Addressing possible red flags in i-130 -- EGYPT

[NY_BX 397]

Look, everyone has pointed out some things that may or may not be issues. Only you can sort that out for yourself. Go into things with your eyes wide open. Be a little suspicious. Ask the questions openly to yourself that others have given you here, and consider the answers. Understand problematic behaviors and subtle clues that may not stand out at first.

Now assuming everything is good on your end, and since you are already married-- lets look to the next step.

I130-- I'm not saying its good for everyone, but I got by on 2 affidavits from a family member, friend, and some pictures from our Nikah and with my family-- less than 10. (I never realized just how lucky we are to have that 5 year B2/visitor approved)I married my husband the 2nd day he was in town on our first visit.

When my NOA2 arrived 3 months later, I was like... ZOMG!! I expected it to take a little longer. I have taken my time through the NVC stage. He has 2 visits here and I have been there once in the last year. I still don't have hard marriage evidences like bank accounts and land, or insurance, but I have now plenty of evidence of an ongoing relationship between him, and me, and our families. My focus is on the interview.

My advice-- take your time.

There's a HUGE CRUCIAL difference: He married you in the US and RETURNED to Egypt soon thereafter. It shows genuine intent to marry and not to migrate. Plus, you work and you share the same religion, right? Your case is absolutely different.

[RFQ 110]

There's a HUGE CRUCIAL difference: He married you in the US and RETURNED to Egypt soon thereafter. It shows genuine intent to marry and not to migrate. Plus, you work and you share the same religion, right? Your case is absolutely different.

Mine is quite different, but no I don't work. I am full time in nursing school, but I am much older. I have my parents to sponsor, and if worse came to worse I graduate at the end of summer. (isA) I do share the same religion. But this isn't about me.

I am not giving my support nor telling the OP to run for the hills. She's married him. She loves this guy. I'm merely suggesting to take time. I did for a few reasons, and my case is a bit more solid, though not without obstacles. Go visit. Build up evidence.

Learn! How do you resolve disputes with him? Who pays what bills? Do you work or do you stay home? Are you allowed to go keeping going to school? Who's going to support the both of you there when(if) he can't find a job? How many kids will you guys have? Are you okay with your children being raised Muslim? Will he expect your girl children to cover Islamically? Is there any chance he might want you to wear a veil whether Muslim or not? Are you allowed to go out alone during the day or night? With his permission or on your own? Are you allowed to have guy friends (if you have them)? If you are thinking of converting to Islam-- how will you view your husband after you revert? A few women I have met online have converted and then wanted to be practicing the religion and find their husband really doesn't practice. Are you okay if he should have more than one wife? This is a part of the religion. Always keep in mind, whatever he says, this is still a possibility for him to have more than one.

I could go on-- these are just a few of those thoughts I'd be considering if you haven't. Hope it helps in some way with your journey. I want the best for you guys whatever that is.

Edited February 17, 2013 by RFQ

[Ihavequestions 419]

I don't know really the MENA coutries, but I'm reading a lot of love history on visajourney, and I always tell my American husband that American people are gullible, so naive...I really never see so naive people, it's unbelievable.

I prefer to think of Americans as innocent over gullible or naive, in a lot of ways, particularly when it comes to how the outside world perceives the US and life in the US. Americans, overwhelmingly, don't immigrate (meaning, move to another country) in search of a better life. We don't have to because we already have it. So, it's hard to imagine - if it ever even crosses our minds - the level of desperation of people from places where there are less opportunities (whether that's real or perceived) to get out. We also have those passports that give us what much of the rest of the world doesn't have: freedom to travel. We can get up and go, should we choose to do that. Other countries, including the country the OP's husband is from, do not enjoy that same freedom.

American people have to know that people know the American culture by movies, stars... and for a lot of foreigners that does mean "that is easier there" and what they can do to reach the so called "land of milk and honey" are unbelievable. Marriage is one of them.

I don't tell that there are fraud anywhere in you case, but be aware of how foreigners can see the USA.

