Addressing possible red flags in i-130 -- EGYPT

[Mithra 1,185]

I agree. My husband inherited my old POS Honda AFTER he got a job and could pay for his own car insurance and gas. He came with his own clothes and toiletries so I didn't have to buy him any. By the time he needed new, he had a job and his own money to pay for them. He paid his own way here and brought enough money to help with expenses until he could work. I'm often floored at how pampered and coddled some of the husbands are around here. Unfortunately they end up behaving like pampered, entitled brats sometimes, too.

I didn't mean it all sternly or anything, lol. My shampoo does cost about 5x what his does though.

Adding too, re. a different post, while I may have been my husband's sponsor to immigrate here, he took care of a large part of his expenses. Religiously, culturally, it would have been odd not to. No one has to buy their husband a car or hair gel or Angel cologne. Those are things I expect to have bought for me, not the other way around.

And I don't know about anyone else's co-sponsors, but there was no way in he1l my parents would have signed on as co-sponsors without being sure my husband had made arrangements for temporary insurance until he could start working, and had a handle on other necessities. I already had a child. They co-sponsored a grown man, not a kid. I married an adult.

[catknit 144]

Hi, OP, it seems everyone else has more or less pointed out a lot of the flaws with your case and how they will be perceived. I'm addressing something a tad different. You mentioned your husband is an accountant in Egypt. I am not sure what you guys think he'll do here when he comes, but if it is being an accountant or any other profession, you may want to begin checking into what he will need to do. Professions don't always transfer from one country to another, especially from a country that has lost accreditation for its university system. At best, things will transfer and he will simply need to be certified here. At worst, you can find out he needs to get a new degree. Many people have had to redo portions of coursework. Just an FYI. Also, the clock sounds fun. Were your pictures on the face?

Good luck.

Excellent, excellent point!

OP - if you're going to start re-evaluated how the two of you are going to go forward with respect to building a stronger case, establishing evidence, etc, this is another avenue to completely research. This is also a good time for him to soul-search. Does he like being an accountant? Does he want to explore a different career? Does he want additional education? What educational opportunities are available near you in the US he could be preparing for? Etc, etc, etc.

I also wanted to point out that the posters on vj and especially MENA have seen some real train wrecks. It happens. The more you read here, the more you will see certain trends, situations that seem to come up again and again, certain countries that seem to have the same issues. I know it is overwhelming to see a ton of replies that cut to the heart about your relationship. But, please, keep in mind that the COs are hired to be suspicious, critical, and judgmental - they make the ladies here look like a walk in the park! The best thing you can do is read, read, read and then try to look at your information with a 3rd-party-unbiased eye. It's hard, but you need to think about your case as a legal argument that will be presented to a jaded and cynical stranger who happens to be government employee that HAS to follow specific policies and protocols. Totally do-able, there are many success stories here, but you got to be in the right frame of mind and really research how this all works. Best of luck!

[Amber & Ahmed 133]

OP: Hello, how are you? I bet your head is absolutely spinning! There are always so many questions and things to think about before getting married, especially in a foreign country. I remember when I went to marry my Ahmed, goodness gracious girl I was a mess! A happy chaotic mess! At first I was hesitant about posting in this topic for many reasons but decided to go ahead and give my 2 or 3 cents.

My husband and I met in December 2009. He asked me to marry him after a months time. I of course was taken back by this. I mean come on I heard all the things being said about foreigners wanting to marry American women. I jokingly said to him " sure I will marry you, just send me a ticket and some cash for expenses." He then said ok. I was like oh my goodness what did I do! So at the beginning of March 2010 here was my ticket money along with cash for expenses, even money for my mom to use to take care of my kids while I was gone. So on my spring break from University off I went on a wing, a prayer, and a bottle of xanex. We got married on March 25, 2010. Yeap, that's right almost 3 months to the day we met online.

My husband was an accountant in Egypt. He worked for a worldwide, very huge company. He was the Chief Accountant. By the time we had been through the process and he was ready to fly, he was offered a promotion to the Chief Financial Officer of this very big global company. People have asked me many times, why would he leave a job like that??? Well I have kids and I needed permission to take my kids to Egypt to live and well their dad of course would not give it, even though he hasn't seen them since 2006. Basically anything to impede my happiness, which is his favorite hobby. My husband sold his flat, his car, also he had started a taxi service on the side and he sold that too. He then came to me here in the USA.

