The worst phone call ever

[Fandango 1,439]

Last night my fiance called me to tell me two things.

First how much he loved me.

Second, that he lied to me when he said he sent his final divorce decree in the mail 2 weeks ago.

...

All this time, all the opportunities he could have told me face to face and he chose not to.

TRUST!?!?!?!!

The foundation of a relationship crumbled!

If he had told me in the beginning, I never would have started the Visa process. I don't know what I would have done, probably stuck with him and waited it out till it was finalized.

To all of you, good luck and may your true loves be with you soon.

B

First I'm sorry to hear of your pain, but there's a couple of things that need to be said.

If he lied to you about this, who knows what other lies he's told or is capable of.

As you said... TRUST... the foundation of the relationship...

my ex-spouse looked me squarely in the eyes and lied to me about several things, where I knew the truth differently... how could I even begin to trust her in anything else after that??

Now for the good news... as painful as this is for you to find out NOW... imagine if he had come here, you had gotten married, and then... and then what??

Leopards do not change their spots. If he lied once, he'll lie to you again, when it serves his purpose to do so...

Her lies to me made me question the entire motivation of the relationship... and of course at this point, it's between her and the USCIS if her marriage to me was "fraudulent" or not...

But as I said... if they lie once, they'll lie again...

As painful as things are right now for you... you are MUCH better off knowing the TRUTH, regardless of what it is... as well as learning the truth that he has lied to you.. better to learn this NOW than after you take your wedding vows...

-- Dan, wishing you only good things moving forward...

Dan...

do you turn every thread into an oppty to b!tch about your ex? Jeez, FOR ONCE can things not be about you?

[garya505 2]

Last night my fiance called me to tell me two things.

First how much he loved me.

Second, that he lied to me when he said he sent his final divorce decree in the mail 2 weeks ago.

...

All this time, all the opportunities he could have told me face to face and he chose not to.

TRUST!?!?!?!!

The foundation of a relationship crumbled!

If he had told me in the beginning, I never would have started the Visa process. I don't know what I would have done, probably stuck with him and waited it out till it was finalized.

To all of you, good luck and may your true loves be with you soon.

B

First I'm sorry to hear of your pain, but there's a couple of things that need to be said.

If he lied to you about this, who knows what other lies he's told or is capable of.

As you said... TRUST... the foundation of the relationship...

my ex-spouse looked me squarely in the eyes and lied to me about several things, where I knew the truth differently... how could I even begin to trust her in anything else after that??

Now for the good news... as painful as this is for you to find out NOW... imagine if he had come here, you had gotten married, and then... and then what??

Leopards do not change their spots. If he lied once, he'll lie to you again, when it serves his purpose to do so...

Her lies to me made me question the entire motivation of the relationship... and of course at this point, it's between her and the USCIS if her marriage to me was "fraudulent" or not...

But as I said... if they lie once, they'll lie again...

As painful as things are right now for you... you are MUCH better off knowing the TRUTH, regardless of what it is... as well as learning the truth that he has lied to you.. better to learn this NOW than after you take your wedding vows...

-- Dan, wishing you only good things moving forward...

Dan...

do you turn every thread into an oppty to b!tch about your ex? Jeez, FOR ONCE can things not be about you?

In this case, relating another person's situation to this tragedy can be useful.

[Fandango 1,439]

Last night my fiance called me to tell me two things.

First how much he loved me.

Second, that he lied to me when he said he sent his final divorce decree in the mail 2 weeks ago.

...

All this time, all the opportunities he could have told me face to face and he chose not to.

TRUST!?!?!?!!

The foundation of a relationship crumbled!

If he had told me in the beginning, I never would have started the Visa process. I don't know what I would have done, probably stuck with him and waited it out till it was finalized.

To all of you, good luck and may your true loves be with you soon.

B

First I'm sorry to hear of your pain, but there's a couple of things that need to be said.

If he lied to you about this, who knows what other lies he's told or is capable of.

As you said... TRUST... the foundation of the relationship...

my ex-spouse looked me squarely in the eyes and lied to me about several things, where I knew the truth differently... how could I even begin to trust her in anything else after that??

Now for the good news... as painful as this is for you to find out NOW... imagine if he had come here, you had gotten married, and then... and then what??

Leopards do not change their spots. If he lied once, he'll lie to you again, when it serves his purpose to do so...

Her lies to me made me question the entire motivation of the relationship... and of course at this point, it's between her and the USCIS if her marriage to me was "fraudulent" or not...

But as I said... if they lie once, they'll lie again...

As painful as things are right now for you... you are MUCH better off knowing the TRUTH, regardless of what it is... as well as learning the truth that he has lied to you.. better to learn this NOW than after you take your wedding vows...

-- Dan, wishing you only good things moving forward...

Dan...

do you turn every thread into an oppty to b!tch about your ex? Jeez, FOR ONCE can things not be about you?

In this case, relating another person's situation to this tragedy can be useful.

Yes, that may be true...but at the end of the day, each individal situation is different....

[sarah and hicham 3]

Last night my fiance called me to tell me two things.