There's an Egyptian movie that's very popular in Egypt, and I can't remember the title, in which an Egyptian man goes to the US, becomes wildly successful, and returns to Egypt - pretty much flaunting his new-found wealth. The country itself perpetuates the stereotype. And, yeah, it is a common belief.

[zahrasalem 114]

I just looked at your profile:

"Ahmed is related to my friend's husband and I remember them both telling me over the phone they had found me the man I was going to marry."

Tread carefully. In fact, the last thing I would be doing is busting my a$$ on a visa application. Instead, I would be getting down to the nitty-gritty of married life. For example, talking about dividing up the household chore list and whether or not you're willing to wake him up every morning with a glass of tea under his nose instead of talking about how hard it is to be apart.

You ran head first into a culture you don't understand. Take your time.

Where is he from? What is his university degree? What is his job now?

To the OP, I hope you are still here with us, we have your best interest in mind by being honest with you about your scenario and how the consulate will likely view it. I truly hope he's sincere with you, but PLEASE take your time to figure your husband out BEFORE you bring him here! BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF ABOUT WHAT YOU MAY FIND OUT and how it makes you feel. Others have spent many years with the wrong person, sadly, by not going in with their eyes wide open.

And I totally agree, my first thought when I read her profile is that 'I hope the best friend and her husband aren't using her to get his cousin here'. If that doesn't JUMP OUT at the CO as a red flag, nothing will. I'm sad to think if she is in love and I don't want her to waste her best young years making a huge mistake!

It's not easy to find out something negative about people you love, especially at a young age.

[Mithra 1,185]

Oh cripes isn't that true? It's so much fun being married to someone who thought (still thinks after all this time) that he'll be well off one day if he figures out that perfect plan. It's also fun when the family refuses to believe life here isn't as easy as they think it is and that money doesn't come without hard work and effort (for most people). Nice to know there are movies perpetuating that myth and allowing ppl to remain in fantasyland.

I prefer to think of Americans as innocent over gullible or naive, in a lot of ways, particularly when it comes to how the outside world perceives the US and life in the US. Americans, overwhelmingly, don't immigrate (meaning, move to another country) in search of a better life. We don't have to because we already have it. So, it's hard to imagine - if it ever even crosses our minds - the level of desperation of people from places where there are less opportunities (whether that's real or perceived) to get out. We also have those passports that give us what much of the rest of the world doesn't have: freedom to travel. We can get up and go, should we choose to do that. Other countries, including the country the OP's husband is from, do not enjoy that same freedom.

There's an Egyptian movie that's very popular in Egypt, and I can't remember the title, in which an Egyptian man goes to the US, becomes wildly successful, and returns to Egypt - pretty much flaunting his new-found wealth. The country itself perpetuates the stereotype. And, yeah, it is a common belief.

Edited February 17, 2013 by Mithra

[NY_BX 397]

Oh cripes isn't that true? It's so much fun being married to someone who thought (still thinks after all this time) that he'll be well off one day if he figures out that perfect plan. It's also fun when the family refuses to believe life here isn't as easy as they think it is and that money doesn't come without hard work and effort (for most people). Nice to know there are movies perpetuating that myth and allowing ppl to remain in fantasyland.

You should see my husband's face when he saw his first check. He wasn't that unrealistic, but he really saw reality after he started working.

[DarwishAE 19]

I understand the concerns of people on this forum. But, in the end, you are making judgements on a minute amount of information about who I am, the relationship I have with my best friend, and my husband for that matter.

I wasn't asking for your opinions on whether or not my marriage was fradulent, yet you pretty much all took that route anyways.

Only I can judge my marriage in the end and the decisions we made together. As for diving into a culture I know nothing about, that's not true. I have lived with middle eastern people and learned many aspects of the culture and my husband and I talked about the conflicts we may face in our marriage because of cultural differences.

As for the person who I said I am too young to make a decision like this. Bullshit. You don't know my character or the things I have dealt with in my life. I'm not going to sit here and give you my whole life story to justify my decision at 18.

