When distance makes you feel useless

[St&Sv 33]

I'm not sure what to do, or even how to react to this. Actually my reaction right now is probably right but with no way to focus it onto this guys face. Apparently some guy at work kept my fiancee longer, much longer, then she was suppose to be there. He was getting drunk, pulled her into the office (doctors office), and kissed her, told her how attractive she was and was waiting for "more". How the hell can this happen, what the hell can i do! I just need to vent my frustation somewhere because I don't want it to fall on her, I'm not pissed at her, i'm pissed that there is nothing I can physically do. She got away on her own and is on the bus home now. I'm suppose to be the one that protects her and keeps her safe. I can't imagine what she is going through right now, I don't know what to do to comfort her, damn this sucks. I wish I could make this process faster for us, and get her here. This would never happen if I could prevent it! Now i have to go to work with all this ####### on my mind, but I'll be there for her in one way or another, any way I can. This just sucks though.

Edited February 13, 2013 by MaxMirage

[True Love at Last 15]

Im sorry to hear that this happened. She should file a complaint for sure. We all feel helpless when far from the one we love but getting through this and bringing her here will allow you to make up for all this lost time. Good luck on your journey.

[St&Sv 33]

I wish she could file a complaint, she tells me she cannot. Its a boss of hers, I told her find a new job that I didn't want her going back to such a place. Thank you for yours words, as they say we have the bad times to appreciate the good ones but bad ones just plan suck.

Edited February 13, 2013 by MaxMirage

[Alfia & John 10]

I'm not sure what to do, or even how to react to this.

You are in a very tough spot, you need to be her best friend and her fiance, all at the same time. Russian women are very strong, they can take care of themselves but they need our emotional support and to be an ear to listen. If she can speak fairly good English, get on skype or the telephone so she can vent. I bet she just wants to talk and to know that you support her. If you work nights or work when she needs you, find a way to break free so you both can be together (via telephone or skype). Of course, if this happened here in USA, we could have a blanket party for this a$$hole. In Russia, it is pretty hard for us to deliver some serious help so best to just be an ear for her and support her.

If you can, offer to help financially until she can find new job. Usually, it is afforable to help.

Edited February 13, 2013 by moosescape

[St&Sv 33]

Thanks moon, great advice you are right. My fiancee is tough as nails but just on the outside. If I could rain down justice It would be pouring for a week straight! Thankfully she lives with her best friend, but was in the process of getting her own place. She may just have to put that on hold for a little while. I'm just glad she will come home to a friendly face.

[Amy_and_Victor 159]

Im sorry to hear that this happened. She should file a complaint for sure.

It's Russia, sexual harassment there is much less serious thing than in the US, and unfortunately it's rare chances that people really can file a complaint about something like happened even if it wouldn't be "big boss". Police for sure would just laugh if somebody would call with such a complain where nobody was injured, and boss of that guy (if it would be one) probably wouldn't do anything more than just ask that guy not to do it again. Unfortunately, in cases like this in Russia the best way to get out of situation is to bring a (boy-)friend or male relative, or few of them at once, who will promise to tear off arms of harasser and to stick them into his #### if he will touch this girl again. It's safe to tell it in a legal aspect, because Russian police would just laugh about these threats too if harasser would try to complain that he got physical threatening. As far as I know, it's the way which works the best in Russia. Filing complaints and going official way usually is not very helpful unless it's much more serious case than a drunk kiss. But since her fiance is abroad and if she doesn't have male relatives who can protect her, the best way, I would tell, is to change job.

- Victor

[baron555 934]

It's Russia, sexual harassment there is much less serious thing than in the US,

Yep, it's common. She should know how to react; you have to learn to be cool about it, meaning not become irrational or look abusive....that could be a deal killer if you exhibited those emotions to her, regardless of your good intentions.

Police for sure would just

Harass her also !!

the best way, I would tell, is to change job.

Or......quit all work. If you've filed, then you're counting the months and you could aid in supporting her if needed.

Again, don't let your guard down on being the strong and rational man for her.

Edited February 13, 2013 by baron555

[St&Sv 33]

That's what I was thinking Victor, too bad I couldn't hire a bunch of guys in Russia to be my stand in for this right now but thanks for the advice as well! Thank you to Barron too, that's great advice and well i plan on forever being her Rock when she needs to lean on something sturdy. That's the thing about us Taurus's stubborn, and tough but well sometimes we can be emotional. Which is why I came here to vent a little. Appreciate everyone for their support and great ideas, now to just get this behind us and keep focus on our dreams and goals and life together. Many of you speak about the visa being the easy part and life being the hard part...well I'm ready to take on that hard part

[baron555 934]

keep focus on our dreams and goals and life together. Many of you speak about the visa being the easy part and life being the hard part...well I'm ready to take on that hard part

Yes, stay focused. I know that during our visa process wait, we talked about every aspect of her new life here. I drove around town with my camera taking short videos of everything. I took photos of the shops and stores in and around town. I walked around my house and the yard with my laptop with built-in webcam and on Skype and gave live walkarounds, when she first came into the house, she knew what was in every drawer. We talked college for her and preschools for him.

