Is your SO different now that you are together?

[rebeccajo 14]

.... Well, he got here and it wasn't "easy" to get that executive job (bitter laugh). He made the same mistake that many foreigners do: he thought life here in the States would be rich. He thought he was above taking a minimum wage job and all that jazz. Anyway, was a disaster.

Yeah. But a point of clarification for us though.

My man isn't looking for that 'executive' job and he really doesn't care about getting rich. There's just no friggin' IT work here and it stinks. He's taken a job that probably is beneath him, but he does it cause he knows he needs to in order to SOMEDAY make it here.

[Laveau 67]

.... Well, he got here and it wasn't "easy" to get that executive job (bitter laugh). He made the same mistake that many foreigners do: he thought life here in the States would be rich. He thought he was above taking a minimum wage job and all that jazz. Anyway, was a disaster.

Yeah. But a point of clarification for us though.

My man isn't looking for that 'executive' job and he really doesn't care about getting rich. There's just no friggin' IT work here and it stinks. He's taken a job that probably is beneath him, but he does it cause he knows he needs to in order to SOMEDAY make it here.

Well, my best friend's guy got it in his head that he would be a "suit" which is stupid since the guy doesn't even hold a college degree. Also, he has "class" (caste?) issues. It was as if he had no humility. I kid you not: he quit a job at a gas station after two days because he had to clean the bathroom and parking lot! I can't tell my man ENOUGH how he better enter already humbled and get rid of ANY grand delusions. It warms my heart to know that your man is doing what is takes to get where you both want to be someday. I feel heartbroken, however, that the man my friend chose didn't have that same love and respect for her.

[Fandango 1,440]

I wouldn't have married him if I wasn't SURE we had spent enough time together and I felt 100% sure I knew him and could spend the res tof my life with him.

We took our time, and I'm glad we did.

zactly! no 'imagining' or 'thought' 'dreamed' etc....see for yourself!

[Cristy 4]

I wouldn't have married him if I wasn't SURE we had spent enough time together and I felt 100% sure I knew him and could spend the res tof my life with him.

We took our time, and I'm glad we did.

zactly! no 'imagining' or 'thought' 'dreamed' etc....see for yourself!

Everyone dreams or imagines how it will be once you are married. I am offended by your insinuation. Apologize to me.

[Karen_L 1]

Everyone dreams or imagines how it will be once you are married.

Yep, I certainly did!

[Lou Lou 1]

I wouldn't have married him if I wasn't SURE we had spent enough time together and I felt 100% sure I knew him and could spend the res tof my life with him.

We took our time, and I'm glad we did.

zactly! no 'imagining' or 'thought' 'dreamed' etc....see for yourself!

Everyone dreams or imagines how it will be once you are married. I am offended by your insinuation. Apologize to me.

What's the apology for?

I certainly didn't dream or imagine what is was going to be like. My feet were firmly on the ground, maybe even dug my heels a little deeper with it too. It took us 6 years before we knew we were ready. In that time we probably spent near on two years together in person. I lost count. I couldn't never have got hitched to someone any other way. But that's just me. I'm not "everyone".

[rebeccajo 14]

I wouldn't have married him if I wasn't SURE we had spent enough time together and I felt 100% sure I knew him and could spend the res tof my life with him.

We took our time, and I'm glad we did.

zactly! no 'imagining' or 'thought' 'dreamed' etc....see for yourself!

Everyone dreams or imagines how it will be once you are married. I am offended by your insinuation. Apologize to me.

What's the apology for?

I certainly didn't dream or imagine what is was going to be like. My feet were firmly on the ground, maybe even dug my heels a little deeper with it too. It took us 6 years before we knew we were ready. In that time we probably spent near on two years together in person. I lost count. I couldn't never have got hitched to someone any other way. But that's just me. I'm not "everyone".

For crying out loud.

Do we have to keep having these continued debates here about 'knowing' your partner? I for one am getting good and tired of it.

The last time I checked, there wasn't any guidebook, manual, policy, edict, proclamation or commandment about how much time two people have to spend in courtship to make a relationship work.

If someone in this community is belittling or making someone feel small for spending a 'long time' in a relationship before commiting and filing - then shame on them.

If someone in this community is belittling or making someone feel small for having a shorter courship - shame on them as well.