My husband is an accountant. He works for a construction company in downtown Cairo. I was the first one to bring up marriage. From the beginning, my best friend and her husband made it clear to Ahmed that they were simply going to introduce us and it was up to both of us on whether or not there was something there. I was the one who initiated conversations about marriage and him coming to the US. He was open to the idea because that's what I wanted. He still tells me he is nervous to come to the US because of how different it is and he will be leaving his whole life behind. He wants to be here because I'm here and he wants me to be able to finish school. We have talked about living in Egypt many times and don't feel that is right for us.

So, to all of you, I take your recommendations with a grain of salt. I know this is going to be hard. But I have my faith and trust in my husband. He has not given me reason to ever doubt his intentions and my friend is not doing this to help her husband. But again, I'm not going to give you my life story and entire relationship history with my friend.

You all have the right to believe what you want or feel what you want. I don't know if I will come back to this post. I think I've read enough.

[sandinista! 1,816]

That's all well and good, but that consulate is going to chew you up and spit you out in all likelihood. But maybe not.

Edited February 17, 2013 by Kathryn41
edited to remove inappropriate image

[PalestineMyHeart 1,897]

I understand the concerns of people on this forum. But, in the end, you are making judgements on a minute amount of information about who I am, the relationship I have with my best friend, and my husband for that matter.

I wasn't asking for your opinions on whether or not my marriage was fradulent, yet you pretty much all took that route anyways.

Only I can judge my marriage in the end and the decisions we made together. As for diving into a culture I know nothing about, that's not true. I have lived with middle eastern people and learned many aspects of the culture and my husband and I talked about the conflicts we may face in our marriage because of cultural differences.

As for the person who I said I am too young to make a decision like this. Bullshit. You don't know my character or the things I have dealt with in my life. I'm not going to sit here and give you my whole life story to justify my decision at 18.

My husband is an accountant. He works for a construction company in downtown Cairo. I was the first one to bring up marriage. From the beginning, my best friend and her husband made it clear to Ahmed that they were simply going to introduce us and it was up to both of us on whether or not there was something there. I was the one who initiated conversations about marriage and him coming to the US. He was open to the idea because that's what I wanted. He still tells me he is nervous to come to the US because of how different it is and he will be leaving his whole life behind. He wants to be here because I'm here and he wants me to be able to finish school. We have talked about living in Egypt many times and don't feel that is right for us.

So, to all of you, I take your recommendations with a grain of salt. I know this is going to be hard. But I have my faith and trust in my husband. He has not given me reason to ever doubt his intentions and my friend is not doing this to help her husband. But again, I'm not going to give you my life story and entire relationship history with my friend.

You all have the right to believe what you want or feel what you want. I don't know if I will come back to this post. I think I've read enough.

To the bolded - no, "all" of us didn't (although I agree that some responses did imply that.) Helpful people are trying to tell you what the consulate will likely look at very closely, and also explain why. This is priceless information for you in preparing your case, because you have to deal with the consulate successfully if you want your husband to get a visa.

This forum is one of the best places on the net to find information about navigating through a (sometimes) confusing immigration process with a MENA spouse in general, as well as specific information about the Cairo consulate in particular - from people who have personally gone through it with cases similar to yours. You may find some of the members' comments to be unhelpful, or maybe they assume things that aren't the case, and of course some people are just blunt. Welcome to the net. But if you can grow a thicker skin, you have much to gain from the members' collective experience here. So I wouldn't throw out the baby with the bathwater... but of course it's your choice.

Edited February 17, 2013 by wife_of_mahmoud

[Ihavequestions 419]

That's all well and good, but that consulate is going to chew you up and spit you out in all likelihood. But maybe not.

If not, it's quite possible there will be one of those notorious "He used me!" or "My wife is drinker woman" or "My American wife has boyfriend" threads in the Major Changes section.

OP, as for your rather snotty and immature retort, don't listen. It's your life.

