devastated

[jbjbjb 7]

From what I've read though I'm still held to my affidavit of support even after divorce? Is this correct even if he has criminal harassment charges and a restraining order against him because of his domestic violence against me?

[jbjbjb 7]

This is a living nightmare.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Look at the big picture the nightmmre is gone. The chance of him using any government benefits is slim to none. So stop worrying about what you can't change and focus on what change you can control and make.

You said he has gone to NY, so he must have friends and family there, he is their problem now.

[Brc 14]

This is a living nightmare.

I have zero advice about immigration issues-I know too little to comment on that.

However, I will advise you to seek the help of a mental health professional immediately, and not for your spouse. Perhaps you already have this for yourself. If not, locate a community mental health center and go now. They will charge on a sliding fee scale based on income and ability to pay, so you need not worry about that. You must have someone who can advise you properly about these issues (not immigration, but family health/safety). You must have a professional to whom you can turn for sound, rational advice. By all means, don't go it alone. And if you feel you or your daughter is in danger, you must report this immediately. A mental health professional can also direct you to a support group. These are usually free. You should avail yourself of both.

[jbjbjb 7]

Thanks to all for the suggestions and resources. I really appreciate the help.

[jbjbjb 7]

This is so surreal at times to think it's been over a year and a half if waiting and paperwork money ...hopefulness and excitement....all for nothing.

[Shiobhan 235]

Please note not all Jamaican or 3rd world men are beating women and acting like Jerks , this is no cultural thing;

he does not appreciate love & decency, U get these kinds everywhere,, its very important ppl get to know a

person before marrying them, because one cannot turn dirty dish towel into fine dining silk table-cloth, kick

that coot to the curb , my husband has 7 brothers and 1 sister, none beat or abuse women, and they make sure it

does not happen to their sister and they are Jamaicans...kick that man to the curb file for a divorce . He has issues

[Jamaicancricket 38]

ROC = Removal Of Conditions.

Filing for a divorce can cost as little as $300 dollars. Move on wih your life if that is what you wish to do.

Hello...while your advice may be correct to some extent, you need to understand that there are still feelings involved and most people cannot just turn them on and off like a switch. While yes, she asked for advice but it truly sounds like she is hurt needs and asked for advice. But maybe a likkle softer touch wouldnt hurt.

IrieDJ...I'm sorry your going through this. There are other people that go through this as well. Take your time, cry, vent and start to regain your thoughts. You'll see the light at the end of the tunnel, but its going to take time. Don't pick up his phone calls. Focus on you at the moment. Soon you'll see yourself much stronger and know what decisions you need to make for yourself. Hang in there!

[Mrs. Childs 11]

He can blame his culture all day and night, but a good man doesn't do those things no matter how he is raised and you can not make a bad person good.

And Im sorry you are going through all this. I hope you find the right answer for you and your daughter!

Edited February 18, 2013 by Mrs. Childs

[Mariana2012 89]

I just found out that he asked a friend if she thinks I will take him back! This is insane...if he is thinking he is the victim here, this makes no sense. Right now my main concerns are my safety and that I don't want to have financial responsibility for him. He ran up over 1000 dollars in phone bills and I have no money for a lawyer. Do I take him off insurance plan? I need some clarity.

You definitely need to file for a divorce. It costs only a couple of hundred dollars . I would not take him off the insurance for now. If I am wrong, someone correct me, but I believe if he gets medical bills while you are married and he doesn't pay them , his spouse becomes responsible for the bills. The cheapes way to get out of this mess is to file for the divorce asap. He will also lose his greencard since he just got the confditional one.

Sorry to hear this happened to you. You are not responsible for what he did to you but you are responsible for how you handle it . Do this for yourself and for your child !

Edited February 18, 2013 by Mariana2012

[jbjbjb 7]

Thanks jamaicancricket

You definitely need to file for a divorce. It costs only a couple of hundred dollars . I would not take him off the insurance for now. If I am wrong, someone correct me, but I believe if he gets medical bills while you are married and he doesn't pay them , his spouse becomes responsible for the bills. The cheapes way to get out of this mess is to file for the divorce asap. He will also lose his greencard since he just got the confditional one.

Sorry to hear this happened to you. You are not responsible for what he did to you but you are responsible for how you handle it . Do this for yourself and for your child !

Thank you very much. I am trying to get strong and act quickly.

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Hello...while your advice may be correct to some extent, you need to understand that there are still feelings involved and most people cannot just turn them on and off like a switch. While yes, she asked for advice but it truly sounds like she is hurt needs and asked for advice. But maybe a likkle softer touch wouldnt hurt.

IrieDJ...I'm sorry your going through this. There are other people that go through this as well. Take your time, cry, vent and start to regain your thoughts. You'll see the light at the end of the tunnel, but its going to take time. Don't pick up his phone calls. Focus on you at the moment. Soon you'll see yourself much stronger and know what decisions you need to make for yourself. Hang in there!

Please if you feel the need to give her emotiomal support please do so, but my advice is only limited to immigraion. I donot/ will not get involve in married folks business. Today it can be one thing tomorrow it can be another.

Please in the fuure don't tell me how I should support someone emotional, I have seen enough of these cases over my life time to know where and how I needs to limited my words. You do what you do best and I will continue to do what I do best.

There are enough people on VJ who can fill up her emotional baskets with their opinion and support.

Edited February 18, 2013 by LIFE'SJOURNEY

[jbjbjb 7]

Sincere thanks. Any suggestions on whrreto get s divorce for a couple hundred $??

[LIFE'SJOURNEY 970]

Sincere thanks. Any suggestions on whrreto get s divorce for a couple hundred $??

Your local court house has a DIY.

[jbjbjb 7]

Your local court house has a DIY.

Got it. Please....let's keep this as positive ad we can. I appreciate all input and think everyone has been very helpful .