Guide to prepping you fiancé (e) for life in the U.S.

[Anastassia 0]

Lurker,

this is very, very wise. My husband should have read this guide before I came here. I didn't expect miracles here but I didn't expect it would be this bad for me to get used to things here.

I have been here almost a year and a half and still struggling.

Peace

Ana

[Lurker 0]

Lurker,

this is very, very wise. My husband should have read this guide before I came here. I didn't expect miracles here but I didn't expect it would be this bad for me to get used to things here.

I have been here almost a year and a half and still struggling.

Peace

Ana

I am a straight talker....and prefer not to keep the wool over peoples eyes. I also sympathize with other pretty well, so I figured I would put myself in the shoes of those coming here.

REMEMBER: Even if the perception is wrong, it is still rule.

[patricks 0]

Ann,

You said,

"I have been here almost a year and a half and still struggling."

In General,

What are you struggling with? (as it relates to living in America vs Poland)

Just Curious, Hang in there........

[Miwa 0]

Lurker,

this is very, very wise. My husband should have read this guide before I came here. I didn't expect miracles here but I didn't expect it would be this bad for me to get used to things here.

I have been here almost a year and a half and still struggling.

Peace

Ana

May I know what you are struggling with? I am also struggling with adjusting to my life here. Mainly due to unemployment though and being a homemaker.

Good luck.

Sincerely,

Miwa's wife

[alix 20]

I think the key is being open to the new culture, and I mean that for both the USC and the spouse/fiancée from another country. There's got to be some flexibility and room for adjustment. If either one wants to have the same life as they had before and impose that on the other, it will be very hard to adapt.

[Lurker 0]

I think the key is being open to the new culture, and I mean that for both the USC and the spouse/fiancée from another country. There's got to be some flexibility and room for adjustment. If either one wants to have the same life as they had before and impose that on the other, it will be very hard to adapt.

You hit the nail on the head with this. Very good comments

[Anastassia 0]

Hi All,

Patricks and Miwa's wife I am struggling with boredom and issues related to every day life.

First of all, I don't have one single friend here and one may think it's my fault, but I had previously moved many, many times and never had problems making friends. I have lots of friends in Poland and none here. I had a better quality life there, countless job opportunities. Here it took me three months to get a job that has very good benefits and is boring as hell and I can't even think about changing it first, because foreigners are not welcome here as employees (and don't worry, nobody will tell you this straight up, but it's true) and second because there aren't many job opportunities in the area.

I don't even want to get started on health insurance and credit history because it's too much typing

I think I easily get used to new places and situations but for some reason it's not the case here. I hate it where we live and moving is not an option for my husband. I love him but it makes me sick when I think that I might spend the rest of my life here.

I wish my husband had told me that job market sucks and money sucks even more (cost of living is much lower in Poland and I make the same money I made there years ago). I knew the town was small, but had no idea it is so boring.

I am stuck

Ana

[anya-D 8]

e. MOST IMPORTANT: BE YOUR TRUE SELF!!!

I just think this one should be the first thing you do wheny ou first met anybody Coz if u just turn to your true self aafter the fiance/e arroved int he US then that would be a shock isnt it But I know what u mean though

Hi All,

Patricks and Miwa's wife I am struggling with boredom and issues related to every day life.

First of all, I don't have one single friend here and one may think it's my fault, but I had previously moved many, many times and never had problems making friends. I have lots of friends in Poland and none here. I had a better quality life there, countless job opportunities. Here it took me three months to get a job that has very good benefits and is boring as hell and I can't even think about changing it first, because foreigners are not welcome here as employees (and don't worry, nobody will tell you this straight up, but it's true) and second because there aren't many job opportunities in the area.

I don't even want to get started on health insurance and credit history because it's too much typing

I think I easily get used to new places and situations but for some reason it's not the case here. I hate it where we live and moving is not an option for my husband. I love him but it makes me sick when I think that I might spend the rest of my life here.

I wish my husband had told me that job market sucks and money sucks even more (cost of living is much lower in Poland and I make the same money I made there years ago). I knew the town was small, but had no idea it is so boring.

I am stuck

Ana

I hear you!!!!!!! I mean I'm not in that small of a city (very diverse here in Durham, NC) but still job opportunity is not that much around here... and I dont have many friends (friends are hard to find!!!) I'm usually dont have a problem finding friends but I dont know why it's so difficult here!! Thank fully i have a few freinds who i can talk to here eventhough not so close as able to visit afterworrk and so on...

My credit score is good now thugh... got major credit card all by myself in 3 months after moved here YEY!

The only problem for me is employment (money money moeny!!!) and food.. I miss my food soooooo bad.. and I miss shopping in Bangkok soooo bad (cant really find my size there though.. but still a lot cheaper!!! ) I miss just getting out of the house and food is right there for me to choose... I could think of anything to eat here but ti didnt prevent me from gaining weight though

I think the other thing to tell your SO from the country in SE asia is about food....... no street food - and depends on where you live if you would have access to asian market from her/his country I MISS MY FOOD

[chuckandkim 0]

I always thought being someone else is too tiring that is why we (men) got married to you women. and the same for you girls... That's why there are so many big girls and big boys out there who just not keeping their body in shape after marriage, do not keep their sex drive in check either, things just keep declining. Because they are now being their true-self: lazy!