[zahrasalem 114]

Nobody here wants to know your life story or even asked for it. We are not judging you, your husband or your relationship. We are stating facts about how the consulate will view your specific relationship and circumstances.

YOU are the one who asked for advice about your red flags and your petition, and through all of our experiences combined, as well as most of us being more experienced in life than an 18 year old, we were giving you honest feedback how the Egyptian consulate will view your specific circumstances. And we do actually care about someone not getting used and want to help you.

If you think that the fact that your best friend's huband is your husband's cousin is not a huge red flag that the consulate will probably suspect as a set up, you are in denial. Just be prepared to prove yourselves sincere and you will be fine.

Good luck to you then.

[abbi627 43]

Elizabeth, I hope you won't leave the forum. This is an excellent place to learn information that will be important as you go on this journey. I totally see why you are not happy. Sometimes people on this board can seem a bit harsh and make assumptions based on the limited information they get from posts. I don't think anyone has bad intentions and I am sure everyone's heart is in the right place. But just like I don't know you - they don't know you either. And you are the one who knows your husband and knows your marriage and knows your situation.

I personally have had a few times when I asked some specific questions about getting married in Morocco. And I got great useful answers. It has been very valuable for me. I also had people cautioning me against getting married. I don't think they meant any harm and I just assume they want to give the wisdom of their experiences. Now since I don't have any doubts or any intention of calling off my marriage - I simply say thank you and then I read the answers that help me with my questions. And I am grateful to get those answers. So I do hope you will stay. The people on this forum have a wealth of information to share. So when sometimes hurtful things are said I just assume it is said in the spirit of wanting to help and give good advice. I try not to take offense. It can be a little hurtful but the benefits of the information you get usually outweighs the downside of having your relationship publicly questioned and picked apart.

Hope you stay here and continue to be a part of this forum. I wish you and everyone here only the very best.

[DarwishAE 19]

Elizabeth, I hope you won't leave the forum. This is an excellent place to learn information that will be important as you go on this journey. I totally see why you are not happy. Sometimes people on this board can seem a bit harsh and make assumptions based on the limited information they get from posts. I don't think anyone has bad intentions and I am sure everyone's heart is in the right place. But just like I don't know you - they don't know you either. And you are the one who knows your husband and knows your marriage and knows your situation.

I personally have had a few times when I asked some specific questions about getting married in Morocco. And I got great useful answers. It has been very valuable for me. I also had people cautioning me against getting married. I don't think they meant any harm and I just assume they want to give the wisdom of their experiences. Now since I don't have any doubts or any intention of calling off my marriage - I simply say thank you and then I read the answers that help me with my questions. And I am grateful to get those answers. So I do hope you will stay. The people on this forum have a wealth of information to share. So when sometimes hurtful things are said I just assume it is said in the spirit of wanting to help and give good advice. I try not to take offense. It can be a little hurtful but the benefits of the information you get usually outweighs the downside of having your relationship publicly questioned and picked apart.

Hope you stay here and continue to be a part of this forum. I wish you and everyone here only the very best.

I'm not saying I will leave the forum but this post really hurt me. There were some helpful things and I understand people don't want someone to get used but I felt personally attacked even if it wasn't meant in that way. I have appreciated all the help I have gotten so far with other topics and the people I have continued to speak with. I guess I wasn't expecting all the negative views. But I see why the concerns were raised. Ahmed and I will just have to work extra hard to prove our sincerity.

[RFQ 110]

Everyone here answers the way they do because they all a "remember so and so???" story. I doubt there is a person that comes here thinking there is something wrong with their relationship. It would be absurd.

My advice and thoughts comes not from this forum, just because I have a group of friends who are intercultural marriages, and a number of them re/con-verts. If you already covered all the bases that I mentioned then you are off to a great start. These are all things that I know have been concerns and sometimes problems for them.

You really don't want to run off from this forum. It is a really invaluable resource. Take the good. Leave the bad, and assume most of us have the best of intentions.

[Kathryn41 3,205]

off topic post has been removed. Please don't introduce or discuss items unrelated to the OP's questions