How is your Filipina / Filipino Adjusting?

[Caryh 5,206]

  On 2/21/2013 at 8:40 PM, lynndy38 said:

Guys,

I just wanted to say this thread is awesome,really good to see into another persons culture. And you men certainly seem to be dealing well with your wives. I have to say though.........I'm SOOOOOO having a word with my husband about him getting me a Coach handbag,I wonder if that Tempo thing will work for me

Seriously though, nice to read

You'll never pull off the tampo thing. Its truly and art form taught from birth. Doesn't mean you can't figure out a way to get your husband to get you a Coach bag though, I hear females on every part of the planet come equipped with methods to get their husbands to do as they want.

[lynndy38 64]

  On 2/21/2013 at 9:10 PM, Caryh said:

You'll never pull off the tampo thing. Its truly and art form taught from birth. Doesn't mean you can't figure out a way to get your husband to get you a Coach bag though, I hear females on every part of the planet come equipped with methods to get their husbands to do as they want.

You're right,women can pull out all stops when they're after something, but I'd say my husband knows how to charm me too when he's seen a new (boring)power tool!!!!

You and your wife sound very happy together, and you sound a real gentleman. To be fair the sales assistants in the coach shops scare the hell outta me, but maybe thats part of my stiff upper lip please dont ask me anything Englishness.

[rlogan 2,036]

One issue might be helping the family back home. You make the decision about what you are going to do and the answer to anything more is "no". It's that simple. They may try a variety of manipulative tricks, mostly along the lines of creating "emergencies" to guilt-trip you into sending money. If you teach them that this works then it will never end. But if you handle it right then things work beautifully.

Communication with family at home can be by webchat. Mine still does this every day.

Mine doesn't do tampo. It is easily seen through, so just tell them you know exactly what they are up to and to say what is on their mind instead of playing games.

For driving lessons there are a couple of very deadly cultural traits of Filipinas to avoid. One is their habit of saying "yes" or "uh huh" as a means of showing cooperation when in fact they are ignoring you. The other is stupid, stubborn pride which interferes in their following instruction. The stakes are life and death so these counterproductive habits must be eliminated. The way we did it was to have her repeat instructions back to me immediately. So if I said "slow down" she repeated "slow down", instead of me saying "slow down... slow down!... slow down!!... SLOW DOWN!!!!"

The other was before leaving the driveway to have her agree to set her stubborn pride aside and do exactly what she was told the instant she heard it. But we still tested it before leaving the driveway. I would say "stop" or "turn left" with no reason - and if she gave me a funny look and didn't follow the instruction then the lesson was over for that day. What happens to so many Fil-Am couples is that the wife ignores the instruction so the husband raises his voice, and the Filipina then gets angry at him for raising his voice.

A lot of Filipinas have backwards third-world superstitions. These can't be attacked when they are rooted so deeply in their culture. Be respectful, as I was for mine. But eventually with enough science education and Bible study she dropped Christianity altogether.

[X Factor 1,113]

  On 2/22/2013 at 1:05 AM, rlogan said:

One issue might be helping the family back home. You make the decision about what you are going to do and the answer to anything more is "no". It's that simple. They may try a variety of manipulative tricks, mostly along the lines of creating "emergencies" to guilt-trip you into sending money. If you teach them that this works then it will never end. But if you handle it right then things work beautifully.

Communication with family at home can be by webchat. Mine still does this every day.

Mine doesn't do tampo. It is easily seen through, so just tell them you know exactly what they are up to and to say what is on their mind instead of playing games.

For driving lessons there are a couple of very deadly cultural traits of Filipinas to avoid. One is their habit of saying "yes" or "uh huh" as a means of showing cooperation when in fact they are ignoring you. The other is stupid, stubborn pride which interferes in their following instruction. The stakes are life and death so these counterproductive habits must be eliminated. The way we did it was to have her repeat instructions back to me immediately. So if I said "slow down" she repeated "slow down", instead of me saying "slow down... slow down!... slow down!!... SLOW DOWN!!!!"

The other was before leaving the driveway to have her agree to set her stubborn pride aside and do exactly what she was told the instant she heard it. But we still tested it before leaving the driveway. I would say "stop" or "turn left" with no reason - and if she gave me a funny look and didn't follow the instruction then the lesson was over for that day. What happens to so many Fil-Am couples is that the wife ignores the instruction so the husband raises his voice, and the Filipina then gets angry at him for raising his voice.

A lot of Filipinas have backwards third-world superstitions. These can't be attacked when they are rooted so deeply in their culture. Be respectful, as I was for mine. But eventually with enough science education and Bible study she dropped Christianity altogether.

Nice tips. I plan on saving us both the headache and get a driving instructor.

[rlogan 2,036]

  On 2/22/2013 at 1:18 AM, Mr Smiley said:

Nice tips. I plan on saving us both the headache and get a driving instructor.

That is also a very good plan. Because they treat the driving instructor as an authority figure, so they don't ignore him.