If somebody is going to wear blinders about their partner, it isn't going to mean dee-diddly squat how much time they spend prior to commiting. And if somebody is going to perpetrate a fraud, they are going to be able to keep it up for as long as it takes to accomplish the goal - oceans apart or at arms length. Even USCIS recognizes that in their profiling of fraudsters.

And...as far as 'knowing' your partner goes....guess what folks. As people get older they change. Life happens and their perspectives evolve. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worst. I don't care how long you know your partner prior to marriage. Get ready for the grim reality that THE PERSON YOU MARRY WILL BE DIFFERENT 20 YEARS FROM NOW THAN THEY ARE TODAY.

And so will you.

[rebeccajo 14]

*sigh*

I'm just longing for all of us to support each other in our relationships, no matter what they look like to the outside world.

Criticizing peoples choices won't change them. You can't protect people from themselves. You can recite your experiences or beliefs, but you can't change what people are going to do.

I sound like I'm talking in circles....I apologize for that.

*searching for words*

Every couple and every relationship - every marriage is different. They all evolve and grow differently. I'd like to keep learning from different peoples perspectives. They are all valuable to me.

Am I nuts? Is there some 'yardstick' of relationship validity that I've missed out on? To me, everybody's story has value.....

[Cassie 8]

agree with you completely, rebecca!

to answer the poll: Jerry was better than I expected about dealing with me and my issues about moving and settling in here. His patience and compassion and understanding has been boundless. He has been amazing, much more than I hoped/expected/imagined.

[aussiewench 9]

Totally 100% agree rebecca You're not nuts either....least I hope not or I've missed out on that yardstick too lol

[CarolineM 0]

I am confused.

A question was asked, and I answered it for ME. I said, *I* knew him, spent a lot of time with him, etc etc.

Then Lisa echoed the answer.

We in no way were critisizing, pointing fingers, or using any "yardstick" - this poll asks for a PERSONAL answer and we gave it. FOR ME - my SO isn't different than he was when we were apart because we spent lots of time together!

No argument, no debate, just answering a question

So does that mean that those of us that spent lots of time together can' answer this poll?? can't post our voices too??

If someone in this community is belittling or making someone feel small for spending a 'long time' in a relationship before commiting and filing - then shame on them.

If someone in this community is belittling or making someone feel small for having a shorter courship - shame on them as well

I *really* didn't see this. I just answered the question for my personal situation. I guess a simple "no" could have done the same thing, but why not explain??

[Lou Lou 1]

THE PERSON YOU MARRY WILL BE DIFFERENT 20 YEARS FROM NOW THAN THEY ARE TODAY.

And so will you.

I was describing my courtship. No one else's. Whatever anyone else does is their beeswax, not mine.

I'm not dumb. In 20 years time my partner will either be 80 years old or dead. That sure will be different.

[Fandango 1,440]

I am confused.

A question was asked, and I answered it for ME. I said, *I* knew him, spent a lot of time with him, etc etc.

Then Lisa echoed the answer.

We in no way were critisizing, pointing fingers, or using any "yardstick" - this poll asks for a PERSONAL answer and we gave it. FOR ME - my SO isn't different than he was when we were apart because we spent lots of time together!

No argument, no debate, just answering a question

So does that mean that those of us that spent lots of time together can' answer this poll?? can't post our voices too??

If someone in this community is belittling or making someone feel small for spending a 'long time' in a relationship before commiting and filing - then shame on them.

If someone in this community is belittling or making someone feel small for having a shorter courship - shame on them as well

I *really* didn't see this. I just answered the question for my personal situation. I guess a simple "no" could have done the same thing, but why not explain??

No, Caroline...we're not allowed to have an effing opinion.

Becca, you know me better than that.....shame you have no faith in me and are prepared to think the worst and look for the insult in my opinion.

VJ sheesh.

[rebeccajo 14]

So does that mean that those of us that spent lots of time together can' answer this poll?? can't post our voices too??

No Caro, and I'm sorry if that's what you thought I meant.

Lately it just seems like there's some issues or points or disagreements about this issue and I personally don't understand what the problem is with different courtship styles.

I was using my voice as well to express only that.

[Fandango 1,440]

Every couple and every relationship - every marriage is different. They all evolve and grow differently. I'd like to keep learning from different peoples perspectives. They are all valuable to me.

Cept mine and Caroline's perspective, eh? whatever