First how much he loved me.

Second, that he lied to me when he said he sent his final divorce decree in the mail 2 weeks ago.

...

All this time, all the opportunities he could have told me face to face and he chose not to.

TRUST!?!?!?!!

The foundation of a relationship crumbled!

If he had told me in the beginning, I never would have started the Visa process. I don't know what I would have done, probably stuck with him and waited it out till it was finalized.

To all of you, good luck and may your true loves be with you soon.

B

First I'm sorry to hear of your pain, but there's a couple of things that need to be said.

If he lied to you about this, who knows what other lies he's told or is capable of.

As you said... TRUST... the foundation of the relationship...

my ex-spouse looked me squarely in the eyes and lied to me about several things, where I knew the truth differently... how could I even begin to trust her in anything else after that??

Now for the good news... as painful as this is for you to find out NOW... imagine if he had come here, you had gotten married, and then... and then what??

Leopards do not change their spots. If he lied once, he'll lie to you again, when it serves his purpose to do so...

Her lies to me made me question the entire motivation of the relationship... and of course at this point, it's between her and the USCIS if her marriage to me was "fraudulent" or not...

But as I said... if they lie once, they'll lie again...

As painful as things are right now for you... you are MUCH better off knowing the TRUTH, regardless of what it is... as well as learning the truth that he has lied to you.. better to learn this NOW than after you take your wedding vows...

-- Dan, wishing you only good things moving forward...

Dan...

do you turn every thread into an oppty to b!tch about your ex? Jeez, FOR ONCE can things not be about you?

I am sorry this happened to you Dan, but I also am tired of reading in a thread that has nothing to do with you or fraud or whatever and you come in and tell your story over and over again.

[Marry American 0]

Last night my fiance called me to tell me two things.

First how much he loved me.

Second, that he lied to me when he said he sent his final divorce decree in the mail 2 weeks ago.

If you see my time line you will understand that our first RFE was for his final divorce papers. We submitted his divorce petition. I have been waiting for 7 months for these papers and now the truth is out. Why now? Because he had no other choice but to tell me the truth now at the last ticking hour. Our dead line for these papers are this Sunday.

I am numb, I listened to all he had to say to me. I didn't scream, I didn't swear, I just listened and asked why the lies. He said that he has been trying to get his ex-wife to sign them since I told him we needed them in April. He says she wants more money from him. He says she is playing games with him promising to sign and then not doing it. He said he tried to "protect" me from his problems with her.

He said it's not my problem.

I said it was my problem. And then all the fears flooded through my head, my engagement is false! His family has no idea what is going on!!! My wedding plans are finished! My wedding dress is paid for and I don't want to pick it up at the bridal shop.

All this time, all the opportunities he could have told me face to face and he chose not to.

TRUST!?!?!?!!

The foundation of a relationship crumbled!

If he had told me in the beginning, I never would have started the Visa process. I don't know what I would have done, probably stuck with him and waited it out till it was finalized.

Now what?

I left work early today. I can't concentrate. I will call Immigration on Monday and withdraw the visa, ask what needs to be worded in the letter.

He tells me he will be here in December. I don't believe him. How??? He doesn't know what he is talking about. The embassy has already denied him a travel visa due to not having strong enough economic ties to Greece to guarantee he will come back.

So last night I took off my engagement ring and put it back in it's box.

I put all pictures of him, gifts, etc. away.

I really believed him that the papers were coming. I feel like a fool calling everyday to see if they were delivered to my home.

The only thing I can say right now that makes any sense, is thank God Immigration knows their stuff and knew to request the final divorce decree. What if we got the visa with only his divorce petition, he came here and married me and then I find out his divorce wasn't final!!!!

God blesses us in so many ways, even in ways we don't understand at the time.

So, I will say farewell to all.

Thank you all for your support, your funny stories, sharing your pics, passing along jokes and giving great advice.

To all of you, good luck and may your true loves be with you soon.

B

That is very bad news. So sorry to hear that he has been lying to you. Maybe he thought he could stay married and still get the fiance visa to go through. Watch him. Be very careful when proceeding forward.

[The_dip_sticks 0]

Im so sorry this happened. I hope that things clear up and that a solution is found. I know its easier said than done but from the bottom of my heart I hope that you get the answers and may God help you make the best decisions.

[RosaMystica7 0]

Oh Bridgett! I'm so sorry this happened to you; I know how much you love Andreas and I'm sure you must be heartbroken. BUT... maybe give it some time and think on it all. I hear it's so hard to get a legal divorce in Greece; I mean, he was totally wrong for not levelling with you and being honest, but give it some time and consider whether you really have completely lost trust in him and whether you can forgive him.

- Karen

This comment says everything that I wanted to. Calm down with a bubble bath and some wine (and that cell turned off) and give it some time before you decide on anything.

[PlatyPius 5]

Ok. I'm going to post my personal feelings about this now. I've kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to make it worse for her. But, she hasn't been on VJ for 8 days now, so I'm assuming it's somewhat safe to say it now.

