Miscarriage

[Calypso 464]

I hadn't known how common spontaneous abortions are until the second week of January. It has been exactly four weeks after my first pregnancy ended. I know this is TMI but I'm writing this time as a way of teaching myself to talk about my miscarriage without feeling extremely dejected. My husband told his family first. Both our families were aware of my pregnancy. His mom's immediate response was, "Why? Did she fall?" Then I called my mother in the Philippines and her reaction was not any better. "It would have been so nice to have that baby. I thought you were eating well like you mentioned." At least my MIL got her act together a few moments later unlike my mother.

My husband and I were waiting for the end of January to hit the 12-week mark before we would announce to friends. The staff of my dentist and orthodontist (I refused to have my annual dental X-ray) and my husband's officemates knew that I was pregnant. When we revealed to them that we lost our baby, they were very understanding and compassionate. There were no judgments or moronic questions. Most of all, I was so surprised that almost all of them experienced a miscarriage firsthand.

The worst thing about a miscarriage is remembering that our baby is now buried in the cold earth instead of being cradled in the warmth of my husband and my own arms starting in summer 2013. I was imagining everyday with a baby's laughter and picking costumes for holidays, thinking of years when the baby grows into adulthood and further, a part of so much more happiness for me and my husband. Now even my imagination is gone.

One week after my miscarriage, a close friend told me she'd be having a baby in September. Another week later, I toasted for a friend who would be giving birth in July. My due date was on August 7. Everybody says that 1 out of 5 pregnancies end in a miscarriage. Who knew I'd be counted?

When we had an early ulrasound at 8 weeks, the baby's heart seemed healthy at 162 beats per minute. When my husband brought me to the ER at 10 weeks, there was no more heartbeat. The baby measured 8 weeks and 3 days. The ER physician said I was having an incomplete miscarriage. He prescribed me codeine and asked me to go home and rest. The medication didn't help with the pain and it only made me sleepy. I have recovered physically quite fast since then because I was only at 10 weeks when it happened the natural way. I had another follow-up appointment and medical testing with an ob-gyn and she said the same thing that two other physicians have stated, that I'm only 25 and a very healthy person and my loss happened only by chance and won't likely occur again. It's just nature's way, said they.

Well, I'm just very grateful that my husband is always by my side. He took as many days as he could to work from home and gave me extra care. My prayer is for all couples to find such strong and pure relationship, whether you want to have kids or not; for parents to really love your children of any age; and for those who want to be parents, may we finally create that experience.

[X Factor 1,112]

So sorry to hear Calypso

[Dr. Obvious 49]

I'm sorry for your loss.

[Novembro 1,763]

Wow, I am so sorry to hear this. Props on staying strong.

[Ayman___ 92]

Sorry to hear I know the feeling I had one at 10 weeks stay strong.. GOD bless you

[Harpa Timsah 13,258]

I don't know if it will help but most miscarriages happen because something is wrong with the fetus and it's nature's way of sparing it pain. You did nothing wrong, they are common, and lie the doctor said, you are young and nothing is wrong with your body. Good luck going forward, and my condolences for your loss.

Edited February 7, 2013 by Harpa Timsah

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for talking about your experience. It's one of those things that people don't talk about and that's why some don't know it's more common than they realise. Hopefully your post will help someone else, and also yourself, heal.

[^_^ 5,021]

Sorry to hear this, Calypso. Feel better.

[Golden Gate 530]

Sorry to hear that Calypso. You might feel sad and mourn the loss. It happened to me a few times. You will have more chances though! Just heal and relax for a bit.

[Pooky 3,784]

Sad to hear this. I have stood in your husband's shoes and I have an idea of what you're going through.

A little over a year later, our munchkin was born and she is a constant reminder that what is meant to be will be.

Trust that it will get better.

[Ban Hammer 13,336]

sorry to read the bad news, my thoughts are with you.

[Penny Lane 8,159]

So sorry to hear this. There is nothing you did, and nothing wrong with you. I'm also sorry that you didn't receive the immediate support you deserved from some family members.

I wish you the best, and I hope that your dream of becoming parents comes true for you. I'm sure it will.

[JensJrny2Ray 367]

My heart aches reading this. I am so sorry this happened to you and your husband.

[elmcitymaven 9,712]

So sorry to hear this, Calypso. I lost a pregnancy two years ago to miscarriage at about 7 weeks. It was not an expected or even wanted pregnancy. I was stunned at how very, very much I felt the loss, even though I had had no plans to bring the pregnancy to term. It was one of the most emotionally harrowing experiences of my life, and I felt unable to talk to people about what happened, because I thought everyone would be confused why I was so upset when I did not want to have a child.

It did wake me up to understanding a lot more about my reproductive cycle, and realising that maybe I *did* want to be a mother after all. Being able to talk about it at last with friends has made me realise how many other women (and their partners) have gone through the same grief. You are not alone, and there should be no shame. People can sometimes be insensitive about miscarriage, especially when it's very early on in a pregnancy. No matter what point you are along, it's terrible. Sending you healing thoughts.

[Xanax 349]

I'm very sorry for your loss. There is nothing you could have done and you did nothing wrong.

It is true that around 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage or stillbirth but the number could still be higher as many women are pregnant and do not know it / it is too early.

I wish you good luck in your future pregnancies.