Any Tips for us on the k-1 waiting process?

[Lemon75 7]

Hello,

My name is Layla, and I am new to the forum. My fiance and I applied for our k-1 visa in January of 2013 (this year) at the California Service Center (CSC). I have received my NOA1 and am waiting for my NOA2. I noticed there seems to be a backlog at the CSC, so I am starting to realize that my fiance and I may be in for quite a long wait. I know that some people get approved faster than processing times, but also see many others that are still waiting on their approvals.

My main concern with us having to wait 7 months or more is our relationships health. I try my best to keep our relationship fun and alive, but being separated physically can sometimes make stressful days feel even more depressing. I want our relationship to remain fun, happy, and exciting. We don't talk on the phone, since neither of us are phone types (however, we do instant message and use web cam).

I was wondering if any of you had fun tips/ideas to keep the relationship alive while apart (ex: games you play together, long distance traditions you have). I also was wondering what your social lives are like now that you "engaged" though apart? (I don't have many friends, but assume I need to make some and start going places).

In addition, any tips on managing stress of daily life without feeling "alone" (being that your partner is so far away)

Thanks,

Layla

Edited February 17, 2013 by Lemon75

[Alfia & John 10]

Layla, I would say the primary item is to start planning your life in America. Not your time together, that pretty much takes care of itself but what yo will do with your life in America. Do you have hobbies, like to walk, activities you enjoy, etc. Start talking about where he lives, what there is to do in the area, etc. You will not have a car or a job at first. This will be the most stressful time, read some of the other posts in your forum about UK's that have moved to America. You are lucky, you will not have a language barrier like many from other countries.

Don't focus on being alone, I know that can be hard because this process is long and we are alone. It is important to find activities to be involved in, things to occupy your mind. Not only in UK but for your health in America. When he is at work all day, you will be going nuts in America also. This should be part of your conversations now, learning about his city, activities, etc.

[Lemon75 7]

Layla, I would say the primary item is to start planning your life in America. Not your time together, that pretty much takes care of itself but what yo will do with your life in America. Do you have hobbies, like to walk, activities you enjoy, etc. Start talking about where he lives, what there is to do in the area, etc. You will not have a car or a job at first. This will be the most stressful time, read some of the other posts in your forum about UK's that have moved to America. You are lucky, you will not have a language barrier like many from other countries.

Don't focus on being alone, I know that can be hard because this process is long and we are alone. It is important to find activities to be involved in, things to occupy your mind. Not only in UK but for your health in America. When he is at work all day, you will be going nuts in America also. This should be part of your conversations now, learning about his city, activities, etc.

Thank you so much for the advice! I may have incorrectly worded my post, I am American (my fiance is in the UK). I will pass these tips on to him! I have never considered them before, but they are wonderful. -Layla

Edited February 17, 2013 by Lemon75

[bigdog 376]

Take a trip to the local library, my wife took up gardening and harassing me. Don't forget to keep in touch at home via Skype or similar method. Many of us did K-1 you will be OK, basic hurry up and wait.

[Penguin_ie 5,996]

*** Moving from K1 Visa Process to Off Topic as not immigration process related ****

Here is some stuff we did:

- Be open and honest with eachother. This includes ALWAYS being open about "silly" feelings of jealousy, and being open about what you do- if you go to diner with a male co-worker, tell your fiance. You have nothing to hide.

- Have "dinner together" on either side of the web cam.

- Talk lots and lots about your past (college, friends, exes etc). That will help not only with the visa interview but also with getting closer to eachother.

- Surprise eachother with little poems, hand written letters, pics of his favourite animal posted on his FB wall...

- We used to do "strange Saturdays" where we'd tell the other something stronge/ odd/ unusual about ourselves.

- We also did "Me Mondays", where we'd do something the way the other did it. For example, I am a big tea drinker, so I explained to my husband how to make a good cuppa, and he'd have tea that day instead of his usual coke. Or if you usually sleep with the windows open and he with them closed, "switch".