I myself am guilty of that... but i'm working on it... I used to hit the gym 5 days a weeks for 2 hours... now, I walk from home the supermarket once a month and call it "workout" HAHAHAHA I'm not fat but I'm not in the best shape I did have before.... Wife does complain about it! But I'm working on it, honey! HAHAHA

Edited November 13, 2006 by chuckandkim

[anya-D 8]

I always thought being someone else is too tiring that is why we (men) got married to you women. and the same for you girls... That's why there are so many big girls and big boys out there who just not keeping their body in shape after marriage, do not keep their sex drive in check either, things just keep declining. Because they are now being their true-self: lazy!

I myself am guilty of that... but i'm working on it... I used to hit the gym 5 days a weeks for 2 hours... now, I walk from home the supermarket once a month and call it "workout" HAHAHAHA I'm not fat but I'm not in the best shape I did have before.... Wife does complain about it! But I'm working on it, honey! HAHAHA

lol Bram know i'm lazy to work out since he met me I also know he's not the gym type too.. we are both enjoy eating but we are not over weight.. Bram work allows him to walk a lot and be very active and now that he also renovating some houses (does all the labour thing himslef too) he has a better shape than me

I just hate gym... it's so boring.. took some pilate class but the gym is far.. so i took my dog for a walk instead.. she also needs some diet and exercise but now that it get dark so early.. i have the excuse not to walk!! and my job is to sit in front of computer all day.. doesnt help either.. i need to be more active!!!!!!!

[patricks 0]

For Anya-D,

I agree with you:

I lived in T-land a couple of months and adjusting to Thai food on the street or an economical restaurant, no problem for a foreigner. Not the same for you living in America (make you "Ting Tong") crazy.....

Fortunately, my Vietnamese wife has many VNs and Korean Markets in Northern Virginia to shop for fresh Asian seafood, fruit and spices. Actually, I eat homemade asian food almost every night becuase my wife doesn't like most American dishes (food).

Having those shops and the VNs influence has made my wife's transisition to America much easier....I'm very very lucky!

Mai Pen Rai Kop.......no problem

For Anastassia,

What area do you live in?, ie Northern Virginia (direction and state)

I assume you have a driver's license and car to be independent? (makes a big difference)

Yes, the lower and middle class suffer in America; it's not easy. Plus, a lot of places aren't culturally rich for foreigners, you really got to live in or near a big city.

Good luck,

Patricks

[Anastassia 0]

Patricks,

I live in Virginia. I have been driving here from day one but it doesn't change much. The only place I can go is shopping - I know it all and quite boring after a while. Local restaurants are a waste of money in my opinion. When I went to the restaurant in Poland it was an event to remember (not that I went so rarely, just the restaurants were fantastic and worth the money), here all the restaurants offer the same food.

I wanted to join a school of dance, class for adults that I wanted starts at 3pm. I guess it's only for non working adults.

Ana

[anya-D 8]

here all the restaurants offer the same food.

ohhh soo true!!!!

For Anya-D,

I agree with you:

I lived in T-land a couple of months and adjusting to Thai food on the street or an economical restaurant, no problem for a foreigner. Not the same for you living in America (make you "Ting Tong") crazy.....

Fortunately, my Vietnamese wife has many VNs and Korean Markets in Northern Virginia to shop for fresh Asian seafood, fruit and spices. Actually, I eat homemade asian food almost every night becuase my wife doesn't like most American dishes (food).

Having those shops and the VNs influence has made my wife's transisition to America much easier....I'm very very lucky!

Mai Pen Rai Kop.......no problem

Patricks

Patrick..

Has your wife ever runs out of ideas for FOOD? that's my problem.. there's not many thing i can think of here... not complete set of ingredient too.. so I can do just handful of stuff.. I LOVE to cook but i just dont have a lot of ideas for the menu I try looking ont he internet and there's a lot of ideas on how to cook easy Thai food (that i havnt try) coz i'm so bored with the "can" curry (red, green, yellow and others) and to get all the ingredient i want would be a 1 hr drive - i might do that once a month...

FOOD is the major factor

[patricks 0]

"H-Mart", a Korean Supermarket has everything! It's like being in Asia.

No, actually she doesn't run out of ideas:

Lots of different types of soups (Pho, Bun Bo Hue, Bun Riel, Hu Tieu, etc)

Fish dishes

Rice, Meat/seafood & veggies

Curry

many types of salads

No cheesy dishes, not much bread or heavy food.

Only Spagetti and meat sauce now and then

Patrick

[Miwa 0]

For those who wants to find Thai food ingredients, you can get it from this website

http://importfood.com/

I miss Malaysia's food too... It's available 24/7. The Malaysian restaurants here are not only expensive but does not offer the diverse range of food available in Malaysia right outside your door!