My husband is a very intelligent man, well read, educated beyond a Bachelor degree, as well as studying for fun on his off times. When he came here he was prepared to take the helm as the husband and father of our family. We knew from the beginning I would stay at home and he would provide for us. We want a traditional marriage and family, and to be honest I welcomed giving up the independance I had grown so used to.

As soon as my husband arrived we went from Michigan to Illinois and bought his first car, a 2003 Mercedes C230 Kompressor. Two weeks later we went back to Illinois to buy my car, a 2007 Chevy HHR. He paid cash money for our cars. Once we decided to relocate for his job we sold the Mercedes and bought a 2001 Dodge Ram Extended Van. We sold many of my belongings as well as donated a lot and packed what we could into the van, packed the kids into the HHR and off we went! We took 5 days to drive to Florida, a 1500 mile trip. We took time to see some sites and just enjoy our way.

Once we got to Florida we stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks, oh what fun that was! LOL My friend Wendy, whom I met from VJ sent me a lovely care package to my hotel. We found our house and moved in right away. We then went on the hunt for furniture. We bought all the furniture and decor according to OUR taste. My husband then began looking for work in his field. He applied online, in person and at temporary agencies. He even looked on Craigslist. He never gave up, he was diligent at his search. When either of us felt down we picked each other up. Our money began to deplete but we held onto hope and faith in God as well as faith in each other. There were some days we didn't have anything to eat but pancakes. No gas in our cars, nothing. Still we held onto each other and found ways to encourage each other. We went through a very hard time. To this day we cannot eat pancakes without smiling at each other.

My husband started doing mobile mechanic. He had a background in mechanics from when he was young and helped his brother fix the bus his brother drove. So some days he would make 20$ after expenses other days he made 200$. We decided to sell the van. We listed it on Ebay and Craigslist. Sold the van and bought another car, a 2003 Chrysler Concorde. Then it happened! He got a job offer! Working for the headquaters of a big bank! It is in the top 10 of all banks worldwide. How exciting! We laughed and jumped around and screamed like we had gone crazy! We celebrated by going out and buying sodas! Something we had forgone in order to pay for food.

He began working as a financial analyst. At first he didnt like it at all, but hey it was work and it paid good money. He still works there but now after 8 months he is being promoted to another department and he will be a manager over other employees. Also he recently was contacted by his previous employer to interview for a branch here in the USA. God has really blessed us and our marriage. He never needed English classes, his English is impeccable. He is logical to my dreaming. We balance each other very well.

He adjusted very well to being here, yes he misses his beloved Egypt and he lost a close family member while here and he of course misses his family. It took time for the boys and Ahmed to adjust to each other. Also it was an adjustment for Ahmed and I to get used to living together. We had only lived together for 7 months total the first 2 years of our marriage. I would say that was the hardest part for us. Adjusting to living together. We wake up every day and I make his lunch and his coffee, I walk him to the door and kiss him and tell him to have a great day. He calls me from the office about 5 times a day. We just love being together! I greet him every evening and have dinner ready. On weekends we go to community garage sales. It is all about making a committment to each other. Forget these huge declarations of love and talk of your beauty, those things are a bunch of hooey anyways. The committment is what will carry you through.

My husband advises other Egyptian Immigrants he met while the process was going on. He even sends money to them when they are in a pickle. One of our reasons we gravitated towards each other is out of our concern for others and our desire to help others. He has helped a couple of friends find work as well as figure out how to navigate their new country. He just amazes me. Right now as I type he is out in the backyard planting flowers and vegetables we grew from seeds. I keep stopping typing to smile at him and watch him work. God knew what he was doing when He created us for each other.

I didn't come on here to brag and boast about our life. Those that have met me and know me know everything I am saying to be the truth and know I am only telling these things to you now in hopes of helping you. Yes it can get hard, yes there are obstacles and naysayers but if you have a committment to each other you will overcome. One thing Ahmed and I said from the very start is we will always put God first and follow where He leads us and the other thing is we will never discuss divorce as an option, we refuse to take the easy way out.

