. When I told her we are spending to much money she said she didn't care. When I said keep it up and we will be living on the street she called the police and said I was an abusive husband! The police did nothing of course. As time went out she started sleeping in her daughters room and eventually put a front door keyed lock on the room. I told her to remove that from the door or I would have a locksmith come out and remove it (I didn't want to chance any potential threat of violence by doing it myself). She called the police on me again telling them I threatened her. Again they did nothing.

She convinced me we could work through this with counseling so we attended counseling. The day came for her green card interview and she was adamant that I attend with her if I had any hope of saving this marriage. I attended and told the officer things were good. My wife was issued her conditional green card 3 weeks later. The day she received the green card, she abandoned the home and left no information where she was going. She took several of my things, that at this point don't matter but just the principal of it. I couldn't even cook my daughter Thanksgiving dinner because she took my pots and pans. We had it at Dennys! What a life!

I wrote my wife a few emails telling her I wanted this to work. I was still in love with her. She finally wrote back and told me to go to anger management counseling and put my daughter into counseling and then she will consider returning home. I told her ok, we will do that (doing and saying are not the same). She didn't respond to me for over a month after that. I'm still not sure if she was just biding time or if she truly believed this counseling was something we needed. I told her be home by a certain date or I will file for annulment. a few weeks after the deadline she contacted me saying she was ready to make things work but I needed to move to Ohio. I was a bit shocked at that request, but I listened. She said I needed to make this move quickly so we could all rent a 3 bedroom home. She said it was much less expensive than in CA. True, but my job is in CA and to transfer to OH would take some time and preparation. Then she later told me she would move back to L.A. but only if I rented a place in Huntington Beach. My income would probably not qualify for a large enough place. She told me I didn't need to live there, but should rent one for her and her daughter and we can work out our issues later. I said if I could afford to live on the beach, don't you think I would be there already? I grew up near the beach of orange county surfing and playing on the sand! She told me to stop being such a cheap #### and do this if I want to save the marriage. I said I can't do that, I don't have the income. Finally after a few days she said she will return home but I had to get her a ticket in the next 2 days. I did some checking and although over priced, I could do it. I said fine, let me get them for you. I got into a car accident and was held in the hospital for one night. I couldn't contact her because she doesn't trust me with her new phone number. I can only use Email. She will call me from a private number. I had my daughter send her an email telling her the situation.

I got out of the hospital, and heard about 20 messages from her. The last one being if I don't call her back she is going home to Europe. I talked to her friend who told me the reason she had to leave so quickly was because she had been nearly raped by her roommate so she called the police. The police told her she had to leave since her name wasn't on the lease. Apparently there wasn't enough evidence of a crime to arrest the supposed attacker. I tried to contact her but she has refused any more contact with me and her friend has stopped talking to me now. I suspect my wife was upset that her friend told me what happened.

Now I have no more contact with her. I can only suspect this has all been nothing but a huge scam to get into the USA and pursue better career paths. I don't see the marriage as anything about love or family anymore. I would expect a loving wife to be concerned about my condition after even a short hospital stay. Instead she was just angry I didn't contact her even though she made it virtually impossible.

What are my rights? Will immigration do anything? When she asks for removal of conditions will they say no because she has not been my wife? If she says I was abusive even though there was never any evidence of such will she get away with it? If she says her famous line of "Financial abuse" which I have never heard of before her, will anyone care? Is only $200 -$300 a week for food and after bill expenses from a man who earns $40,000 a year abusive? I never wished anything bad upon her, but after all this I don't think she deserves to stay in the USA and I think her selfish arrogant attitude should be rewarded with no permanent green card.

I look forward to your replies. I reported this to ICE and USCIS, but no one seems to be too concerned.

[amykathleen2005 441]

Well, here is my story. I am hoping someone can give me some insight. It's very odd according to my attorney, friends and even my "former" wife's friends.

I met a woman in Eastern Europe while working. She was my interpreter for a project I was doing. As luck would have it, things went well and we fell in love. We both shared the status of divorcee and single parent. We both had children close in age and both wanted to have a strong family again. Well, so I was told anyway!

