The Rant

[TBoneTX 45,330]

I had a long long talk with Tiff. We've stopped yelling. She was in tears. I even brought up what everyone says on VJ. And she's not going to give her sis the $$. We straightened out some things. But still a lot to be resolved. Mainly she does not admit that she's wrong.

Good for you, Steve-man. With time, perhaps things will return more to normal.

I have not decided whether if I'm going to let her take our daughter out of the country.

NOT smart, at this time, no man.

Her sis in the basement? I told her to get the ef out of my house. And take her stupid husband with her. They didn't dare venture above the basement level tonight.

Bravo, si man!

Note: I told Mrs. T-B.-to-be, rather early, that if she wanted to act like many Filipinas and try to send an offensive amount of money to her people, whether on a one-time basis or regularly, her shapely hindquarters would be on a one-way flight straight back to Ecu, si man. None of our several subsequent donations has violated my sensibilities, no man.

-------

Rant #1: Why can it be so difficult to change the time on an automobile clock? The T-B.-mobile has little buttons for "hr" and "min," which, when pushed, promptly evoke the proper time, si man. The much-newer Mrs.-T-B.-mobile requires at least an M.S. in Automotive Engineering plus intuitive knowledge beyond the vehicle's instruction manual, sigh man.

Rant #2: Why is the most universally needed-yet-most utterly useless advice "EITHER walk OR text," huh man?

Rant #3: I keep forgetting to post a sticky-note on my computer to remind me of what page I last looked at in this highly active thread, sigh man. That's the challenge of checking in on VJ just once a day, see man.

Sad Self-Rant: Saturday was the 10-month anniversary of having to euthanize my little cat. We were together for 10 yr 2 mo 3 wk, and I wanted another 10 years with her, but there was no option. It should not be this difficult to dispense with the grief, no man. The new cat is a plump, purring, affectionate sweetheart, but I was still ripped up beyond expectation on the anniversary day, sigh man.

Edited March 10, 2013 by TBoneTX

[CHarvey80 72]

Well at least the yelling has stopped. I'm not sure Tiff is wrong from a Thai point of view. From a western point of view, I'd say she is. From a Filipino point of view, she would not be. That is why I say I'm not sure she's wrong from a Thai point of view. Let me throw out another point of view, now I don't know all the particulars in your case, but see it this might relate. Her sister is marrying into a moneyed family. The The father of this moneyed family give 50K so his son and daughter in law can live and look to be prosperous. This is kind of a requirement in some societies, if you're going to be prosperous. If you don't look like you are, no one is going to take you serious and you're probably not going to get there.

Now her family, doesn't have a lot. No way mom and pop can pitch in this nice gift to match what the father in-law has done to set up the newlywed couple. They can't even come close. So the family comes off looking like the poor family link. Must of married her for her looks, because she certainly didn't bring anything into the marriage. In looks Tiff, our family is coming off looking pretty bad in this. Look my husband pays all the bills. I've been allowed to do what I want with any money I have and I'm sit on a stack. I can save the family this embarrassment, save the family face in this situation. After all, we're doing pretty darn good. Live in a nice place, have nice things, and we've saved pretty good. Suddenly the money she thought was her's to chose to do with as she wanted, has conditions on it. Suddenly its not her's so much any more, unless she's spending it in a way you approve.

Now it would chap my butt to high heaven to have my wife hand over that kind of money. In the west you might do that for your kid, but a sibling? Why its pretty much unheard of. There are things I do because my wife's culture is a bit different than ours. None have even been close to what you're facing, but I've learned my mind has to be open to viewing events through different eyes and coming up with solutions that work for us, not just her or me.

I hope I'm making sense here, I just want you an Tiff to find your way through this.

Understanding your non-USC spouses culture is important and needs to be considered. But your non-USC spouse also needs to realize that they didn't marry a Filipino or Thai, compromise and understanding needs to be reached on both side of the fence.

