I dont understand

[suganspyce42 5]

Please keep your dignity and self respect by not falling prey or victim to such a bad situation. It is quite clear that he is manipulating you and it's not a hidden agenda, his intentions are quite apparent. Please don't stoop to his level or insult yourself. Drop him and pick up yourself, move forward and not backward. You have no strings attached, just think it could have been worse. Consider yourself blessed or lucky or however you choose to see it. You're an adult, so be grown-up about it. Loving someone who doesn't love you is hurtful by itself, so no need to add fuel to the fire by making the situation worse.

[Gosia & Tito 199]

I know this appears to be my first post on this forum but it is not. I started a new account due to keeping my privacy intact. Here is my story, my husband came here, we got married. He left during the initial stages of the immigration process, He was just gone, I didnt know where he was or anything. After multiple threats to my situation and his own immigration status and lawyer's advise they advised me to cancel my sponsorship. Well, I did that and of course a few weeks later he comes back and I feel bad and immediately send and letter to USCIS saying i do not want to cancel, well what happened was they never opened the letter and we got denied. I paid for an appeal with my lawyer and the appeal got denied also. In that time my husband was in and out of the house. I am not totally blaming him for all the issues that would be unfair. It has been so rocky, but yet once again I gave it another try because truly I do love him. We decided we would do his while immigration status over. Of course since he feels it is all my fault because i cancelled the first time (not recognizing that i attempted to stop it) he says well i have to pay for it all again myself. Maybe I am stupid but i agreed, so we started the paperwork again. Well here we are and he tells me the marriage isnt going to work but would still like me to do his paperwork, to "help him". He wants to postpone the divorce until he gets his green card. He tells me If i am a good person I will do this and help him because i Have messed up his life. At first I feel guilty and think well maybe he is right, and my lawyer fills the paperwork out but also cautions me that there will be an interview and I need to realize that it will be hard to prove a bonafide marriage when we are not living together. He says he will do it because he is trying to understand why i feel the need to help, but I should really think about it. I then say to my husband i do not know if I can stay in a fake marriage for his status for many reasons. Some of the reasons are, how do i move on, it is illegal, and I really wanted a marriage not an arrangement. He then says well if you help me maybe i will work on the marriage with you, but first I need proof that you have filed my status. I sit here confused because I do feel guilty, I just dont know what to do. While i am thinking of all this and trying to clear my head and make the best decision he then tells me listen if you are going to do it do it now if not divorce me so I can marry another woman to do my status. I was shocked, not sure why, but i was. I asked my lawyer if this is possible and he said yes. This whole situation has me sick to my stomach. It is affecting every aspect of my life.

This is a no brainer.

Drop him faster than you would a rock sinking you down the ocean.

Love make us do silly things, but there is line.....you know it, he knows it....

[Shiobhan 235]

This alley-cat has trampled on your self-esteem, he dont love you never did, let him go use that other female, it will hurt awhile, but next year this time you'll be OK ...Dont lie for this creep to USCIS

its a felony... Move on, hold your head high, socialize with friends, and stop the focus on immigration you dont need a GC...let it go good luck

[hikergirl 277]

I know this appears to be my first post on this forum but it is not. I started a new account due to keeping my privacy intact. Here is my story, my husband came here, we got married. He left during the initial stages of the immigration process, He was just gone, I didnt know where he was or anything. After multiple threats to my situation and his own immigration status and lawyer's advise they advised me to cancel my sponsorship. Well, I did that and of course a few weeks later he comes back and I feel bad and immediately send and letter to USCIS saying i do not want to cancel, well what happened was they never opened the letter and we got denied. I paid for an appeal with my lawyer and the appeal got denied also. In that time my husband was in and out of the house. I am not totally blaming him for all the issues that would be unfair. It has been so rocky, but yet once again I gave it another try because truly I do love him. We decided we would do his while immigration status over. Of course since he feels it is all my fault because i cancelled the first time (not recognizing that i attempted to stop it) he says well i have to pay for it all again myself. Maybe I am stupid but i agreed, so we started the paperwork again. Well here we are and he tells me the marriage isnt going to work but would still like me to do his paperwork, to "help him". He wants to postpone the divorce until he gets his green card. He tells me If i am a good person I will do this and help him because i Have messed up his life. At first I feel guilty and think well maybe he is right, and my lawyer fills the paperwork out but also cautions me that there will be an interview and I need to realize that it will be hard to prove a bonafide marriage when we are not living together. He says he will do it because he is trying to understand why i feel the need to help, but I should really think about it. I then say to my husband i do not know if I can stay in a fake marriage for his status for many reasons. Some of the reasons are, how do i move on, it is illegal, and I really wanted a marriage not an arrangement. He then says well if you help me maybe i will work on the marriage with you, but first I need proof that you have filed my status. I sit here confused because I do feel guilty, I just dont know what to do. While i am thinking of all this and trying to clear my head and make the best decision he then tells me listen if you are going to do it do it now if not divorce me so I can marry another woman to do my status. I was shocked, not sure why, but i was. I asked my lawyer if this is possible and he said yes. This whole situation has me sick to my stomach. It is affecting every aspect of my life.

