devastated

[candy35 4]

he has only been here for two months and he cannot find a job well it takes time .. yes honey move on sorry it didt work out is he here on a k1

[suganspyce42 5]

I am sorry you are dealing with this and I am sure this is truly a nightmare for you. I will not advise you on your relationship because you as an adult will have to make decisions that are best suitable for you and your daughter because no one knows your situation better than you. I hope that you remain safe and as a mother, I am sure you will do whatever you have to do to make sure your daughter is safe.

[jbjbjb 7]

he has only been here for two months and he cannot find a job well it takes time .. yes honey move on sorry it didt work out is he here on a k1

He is here on CR1

[Jamaicancricket 38]

Please if you feel the need to give her emotiomal support please do so, but my advice is only limited to immigraion. I donot/ will not get involve in married folks business. Today it can be one thing tomorrow it can be another.

Please in the fuure don't tell me how I should support someone emotional, I have seen enough of these cases over my life time to know where and how I needs to limited my words. You do what you do best and I will continue to do what I do best.

There are enough people on VJ who can fill up her emotional baskets with their opinion and support.

Its just called being human. The original post was riddled with emotions. Throwing in a "sorry" wouldnt make you too human. I guess a lil compasionate.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Its just called being human. The original post was riddled with emotions. Throwing in a "sorry" wouldnt make you too human. I guess a lil compasionate.

Why should I be saying 'sorry" to the poster. Woulld my saying sorry make her situation any better or worst. I have no personal opinion. Should I apologize becasue I have a Jamaican flag, what?

According to the poster the one who should be apologizing is in NY.

Every story has two sides, and the truth lies in the middle.

[jbjbjb 7]

Life's journey...I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't comment on post anymore. It's a pretty mean thing to insinuate that I am not telling the true story. I don't have one reason not to be honest about this nightmare. I'm seeking help and advice not more problems and headaches and definitely not ilspirited people. What is happening to people? Does everything have to be so difficult?

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

And I am telling JC the same thing, not to ask me to comment on a situation that I know nothing about. Why must I have a personal opinion about your siuation. I commented only on the immigraion advice until JM wanted me to form an opinion.

Your story is your story, I have NO opinion what so ever.

[Boggy1974 124]

Life's journey...I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't comment on post anymore. It's a pretty mean thing to insinuate that I am not telling the true story. I don't have one reason not to be honest about this nightmare. I'm seeking help and advice not more problems and headaches and definitely not ilspirited people. What is happening to people? Does everything have to be so difficult?

irieDJ,

First, I sympathize with your situation and hope you implement all the good advice others have given you such as, changing your locks, taking care of your daughter, and you seeking help with a health professional etc etc. It's also your choice if you want to file for divorce...as others have pointed you to resources in that direction.

However,LJ is correct in saying that there are "three sides to every story". He's not insinuating that you're not telling the truth or presenting half-truths. It's a fair point if he chose not comment or have an opinion on your actual marriage situation. Because let's face it, none of the people in this forum are 'inside' your house to know what actually happened. I find it shocking that your husband been here two months and all this abuse happened. So it calls into question if you really knew him well to have embarked on the marriage & visa journey with him. Very often, when we meet new people, the the emotional euphoria takes reason out of the way... But it's happened and let's all be glad that your husband left the house. Now, he's not your problem anymore. Focus on you and your daughter.

Coming back to the immigration issue, your husband will not lose his temporary CG (CR1) as someone suggested he will earlier. In fact, he can do a ROC when the time comes up by himself. The real question though, is, if he has the capability to have put in place ALL the necessary requirements to get the conditions removed (approve for 10yrs GC). So it's best to focus on yourself and your daughter and not worry about his status and what 'friends' are telling you he's doing or not doing or is planning to do.

Finally, I must say that a lot of folks are quick to jump onto the emotional bangwagon when others report of a failing or failed marriage/relationship. They're quick to castigate, demonize and even stereotype the partner who is perceived as being the 'cause' of the breakup. There is someone here who is very quick to stereotype West African men and errorneously say somehow wife beating is a "cultural thing" and it is the norm in "3rd world countries" etc. I'm a westerner and still find that generalized categorization offensive. Unfortunately, wife-beating & women abuse is an every day common place thing right here in the United States! I have known lots & lots of very decent guys (in the office, my church & neighborhood) in great loving relationship from his/her so called "3rd world" countries who are married with no problems of abuse!

