How is your Filipina / Filipino Adjusting?

[davenjanet 22]

This is quite common amongst people who have no experience to draw from. In the USA kids have bicycles, mini-bikes, go-carts, bumber cars at the fair, etc. and they drive in cars as passengers watching forward, seeing the drivers actions instead of Jeepneys where you are in a crowd looking out the sides and not learning. Additionally, we learned on streets we had been driving all our lives so that removes one important stress factor: knowing where you are and how to get places.

Don't think this is completely true - at least not in any urban area of the US. First off, unlike when I was a child, kids don't ride bikes anymore. It's become rare, especially for transportation purposes. I knew every street in my neighborhood as a kid; my son who just turned 17 only knows our street. Why should he know? If his parents aren't transporting him, the bus is and every kid with a smartphone has a map app with turn by turn navigation. Knowing about streets and how to navigate yourself has become as old fashioned as knowing how to do math without a calculator.

The bigger issue is that we live in a culture that values independence. All the old jokes about men here who refuse to ask for directions are true. We consider it a badge of honor to get there and do everything on our own. In PI, a culture that values inter-dependence, if you don't know how to get somewhere you just ask your friend or tita to take you. Problem solved.

So the girl used to interdependence has an adjustment to make, and her husband used to independent American women (overly independent IMO) has an adjustment as well.

Edited February 23, 2013 by davenjanet

[Hank_ 9,174]

Sort of a case of fright & freeze instead of fight or flight....

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Sort of a case of fright & freeze instead of fight or flight....

Yeah. I guess in her past, there really was no place to hide, when scary things were happening around her, so she learned just to be as inconspicuous as possible, even just shutting down, and putting it out of her mind completely. Pretty messed up way to live, if you ask me.

[rlogan 2,036]

Don't think this is completely true - at least not in any urban area of the US. First off, unlike when I was a child, kids don't ride bikes anymore. It's become rare, especially for transportation purposes. I knew every street in my neighborhood as a kid; my son who just turned 17 only knows our street. Why should he know? If his parents aren't transporting him, the bus is and every kid with a smartphone has a map app with turn by turn navigation. Knowing about streets and how to navigate yourself has become as old fashioned as knowing how to do math without a calculator.

The bigger issue is that we live in a culture that values independence. All the old jokes about men here who refuse to ask for directions are true. We consider it a badge of honor to get there and do everything on our own. In PI, a culture that values inter-dependence, if you don't know how to get somewhere you just ask your friend or tita to take you. Problem solved.

So the girl used to interdependence has an adjustment to make, and her husband used to independent American women (overly independent IMO) has an adjustment as well.

You've confused cause and effect.

USA = 3 cars per household on average (from US Census Bureau)

Philippines = 81% of households without cars (From Philippine Engineering Journal Report 2004)

That isn't because we value independence and they don't. That's because our per capita GDP is $50K per year and theirs is $4K per year. If you raise the income of the Philippines to that of the USA, they'll be buying cars just like we do and Drivers' Education will be in the high schools just like here.

If you don't own a car then you don't need to know how to drive somewhere. But you do need to know which Jeepney goes to the place you want.

If I was on a forum saying my 17 year old son only knew the street he lived on I would be embarassed beyond measure. My son, at two years old, could find me in the woods nearly a mile from home. I was shocked the first time he had navigated that far on his own. My wife did not even realize he had left the cabin to find me. At three years old he can use google earth to find grandma's house five thousand miles from here. He is definitely ahead of his cohorts in a lot of respects, but geez - a 17 year old that doesn't know anything more than the street he lives on is appalling.

Edited February 24, 2013 by rlogan

[davenjanet 22]

You've confused cause and effect.

USA = 3 cars per household on average (from US Census Bureau)

Philippines = 81% of households without cars (From Philippine Engineering Journal Report 2004)

That isn't because we value independence and they don't. That's because our per capita GDP is $50K per year and theirs is $4K per year. If you raise the income of the Philippines to that of the USA, they'll be buying cars just like we do and Drivers' Education will be in the high schools just like here.

If you don't own a car then you don't need to know how to drive somewhere. But you do need to know which Jeepney goes to the place you want.

If I was on a forum saying my 17 year old son only knew the street he lived on I would be embarassed beyond measure. My son, at two years old, could find me in the woods nearly a mile from home. I was shocked the first time he had navigated that far on his own. My wife did not even realize he had left the cabin to find me. At three years old he can use google earth to find grandma's house five thousand miles from here. He is definitely ahead of his cohorts in a lot of respects, but geez - a 17 year old that doesn't know anything more than the street he lives on is appalling.

Thanks for educating me. Didn't realize that I ought to be embarrassed. I'm not

I've lived in a number of US cities and in most cities in the US kids don't ride bikes much anymore because A) its unfortunately considered more dangerous to go anywhere on your own and B) for good or bad most of today's kids are more interested in Xbox and computers than riding their bikes to the local malt shop. The society has changed. As to my son, I am quite proud of him. He's an A student, majoring in computer science, but the reality is that just as a generation ago people no longer needed to learn rote math because they had calculators, today when nearly every kid in his school has a smartphone with turn by turn nav or GPS, knowing the name of each street is less necessary. I still know the street names but even I rely on my iphone navigation more and more often.

I totally agree that the main difference is that nearly all Americans own cars and most Filipinos do not. But some of the comments in this thread implied that it was nearly a cultural thing, not just a "her dad never owned a car" thing. And you made the statements that kids are used to navigating via bike and such. I merely pointed out that that's less common than it was a generation ago.