Personally my response to that would be, "How is it my problem she married that guy?"

But then again that's why it was probably a good thing I didn't marry into one of those cultures.

[JTB11 1,079]

Rant: Folks who type in ALL CAPS!!! Or even worse, when they start out in lower case and theN SUDDENLY SWITCH TO CAPS!!! Why???

I think it might be cultural thing too....try going thru a resume that has 15 pages (no joke) and is all in caps....x10 (all from the same continent) ....seriously did not feel like going thru them. lol

Sad Self-Rant: Saturday was the 10-month anniversary of having to euthanize my little cat. We were together for 10 yr 2 mo 3 wk, and I wanted another 10 years with her, but there was no option. It should not be this difficult to dispense with the grief, no man. The new cat is a plump, purring, affectionate sweetheart, but I was still ripped up beyond expectation on the anniversary day, sigh man.

Oh man ! Sorry. I have a cat/animal thing.

rant: Why is my fiance allergic to cats !! aahh, I shall volunteer at animal shelter and wear disposable clothes while doing it /sigh

[SAT 9,609]

Wow, lots of concern on my behalf, thanks lol...

Cary, Tiff is Chinese-Malaysian. I'm US born 3/4 Chinese. So I have some understanding of the culture. The Malaysian Chinese is tighter as a family than the mainlanders.

Back story....I met Tiff in a coffee shop in Lower Manhattan in the Spring of 2001. She was young 18, I just turned 33 (the age gap). I had recently finished graduate school, and I already had a nice career going for a while. She was visiting her aunt's family here, along with her older sister. I helped her find Mott Street in Chinatown because I was headed that way. I gave her my number and she called the next day. We dated. She had a 1 year stay on her B1/2 visa. Then 9-11 happened. I was heavily involved in the events of 9-11 (It completely changed my life), and I didn't get to see her much. She started working and started to send money home while living with her aunt, waiting for me. Over the last 12 years, she lost track of the money.

Years of on and off dating goes by, I finally marry her. Then she was pregnant. So she held off going home to visit. Now, baby is 3, her sis is getting married. A time to visit. Tiff's father informs her that he has in his account approx 45000RM (15000US) of her money. That's where the problems began.

In a casual conversation on the phone, Tiff tells her sister that she has this money. Jokingly her sis says "why don't you lend me the money to renovate my house". Without regard for anything else, my wife responds "OK, if you need it" A couple of days later, of course the sister "needs" it. That's when I went nuts.........all I see on FB is husband and wife on all kinds of trips, nice stuff, nice cars, nice 4 BR house etc.....

Tiff keeps thinking it is about the money. But you guys can see the point much better as outsiders looking in.

In the last 12 years. I have met all of the family except the 3 out of 5 siblings. This sis in question, I never met.

btw Tiff's older sis, travels back and forth every few months hoping to do the same as Tiff. But ends up meeting a knucklehead here from Malaysia (Illegal), and has an anchor baby in 2007. The kid is the one we're supposed to bring back.

Now you guys know where the money came from. And how we came to this point....Now with less than 48 hours before the flight, the only thing that's settled is that the sis will get no part of this money. Tiff still doesn't understand that she and her sis are wrong. I'm willing to lose all the airfare, all the hotel fees. Just to prove a point.

Now the whole family in Malaysia probably has it out for me. But I don't give a #######. I'm the bridge to the USA, they better start kissing my F*ing azz.....

Edited March 10, 2013 by SteveAndTiff

[sara..... 371]

rant ok i can handle that ..............Doctors offices............leave late because we had to wait for the car to get back that my brother took with out permission thats a different ran lol......... hurry to get there dont want to be told oh your late no appointment for you only to arrive and then wait 20 minutes to get into my appointment i arrived two minutes early for...........have the nurse hurry thru the bp and all the other goodies being told oh we are running late today........im thinking today really.....seems every time i come in this place its the same.......im thinking of sending them a bill for my time.

sara

[Asia 2,498]

Rant #3: I keep forgetting to post a sticky-note on my computer to remind me of what page I last looked at in this highly active thread, sigh man. That's the challenge of checking in on VJ just once a day, see man.