[St&Sv 33]

Nice Baron that's actually the same stuff that I've been doing. I have one of those GoPro cameras and so I mounted it on the dashboard of my car. In summer time I take it out into the woods and when i go kayaking. Come back home and share the footage with her. We are working on schools now for her, been in contact with a few of them in the area to find out how to make it happen. Hell I've even gone to a few saloons to ask them questions about hair and brazilian hair straightening, and I'm bald, but all worth it! Though If you don't mind me asking were you able to get her Finical aid, if needed, with her conditional green card? Some schools have told me yes while others were unsure.

Yea everyday I'll keep her informed about things here, we all try to make that gap seems as small as possible. If i had the monies I would just stay over there for the 90days or so my visa would allow me to, but this all gives me a chance to get things in order for her arrival. The greatest part of all of this is knowing that with each day we are learning something new, and moving closer to our future together.

Finding this website has also been a big help for me too, meeting people such as yourself and Gary have really given me great ideas and stuff to think about. Keeps my arsenal full.

[baron555 934]

Yeppers.....having a number of tools in your tool belt is best as you never know when you need one to use.

Send her all that junk mail you receive. The ads to the local markets, the Kohls catalog, Home Depot and Menards fliers. Grab some of those job listing papers at the store....and maybe some of the real estate listings.

Send detailed listing of your income and expenses......she may be surprised that you make so much money (which is just taken from the local money trees of course) and more so in how many expenses you have.....which all put together, makes our lives not so much different than theirs.

Tell her about VJ and how there are tons of Russian women already here who will be available via phone or Skype or email to chitty chat.....some may be close that you guys can visit. We for the most part are very fraternal here and welcome dialague with others.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

I'm not sure what to do, or even how to react to this. Actually my reaction right now is probably right but with no way to focus it onto this guys face. Apparently some guy at work kept my fiancee longer, much longer, then she was suppose to be there. He was getting drunk, pulled her into the office (doctors office), and kissed her, told her how attractive she was and was waiting for "more". How the hell can this happen, what the hell can i do! I just need to vent my frustation somewhere because I don't want it to fall on her, I'm not pissed at her, i'm pissed that there is nothing I can physically do. She got away on her own and is on the bus home now. I'm suppose to be the one that protects her and keeps her safe. I can't imagine what she is going through right now, I don't know what to do to comfort her, damn this sucks. I wish I could make this process faster for us, and get her here. This would never happen if I could prevent it! Now i have to go to work with all this ####### on my mind, but I'll be there for her in one way or another, any way I can. This just sucks though.

Russian men can be a lot more direct than US men and that sh*t happens. Heck Alla had some guy take out his "junk" at the bus stop in Moscow and offer her a good time with it. She told him it was "very nice, one of the best I have ever seen, but I have theatre tickets, so maybe next time"

Seems like she handled it OK and attractive women DO get attention. She will probably not be overlooked even in a crowded room. One guy penned a POEM for Alla while we were waiting in line at a grocery store, and I was WITH HER. She was flattered...no harm done. At least it is classier than grabbing them and kissing them.

I say, relax Max. She knows how to handle it. They get taught to break necks and stuff.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

It's Russia, sexual harassment there is much less serious thing than in the US, and unfortunately it's rare chances that people really can file a complaint about something like happened even if it wouldn't be "big boss". Police for sure would just laugh if somebody would call with such a complain where nobody was injured, and boss of that guy (if it would be one) probably wouldn't do anything more than just ask that guy not to do it again. Unfortunately, in cases like this in Russia the best way to get out of situation is to bring a (boy-)friend or male relative, or few of them at once, who will promise to tear off arms of harasser and to stick them into his #### if he will touch this girl again. It's safe to tell it in a legal aspect, because Russian police would just laugh about these threats too if harasser would try to complain that he got physical threatening. As far as I know, it's the way which works the best in Russia. Filing complaints and going official way usually is not very helpful unless it's much more serious case than a drunk kiss. But since her fiance is abroad and if she doesn't have male relatives who can protect her, the best way, I would tell, is to change job.

- Victor

Then again...there is the Russian way.

Actually I think the women know how to tear off arms and put things in ...yeah.

Victor is right, this is pretty much ignored in Russia (Ukraine also)

[ONA 133]

Don't feel bad, when I was still in Russia my husband's ex-girlfriend kept calling him (it's OK if men hit on me, it's not OK if women hit on him... lol), now she's my hair stylist - she even did my hair for the wedding.

You can't do much, I know it's hard, so try not to focus on it. If she tells you when things like that happen, you can trust her - that's the main thing. Other than that Victor's advice might be helpful

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Don't feel bad, when I was still in Russia my husband's ex-girlfriend kept calling him (it's OK if men hit on me, it's not OK if women hit on him... lol[/b

OMG isn't THAT the truth!

Alla is at the age where men hitting on her should be a daily occurance to make her feel like she's still "got it!"

She does.