The (embarrasing) Times of Your Life

[Novembro 1,763]

I have been with my husband for 8 years now and I still refuse to fart in front of him. He, however, has no problem waking me up with his.

One day...when you're ready...get a big one going in bed and let it go, whilst pulling the covers over his head and forcing him to inhale your sweet revenge.

[SAT 9,609]

While visiting my man last feb in the US, I managed to lock myself out of the house at 7am in just a tshirt, thankfully modestly covering me. All the windows were closed and bolted down! I spent 2 hrs unsuccefully trying to break into the house. At 9am I gave up and woke the neighbor who had keys to the house so I can get in!

Laugh away!

OK that's pretty embarrassing....Thanks for sharing lol

Came back for sophmore year at uni. My association (intl student assoc) hosted a "back to school" bbq. I'm there, serving people food and chatting with friends etc. I go to grab a drink and see my friend leaning over one of the coolers. I sneaked over and smacked her butt really hard and said "Hey Tiffany!!!!"...the girl stands up and turns around....not Tiffany. She had the most mollified expression on her face.

I about died.

I also remember the first time I farted in front of the husband. It was a total accident and I should have known it was coming because I always get hangover farts, but I was still red-faced and apologetic.

Silly, because now we have fart wars.

God, we're gross.

OK these are funny lol.......

[Caryh 5,206]

I also remember the first time I farted in front of the husband. It was a total accident and I should have known it was coming because I always get hangover farts, but I was still red-faced and apologetic.

Silly, because now we have fart wars.

God, we're gross.

They have this trick they like to pull where my wife is from, or at least I never ran into in the USA before. They fart in their hand and cup the hand closed, then release it on your nose. I'm just glad my wife has tiny hands.

[SAT 9,609]

They have this trick they like to pull where my wife is from, or at least I never ran into in the USA before. They fart in their hand and cup the hand closed, then release it on your nose. I'm just glad my wife has tiny hands.

I'd have to see that one in action before I can determine the level of funniness...

[Caryh 5,206]

I'd have to see that one in action before I can determine the level of funniness...

Try it out on your wife, I promise its a real gas.

[SAT 9,609]

Try it out on your wife, I promise its a real gas. <---lol

I prefer to have sex with her, and then afterwards, I wait for her to fall asleep. Then I go to the kitchen and get a fork, and stab her in the azz with it..........

(is that normal?)

Edited February 21, 2013 by SteveAndTiff

[Caryh 5,206]

I prefer to have sex with her, and then afterwards, I wait for her to fall asleep. Then I go to the kitchen and get a fork, and stab her in the azz with it..........

(is that normal?)

You started out good then

[Novembro 1,763]

They have this trick they like to pull where my wife is from, or at least I never ran into in the USA before. They fart in their hand and cup the hand closed, then release it on your nose. I'm just glad my wife has tiny hands.

Sexy! I'll have to give it a go.

And speaking of farting (again)...I was at orientation tonight for my new job and I accidentally farted in the middle of a presentation. I am so gassy wth.

[visaqueries 111]

I also remember the first time I farted in front of the husband. It was a total accident and I should have known it was coming because I always get hangover farts, but I was still red-faced and apologetic.

Silly, because now we have fart wars.

God, we're gross.

From Facebook

BARTENDER JOKE

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?' The old man replied, 'its fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, 'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on for the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the hell was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides

Edited February 22, 2013 by visaqueries

[Novembro 1,763]

Let's hope I never poor the bed though.

[rlogan 2,036]

Watched an Atlantic Cable being laid on vacation from school, second grade.

Returned to school, teacher by coincidence lectured on the laying of the first Atlantic Cable, years before. Didn't know about the new one.

Teacher asks us to say what we did on vacation. I stated I saw a new Atlantic Cable being laid.

Class erupts in laughter, including teacher. Ridiculed severely. Why would they need a new cable.

I brought pictures the next day. And news article. Teacher refused to allow me to show them.

[Caryh 5,206]

Watched an Atlantic Cable being laid on vacation from school, second grade.

Returned to school, teacher by coincidence lectured on the laying of the first Atlantic Cable, years before. Didn't know about the new one.

Teacher asks us to say what we did on vacation. I stated I saw a new Atlantic Cable being laid.

Class erupts in laughter, including teacher. Ridiculed severely. Why would they need a new cable.

I brought pictures the next day. And news article. Teacher refused to allow me to show them.

I've ran into teachers like that. They hate to admit when they make a mistake. I was at a teacher parent conference at my daughter's elementary school with the math/science teacher. She had confused the difference between scientific theory and hypothesis. When I mentioned she accidentally said it backwards, she got all upset and started going on and on about how a theory was just someone's guess on how something might work, and a hypothesis was true based on multiple facts. Which was why the theory of evolution was just someone's guess on how man got here. Scared me that the science teacher could be so wrong on such a simple fundamental definition. Later my ex-wife was pissed at me and got into a big lecture, because of course that was a teacher and she had to right. A true FML moment, and a good example of why she became an ex-wife. But I wasn't surprised in the future when my daughter had math questions marked as wrong on quizzes and tests when she actually had the correct answer.

[oohpartiv 484]

Watched an Atlantic Cable being laid on vacation from school, second grade.

Returned to school, teacher by coincidence lectured on the laying of the first Atlantic Cable, years before. Didn't know about the new one.

Teacher asks us to say what we did on vacation. I stated I saw a new Atlantic Cable being laid.

Class erupts in laughter, including teacher. Ridiculed severely. Why would they need a new cable.

I brought pictures the next day. And news article. Teacher refused to allow me to show them.

What a petty, childish teacher! I would've been pissed and probably showed them to everyone at recess anyway.

But I wasn't surprised in the future when my daughter had math questions marked as wrong on quizzes and tests when she actually had the correct answer.

That's kind of scary, actually. I always completely trusted my teachers in elementary and even high school, and never really thought of the possibility that they were teaching me something totally wrong. I guess it's different in elementary school, though, because those teachers don't really have a "specialty" subject per se, they have to teach a little of everything... but it's a pretty simple overview of everything, so I don't know how complicated that could be.

Edited February 22, 2013 by oohpartiv

[moemac59 192]

I also remember the first time I farted in front of the husband. It was a total accident and I should have known it was coming because I always get hangover farts, but I was still red-faced and apologetic.

Silly, because now we have fart wars.

God, we're gross.

The first time I farted with my husband was the first time we got busy. It was mid act and I actually farted on him. He said that he could feel it rumble across his nether regions I was mortified but he could not stop laughing. He said he knew that day that he was going to marry me...sick man

[Novembro 1,763]

The first time I farted with my husband was the first time we got busy. It was mid act and I actually farted on him. He said that he could feel it rumble across his nether regions I was mortified but he could not stop laughing. He said he knew that day that he was going to marry me...sick man

LOVE IT.