I was foolish for accepting things she told me while we were deciding if this would work out. She divulged that she hadn't been honest with me. Her initial story of being a divorcee was untrue. Her version continually varied in degree from in process, to only physically separated to he still lives there and divorce hasn't even been filed yet. As a fool in love, I accepted this and believed she wanted to be with me. I know, very naive.

She got divorced, came here, and moved in with my daughter and I. Immediately things went downhill. She treated my 14 year old daughter like a criminal and accused her of stealing everything her daughter lost. When I was home she constantly complained about how poor living conditions were in the average 3BR 2BA suburban home, she accused me of abuse because I would only let her have $300 a week to spend after she blew through 2 paychecks nearly getting the power turned off. She insisted that her child have exclusive use of the family swimming pool and asked my daughter to get out. She would go to church with her daughter and refuse to take my daughter. When I told her we are spending to much money she said she didn't care. When I said keep it up and we will be living on the street she called the police and said I was an abusive husband! The police did nothing of course. As time went out she started sleeping in her daughters room and eventually put a front door keyed lock on the room. I told her to remove that from the door or I would have a locksmith come out and remove it (I didn't want to chance any potential threat of violence by doing it myself). She called the police on me again telling them I threatened her. Again they did nothing.

She convinced me we could work through this with counseling so we attended counseling. The day came for her green card interview and she was adamant that I attend with her if I had any hope of saving this marriage. I attended and told the officer things were good. My wife was issued her conditional green card 3 weeks later. The day she received the green card, she abandoned the home and left no information where she was going. She took several of my things, that at this point don't matter but just the principal of it. I couldn't even cook my daughter Thanksgiving dinner because she took my pots and pans. We had it at Dennys! What a life!

I wrote my wife a few emails telling her I wanted this to work. I was still in love with her. She finally wrote back and told me to go to anger management counseling and put my daughter into counseling and then she will consider returning home. I told her ok, we will do that (doing and saying are not the same). She didn't respond to me for over a month after that. I'm still not sure if she was just biding time or if she truly believed this counseling was something we needed. I told her be home by a certain date or I will file for annulment. a few weeks after the deadline she contacted me saying she was ready to make things work but I needed to move to Ohio. I was a bit shocked at that request, but I listened. She said I needed to make this move quickly so we could all rent a 3 bedroom home. She said it was much less expensive than in CA. True, but my job is in CA and to transfer to OH would take some time and preparation. Then she later told me she would move back to L.A. but only if I rented a place in Huntington Beach. My income would probably not qualify for a large enough place. She told me I didn't need to live there, but should rent one for her and her daughter and we can work out our issues later. I said if I could afford to live on the beach, don't you think I would be there already? I grew up near the beach of orange county surfing and playing on the sand! She told me to stop being such a cheap #### and do this if I want to save the marriage. I said I can't do that, I don't have the income. Finally after a few days she said she will return home but I had to get her a ticket in the next 2 days. I did some checking and although over priced, I could do it. I said fine, let me get them for you. I got into a car accident and was held in the hospital for one night. I couldn't contact her because she doesn't trust me with her new phone number. I can only use Email. She will call me from a private number. I had my daughter send her an email telling her the situation.

I got out of the hospital, and heard about 20 messages from her. The last one being if I don't call her back she is going home to Europe. I talked to her friend who told me the reason she had to leave so quickly was because she had been nearly raped by her roommate so she called the police. The police told her she had to leave since her name wasn't on the lease. Apparently there wasn't enough evidence of a crime to arrest the supposed attacker. I tried to contact her but she has refused any more contact with me and her friend has stopped talking to me now. I suspect my wife was upset that her friend told me what happened.

Now I have no more contact with her. I can only suspect this has all been nothing but a huge scam to get into the USA and pursue better career paths. I don't see the marriage as anything about love or family anymore. I would expect a loving wife to be concerned about my condition after even a short hospital stay. Instead she was just angry I didn't contact her even though she made it virtually impossible.

