The Rant

[Calypso 464]

I've been telling Tiff for 2 and a half weeks to slow down. She's that dense, everything blew up today.

As for HK. It's a day and a half away. But now I'm in no mood to go. I just want to return to my very comfortable abode that I think Tiff really does not appreciate.

Hopefully you find time to actually enjoy HK. When my husband and I visited the PH for the first time since I moved to the US, we initially stayed at my parents' house in Northern Cebu for two nights, at my paternal grandparents' house in Misamis Oriental for two nights, and then at my maternal grandparents' house in Bukidnon for three nights. That meant taking flights, boarding a ship and sleeping on it overnight, and catching buses, and jeeps.

After visiting my families and relatives, my husband and I spent 20+ days in Bohol, Cebu City, and Singapore, staying in four different hotels and resorts. My family in the Philippines felt bad that I only stayed with them briefly after 2.5 years of not seeing them, but I've already decided beforehand that my loyalty lies to my husband. Sometimes Filipino families try to suck our attention a little too much and I never wanted my husband to experience that. If I expose my husband any longer to them, he might develop the feel of avoiding my family later on. I love my family in the PH but I know how and when to draw the line. They are great and loving people; yet, they cannot help but drag their emotional baggage at some point.

My husband I agreed that the next time we visit the Philippines, we will no longer travel to any of my family or relatives' house. We will just stay at a resort and then invite family and friends to visit us. I mean, my husband and I would be traveling about 7,000 miles from LA so it shouldn't be difficult for my family and friends to meet us less than halfway somewhere in the Philippines.

[oohpartiv 484]

Hopefully you find time to actually enjoy HK. When my husband and I visited the PH for the first time since I moved to the US, we initially stayed at my parents' house in Northern Cebu for two nights, at my paternal grandparents' house in Misamis Oriental for two nights, and then at my maternal grandparents' house in Bukidnon for three nights. That meant taking flights, boarding a ship and sleeping on it overnight, and catching buses, and jeeps.

After visiting my families and relatives, my husband and I spent 20+ days in Bohol, Cebu City, and Singapore, staying in four different hotels and resorts. My family in the Philippines felt bad that I only stayed with them briefly after 2.5 years of not seeing them, but I've already decided beforehand that my loyalty lies to my husband. Sometimes Filipino families try to suck our attention a little too much and I never wanted my husband to experience that. If I expose my husband any longer to them, he might develop the feel of avoiding my family later on. I love my family in the PH but I know how and when to draw the line. They are great and loving people; yet, they cannot help but drag their emotional baggage at some point.

My husband I agreed that the next time we visit the Philippines, we will no longer travel to any of my family or relatives' house. We will just stay at a resort and then invite family and friends to visit us. I mean, my husband and I would be traveling about 7,000 miles from LA so it shouldn't be difficult for my family and friends to meet us less than halfway somewhere in the Philippines.

Maybe I'm cruel, but I think that's the way it SHOULD be. Once you get married, your loyalties should change, and your spouse should be your number one priority (or at least until you have children). While I won't mind visiting my in-laws in the future, I have no plans to stay in their houses or send any of them a monthly allowance from the States, and have already discussed with hubby that if any of them expect to be brought over to the States once he has his citizenship, he's going to have to break the news to them that that's not happening. Just because he married a USC in no way guarantees wealth, gifts, or a visa to any of the rest of his family, even though some of them obviously think otherwise.

[MeredythB 38]

Maybe I'm cruel, but I think that's the way it SHOULD be. Once you get married, your loyalties should change, and your spouse should be your number one priority (or at least until you have children). While I won't mind visiting my in-laws in the future, I have no plans to stay in their houses or send any of them a monthly allowance from the States, and have already discussed with hubby that if any of them expect to be brought over to the States once he has his citizenship, he's going to have to break the news to them that that's not happening. Just because he married a USC in no way guarantees wealth, gifts, or a visa to any of the rest of his family, even though some of them obviously think otherwise.

That is EXACTLY the way it should be. Your spouse is the family you CHOSE and you should treat them accordingly. Although The Hubs has never suggested sending his folks a stipend (they're both retired with decent incomes), his younger sis has hinted on several occasions that she'd like to come and live in the States. I've informed her that I'm not able to sponsor her and that her brother would have to live in the US for 3 years before he can apply for his citizenship. When that time comes, she'll probably not be best pleased that we are NOT sponsoring her for a visa. But hey, apply for the diversity visa lottery or find a job with a US firm. My husband and my daughter are my first priority, and everyone else is going to have to take a number. If I thought for a minute that his priorities weren't the same, we'd have some major issues.

