Time: First meeting to Proposal

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

AP is a walk in the park...compared to what some of us have had to endure......think about what if your future wife is the government approved foster guardian of the young 2 year old boy and she as a single woman who wants to adopt him?!!! Why would a single mother in Russia want to give up all that free government assistance and stipends to be a foster adult to the young child just to ADOPT the child? Why? And then the entire decision was left to the subjective decision of a single Babushka in charge of said decisions?

My wife endured three said continuances for the decision. The hoops she jumped threw, just to be with me? What was with that?

You want to talk about feeling helpless? You want to talk about things beyond your control that could derail all immigrations plans? If she couldn't adopt him as her own child (BC with her listed as the mother), the Embassy would not have been able to issue him a visa.

A few days in AP is a walk in the park. Don't think for an instant that your case is so special. I don't mean this in any discouraging way....but what you guys talk about pales....just pales....in relation to what some others have to / have gone through....just to be together.

Have faith and keep the relationship strong. I know that many times, many times both, of us wanted to end our madness but the other just kept it alive because....they saw the future together as being brighter or at least the potential as being brighter.

Be the bright light and bring it all home. I know we both did and we do not question our decisions....and thank each other for being the strong person at the time and making that decision to not quit.

You & Alla and T-Bone are my heros! And that is no joke.

Very true that for most of us this is just one degree of nuisance or another, a little longer wait, or a little less.

I would suggest everyone take this opportunity to be the MAN for your fiancee/spouse. I am not kidding when I say we, Alla and I, never discussed the timeline or case status. We have an I-130 in process right now for her mom and have never discussed the status for almost 7 months.

We did discuss, every day, what we were going to do when she and the boys got here, all the details of establishing life here, what she wanted and expected. Alla does not let grass grow under feet, she is a DO-er. Pasha needed to be in school RIGHT AWAY, she was worried about him missing 2 days to travel.

Be the hero, give her updates on what you are doing to prepare for her life here. She will feel better that you assume everything IS going to be OK (it is) and that you are not just staring at the unchanging status report. I can tell you my wife can pretty much tolerate anything as long as she sees something is "moving ahead". If it isn't an update on the visa, then make it something else. Something you DO control.

I promise you, this visa stuff is nothing, it has nothing whatever to do with life. All the things she does now every day will need to be done here, in a different language and culture.

If Alla had arrived and I had no clue what to do or was surprised at every turn

"OMG! I had no idea we needed this to get a drivers license! Sorry, Alla, but you will have to wait for a few months before you can begin driving lessons"

#######!!!!!!!!!!!?????????? It just is not acceptable.

You have the person you love more than anything and perhaps a child or two (if you are lucky) and they are all scared and worried and NOT about the visa processing. They look to YOU to have everything ready for them. The child needs to get in school and perhaps have language help. What are you doing about that? Have you talked to the children? What activities will they do to get them acclimated to culture and other children here? I mean, you are a gret guy, but the child wonders if he/she will have new friends (they will) will they fit in or be rejected (they will be welcomed). Thats what you need to be working on.

Besides the practical results, you will feel better having something productive to do. If nothing else, check out the culture and things she likes...theatre, concerts, restaraunts, museums...there are probably dozens of things you overlooked or took for granted that are new and exciting to her. The same old Aquarium you have been going to since 2nd grade field trips is AMAZING to her! We discovered local university museums, libraries, even coffe and tea shops. Find the local "Russian store" and be ready to take her there and introduce her to it.

There are 10,000 things and Alla is done studying and says "Go to bed"

Everything will be OK, it is just time.

[baron555 934]

You & Alla and T-Bone are my heros! And that is no joke.

Very true that for most of us this is just one degree of nuisance or another, a little longer wait, or a little less.

I would suggest everyone take this opportunity to be the MAN for your fiancee/spouse. I am not kidding when I say we, Alla and I, never discussed the timeline or case status.

Tnx Gary and as always, thanks to your Alla for meeting up with my Alla for a brief but helpful chat about the "rest of the story" about life in the US. That actually raised some issues between us, that were resolved, and corroborated many of my explanations.

We did, early on, discuss when they might be able to come, filed in early March and thought, maybe in July....NOT......maybe August....NOT.....OK, interview in late September....maybe can get here in time for Fall Colors......NOT NOT NOT....the Russian Adoption system eventually dictated how fast we could get together. Came here on December 7... A Day that will live in Infamy!

Now we are....together....the entire family......well right now those two are 'Back in the USSR' for business and family and friends.....he's in Kindergarten and we know any future visits will have to be outside of the school year which will eat into our summer camping-with-the-new-travel-trailer excursions!!!

We never discuss USCIS and how long....it really didn't matter and doesn't matter. Those of you in this initial part of the journey.....you will tell us later the same as we tell now.

You will.....this is nothing.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Tnx Gary and as always, thanks to your Alla for meeting up with my Alla for a brief but helpful chat about the "rest of the story" about life in the US. That actually raised some issues between us, that were resolved, and corroborated many of my explanations.

I admired you guys for putting the child first as it is also my feeling. Kids first. Some of the posts I read here at VJ frighten me. You did it right and you will be rewarded for that 1000 times over. This year we get to see Pasha graduate high school. He has been in UVM all year but technically is a high school student. He announced last night he is planning a weekend trip to Montreal with his friends for a graduation celebration

Gary says Alla says The drinking age AND admission to the "Canadian Ballet" age is 18. I am sure you understand what the "Canadian Ballet" is.

As they get older, yes, your vacations become more complex. A trip to Ukraine for us resembles the D-Day invasion in planning when this one can leave, this one can come back. It is a summer long fire drill!

This year, Sergey has been informed that he is paying for his own trips since we got him off to school. He is 21, he has his masters degree and that was the deal. He is on his own and has a job. He made one trip back by himself, brought his girlfriend with a student visa and plans one more trip with her this summer. Pasha is 18 now (in a couple weeks) and he gets ONE paid trip per year for a few more years, others are on his dime. We have 2 sons near Chicago and 1 in Houston (maybe 2 after this summer) so our trips and time get divided pretty well. But it is all good, we enjoy them all and they all come to visit us also

The travel trailer may get used a little less in some years but then when Leonid is older you can do all sorts of crazy stuff in there!

[baron555 934]

The travel trailer may get used a little less in some years but then when Leonid is older you can do all sorts of crazy stuff in there!

By then we have other plans....or at least ideas !!!

The most wonderful news for me to hear......was that after two days in Russia....Leonid wants to go home to his house and see his Papa.

He keeps trying to find the 'stairs to the basement' where he knows that if his Papa is home and not upstairs, he's down there with his radio stuff or his guns!!

But....in Russia...there is no basement....!!!

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

By then we have other plans....or at least ideas !!!

The most wonderful news for me to hear......was that after two days in Russia....Leonid wants to go home to his house and see his Papa.

He keeps trying to find the 'stairs to the basement' where he knows that if his Papa is home and not upstairs, he's down there with his radio stuff or his guns!!

But....in Russia...there is no basement....!!!

He will provide you with lots more wonderful news in the future. The needs and desires change but he will always be looking for you, Phil.

Right now they are looking for me to do their income tax returns with them, I did Pasha's last week and tonight will do Sergey's with him via skype.

As long as that is what brings you joy, you will always be smiling.

[Hollyday 122]

Wow it went so fast for the majority here. (No judgement or anything, just surprised). I started talking to Jamie online early in 2009, met for the first time in June'10 in Kiev (i was there on a project), went back and forth for some time (him to Kiev and Moscow, i to Seattle), then last summer he proposed. So 2 years from first meeting, 3 years from being acquainted.

[P A U L 14]

for me? i think it's been less than 6 six days. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL.

everything about marina and i feels so cliche, it's ridiculous.

[eekee 182]

Wow it went so fast for the majority here. (No judgement or anything, just surprised). I started talking to Jamie online early in 2009, met for the first time in June'10 in Kiev (i was there on a project), went back and forth for some time (him to Kiev and Moscow, i to Seattle), then last summer he proposed. So 2 years from first meeting, 3 years from being acquainted.

Although this doesn't apply to everyone, i.e., Gary, I think that when both people are searching specifically for a spouse, it's going to be a quicker timeline.

[Hollyday 122]

Although this doesn't apply to everyone, i.e., Gary, I think that when both people are searching specifically for a spouse, it's going to be a quicker timeline.

I suppose it could've been the case, yes.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Although this doesn't apply to everyone, i.e., Gary, I think that when both people are searching specifically for a spouse, it's going to be a quicker timeline.

I agree. But meeting Alla was like WHAM!!!!!! Like a hit with a 2x4 between the eyes!

Seriously, I dated a lot of Ukrainian women and most had no intent to marry anyone. I always laugh when people think that everyone in the world is just drooling over the possibility of a green card!

[Alfia & John 10]

I agree. But meeting Alla was like WHAM!!!!!! Like a hit with a 2x4 between the eyes!

Better analogy, 2X4 to the crotch; been hit both places, the crotch is more eye opening

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

Better analogy, 2X4 to the crotch; been hit both places, the crotch is more eye opening

Alla has no use for anything between my eyes.

[Alfia & John 10]

Alla has no use for anything between my eyes.