I wish you the very best in your endeavors and a blessed marriage. I know many people can be a bit harsh on here but I think it is their way of helping someone, I will admit I never really seen eye to eye with many women on this site, but there are some smart ladies with good advice to give. Then of course there are the "others" LOL! Just take time and answer for yourself if what your doing is right, then proceed according to your answer, you are young and have a whole life ahead of you my dear. If you ever need you can message me and I will help as best as I can.

Ok, off I go to help my husband work in the yard and play with him, sorry my post was so long, I tend to be long winded LOL!

Amber

Edited February 18, 2013 by Amber & Ahmed

[Mithra 1,185]

Yeah when I'm not bragging I always fill everyone in on every minute detail. Your subtlety is stunning.

Waiting for the you're just jealous retort in 3, 2, 1.....

Edited February 18, 2013 by Mithra

[sandinista! 1,816]

Again with those lazy, divorced people and their shortcuts.

You know, just like buying someone dinner and a movie doesn't mean they're obligated to put out on a date, buying a plane ticket and sending babysitting money doesn't obligate anyone to marry a virtual stranger. I hope to God that was told in jest.

[Amber & Ahmed 133]

Yeah when I'm not bragging I always fill everyone in on every minute detail. Your subtlety is stunning.

Waiting for the you're just jealous retort in 3, 2, 1.....

Oh! How did I ever know YOU would have something unkind to say??? I was simply telling her it is possible to have a good life with her husband. Bragging? Ha! If you only really knew me! Was I trying to be subtle? No actually I wasn't! The details I am sharing all goes into what I was trying to convey! Shockingly even further is the fact YOU took the time to read each of my minute details, now that my dear is good comedy and so laughable, wouldn't you agree my dear? I do not feel your jealous, I feel your judgemental. If you would really look at my post it wasn't for bragging, making anyone jealous, or for sharing the boring details, it was for giving another person hope in the midst of many questions and worries. But I guess YOU wouldn't see it that way. No bother though, my friends from here know who I am and how I am, your acceptance nor comments needed nor your approval, you won't keep me up all night with worry. Now if you will excuse me I got something a lot better to do than argue with a VJ bully who gets upset when someone has a sucess story to share. Hmmmm

Edited February 18, 2013 by Amber & Ahmed

[together4evr 360]

Your story made me smile. I wish I had a love story like yours. (and I am jealous but not in an evil way.) I am very happy for you and Ahmed and everyone else that has a happy ending.

OP: Hello, how are you? I bet your head is absolutely spinning! There are always so many questions and things to think about before getting married, especially in a foreign country. I remember when I went to marry my Ahmed, goodness gracious girl I was a mess! A happy chaotic mess! At first I was hesitant about posting in this topic for many reasons but decided to go ahead and give my 2 or 3 cents.

My husband and I met in December 2009. He asked me to marry him after a months time. I of course was taken back by this. I mean come on I heard all the things being said about foreigners wanting to marry American women. I jokingly said to him " sure I will marry you, just send me a ticket and some cash for expenses." He then said ok. I was like oh my goodness what did I do! So at the beginning of March 2010 here was my ticket money along with cash for expenses, even money for my mom to use to take care of my kids while I was gone. So on my spring break from University off I went on a wing, a prayer, and a bottle of xanex. We got married on March 25, 2010. Yeap, that's right almost 3 months to the day we met online.

My husband was an accountant in Egypt. He worked for a worldwide, very huge company. He was the Chief Accountant. By the time we had been through the process and he was ready to fly, he was offered a promotion to the Chief Financial Officer of this very big global company. People have asked me many times, why would he leave a job like that??? Well I have kids and I needed permission to take my kids to Egypt to live and well their dad of course would not give it, even though he hasn't seen them since 2006. Basically anything to impede my happiness, which is his favorite hobby. My husband sold his flat, his car, also he had started a taxi service on the side and he sold that too. He then came to me here in the USA.

My husband is a very intelligent man, well read, educated beyond a Bachelor degree, as well as studying for fun on his off times. When he came here he was prepared to take the helm as the husband and father of our family. We knew from the beginning I would stay at home and he would provide for us. We want a traditional marriage and family, and to be honest I welcomed giving up the independance I had grown so used to.

As soon as my husband arrived we went from Michigan to Illinois and bought his first car, a 2003 Mercedes C230 Kompressor. Two weeks later we went back to Illinois to buy my car, a 2007 Chevy HHR. He paid cash money for our cars. Once we decided to relocate for his job we sold the Mercedes and bought a 2001 Dodge Ram Extended Van. We sold many of my belongings as well as donated a lot and packed what we could into the van, packed the kids into the HHR and off we went! We took 5 days to drive to Florida, a 1500 mile trip. We took time to see some sites and just enjoy our way.