The other thing we did was go to the Department of Motor Vehicles and follow the tester on their route. Then she practiced the route. That took all her nervousness out of it and also let her practice the parts they purposefully put in there to trick you.

[actob99 156]

Driving, haha. We were gungho to get her a permit, but failed the permit test 3 times so now she is studying.

Tampo,her version is her filipina pride. She has very much pride and goes down that road on occasion. It's ok with me as I need a break once in a while. It disappears quickly when I say I'm going out and then she wants to go with. Maybe she will study harder for the DL, lol.

Diet, I think I messed up. She is hooked on Steaks, primarily T-bones and porterhouses. ALso Pork chops, a little better. But then she wants Crab legs too as that was a big part of her diet in her province and I can't deny her that.. SHe just 2 weeks agosaid she isn't pulling out the rice cooker as she is gaining weight. Maybe stop eating a $15 T-bone, but I'm not complaining. SHe loves Walleye, Crappies, Perch and Halibut that we have from Alaska. She loves fish and can eat fish everyday. Good thing we have been doing pretty good ice fishing.

I thought she would be turned off by how cold it is here in Minnesota. But she is calling herself a Minnesota girl now. Goes out without a hat and gloves like me. But it still kicks her butt when its 5 degrees and 25 mph winds. But she is doing great and lovesthe outdoors.

Homesick - She has had bouts of homesick and we have had a couple small arguements around that time. It's all my fault as I have to realize what she gave up. Just like Cary, my wife wanted me to stay living in the PI and we could live the simple life there. SHe didn't care about coming to the U.S, just wanted to be where ever I was working. A good job came up in MN and we talked and she said it was ok.. She likes it here but also wants her ties and a house in the PI. So do I so were on the same page. She finally received her Early Work Auth/AP card last week. Just got her transit visa today for Japan and leaving in the morning for the PI so she is a very happy girl. SO I see those homesick bouts going away now as she knows she can go back when she wants. But after this 15 days there, she wants to work alot. I think mostly she is bored sitting in the house when I'm working. SO working, english classes and trying to pass that DL test should keep her in good spirits..

We have been together for a few years, married for 4 months now and she says the same thing sometimes- about why I'm not so sweet every minute of the day and we are changing a little bit. Well, thats what happens in America when we have to work hard for what we have. We can't sit on the beach everyday eating fresh fish, drinking redhorse and talking with all the neighbors. Its definitely a change from the PI so I understand the Posters question. But its not just American's, but I know were in a U.S based forum. SO I try to remind myself she is a sweet filipina and I have to do something sweet for her everyday. Thats why I'm going broke and she is getting Mataba, Damm T-bones!!!!

Were praying this snow storm Q(haha - naming snowstorms now)stays away so our flight doessn't get cancelled in the morning. SHe needs fish and I need heat and Redhorse....

[Darnell 8,479]

  On 2/20/2013 at 7:18 PM, Benediction said:

How is your spouse adjusting to the American culture / way of life for those who brought their lovers here.

Advanced search tool?

Member Name -> 'Calypso'

click on 'display as posts'

then study all.

Should keep you busy for a few days, as she's posted loads. Interspersed Amongst Her Posts are some fun stuff and games.

IMO, she's the poster child for 'best assimilation, ever'.

[Benediction 15]

  On 2/21/2013 at 4:13 AM, Jack&Maria said:

Tampo means "Grumble" - act as we want to "mope"..hmmm..its the way we show "lambing" or sweetness!

@ BENEDICTION!! me and Imee met in the interview in USEM..Take care of her as she loves you much!

happpy trip Imee!!!

I love her very much as well!!!! She comes in 6 days now and I am so excited I can barely sit still. Excited, nervous, all of those feelings!!!!

[X Factor 1,113]

  On 2/22/2013 at 2:20 AM, rlogan said:

That is also a very good plan. Because they treat the driving instructor as an authority figure, so they don't ignore him.

The other thing we did was go to the Department of Motor Vehicles and follow the tester on their route. Then she practiced the route. That took all her nervousness out of it and also let her practice the parts they purposefully put in there to trick you.

I will have to try that

[JoBri 548]

I taught my wife. She scared me to death, especially when she slowed down to around 20 MPH on the interstate at the same spot where a truck ran over a slow moving car and killed everyone just the day before. But now she is a much better driver than I am, and drives and drives and drives every day. I remember how it took her 3 times to pass the driving test. The 3rd time we had to go to a town far away where she wouldnt run into the same tester again, and we had her practice the same route for the driving test too. She barely passed, but the tester gave her the benefit of the doubt. Now she drives great.

  On 2/22/2013 at 2:20 AM, rlogan said:

That is also a very good plan. Because they treat the driving instructor as an authority figure, so they don't ignore him.

The other thing we did was go to the Department of Motor Vehicles and follow the tester on their route. Then she practiced the route. That took all her nervousness out of it and also let her practice the parts they purposefully put in there to trick you.