As to interdependence vs. independence, since several people made cultural statements about why Filipinas have a harder time learning to drive, I believe that besides the obvious fact that most families there don't own cars, is the fact that their culture is more interdependent than independent. In my city even with public transportation it is very difficult to survive without your own car (or 2 or 3). The culture is set up that way. In my fiance's small city the infrastructure is not set up for a car to be a necessity. If she does not know how to get somewhere she calls her friend. Hell, even if she does know how to get somewhere, she calls her friend and they go together. American independence has many advantages but a few disadvantages. If I look at the freeway at rush hour I will observe that 90% of people drive alone. Neither culture is better or worse - just different.

BTW, I just showed my son your comment. While I will admit he doesn't know all the street names around here he does apparently know how to call you a very bad word - and in three different languages I'm a proud father!

[madtownguy 164]

That's funny I wouldn't be on an internet forum saying your son was wondering in the woods and nobody knew that he had left. That's called child neglect and endangerment. Not knowing where your 2 year old is, isn't something to be proud of. I can pretty much guarantee the number of people who would think the worse parent is the one who let a 2 year old wander through the woods, rather than the one who had a 17 year old that was bad at knowing the names of streets.

[rlogan 2,036]

I've lived in a number of US cities and in most cities in the US kids don't ride bikes much anymore

So Filipinos have more bikes than Americans? You said you disagreed with me.

Google tells me more than half of americans owned a bike. What proportion is it for Filipinos? Ten percent at best? We have way more experience than they do.

BTW, I just showed my son your comment. While I will admit he doesn't know all the street names around here

You said he only knew ONE. Now he knows almost all of them?

Boy he sure learned a lot between those two posts!

he does apparently know how to call you a very bad word - and in three different languages I'm a proud father!

Well tell him I said hi, and best of luck in all things.

[davenjanet 22]

That's funny I wouldn't be on an internet forum saying your son was wondering in the woods and nobody knew that he had left. That's called child neglect and endangerment. Not knowing where your 2 year old is, isn't something to be proud of. I can pretty much guarantee the number of people who would think the worse parent is the one who let a 2 year old wander through the woods, rather than the one who had a 17 year old that was bad at knowing the names of streets.

Thanks for this. I'm not sure how this became a referendum on who is or isn't a good parent; that certainly wasn't my intention.

I will say that teaching someone you love how to drive is a challenging proposition for both the experienced and the new driver, no matter what their age or country of origin. One of my best friends is a Pinay who recently moved to the US and married her fiancé. She is anxious to learn how to drive. He made it clear that he will send her to drivers school. I think he is a wise man.

[rlogan 2,036]

That's funny I wouldn't be on an internet forum saying your son was wondering in the woods and nobody knew that he had left. That's called child neglect and endangerment. Not knowing where your 2 year old is, isn't something to be proud of. I can pretty much guarantee the number of people who would think the worse parent is the one who let a 2 year old wander through the woods, rather than the one who had a 17 year old that was bad at knowing the names of streets.

Hi old friend. Been waiting for that chance to make the big score, eh?

So report me.

Malicious people have already done that. For starting his walking exercises at two months old. We followed early infant learning experiments in the peer reviewed literature. So when the state workers came we showed them the papers we were following. Our pediatrician told them the same thing.

That's why two years later he could do that. And we live in the woods. He's out every day in it.

He learned to read at two. Playing chess at three. Learning piano. Uses a number of adult computer programs. Paint, word, email, chess, google earth, youtube videos.

That's how neglected he is.

[Wariza 8]

Wow, this thread was hijacked. Can we get back on topic?

[actob99 156]

I will say that teaching someone you love how to drive is a challenging proposition for both the experienced and the new driver, no matter what their age or country of origin. One of my best friends is a Pinay who recently moved to the US and married her fiancé. She is anxious to learn how to drive. He made it clear that he will send her to drivers

school. I think he is a wise man.

Their are some of us who don't like to take the easy way out and enjoy the adventure...

[Benediction 15]

I felt the same way as I started reading...lets get back to topic and will stay take any and all advice so I may help my love adjust well.

[Wariza 8]

We also got a subscription to TFC.tv so she can get her favorite programs from back home. The online streaming subscription was really pretty cheap compared to what our satellite company wanted, and they didn't carry the ABS-CBN network, which is what she likes.

Please share...........I wanted to get this, but Direct TV is super expensive for the package. Thanks

[X Factor 1,113]

My wife is excited about getting her drivers license. Starting to study for the written test

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

Please share...........I wanted to get this, but Direct TV is super expensive for the package. Thanks

We are lucky, that one of the local stations carries some Filipino programs, like Balitang America, and a half hour of TV Patrol at the 6 pm every night. The wife got bored with it after she discovered the Food Network, and Hallmark Channel.

There are a few free streaming sites on the internet for Filipino programming, you may want to search for those. I think if you have a good internet connection, and invest in a netbook computer for her, she will be less bored.

Oh, don't forget the electric blanket, some fleece pajamas, and some winter clothing. It will take her a while to get acclimated, if ever. She will need a tabo, or do what I did, and invest in a detachable shower head. If you live on a septic, get the tank pumped before she arrives, and get hair traps for all the sinks. For the vacuum cleaner, get in the habit of unwinding all those hairs before putting the machine away. Mildew control will be import to your home's health, what with the rice cooker going every morning, stews always boiling, and two or three baths a day (hot water will be something she will get used to quickly, and enjoy).

Edited February 28, 2013 by The Patriot