Once we got to Florida we stayed in a hotel for 2 weeks, oh what fun that was! LOL My friend Wendy, whom I met from VJ sent me a lovely care package to my hotel. We found our house and moved in right away. We then went on the hunt for furniture. We bought all the furniture and decor according to OUR taste. My husband then began looking for work in his field. He applied online, in person and at temporary agencies. He even looked on Craigslist. He never gave up, he was diligent at his search. When either of us felt down we picked each other up. Our money began to deplete but we held onto hope and faith in God as well as faith in each other. There were some days we didn't have anything to eat but pancakes. No gas in our cars, nothing. Still we held onto each other and found ways to encourage each other. We went through a very hard time. To this day we cannot eat pancakes without smiling at each other.

My husband started doing mobile mechanic. He had a background in mechanics from when he was young and helped his brother fix the bus his brother drove. So some days he would make 20$ after expenses other days he made 200$. We decided to sell the van. We listed it on Ebay and Craigslist. Sold the van and bought another car, a 2003 Chrysler Concorde. Then it happened! He got a job offer! Working for the headquaters of a big bank! It is in the top 10 of all banks worldwide. How exciting! We laughed and jumped around and screamed like we had gone crazy! We celebrated by going out and buying sodas! Something we had forgone in order to pay for food.

He began working as a financial analyst. At first he didnt like it at all, but hey it was work and it paid good money. He still works there but now after 8 months he is being promoted to another department and he will be a manager over other employees. Also he recently was contacted by his previous employer to interview for a branch here in the USA. God has really blessed us and our marriage. He never needed English classes, his English is impeccable. He is logical to my dreaming. We balance each other very well.

He adjusted very well to being here, yes he misses his beloved Egypt and he lost a close family member while here and he of course misses his family. It took time for the boys and Ahmed to adjust to each other. Also it was an adjustment for Ahmed and I to get used to living together. We had only lived together for 7 months total the first 2 years of our marriage. I would say that was the hardest part for us. Adjusting to living together. We wake up every day and I make his lunch and his coffee, I walk him to the door and kiss him and tell him to have a great day. He calls me from the office about 5 times a day. We just love being together! I greet him every evening and have dinner ready. On weekends we go to community garage sales. It is all about making a committment to each other. Forget these huge declarations of love and talk of your beauty, those things are a bunch of hooey anyways. The committment is what will carry you through.

My husband advises other Egyptian Immigrants he met while the process was going on. He even sends money to them when they are in a pickle. One of our reasons we gravitated towards each other is out of our concern for others and our desire to help others. He has helped a couple of friends find work as well as figure out how to navigate their new country. He just amazes me. Right now as I type he is out in the backyard planting flowers and vegetables we grew from seeds. I keep stopping typing to smile at him and watch him work. God knew what he was doing when He created us for each other.

I didn't come on here to brag and boast about our life. Those that have met me and know me know everything I am saying to be the truth and know I am only telling these things to you now in hopes of helping you. Yes it can get hard, yes there are obstacles and naysayers but if you have a committment to each other you will overcome. One thing Ahmed and I said from the very start is we will always put God first and follow where He leads us and the other thing is we will never discuss divorce as an option, we refuse to take the easy way out.

I wish you the very best in your endeavors and a blessed marriage. I know many people can be a bit harsh on here but I think it is their way of helping someone, I will admit I never really seen eye to eye with many women on this site, but there are some smart ladies with good advice to give. Then of course there are the "others" LOL! Just take time and answer for yourself if what your doing is right, then proceed according to your answer, you are young and have a whole life ahead of you my dear. If you ever need you can message me and I will help as best as I can.

Ok, off I go to help my husband work in the yard and play with him, sorry my post was so long, I tend to be long winded LOL!

Amber

[NY_BX 397]

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[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Glad to see everyone here giving this girl a dose of reality. When I first read her post my thought was, "OMG if my 17 1/2 year old daughter told me she was going to Egypt to marry I would lock her up somewhere". Suffice it to say, Egyptians in general (not saying all) are well rehearsed on what to say to make you believe that you are the love of their life and that fate has brought you together (or God or Allah or whomever). When you said you were considering converting to Islam the alarm bells starting ringing again. I forget who said it, but someone said that you should tell him that you insist on living in Egypt forever and see what he says.