Anyway, I wish you the best and please take seriously the great advice others have given you. Good luck!

Edited February 18, 2013 by Boggy1974

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

irieDJ,

First, I sympathize with your situation and hope you implement all the good advice others have given you such as, changing your locks, taking care of your daughter, and you seeking help with a health professional etc etc. It's also your choice if you want to file for divorce...as others have pointed you to resources in that direction.

However,LJ is correct in saying that there are "three sides to every story". He's not insinuating that you're not telling the truth or presenting half-truths. It's a fair point if he chose not comment or have an opinion on your actual marriage situation. Because let's face it, none of the people in this forum are 'inside' your house to know what actually happened. I find it shocking that your husband been here two months and all this abuse happened. So it calls into question if you really knew him well to have embarked on the marriage & visa journey with him. Very often, when we meet new people, the the emotional euphoria takes reason out of the way... But it's happened and let's all be glad that your husband left the house. Now, he's not your problem anymore. Focus on you and your daughter.

Coming back to the immigration issue, your husband will not lose his temporary CG (CR1) as someone suggested he will earlier. In fact, he can do a ROC when the time comes up by himself. The real question though, is, if he has the capability to have put in place ALL the necessary requirements to get the conditions removed (approve for 10yrs GC). So it's best to focus on yourself and your daughter and not worry about his status and what 'friends' are telling you he's doing or not doing or is planning to do.

Finally, I must say that a lot of folks are quick to jump onto the emotional bangwagon when others report of a failing or failed marriage/relationship. They're quick to castigate, demonize and even stereotype the partner who is perceived as being the 'cause' of the breakup. There is someone here who is very quick to stereotype West African men and errorneously say somehow wife beating is a "cultural thing" and it is the norm in "3rd world countries" etc. I'm a westerner and still find that generalized categorization offensive. Unfortunately, wife-beating & women abuse is an every day common place thing right here in the United States! I have known lots & lots of very decent guys (in the office, my church & neighborhood) in great loving relationship from his/her so called "3rd world" countries who are married with no problems of abuse!

Anyway, I wish you the best and please take seriously the great advice others have given you. Good luck!

I find it not only offensive but irresponsible to an almost criminal level.

I wanted to say something but I will leave it up to VJ owners to decide if this is the sort of untruths that they want to continue to allow to propagate on their servers.

But you are not alone in your thoughts.

[bigdog 376]

File for divorce, move and or change the locks.

[Cathi 5,742]

He is here on CR1

just because he is here on a cr1 doesn't mean he will find a job right away, it just means he can work right away if he finds employment. My husband has been here over 4 months and he just 2 days ago found a part time job, not in his field, and he sends our literally dozens of resumes every day, he has a bachelors with a job experience in his country. The job market is tough to say the least. Your hubby didn't even look for a job on his own you did it for him. If I had to find a job for my husband I wouldn't know how, I don't know the first thing about his field. Don't blame yourself...you husband is just a ****head

[Villanelle 4,122]

Jeez.

I admit, I did not read the last few posts word for word but enough to get the drift of what was going on..

Everyone is free to contribute to a thread what they choose to, whether its immigration based advice, moral support, personal opinions or experiences, or any combination of the above. As long as they follow the code of conduct of the site.

So post what you want to contribute and respect the fact that others are contributing what they choose to.

[Boggy1974 124]

I find it not only offensive but irresponsible to an almost criminal level.

I wanted to say something but I will leave it up to VJ owners to decide if this is the sort of untruths that they want to continue to allow to propagate on their servers.

But you are not alone in your thoughts.

That's right Gowon. It is very irresponsible of this person to make such wanton generalizations. Wondering why no member hasn't asked s/he stop such stereotyping already!

But I don't want to be accused of taking the subject off topic, so leaving the issue alone.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

I find it not only offensive but irresponsible to an almost criminal level.

I wanted to say something but I will leave it up to VJ owners to decide if this is the sort of untruths that they want to continue to allow to propagate on their servers.

But you are not alone in your thoughts.

Oddly enough it is someone with a Nigerian flag under their name that first brought that up.

I think most of us know well enough that abusers come in every color and from every culture.

[Shiobhan 235]

Oddly enough it is someone with a Nigerian flag under their name that first brought that up.

I think most of us know well enough that abusers come in every color and from every culture.

AMEN