[EminTX 131]

Make a compilation of EVERY possible interview question and start asking each other to prepare for the future. It really helps to get to know some of the smaller details as well as some of the bigger ones if you have actually stated them out loud. Different POV's can make your answers different, so this helps you to get your facts straight. Prepping for the interview will give a great deal of confidence when the time comes.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

I actually enjoyed our time on Skype because we really got to know each other and spend a lot more time talking than I would if we had lived in the same city. We talked about everything and we tried to know everything about each other. I'd cook dinner with him on Skype before he went to bed and involved him in my family's life. We also had 3 way calling with his family. I tried to bring him along with my day, Skyping when I was studying in the library or at Starbucks or Skyping while walking to the mailbox and saying hi to neighbors.

I'd send him little care packages with things he needed (seriously, new boxers) and quirky books about America ("Wicked Good Words" for one). Then before I moved to Denmark...I sent him a picture list of things to buy from Ikea. (We changed our minds right after filing the I-129F, moved to Denmark, and then changed our minds again and are waiting to come back). At a certain point, you'll switch more towards planning and then it will feel less far away.

We'd send pictures throughout the day of what we were doing or jokes. I had a horrible habit of sending him pictures every time I went to Starbucks because he loved it so much and they don't have it in Denmark. You'll find quirky little things that keep things light and amusing.

[CaroSL 68]

I actually enjoyed our time on Skype because we really got to know each other and spend a lot more time talking than I would if we had lived in the same city. We talked about everything and we tried to know everything about each other.

I totally agree with this.

I definitly think those months of waiting are not lost at all, and that we developped an habit of communicating much more than if we had lived together. I got used to tell him everything because I knew if I didn't share, or if I let things that bugged me hidden, it would drew us appart... as in a long distance relationship, the only thing that is left really is communication...

The trickiest thing for me was (and still is sometimes) to get him to talk cause he is not much of a talker... but I think we both learnt to pay a lot of attention to the other during this time appart and share everything. Probably because we knew it was going to be difficult and tricky... I think this is a really good start to develop a great communication in a couple before getting married. So, even though it is no fun to be separated, it can still have positive side effects on your relationship.

We managed to talk almost everyday, even if it was just for a few minutes some days. But we had 3 rules (never stated, always respected):

the day we can't talk, no big deal, we both kept our life and seing people for real, our friends and family, going out and trying to enjoy life was more important than spending an hour locked up in a room in front of skype.

If it was really important for one of us to talk for some reason though, then of course our couple came first. I remember feeling really down once, my fiancé was out, but after a couple of texts, he told me to just call him. That he let everything and everyone just where they were, to talk to me a try to cheer me up meant the world to me.

Even when we didn't talk everyday (first year of our relationship we've been separated too, and didn't talk as often) we made sure to be able to spend quality time on skype at leat once or twice a week. It meant having plenty of time, no deadline like 'I am sorry, I have just 20 minutes"

[Novembro 1,763]

I drank a lot. And worked. I worked way too much. And played computer games. So healthy.

[X Factor 1,112]

Keep busy and talk as much as possible on Skype, YM etc. Keep a record of all chats

[Flaxen 2]

Day 193 for us... on special dates we have dinner together.. cooking the same meal (or very similar) and share as though we were int eh same location. We've also watched the same movie hitting 'play' at the same time and watching while on skype... NZ electricity is faster than US.. my movie aways finishes first by around 2minutes!!! We talk every evening.. and have an email exchange every morning....

I am so hopeful we will get a notification before day 200 ... but.. am in till the end no matter how long it takes. Hang in there...

[Lemon75 7]

Wow, I am blown away by all of the amazing tips here! Thank you all so much we are going to try them out today, since we both have the day off.

Layla

[kdude1 3]

Try playing online games together, so it's kind of like you are "hanging out" without actually hanging out. there are many games like second life and others where you can walk around in a virtual world completing tasks.. Might be a good way to kill time.