What are my rights? Will immigration do anything? When she asks for removal of conditions will they say no because she has not been my wife? If she says I was abusive even though there was never any evidence of such will she get away with it? If she says her famous line of "Financial abuse" which I have never heard of before her, will anyone care? Is only $200 -$300 a week for food and after bill expenses from a man who earns $40,000 a year abusive? I never wished anything bad upon her, but after all this I don't think she deserves to stay in the USA and I think her selfish arrogant attitude should be rewarded with no permanent green card.

I look forward to your replies. I reported this to ICE and USCIS, but no one seems to be too concerned.

Well considering you lied to get her the green card you don't have many rights at this point.

[Jahwaree 83]

Dude ppl treat you the way you want them to..hopefully your innocent young daughter gets over

the abuse you brought to her, all in the name of what "love" on your part, that woman is there

to stay move on.You should have never lied for her to USCIS thats the reason they ignore your report.

[Christian S 0]

U brought this onto your self i for one would put my child before my second wife if my child was being caused and I know for a fact that my child isn't that type of person it's out with her but yeah you kinda brought this onto your self sorry buddy she is legal now not much you can do

[visasandheadaches 14]

wow..you earn about $40,000 a year and were giving her $300 per week = $1,200 per month = $14,000 per year...thats almost half your years pay going to her just to "spend"?? wow...not good...

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Oh jeez. OP, you allowed this to happen. I hope and pray that you have many take away lessons from this.

[rlogan 2,036]

What are my rights? Will immigration do anything? When she asks for removal of conditions will they say no because she has not been my wife? If she says I was abusive even though there was never any evidence of such will she get away with it? If she says her famous line of "Financial abuse" which I have never heard of before her, will anyone care? Is only $200 -$300 a week for food and after bill expenses from a man who earns $40,000 a year abusive? I never wished anything bad upon her, but after all this I don't think she deserves to stay in the USA and I think her selfish arrogant attitude should be rewarded with no permanent green card.

You have no rights insofar as stopping her removal of conditions. You're going to get divorced, and she will apply on her own. She'll succeed on the basis of having entered the marriage in good faith, accomplished by virtue of you attending the interview and testifying under oath that all was just fine. So you can't change that story now having sworn to it previously. It will just look lika a bitter ex-spouse lying.

She doesn't need to prove abuse to get conditions removed.

The thing to do is get cracking on the divorce. Just get it out of the way in the most expeditious means possible. Forget about the manipulative ####### she has been pulling and will continue to pull so long as you let her. This kind of predator is going to find another mark soon enough. In terms of your future, recognize that you have a personal defect - the same one I had for almost all my life - and that is letting people take advantage of you. Saying one thing and doing another. Next one who tells you the first lie - run like the wind.

[Sandra G. 5,043]

You married a brat, and she is nuts. You should apologize to your child for what she went through. Your child should always come first!

As soon your wife is homeless she will try to come back again.Do not answer her emails,phone calls. File for divorce or annulment and move on.Hug your child today like there is no tomorrow.

Edited February 22, 2013 by sandranj

[VanessaTony 3,567]

What are my rights? Will immigration do anything? When she asks for removal of conditions will they say no because she has not been my wife? If she says I was abusive even though there was never any evidence of such will she get away with it? If she says her famous line of "Financial abuse" which I have never heard of before her, will anyone care? Is only $200 -$300 a week for food and after bill expenses from a man who earns $40,000 a year abusive? I never wished anything bad upon her, but after all this I don't think she deserves to stay in the USA and I think her selfish arrogant attitude should be rewarded with no permanent green card.

I look forward to your replies. I reported this to ICE and USCIS, but no one seems to be too concerned.

Most of the time you just look like a bitter ex, not someone who was taken advantage of, one of the issues really.

First I would file for divorce. You obviously don't know where she is so you will need to talk to your attorney about putting a notice in the paper. She won't tell you where she is, and I wouldn't TELL her you want her address to have her served (sure fire way NOT to get it) so just do the best you can.