[Caryh 5,206]

  On 2/23/2013 at 4:38 AM, Brijo said:

I taught my wife. She scared me to death, especially when she slowed down to around 20 MPH on the interstate at the same spot where a truck ran over a slow moving car and killed everyone just the day before. But now she is a much better driver than I am, and drives and drives and drives every day. I remember how it took her 3 times to pass the driving test. The 3rd time we had to go to a town far away where she wouldnt run into the same tester again, and we had her practice the same route for the driving test too. She barely passed, but the tester gave her the benefit of the doubt. Now she drives great.

my wife passed on her first try. but she drove in the Philippines. So basically she just needed to learn to drive based on rules, and freeway driving. And that slowing way down on the freeway was a hard habit to break.Scared the piss out of me a few times to. She's a great driver here now.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

She has had two instructors so far, one was so scared, he didn't bother to show a second time. The second took her out a few times, and there was no noticeable improvement in her driving skills. My wife's problem is she freezes under stress.(She has PTSD, and her family really messed her up.) When she t-boned a car entering a driveway, I decided the lessons would not continue until I get a car where I have my own brake pedal.

[Caryh 5,206]

  On 2/23/2013 at 6:03 PM, The Patriot said:

She has had two instructors so far, one was so scared, he didn't bother to show a second time. The second took her out a few times, and there was no noticeable improvement in her driving skills. My wife's problem is she freezes under stress.(She has PTSD, and her family really messed her up.) When she t-boned a car entering a driveway, I decided the lessons would not continue until I get a car where I have my own brake pedal.

Yikes! good call

[rlogan 2,036]

  On 2/23/2013 at 6:03 PM, The Patriot said:

She has had two instructors so far, one was so scared, he didn't bother to show a second time. The second took her out a few times, and there was no noticeable improvement in her driving skills. My wife's problem is she freezes under stress.(She has PTSD, and her family really messed her up.) When she t-boned a car entering a driveway, I decided the lessons would not continue until I get a car where I have my own brake pedal.

This is quite common amongst people who have no experience to draw from. In the USA kids have bicycles, mini-bikes, go-carts, bumber cars at the fair, etc. and they drive in cars as passengers watching forward, seeing the drivers actions instead of Jeepneys where you are in a crowd looking out the sides and not learning. Additionally, we learned on streets we had been driving all our lives so that removes one important stress factor: knowing where you are and how to get places.

One of the most aggravating things is trying to get them to think ahead. Even understanding what "think ahead" means is hard to impart for someone that doesn't see the point in it. You get off when the Jeepney stops at the market. Why would you bother memorizing what is around the next corner and preparing for it? So you have to force them to start thinking ahead by asking them questions. Where is the next stop light? What is around this corner here? Are we going to turn right or left at the next intersection?

Going up and down hills: ten miles an hour up, a hundred miles an hour down. So you have to point ahead and say do you see that hill coming? So what should you do to the gas pedal? Should you wait until you are going ten miles an hour or should you start giving it gas going into the hill? As you are reaching the top you have to call their attention to the other side and ask them what they are going to do with the gas when they reach the top of the hill. Mine really resented doing this in the beginning but I had her start calling out to me what was next and what she was going to do about it. "There is a curve coming up so I am going to slow down". If you can get them to start doing that before they get behind the wheel it removes the problem of freezing up.

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

  On 2/23/2013 at 8:43 PM, rlogan said:

This is quite common amongst people who have no experience to draw from. In the USA kids have bicycles, mini-bikes, go-carts, bumber cars at the fair, etc. and they drive in cars as passengers watching forward, seeing the drivers actions instead of Jeepneys where you are in a crowd looking out the sides and not learning. Additionally, we learned on streets we had been driving all our lives so that removes one important stress factor: knowing where you are and how to get places.

One of the most aggravating things is trying to get them to think ahead. Even understanding what "think ahead" means is hard to impart for someone that doesn't see the point in it. You get off when the Jeepney stops at the market. Why would you bother memorizing what is around the next corner and preparing for it? So you have to force them to start thinking ahead by asking them questions. Where is the next stop light? What is around this corner here? Are we going to turn right or left at the next intersection?

Going up and down hills: ten miles an hour up, a hundred miles an hour down. So you have to point ahead and say do you see that hill coming? So what should you do to the gas pedal? Should you wait until you are going ten miles an hour or should you start giving it gas going into the hill? As you are reaching the top you have to call their attention to the other side and ask them what they are going to do with the gas when they reach the top of the hill. Mine really resented doing this in the beginning but I had her start calling out to me what was next and what she was going to do about it. "There is a curve coming up so I am going to slow down". If you can get them to start doing that before they get behind the wheel it removes the problem of freezing up.

Good advice. It is a challenge to break through her self-defense mechanisms at times. There is this fine line between getting her to actually pay attention to what I am saying, and total immobilization. I used to see something very similar when handling horses.