[Calypso 464]

Maybe I'm cruel, but I think that's the way it SHOULD be. Once you get married, your loyalties should change, and your spouse should be your number one priority (or at least until you have children). While I won't mind visiting my in-laws in the future, I have no plans to stay in their houses or send any of them a monthly allowance from the States, and have already discussed with hubby that if any of them expect to be brought over to the States once he has his citizenship, he's going to have to break the news to them that that's not happening. Just because he married a USC in no way guarantees wealth, gifts, or a visa to any of the rest of his family, even though some of them obviously think otherwise.

That is EXACTLY the way it should be. Your spouse is the family you CHOSE and you should treat them accordingly. Although The Hubs has never suggested sending his folks a stipend (they're both retired with decent incomes), his younger sis has hinted on several occasions that she'd like to come and live in the States. I've informed her that I'm not able to sponsor her and that her brother would have to live in the US for 3 years before he can apply for his citizenship. When that time comes, she'll probably not be best pleased that we are NOT sponsoring her for a visa. But hey, apply for the diversity visa lottery or find a job with a US firm. My husband and my daughter are my first priority, and everyone else is going to have to take a number. If I thought for a minute that his priorities weren't the same, we'd have some major issues.

I totally agree. I keep thinking that every dollar I give to my family in the PH to "support" them is a dollar I would lose for my child's needs and our household's. My husband and I don't have kids yet but I know we will. My parents were never good at budgeting. I developed a resistance to that experience and learned to keep a detailed spreadsheet to manage what my husband and I have.

My other family members in the PH do not demand anything at all but my mother and father would say things like, "I wonder how it's like to have a tablet," or "My friend's daughter who has a South Korean husband sends 20K pesos to their family every month." I would always change the topic. I don't understand why they feel some sort of entitlement to what I'm enjoying.

Edited April 1, 2013 by Calypso

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

That is EXACTLY the way it should be. Your spouse is the family you CHOSE and you should treat them accordingly. Although The Hubs has never suggested sending his folks a stipend (they're both retired with decent incomes), his younger sis has hinted on several occasions that she'd like to come and live in the States. I've informed her that I'm not able to sponsor her and that her brother would have to live in the US for 3 years before he can apply for his citizenship. When that time comes, she'll probably not be best pleased that we are NOT sponsoring her for a visa. But hey, apply for the diversity visa lottery or find a job with a US firm. My husband and my daughter are my first priority, and everyone else is going to have to take a number. If I thought for a minute that his priorities weren't the same, we'd have some major issues.

That is what my father told his sister, so she just married an American instead.

Honestly, my parents did send money back to England for years and still do. I don't really get it, because my aunt chose to work part time and live in council housing. A house like that in a nice neighbourhood would not have been cheap to actually buy.

The situation reversed a little with the birth of my daughter and me needing help and them being more fortunate in America. Guess what? They didn't send clothes or money like we had done until her daughter was a teen. They didn't even send a card. :angry: To be honest, I wouldn't send anything to anyone's family. A lot of family members are leaches, just out for a free ride.

[MeredythB 38]

That is what my father told his sister, so she just married an American instead.

Honestly, my parents did send money back to England for years and still do. I don't really get it, because my aunt chose to work part time and live in council housing. A house like that in a nice neighbourhood would not have been cheap to actually buy.

The situation reversed a little with the birth of my daughter and me needing help and them being more fortunate in America. Guess what? They didn't send clothes or money like we had done until her daughter was a teen. They didn't even send a card. :angry: To be honest, I wouldn't send anything to anyone's family. A lot of family members are leaches, just out for a free ride.

Hey, this could always be an option for the SIL.

[oohpartiv 484]

Hey, this could always be an option for the SIL.

My BILs constantly ask me to set them up with my sisters or friends. Also not happening. As if mooching off of a relationship just to get a visa isn't bad enough, they can't even be bothered to FIND the girl themselves? Please.

[oohpartiv 484]

My other family members in the PH do not demand anything at all but my mother and father would say things like, "I wonder how it's like to have a tablet," or "My friend's daughter who has a South Korean husband sends 20K pesos to their family every month." I would always change the topic. I don't understand why they feel some sort of entitlement to what I'm enjoying.