I always use "view new content" so read the forums, and when I click on the thread I've visited before, I'm brought to the first unread post. Maybe that could be useful to you too.

My rant... sorry, I don't have one.

[SAT 9,609]

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same thing, si man.

Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock, si man.

Why do most husbands die first? They WANT to, si man.

You're right about that #######...

[SAT 9,609]

Good for you, Steve-man. With time, perhaps things will return more to normal.NOT smart, at this time, no man.Bravo, si man!

Note: I told Mrs. T-B.-to-be, rather early, that if she wanted to act like many Filipinas and try to send an offensive amount of money to her people, whether on a one-time basis or regularly, her shapely hindquarters would be on a one-way flight straight back to Ecu, si man. None of our several subsequent donations has violated my sensibilities, no man.

-------

I hope things return to normal. This is the worst fight we've ever had. But there's little time left to heal wounds before the flight. So I'm almost certain that the trip is cancelled for at least me and daughter.

and sorry about your cat #######

The dog in my profile was put down august 2010. I know the feeling.

[SAT 9,609]

Understanding your non-USC spouses culture is important and needs to be considered. But your non-USC spouse also needs to realize that they didn't marry a Filipino or Thai, compromise and understanding needs to be reached on both side of the fence.

Personally my response to that would be, "How is it my problem she married that guy?"

But then again that's why it was probably a good thing I didn't marry into one of those cultures.

Well, you guys keep thinking she's Thai lol. Malaysia is a little less impoverished than the other 2. That's why the groom's father was able to shell out the 50k (USD) downpayment.

But still, how is it my wife's responsibility to renovate that house? Especially when the culture "Marries out" their women.....They leave the door, the woman's side of the family is free of responsibilities.

Welcome new ranters. I'm not the best qualified greeter right now, because of my foul mood. But stick around, plenty of ranting here......

[SAT 9,609]

Oh well that's a big boat.

it's Canada.. EVERYTHING costs more. LOL!

Yea, it used to be nice when I visited in the 90s, early 00s. The exchange rate worked to our favor. Not anymore.....

I have a chilhood friend in the GTA, we visit each other about yearly.

[The Mean Lady 604]

Rant #1: Why can it be so difficult to change the time on an automobile clock? The T-B.-mobile has little buttons for "hr" and "min," which, when pushed, promptly evoke the proper time, si man. The much-newer Mrs.-T-B.-mobile requires at least an M.S. in Automotive Engineering plus intuitive knowledge beyond the vehicle's instruction manual, sigh man.

My car has an actual clock with hands in it.

You have to hold the button below it and watch it spin in circles and circles.

Not so bad for spring forward, sucks for fall back.

I just don`t change it.

I am in eastern now, but from central.

Based on what seas we`re in, I just say I`m either in eastern or central time at the moment.

Also, my rant is THAT MY KEYBOARD JUST DECIDED ITS FRENCH AGAIN

As you can see by my apostrophes above which are accents.

And when I try to create img tags: îmg¸

[ img ]

fixed

Yea, it used to be nice when I visited in the 90s, early 00s. The exchange rate worked to our favor. Not anymore.....

I have a chilhood friend in the GTA, we visit each other about yearly.

Yeah that's when we came up all of the time.

I remember having like 80 dollars in spending money and when I exchanged it was over 100.

I exchange REGULARLY obviously now and I almost always lose money.

Rent is 700CAD and it usually comes to 720USD

HOWEVER. This month.

For SOME REASON.

The exchange rate has been almost even.

MAKES ME SO HAPPY!

Of course, this is a crappy exchange rate because my bank takes a cut.