Once the divorce is final she's supposed to file for ROC immediately. I would email USCIS a copy of the divorce decree, as well as a letter stating her details (much as you have/remember) and that she moved out of the marital home after receiving the GC and that you now believe she only married you for a greencard. They may or may not listen but it will go in her file.

Technically she is in breach of the conditions of her GC by being divorced. She CAN be detained but it only happens sometimes and ICE doesn't usually track those people down. Eventually she'll file ROC or she'll forget about it and go out-of-status. Once you're divorced this is not your concern.

You actually did yourself a disservice by saying "yes" to the anger management counseling because she now has in writing you saying that you'll take it, which is tantamount to you admitting you need it. She could try and use this as proof of abuse. Hopefully you've kept all her emails to you and can submit them to USCIS/ICE as proof of ... well.. her being bat-###### crazy and you trying to get her home (of course the content of the emails matter).

Basically, once you went to that AOS interview all bets were off. She has her greencard, you're on the hook for the I-864 should she use benefits... Just divorce her and try and move on. Also, I do suggest getting your daughter into some counseling to make sure she isn't scarred from what she went through (I know I'd be hurt that my dad married an evil step-mother and how in MY house I got treated like ####### and like I didn't matter... as a kid, that's how it feels).

Good luck!

[Greg3070 19]

Hold on, first off the hearing officer only asked how things were going. I said fine. So shoot me! I didn't profess a list of wonderful events or claim she was an angel. I was asked how things were and I said fine. The rest of the hearing was about standard questions like criminal history, nothing was asked about the relationship. I thought we might be discussing our counseling but that was never discussed. So I didn't go in and say anything about the marriage being good. I just showed we got married, shared a bank account and lived together. All true at the time. What did I say wrong?

As far as my daughter goes, we talked about the problems since it first began. My daughter wanted to try to make this work. I offered her the ability to go to a friends house any time she wanted too. She chose to stay with her step mom hoping things would get better. They just never did. I do care for my daughter. She and I have a very close relationship and she knows if she has a problem I will fix it. She had a list of friends ready to take her in while I was away. it was her choice to stay and try to make it work.

Some of you talk as if I saved a rapist or child molester. All I did was go to a hearing I was asked to attend by the government. No, I didn't go out of my way and say..."she is a ######!" Is this what some of you believe I should have done? If I was going to do that, then why bother going at all. I should have just kept working. I was told by a USCIS phone rep that in order to qualify for the exemption to staying married, my wife will have to show evidence of abuse. How true that is I don't know.

I really had just hoped for some insight from others who had something similar. I don't need a lecture about how to interact with women or hear what a bad father I am. I know I'm a good father. I'm sure if I was to see each one of you in your relationships I could point out some serious illogical behavior. We don't need to insult each other about how we react with women (or men for the ladies). It's a well known fact that some of the stupidest decisions are made when it involves love. Why else would we spend thousands on a ring, spend countless hours in the mall and watch movies about love instead of a good football game. Seriously, we all have probably done it. If you say you haven't, I think you are a liar!

I gladly welcome anyone's response if it is to offer advice or experience. Please keep your lectures to yourself. I do take care of my daughter and she was never in danger.

Thank you for your replies.

[Greg3070 19]

Well considering you lied to get her the green card you don't have many rights at this point.

I didn't go in lying, I was asked how things were going and I said fine. Is that a lie? Im breathing, house hasn't burned down, had breakfast this morning. Sounds fine to me. The hearing officer didn't ask anything more about the relationship, just the initial friendly greeting. I guess i didn't make that very clear.

[Greg3070 19]

Most of the time you just look like a bitter ex, not someone who was taken advantage of, one of the issues really.

First I would file for divorce. You obviously don't know where she is so you will need to talk to your attorney about putting a notice in the paper. She won't tell you where she is, and I wouldn't TELL her you want her address to have her served (sure fire way NOT to get it) so just do the best you can.