I think all Americans marrying foreigners should do this anyways. It is especially useful if you actually mean it.

Others have been horribly abused, traumitized and defrauded and will never be the same. I thought I too had it all figured out when I met my husband and I had some age AND experience on you AND 2 college degrees and I still was not prepared for the reality of it. I can tell you that my husband has been sorely disappointed to find out that you have to work your A** off to get ahead and that his degree and work experience doesn't mean squat. He's also had to deal with the fact that his wife makes triple his income and IS financially the breadwinner. He thought America was perfect and he can't believe that we pay so much in taxes, that many cities are riddled with crime and so on and so forth. Sad to see their ideal picture of Nirvana shattered. My husband won't even go back home to visit because he doesn't have a million dollars saved and a new BMW to drive. I am just grateful that kids weren't even an option for us. That's a nightmare I don't even want to contemplate. That being said, my husband is not a bad person, he has a lovely family, but in my honest opinion he should have married someone in his own culture. That may sound harsh but I am being honest. I am a very independent woman and I don't play the damsel in distress role and quite frankly, that doesn't sit well with the hubster.

I think for us and many cross-cultural couples it is the same. My husband knows that his certificate and 3.5 year training program in being an apartment building super basically doesn't mean anything in America and he'll be earning 1/3 the salary doing the same job. Our financial situation is actually going to be tighter in American than Denmark and he has no illusions about that, which is good coming into it. We will be able to have 2 cars, which we can't afford in DK, but it is going to be hard for a couple of years until he finishes his BS in physics/teaching.

There are times when I do point blank ask him "Why didn't you just marry a Danish woman?". It might sound a bit cliche, but it is easier when people marry within their culture...my husband is more conservative than most Danes, but physically he is designed for Danish women and mentally as well. He can be very harsh with me without even realizing it and it was hard for him to wrap his head around me having a degree and wanting to stay home.

I think your issue with your husband is the reverse of my issue with mine. My husband comes from a culture where women are very independent and strong willed and try to be equal in everything. For me, I find America to be a happy middle ground. It is more conservative than Western Europe but less conservative than MENA. I do think my husband is truly happy with me and so does his family, but sometimes I get this nagging feeling that a Danish woman might have made his life easier.

I agree. My husband inherited my old POS Honda AFTER he got a job and could pay for his own car insurance and gas. He came with his own clothes and toiletries so I didn't have to buy him any. By the time he needed new, he had a job and his own money to pay for them. He paid his own way here and brought enough money to help with expenses until he could work. I'm often floored at how pampered and coddled some of the husbands are around here. Unfortunately they end up behaving like pampered, entitled brats sometimes, too.

:thumbs: :thumbs:

I have thought that to myself so many times, but just haven't had the nerve to say it. However, I will admit that it would be a massive turn off for both me and my husband if he was relying on my money or not being the provider in our family to the best of his ability. He has a really hard time with it now that I have to pay for groceries 2-3 weeks a month.

[nurse1967 287]

Glad to see that a representative from the Rainbow, Puppies and Lollipops club finally showed up!!!!! I was getting worried!!!!!

[Fandango 1,439]

I don't understand buying cars, houses, having the 'lil woman' stay at home when there's no money put away for food and gas. Especially with kids in the home, but hey...maybe the kids like pancakes.

Glad to hear it all worked out for you Amber!

[kristen_maroc 126]

[Mithra 1,185]

ROFL! Well we knew the cheerleaders would show up eventually. The mean, nasty, miserable bullies can't be the only voices heard now can they?

Glad to see that a representative from the Rainbow, Puppies and Lollipops club finally showed up!!!!! I was getting worried!!!!!

[sandinista! 1,816]

The old "well I'll just live with you abroad" deal has been played out over and over. If bona fide scammers can do anything well, it's bide time.

[sandinista! 1,816]

I don't understand buying cars, houses, having the 'lil woman' stay at home when there's no money put away for food and gas. Especially with kids in the home, but hey...maybe the kids like pancakes.

Glad to hear it all worked out for you Amber!

3/4 of that drama seems self-inflicted really.