The exchange rate (when I lose about 20-30 dollars) is usually even nationally.

[The Mean Lady 604]

rant ok i can handle that ..............Doctors offices............leave late because we had to wait for the car to get back that my brother took with out permission thats a different ran lol......... hurry to get there dont want to be told oh your late no appointment for you only to arrive and then wait 20 minutes to get into my appointment i arrived two minutes early for...........have the nurse hurry thru the bp and all the other goodies being told oh we are running late today........im thinking today really.....seems every time i come in this place its the same.......im thinking of sending them a bill for my time.

sara

We regularly call ahead because my doctor is usually over an hour behind.

Then I show up and hour late, and wait AT LEAST another 30 to 45.

It's gotten better.

I remember, as a child, waiting for FOUR HOURS at his old office.

[The Mean Lady 604]

I hope things return to normal. This is the worst fight we've ever had. But there's little time left to heal wounds before the flight. So I'm almost certain that the trip is cancelled for at least me and daughter.

and sorry about your cat #######

The dog in my profile was put down august 2010. I know the feeling.

Worst fight we ever had was back in like sept when I was fed up with the fact my husband lied to me about agreeing to live in the states.

It was clear he had no intentions.

I was SO angry with him.

I popped like a bazillion blood vessels in my face from crying (usually because I hold my breath).

A few hours later he agreed to move and we made up.

It was beautiful.

I tried to find a picture of what my face would look like, but it seems I don't look like everyone else does when they pop.

I basically get purple freckles ALL OVER my face.

Especially under my eyes.

Lol its $102 for 1 year up here for my car. Goodness! Its due in April. I'm 100% sure I won't be moving by then. I just hope to be moving before car insurance is due in June.

Did you get the Yukon to haul the boat?

Ours is also close to this cost for just 1 year and my car is up in June.

I kind of hope to sell it by then...

Rant: Folks who type in ALL CAPS!!! Or even worse, when they start out in lower case and theN SUDDENLY SWITCH TO CAPS!!! Why???

Yes, This!

I can't read things like that at all.

And I literally read them like yelling.

[JstaRebel 48]

I'm afraid this is going to happen when I go home. As of right now, nobody has asked for anything outright (though my BIL has made hints about "liking" things, and maybe "helping him get them" once we get over there, which won't be happening. ), but I can only imagine the amount of excuses that will come up once we're both living and working in the States. Both my husband and I have our own checking accounts, but we have a shared savings account where we put a certain percentage of our checks every month as a back up fund, and it's worked so well down here that we plan on continuing the same system when we move home. The thing is, my husband is obviously very close with his family (as per the latino usual) and doesn't think twice when talking to them, so I can just see him letting slip that we have some savings and then can imagine the wolves circling in for the kill. It's going to be an uphill battle, at least at first, I'm sure.

Ooh I hope that it all works out for you. I know that when we go to Puerto Plata to visit, I really dislike being in the barrio for any extended period of time. The people there are all very nice, and they are all Gabriela's friends, and family, but me? I'm santa claus and nothing more than "Rico Gringo de Gabriela". I just try and spend as little time there as possible because I'm asked for money so much. I don't even feel bad saying NO anymore.

[SAT 9,609]

Ooh I hope that it all works out for you. I know that when we go to Puerto Plata to visit, I really dislike being in the barrio for any extended period of time. The people there are all very nice, and they are all Gabriela's friends, and family, but me? I'm santa claus and nothing more than "Rico Gringo de Gabriela". I just try and spend as little time there as possible because I'm asked for money so much. I don't even feel bad saying NO anymore.

If you've been following the thread from the early pages. I have a friend "Machine gun Mary". Her grand mom is from La Vega, DR. So she bought her a pool and shipped it. Then she had to hire the locals to truck in the water lol (There wasn't enough water to fill it from the well). She must have been Mrs. Claus...

(no not Las Vegas you knuckleheads....La Vega, is a place in the DR.....)