Once the divorce is final she's supposed to file for ROC immediately. I would email USCIS a copy of the divorce decree, as well as a letter stating her details (much as you have/remember) and that she moved out of the marital home after receiving the GC and that you now believe she only married you for a greencard. They may or may not listen but it will go in her file.

Technically she is in breach of the conditions of her GC by being divorced. She CAN be detained but it only happens sometimes and ICE doesn't usually track those people down. Eventually she'll file ROC or she'll forget about it and go out-of-status. Once you're divorced this is not your concern.

You actually did yourself a disservice by saying "yes" to the anger management counseling because she now has in writing you saying that you'll take it, which is tantamount to you admitting you need it. She could try and use this as proof of abuse. Hopefully you've kept all her emails to you and can submit them to USCIS/ICE as proof of ... well.. her being bat-###### crazy and you trying to get her home (of course the content of the emails matter).

Basically, once you went to that AOS interview all bets were off. She has her greencard, you're on the hook for the I-864 should she use benefits... Just divorce her and try and move on. Also, I do suggest getting your daughter into some counseling to make sure she isn't scarred from what she went through (I know I'd be hurt that my dad married an evil step-mother and how in MY house I got treated like ####### and like I didn't matter... as a kid, that's how it feels).

Good luck!

[Greg3070 19]

Perhaps thats why it has been suggested to not be in a hurry to divorce her. If I go to the hearing and present myself as the puzzled husband still loving his wife, but unsure why she hasn't been home in 2 years, it may be something they have to call. This was one idea I was presented. I have no idea if that will work, but I did file a missing persons report, so I could still be the man looking for his wife. Just a thought. Walk in and say, "Honey..are you ok, we have been so worried. What happened?" LOL.

No, she doesn't have that in writing, I was smarter than that. She called me thru Skype to my cell phone. A number that won't let you call back. That's when I said I was going to the counselor. In email all I have ever said was I want to make this work and something about being willing to work with her. I understand word games. What is interesting, her idea of anger management counseling is to take a one day 8 hour course. Not what I know about anger management courses as what I know about them is they are usually on going for a very long time. Not a one day class. Personally I think she is saying anger management when it should be conflict resolution. Disagreeing is not anger management, throwing things or kicking someone's behind is anger management. Disagreeing without violence is called life and how it works sometimes.

Counseling might be good for my daughter. Im sure having her natural mother abandon her and now a step mom hating her can't be good. Any thoughts on asking my daughter to exit the pool so her daughter could swim? It's a 16 foot round pool. It seems she was just absurdly over protective of her daughter. To the point that mine was treated like a threat to her well being. I'm wondering if she just had to kiss #### to her daughter to get her to stay in the USA. She did tell me that they had to offer her daughter the right to come home if she wanted to and my wife made it very clear she did not want to leave the USA.

[Greg3070 19]

You married a brat, and she is nuts. You should apologize to your child for what she went through. Your child should always come first!

As soon your wife is homeless she will try to come back again.Do not answer her emails,phone calls. File for divorce or annulment and move on.Hug your child today like there is no tomorrow.

I thought when you re-married there was supposed to be no first person. We all become a family and everyone is important in the family.

[Greg3070 19]

wow..you earn about $40,000 a year and were giving her $300 per week = $1,200 per month = $14,000 per year...thats almost half your years pay going to her just to "spend"?? wow...not good...

Not good at all. amazing when you think I went from corporate pilot to truck driver. God forbid I wanted to have a meal at Dennys or McDonnalds. It seems a wife should be worried her husband is ok out on the road supporting her. I had to eat canned foods heated in a portable 12volt cooker just so she could buy what she said she needed. It would be one thing if she was buying food for the children and her and I suffered so they could eat, but it wasn't. It turns out she was buying outfits, shoes and enjoying starbucks, mall days and other entertainment. A family can survive on $40,000 a year, not great but rent gets paid and food is put on the table. She made me feel like I earned so little I was a popper trying to provide for a queen.