I agree with the others that helping him is illegal and you should not do it.

I do feel a tremendous amount of sympathy for you in your situation though. The emotional blackmail and mind games that he is putting you through sounds horrible. We are taught as young girls to “be nice”, but it’s not completely clear what that means. Being nice does not mean being his doormat. Stick up for yourself and remind yourself what he has put you through and what he is continuing to put you through. You brought him over in good faith, you didn’t ruin his life, he did that on his own by walking out on you. It seems to me that he may have only come back because he realized that he couldn’t AoS without you. Please take care of yourself first.

[Ben and Jill 37]

Grab yourself a big load of self respect and throw this loser out with the trash. YOU owe him nothing, zero , nada. He used you to get there , he wants you to lie to the government to keep him here and tells you to your face that it is only for a greencard. Don't listen , change the locks, change your phone number and get an new email account. Don't look back.

Nigeria or Bust couldn't have said it better. KICK HIM TO THE CURBBBBBBBB. Self-respect, self-love, and dignity....get rid of him...quick.

Edited February 8, 2013 by Ben and Jill

[Khan sab 4]

forget him , help him if u want to .....

[RFQ 110]

I'd change my locks, my phone number, and get the heck away from him. He's bad news. You don't owe him anything.

Edited February 8, 2013 by RFQ

[Yoshi & Beth 0]

It isn't worth the heart-ache that you will endure if you continue with the relationship. Protect yourself and let him go. Sounds like he is using you and your emotions (love/feelings/kindness towards him) for his own gain. Be thankful that his true colors came out to warn you beforehand!

[bsd058 296]

This guy is going to end up getting kicked out of the country. lol. USCIS will see right through him. Wife hopping. A new sport!

[confused1313 1]

I wanted to thank everyone for there comments. Of course it was everything I was already thinking, but actually needed to see it for myself. I know odd right. Anyway I think some of the guilt I felt is because I was not perfect, I made mistakes in the marriage also. I am strong, independent, and at times inpatient. I say what is on my mind way to quick and sometimes do not think. Of course he knows I know this about myself so that has been his focus on how it was all my fault. Example one day I was doing all the cleaning and he was sitting there online doing nothing. This was before he had a job and i was working two, I asked him to help out and he said I dont do stuff like that. I told him I was not his mother and he either learned to help or he didnt need to stay here. Well he packed up and walked out. So of course that ended up with it being me kicking him out. I feel kicking someone out is packing bags and throwing them out of the door which I never did, but I kicked him out. Was I wrong to say it, well yes.

Anyway my update is this, after last night and getting some horrible messages when I told him definitely no I could not do this and lie. He said one simple thing that made email our lawyer and pay him to start divorce proceedings. He told me I needed to go kill myself because I was a piece of Sh*t. He also said him and his family would pray very hard to God that I would have a horrible death when my time comes.

I am sad, maybe because the fairy tale never really happened for me. I am sad because I really loved this person who now wishes death upon me. Am I ok? Well no not yet, with help and time I will be. This has been a very long lonely journey.

Thanks again to everyone that responded to my other post.

[bsd058 296]

I wanted to thank everyone for there comments. Of course it was everything I was already thinking, but actually needed to see it for myself. I know odd right. Anyway I think some of the guilt I felt is because I was not perfect, I made mistakes in the marriage also. I am strong, independent, and at times inpatient. I say what is on my mind way to quick and sometimes do not think. Of course he knows I know this about myself so that has been his focus on how it was all my fault. Example one day I was doing all the cleaning and he was sitting there online doing nothing. This was before he had a job and i was working two, I asked him to help out and he said I dont do stuff like that. I told him I was not his mother and he either learned to help or he didnt need to stay here. Well he packed up and walked out. So of course that ended up with it being me kicking him out. I feel kicking someone out is packing bags and throwing them out of the door which I never did, but I kicked him out. Was I wrong to say it, well yes.

Anyway my update is this, after last night and getting some horrible messages when I told him definitely no I could not do this and lie. He said one simple thing that made email our lawyer and pay him to start divorce proceedings. He told me I needed to go kill myself because I was a piece of Sh*t. He also said him and his family would pray very hard to God that I would have a horrible death when my time comes.

I am sad, maybe because the fairy tale never really happened for me. I am sad because I really loved this person who now wishes death upon me. Am I ok? Well no not yet, with help and time I will be. This has been a very long lonely journey.

Thanks again to everyone that responded to my other post.

Ya, because God's into answering the prayers of a psychopathic liar. (Sarcasm)

1 Peter 3:7 - Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker [in strength] partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

I've learned a long time ago and God esteems women a lot higher than much of society thinks. He won't listen to men who don't treat their wives with love and respect. He will get what's coming to him.

Galatians 6:7 - Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.

I hope you find someone who will love, respect, and protect you the way God intended. Sorry to hear about how crappy that idiot was treating you. You didn't deserve any of it.