AGH, I hear those kinds of subtle hints all the time! It's so obnoxious. If they want something, I wish they'd just outright ask me so I could just tell them NO and get it over with.

[MeredythB 38]

My BILs constantly ask me to set them up with my sisters or friends. Also not happening. As if mooching off of a relationship just to get a visa isn't bad enough, they can't even be bothered to FIND the girl themselves? Please.

I haven't been directly asked to set her up with someone, but she's "jokingly" asked me if I have any single male friends. What, and they're supposed to fly to Belgium to hook up?

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

My BILs constantly ask me to set them up with my sisters or friends. Also not happening. As if mooching off of a relationship just to get a visa isn't bad enough, they can't even be bothered to FIND the girl themselves? Please.

My MIL told me in no uncertain terms that I was not to set her daughter up with an American man, as if one would touch her with a ten foot pole.

I haven't been directly asked to set her up with someone, but she's "jokingly" asked me if I have any single male friends. What, and they're supposed to fly to Belgium to hook up?

My husband's friends ask to be set up with American girls, but not because they want to move to America, but rather they want someone to clean up after them, cook, and change most of the diapers. I think my husband has been giving them a very one sided view of American women.

[MeredythB 38]

My MIL told me in no uncertain terms that I was not to set her daughter up with an American man, as if one would touch her with a ten foot pole.

My husband's friends ask to be set up with American girls, but not because they want to move to America, but rather they want someone to clean up after them, cook, and change most of the diapers. I think my husband has been giving them a very one sided view of American women.

Sadly, this would also probably be the impression that most of my husband's friends would think of American women. Case in point: it is a bank holiday today and my in-laws have the Nugget, since The Hubs is having a small procedure tomorrow (he's having a lipoma removed from his left bicep). It's 9 pm and I've just finished hoovering the sitting room and whisk-brooming the stairs. He's sitting on the sofa, surfing the web while watching Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives on the Food Network. What has HAPPENED to me?!

[Caryh 5,206]

I totally agree. I keep thinking that every dollar I give to my family in the PH to "support" them is a dollar I would lose for my child's needs and our household's. My husband and I don't have kids yet but I know we will. My parents were never good at budgeting. I developed a resistance to that experience and learned to keep a detailed spreadsheet to manage what my husband and I have.

My other family members in the PH do not demand anything at all but my mother and father would say things like, "I wonder how it's like to have a tablet," or "My friend's daughter who has a South Korean husband sends 20K pesos to their family every month." I would always change the topic. I don't understand why they feel some sort of entitlement to what I'm enjoying.

My six year old niece in the Philippines hints at having a tablet. My wife's family is rather shocked and embarrassed when ever we've stepped in to offer assistance. Its not asked for or expected, they know we have our own priorities. But we do keep tabs on the situation there, and step up to assist in emergencies. Currently we're building up a little fund of money there to bail out Momma when she runs out of money, and her sari sari is out of stock. She's somewhere around 80 years of age, but no one is really sure because all her documents have different birth years and she never gives out the same age twice in a row. But she's very proud to do as much as she can to still support herself and the two special needs kids she adopted. We bought her teeth about a year ago after she had them all pulled because they were causing her so much pain. That's the biggest thing we've ever done.

[Calypso 464]

My husband's friends ask to be set up with American girls, but not because they want to move to America, but rather they want someone to clean up after them, cook, and change most of the diapers. I think my husband has been giving them a very one sided view of American women.

Well, why don't you introduce your Dane's friends to American women so they can see for themselves the other side?

[Darnell 8,478]

My BILs constantly ask me to set them up with my sisters or friends. Also not happening. As if mooching off of a relationship just to get a visa isn't bad enough, they can't even be bothered to FIND the girl themselves? Please.

My rant for the artnoon.

I hate, absolutely loathe, American Women , who ,

when asked for help to find life partners for their mooching foreign BILs,

refuse to set them up with Nigerian Princesses...

OK LA, end o rant. Carry On !!!

----

Nota.Bene.: I have this issue with my wife, I've written about it here.. Double points for finding it, tis a gem !

[Caryh 5,206]

My rant for the artnoon.

I hate, absolutely loathe, American Women , who ,

when asked for help to find life partners for their mooching foreign BILs,

refuse to set them up with Nigerian Princesses...

OK LA, end o rant. Carry On !!!

----

Nota.Bene.: I have this issue with my wife, I've written about it here.. Double points for finding it, tis a gem !

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: