Are these feelings normal?

[lynndy38 64]

You, my Lady, are a true Mother.

Thank you.

I second that!

Thankyou,you guys just made me cry......in a good way

My needs don't come into it where Lewis is concerned,its what HE wants.But it is hard as society as a rule expects the children to be with their mum so Ive come across alot of people that think I'm terrible. He's used to me being in the USA now for months at a time, although it will now be longer than 3 so we'll see how he copes. Eric has said if Lew wishes to join me in NC he just needs to say and Lew knows that.Luckily Lewis has my mum and dad who adore him so if he needs a break from his dad and step family he just goes there.

Everyone has given such fabulous advice thankyou so much,its good to know I'm not feeling any different to the folk that have already moved over. Its daft things like how does the postal service work? Will I be able to find decent tea bags also neighbours seem soooo far away where we are. Presently I live in a communal building in the middle of a town centre!!!! Now theres going to be nobody about........and brown recluse spiders......I worry about those little critters

I think Im snowballing all of my fears at the moment,Holly is spot on.....to go from knowing how everything works to feeling like the new kid and having to depend on your husband/partner for everything for a while will be hard.

Thankgod for Skype and the internet.....last night Eric found an awesome website that shipped UK foods,it even had British bacon!!!!

I don't drive either so it looks like thats something I'll have to learn,

[bigdog 376]

My wife keeps in touch regularly on Skype and her (our) family is cool, I miss them also.

Edited February 17, 2013 by bigdog

[LSnBigBear 61]

I moved to the Philippines on two occasions for work.. It is hard saying goodbye I know all too well. I hate it. I used a little trick that my family got to know quite well. I would get around to everyone the day before I was leaving or at the going away get together. I would then tell them we can get together for bfast the next AM before my flight knowing all too well I was not going to make it lol. It is a dumb trick that helped give me a not so difficult "send off". If someone was taking to the airport then tears flew and I am a large man. It is okay. At then end just tell them "see you later" as it does not sound as closed as "goodbye" And you will see them later. I left two sons once or twice a year that were later teens and yes it is difficult but you will be fine. Congratulations on your future and focus on the travel after you say "see you later"

Edited February 17, 2013 by LSnBigBear

[zaynab 4]

you'll be ok

[Lou29 5]

Yes!!! These feeling are VERY normal. I had them too...The way you will cope is Skyping your friends and loved ones, getting a telephone service like 'Vontage' that has a package, reasonably priced, that allows you free international calls home, getting involved in volunteering until you obtain your greencard, getting to know your new neighbour by walking (if there are pavements) or using the local bus service (if you have one)....

Don't be scared. Plan ahead. A few other things to remember:

1. Obtain a written recommendation from your present employer - if you can get one from a previous employer do that too.

2. If you are a professional or a career girl, check if you need to 'upgrade' your qualifications to obtain a license to operate in your chosen field (ie hair dress, teacher etc)

For example, my sister, who is a nurse, had to sit a further exam to obtain a license to work here.

3. If you are Christan or of some other religous belief, join a church. You will begin to build a sense of community.

4. If there are any classes or clubs nearby that interest you join them.

When you board the plane, you may feel tearful but remember your husband and your new life awaits you.

If you wish, you can send me a message so we can 'talk'. I'm located in California. Been here for over 4 years now.

Good luck and don't worry. You will be home sick for a while but gradually it gets better.

Redflame x

Great advice Redflame. Thanks so much for sharing

[Holly2234 66]

Im also having to learn to drive and its not as difficult as i imagined if you have a good teacher. The person who is teaching me is the wife of a man i met at work and she is great. She guides me through literally everything and i actually succeed with her. But i drove with my mother in law today and it was horrendous! She doesnt speak, she just clings to the door and goes to grab the wheel then stops herself when she realises we are actually fine! Im still in knots over it now 9 hours later! I now know why my husband only ever got to the first stages of learning to drive... She tried to teach him too!

So when you do it, make sure you learn with somebody who makes you comfortable and if that is not your husband, dont hesitate to look for somebody else or a driving school because i honestly dont think i would ever pass my test if i didnt have a good teacher!

[lynndy38 64]

Thanks Holly.........can literally anyone teach you to drive in the US then?

Erics given me a few lessons already he was lovely and very patient but Im well aware we could end up screaming at each other!!!

I'm hoping because Ive never driven, driving on the otherside of the road etc wont hinder me at all. Keep me posted Holly and let me know how your test goes

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Im also having to learn to drive and its not as difficult as i imagined if you have a good teacher. The person who is teaching me is the wife of a man i met at work and she is great. She guides me through literally everything and i actually succeed with her. But i drove with my mother in law today and it was horrendous! She doesnt speak, she just clings to the door and goes to grab the wheel then stops herself when she realises we are actually fine! Im still in knots over it now 9 hours later! I now know why my husband only ever got to the first stages of learning to drive... She tried to teach him too!

So when you do it, make sure you learn with somebody who makes you comfortable and if that is not your husband, dont hesitate to look for somebody else or a driving school because i honestly dont think i would ever pass my test if i didnt have a good teacher!

Oh god.. my husband never taught me to drive, I already had a license in Australia, but he did "teach" me American ways and he stresses me out so bad. I prefer HE drives when we're together otherwise I can feel it. I can feel him tensing and pushing the imaginary brake. He doesn't do it on purpose, he doesn't yell, but he makes me nervous. I've been driving here since April 2010 and I STILL hate driving with him. I prefer he does it when it's us, unless I have to.

Mum, back in Australia, was in a pretty bad car accident right before teaching me to drive. SHE was painful. She's a bit of a panicker as well. Grabs the "jesus bar", has her face contorted in horror. She'd make this sucking in noise when I parked, like she was holding her breath. Later after getting my licence I would deliberately go faster than she would have liked when parking, to desensitise her, and also giggle. She's fine now and realises we have control of the vehicle and she doesn't need to panic. Needless to say though I taught my younger brother to drive.. and I have a new-found respect for people teaching kids to drive, scary stuff. Even now, with him at 25, I have NEVER driven with him behind the wheel. He has totaled out 1 vehicle by rolling it in wet weather, almost down the side of the biggest hill in town. I did drive with my little sister in September last year, but that's only because when I drove I went onto the wrong side of the road, it was safer for all

[Nich-Nick 3,354]

Thanks Holly.........can literally anyone teach you to drive in the US then?

Erics given me a few lessons already he was lovely and very patient but Im well aware we could end up screaming at each other!!!

I'm hoping because Ive never driven, driving on the otherside of the road etc wont hinder me at all. Keep me posted Holly and let me know how your test goes

Anybody can teach you to drive. Go practice in a big empty mall parking lot on a Sunday morning before opening, to get comfortable controlling the car before trying it in traffic since you haven't driven before.

[Holly2234 66]

Thanks Holly.........can literally anyone teach you to drive in the US then?

Erics given me a few lessons already he was lovely and very patient but Im well aware we could end up screaming at each other!!!

I'm hoping because Ive never driven, driving on the otherside of the road etc wont hinder me at all. Keep me posted Holly and let me know how your test goes

Yes anybody can teach you (as long as they are over 21 in NY, not looked into other states). I never drove before either but im finding it very hard to stay on the right side of the road! Also i would like to try a smaller car but i dont know anybody who has one that will let me! Ive only driven a Chevy Suburban and a Tahoe so far. Even though the Tahoe was smaller, it was so much more difficult to drive which was strange so i am curious how smaller cars feel.

[markonline1 11]

I leave for the US in 3 weeks and I'm terrified, so I would say your feelings are natural, especially with the position you're in with your son. When this whole process started 15 or so months ago for me, it was like a new exciting chapter in my life, I thought I'd have no trouble leaving the UK, after all, I've visited California every year for the last 12 years and was always gutted to leave, more so obviously when I got together with my fiancée. As the date edges nearer, reality starts to bite and I find myself wondering how ill cope without the smallest things, from friends and family, to proper bacon and sky sports. As I keep trying to reassure my mum though, the world is a small place. Email, Facebook, Skype, flights for 500 quid, I even pay a fiver a month that allows me through Skype to phone any mobile or landline for free unlimited minutes. I think you'd be a little strange if you made a move like this without some trepidation.

[Rahstyles 10]

I think you love your family and ur son who decided to stay with his dad more than you love your husband.. I think you need to be glad and happy that your with him

I think you love your family and ur son who decided to stay with his dad more than you love your husband.. I think you need to be glad and happy that your with him

[lynndy38 64]

I think you love your family and ur son who decided to stay with his dad more than you love your husband.. I think you need to be glad and happy that your with him

I think you love your family and ur son who decided to stay with his dad more than you love your husband.. I think you need to be glad and happy that your with him

Not quite sure what you're saying here,Im presuming English isn't your first language so I'm trying to be careful and not assume you're suggesting through that sentence I don't love my husband enough?

[VanessaTony 3,567]

Not quite sure what you're saying here,Im presuming English isn't your first language so I'm trying to be careful and not assume you're suggesting through that sentence I don't love my husband enough?

It appears to me that this person is implying that because you're feeling homesick etc that you're still too attached to your life back in your home country and not appreciating what you have here... which it total bullsh*t. Here's a more recent thread from that person: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/415706-us-wifesgf-vs-foreign-wifesgf/ (which will probably be locked soon).

There have been studies talking about the effect of change on the brain and how the brain doesn't like change because it has to re-map pathways, and that's why people get so anxious about it. I can tell you thinking about my little niece growing up and not seeing it in person is going to be hard. Same for when we have kids. This wasn't an easy choice. This choice affects the rest of our lives in a substantial way, and to think that simply because that change makes me sad means I don't love my husband "enough" is total #######. It's BECAUSE I love him that I stayed here rather than jumping on the first plane back. It's because I love him that I gave it a good enough go that now it's a LOT better than it was in the beginning. Why I don't tell him everytime I feel sad and homesick.

Some people are just idiots :S

[lynndy38 64]

It appears to me that this person is implying that because you're feeling homesick etc that you're still too attached to your life back in your home country and not appreciating what you have here... which it total bullsh*t. Here's a more recent thread from that person: http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/415706-us-wifesgf-vs-foreign-wifesgf/ (which will probably be locked soon).

There have been studies talking about the effect of change on the brain and how the brain doesn't like change because it has to re-map pathways, and that's why people get so anxious about it. I can tell you thinking about my little niece growing up and not seeing it in person is going to be hard. Same for when we have kids. This wasn't an easy choice. This choice affects the rest of our lives in a substantial way, and to think that simply because that change makes me sad means I don't love my husband "enough" is total #######. It's BECAUSE I love him that I stayed here rather than jumping on the first plane back. It's because I love him that I gave it a good enough go that now it's a LOT better than it was in the beginning. Why I don't tell him everytime I feel sad and homesick.

Some people are just idiots :S

Thankyou so much for your support.

Insensitive remarks like that just aren't necessary, I'm the same as you,its because I love my husband so much I'm willing to leave my beloved family and friends. Our family and friends could argue we love our husbands too much

Its good to know these feelings are normal. That study sounds interesting I'm off to google it!!!