Edited February 8, 2013 by bsd058

[Enigma11561 336]

I wanted to thank everyone for there comments. Of course it was everything I was already thinking, but actually needed to see it for myself. I know odd right. Anyway I think some of the guilt I felt is because I was not perfect, I made mistakes in the marriage also. I am strong, independent, and at times inpatient. I say what is on my mind way to quick and sometimes do not think. Of course he knows I know this about myself so that has been his focus on how it was all my fault. Example one day I was doing all the cleaning and he was sitting there online doing nothing. This was before he had a job and i was working two, I asked him to help out and he said I dont do stuff like that. I told him I was not his mother and he either learned to help or he didnt need to stay here. Well he packed up and walked out. So of course that ended up with it being me kicking him out. I feel kicking someone out is packing bags and throwing them out of the door which I never did, but I kicked him out. Was I wrong to say it, well yes.

Anyway my update is this, after last night and getting some horrible messages when I told him definitely no I could not do this and lie. He said one simple thing that made email our lawyer and pay him to start divorce proceedings. He told me I needed to go kill myself because I was a piece of Sh*t. He also said him and his family would pray very hard to God that I would have a horrible death when my time comes.

I am sad, maybe because the fairy tale never really happened for me. I am sad because I really loved this person who now wishes death upon me. Am I ok? Well no not yet, with help and time I will be. This has been a very long lonely journey.

Thanks again to everyone that responded to my other post.

Honey, your fairy tale is yet to come. Even snow White had to bite the poison apple before her prince charming came. Hang in there.YOur a good soul and god knows this.

[InHisTime 110]

I wanted to thank everyone for there comments. Of course it was everything I was already thinking, but actually needed to see it for myself. I know odd right. Anyway I think some of the guilt I felt is because I was not perfect, I made mistakes in the marriage also. I am strong, independent, and at times inpatient. I say what is on my mind way to quick and sometimes do not think. Of course he knows I know this about myself so that has been his focus on how it was all my fault. Example one day I was doing all the cleaning and he was sitting there online doing nothing. This was before he had a job and i was working two, I asked him to help out and he said I dont do stuff like that. I told him I was not his mother and he either learned to help or he didnt need to stay here. Well he packed up and walked out. So of course that ended up with it being me kicking him out. I feel kicking someone out is packing bags and throwing them out of the door which I never did, but I kicked him out. Was I wrong to say it, well yes.

Anyway my update is this, after last night and getting some horrible messages when I told him definitely no I could not do this and lie. He said one simple thing that made email our lawyer and pay him to start divorce proceedings. He told me I needed to go kill myself because I was a piece of Sh*t. He also said him and his family would pray very hard to God that I would have a horrible death when my time comes.

I am sad, maybe because the fairy tale never really happened for me. I am sad because I really loved this person who now wishes death upon me. Am I ok? Well no not yet, with help and time I will be. This has been a very long lonely journey.

Thanks again to everyone that responded to my other post.

No worry, God knows best for you. He is using the name of God in vain.

Just move forward and don't feel guilty. It hurts now, but you will eventually feel better and life would be much happier without him. Love yourself, go to spa, get some nice massage, go to gym.... you deserve better and in time for sure God would bring the right man for you.

I believe that without RESPECT, any relationship is bound to fail. LOVE alone cannot endure forever. Be well and always remember this thing doesn't happened to you alone. Let it go and take care of yourself. God bless you

[RFQ 110]

If your faith and trust is in God, believe for that He only brings what is best for you although we can't see it right away.

I had a bad apple too-- a 10 year nightmare. Then I woke up... I considered that maybe I wasn't as horrible as I was told I was. Then I realized there also a whole whole lot of men in the world that are really great guys, and many who will forgive a few personality flaws. We all have them after all.

Here's to new beginnings, and making the best out of bad situations!

[Dr. A ♥ O 203]

I'm sorry you're going through this and having to deal with the emotionally abusive "ickiness" with the things he's saying to you.

Everyone's pretty much said what I would say, so I'll offer you some women empowerment music that fits this situation to help you heal and get you through it. I think Sara Bareilles sings it best in her song, "Love Song".

Lyrics

"Love Song"

Head under water

And they tell me to breathe easy for a while

The breathing gets harder, even I know that

Made room for me but it's too soon to see

If I'm happy in your hands

I'm unusually hard to hold on to

Blank stares at blank pages

No easy way to say this

You mean well, but you make this hard on me

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's

Make or break in this

If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to stay

If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better

Reason to write you a love song today

I learned the hard way

That they all say things you want to hear

And my heavy heart sinks deep down under you and

Your twisted words,

Your help just hurts

You are not what I thought you were

Hello to high and dry

Convinced me to please you

Made me think that I need this too

I'm trying to let you hear me as I am

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's

Make or break in this

If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to stay

If all you have is leaving I'm gonna need a better

Reason to write you a love song today

Promise me that you'll leave the light on

To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone

'cause I believe there's a way you can love me

Because I say

I won't write you a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's make or break in this

Is that why you wanted a love song

'cause you asked for it

'cause you need one, you see

I'm not gonna write you a love song

'cause you tell me it's make or break in this

If you're on your way

I'm not gonna write you to stay

If your heart is nowhere in it

I don't want it for a minute

Babe, I'll walk the seven seas when I believe that

There's a reason to

Write you a love song today