Do y'all remember her ranting posts about how he wouldn't do everything immediately like she wanted? That she couldn't tolerate his "laid-back" attitude about everything? I thought then, and still do, that a Type-A US person and a person from Greece or that general area was an odd match. People from the Med are typically VERY laid-back.

MY (emphasis) personal theory is that he was too terrified to tell her that he didn't have the papers yet. I remember WELL how she went off about some minor detail on here; and was prepared to end the engagement then over it. Can you really blame him for not bringing it up?

He was probably hoping that it would all work itself out. Us men do that sometimes. I'm not condoning what he did, but I think I CAN understand it. Judging from some of the things she said here a few months ago, I wouldn't want to anger her either!

Anyway, that's my opinion.

[William33 110]

Ok. I'm going to post my personal feelings about this now. I've kept my mouth shut because I didn't want to make it worse for her. But, she hasn't been on VJ for 8 days now, so I'm assuming it's somewhat safe to say it now.

Do y'all remember her ranting posts about how he wouldn't do everything immediately like she wanted? That she couldn't tolerate his "laid-back" attitude about everything? I thought then, and still do, that a Type-A US person and a person from Greece or that general area was an odd match. People from the Med are typically VERY laid-back.

MY (emphasis) personal theory is that he was too terrified to tell her that he didn't have the papers yet. I remember WELL how she went off about some minor detail on here; and was prepared to end the engagement then over it. Can you really blame him for not bringing it up?

He was probably hoping that it would all work itself out. Us men do that sometimes. I'm not condoning what he did, but I think I CAN understand it. Judging from some of the things she said here a few months ago, I wouldn't want to anger her either!

Anyway, that's my opinion.

[RosaMystica7 0]

My poor fiance in France is that way. I'm very laid back with most things, but with some things... I'm a "Type-A US person" and I'm not too proud of that. There have been times where my French fiance hid something from me simply for that reason - he was afraid that, if he told me, I'd explode and get angry at him and he didn't want that.

I'm not condoning what the Greek fiance did in this post, either... just saying that, in my opinion, I agree with the previous 2 guys and can understand how a guy can feel like this.

[kitkat1 5]

At the same time, he could dug deep to find a backbone and told her, gently, that he had not been able to get what he needed and let her know what grown-up, big boy steps he was taking to get it taken care of. Why let her continue the process and all the planning if he couldn't do what he said? Don't know how she would have reacted had he told her sooner, but if it were me that would have been a much better scenario. When he let it get as far as he did, he dug his own grave (maybe that's what he wanted?)

[SoL. 0]

I am sorry but, what is a Type-A US person? Could somebody please explain? I never heard that one before....

Edited November 19, 2006 by Sol-de-Verano

[PlatyPius 5]

Type A’s and Issues surrounding time.

Type A people have limitless problems with time. Type A’s need to be on time, they need to avoid running out of time, they need to have a watch or clock handy so they can measure time, they invest time, measure the value of time spent and time left available. These folks have issues with deadlines, as they are restricting, yet they feel they must have them and they must be met. Time is a tool for measuring and a means of limiting, confining and defining. As such, time is important to someone who has always had to meet standards and deadlines for acceptance.

Issues with money.

Type A people have esteem issues, as they don’t base their value on solid ground but rather on meeting standards. As such, rather than by their inherent value as people, they value themselves and what they do by money. What’s it worth, what did it cost, how much do they earn, have and spend? They spend or give money as a way of showing love or affection. It is their empowerment and security. In relationships there is a medium of exchange and of acceptance with others and it is money.

Issues with dirt.

As the type A individual is perfectionist and of low self esteem they don’t want to have any association with dirt. Getting dirty makes them feel cheap and worthless. They need neat surroundings.

[Ban Hammer 13,334]

Issues with dirt.

As the type A individual is perfectionist and of low self esteem they don’t want to have any association with dirt. Getting dirty makes them feel cheap and worthless. They need neat surroundings.

so are dirty jokes not worth their time?

[Alex+R 0]

Type A’s and Issues surrounding time.

Type A people have limitless problems with time. Type A’s need to be on time, they need to avoid running out of time, they need to have a watch or clock handy so they can measure time, they invest time, measure the value of time spent and time left available. These folks have issues with deadlines, as they are restricting, yet they feel they must have them and they must be met. Time is a tool for measuring and a means of limiting, confining and defining. As such, time is important to someone who has always had to meet standards and deadlines for acceptance.

Issues with money.

Type A people have esteem issues, as they don’t base their value on solid ground but rather on meeting standards. As such, rather than by their inherent value as people, they value themselves and what they do by money. What’s it worth, what did it cost, how much do they earn, have and spend? They spend or give money as a way of showing love or affection. It is their empowerment and security. In relationships there is a medium of exchange and of acceptance with others and it is money.

Issues with dirt.

As the type A individual is perfectionist and of low self esteem they don’t want to have any association with dirt. Getting dirty makes them feel cheap and worthless. They need neat surroundings.

Yikes, Larry! Where did you find that? I'm Type-A-ish about time but not other stuff. It's not because I have low self esteem! It's because I think being on time is valuable and improves quality of life.