Jaded I-130 Waiters

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Ugh, I am trying to prove my dual Hungarian citizenship. I need my father's birth certificate from Hungary. I know when he was born, and where, and his mother's name and father's name. But I need to submit all the paperwork in Hungarian, which I do not speak because when my father naturalized, he swore that his kids would never be marked as inferior because they weren't "from around here". So he refused flatly to teach us his language. He wouldn't change his mind if he was still living and knew about my hassle, either. I can hear him scolding in my mind, "What the ____ do you need THAT for? We're Americans now!" LOL.

Get on it! I think the EU passport is a nice little addition, but as an American, it isn't that much different, know what I mean?

I think it is just a symptom of the giant American melting pot. Several of my neighbors in CT had Danish/Norwegian/Swedish FOB parents and none of them can speak the languages at an advanced level as far as I am aware. My father did learn Dutch from my grandmother, but my ex-husband never learned Tagalog (I think) or Slovak. His family would speak it to each other, but never to him. Living in a bilingual household I can see it being a giant pain to teach a kid the second language when both parents are already speaking English. It is a real struggle around here. I've also come to the conclusion that it is why the little one is really heavy on the Danglish lately. Hyphenated words like best-friend are coming out bedste-friend (which actually sound similar). So, this way Danish kids have no idea what she is saying and neither do English kids. Maybe your father was on to something.

Edited February 9, 2013 by Nola123

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

This is how I feel about USCIS

I'm going with this one:

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

That does not sound pleasant.

We got ours on the day of our marriage, thankfully. I don't know if normal Danish couples get two marriage certificates but they gave us one completely in Danish and one in Danish/German/Spanish/English and maybe French? For that we are lucky. It is very easy to get records here, I think the certification from the draft board took a couple of days, the birth certificate was mailed the day after we requested it, and the police certificate is a 5 minute walk in deal.

I only wish that American things could move so smoothly! A while back I need to request a copy of my biological parents' marriage certificate from New York City to put in with my British passport application. So, I wait a month and just decided to send a letter to them stating that I can't obtain it but that the consular officer must have logged it to give me a birth registration in the first place. 4 months later it shows up. I requested my father's and my birth registration from the UK, and it was in America within the week.

I think we have some things to learn, although I suspect that India doesn't even compare.

Did you eventually get it?

No we have not gotten the marriage registered yet. In India, things are very different in regards to marriage unlike the U.S. where a marriage is a marriage no matter what state you are in. There are multiple different marriage acts in order to register your marriage in India, some Indian states even have their own acts. Mostly these are dependent on religion.

I converted to Hinduism legally and we were able to marry under the Hindu Marriage Act. We were married in a Hindu temple and received our marriage certificate issued by the priest who performed the ceremony. Now here's where it gets confusing. According to Indian law, Hindu marriages which are solemnized in a temple are legal and binding and typically do not require registration. However, the U.S. government likes to see marriage registration certificates because they are consistent all across India. We have made countless attempts to register it, following all laws and protocol. Basically the marriage registrar refuses to do it because he disagrees with our interracial marriage (After he ran out of excuses). As outrageous as this is, it is common in India for officials to bring their own personal bias into legal matters. Indian laws are also interpreted as the individual sees fit.

Now where does that leave us? I made several InfoPass appointments at my Pitt office to discuss this problem. I have substantial proof that shows we followed every law to obtain our registration and have every documented attempt I and my husband have made. We have offical letters from the high courts ordering the registrar to comply and register our marriage and his subsequent decision to ignore said order. My husband still makes weekly attempts to register it in which the registrar is either "at an important meeting" or couldn't be bothered to report to work that day.

The Pitt office told me that I have enough evidence to prove our relationship (as husband and wife) and SHOULD be acceptable for USCIS. I am still expecting an RFE, especially if Pitt doesn't review my application. I'm also terrified that my application will be outright rejected and months of waiting will be for nothing. But I felt that it was worth attempting the application instead of waiting in limbo land for this pig-head official in India to change his mind and accept our application.

I'm afraid every day for a NOID, denial, or RFE. I don't even know how we would respond to an RFE. We provided them all evidence. We've got nothing else to show other than my last trip to India which shows more attempts. I've heard something about filing an application for "unobtainble documents". I have no idea how to go about doing that and what we will have to show.

This situation has also been creating a catastrophic domino effect for my husband in regards to documents he needs for NVC. In India, you are supposed to add your spouse's name to your passport after marriage. He can't do that without the marriage registration document. Without my name in his passport, he will have a difficult time obtaining a Passport Clearance Certificate, a required document for NVC.

Pitt office also told me that I may break through USCIS with the info I have but NVC will more than likely send me an RFE.

I get a sick feeling every time I read a post about how inconsistent USCIS is with information. What if they told me wrong information and my application gets denied?

No wonder I have panic attacks almost every day . I kick myself every day for not doing the K-1. Had absolutely no way of foreseeing these problems.

Sorry for the long post.

Edited February 9, 2013 by AKSinghSingh79

[speedwell 224]

No wonder I have panic attacks almost every day . I kick myself every day for not doing the K-1. Had absolutely no way of foreseeing these problems.

Whoa. Panic attacks? You poor thing. I know all about those suckers. They come out of frustration. I just, today, read a wonderful article by Karen Drucker, who defines FEAR as "False Evidence Appearing Real". You are telling yourself bad things are happening and it makes your body go "Oh, #######, where's the danger?".

Have you thought of getting remarried somewhere else, perhaps a sympathetic temple in the US, just to have the documentation of your marriage? (Silly of me, of course you have.) What makes your stupid bigot registrar so necessary?

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

Whoa. Panic attacks? You poor thing. I know all about those suckers. They come out of frustration. I just, today, read a wonderful article by Karen Drucker, who defines FEAR as "False Evidence Appearing Real". You are telling yourself bad things are happening and it makes your body go "Oh, #######, where's the danger?".

Have you thought of getting remarried somewhere else, perhaps a sympathetic temple in the US, just to have the documentation of your marriage? (Silly of me, of course you have.) What makes your stupid bigot registrar so necessary?

Yes we have

Unfortunately the problem is my husband's ability to travel. Indians don't have very many options as far as countries to travel to visa-free. Even those countries are difficult to get to. For instance, Indians can travel to Jamaica visa-free but no airline will fly to Jamaica from India without stopping in the U.S. He will need to obtain a transit visa simply for stopping in U.S. soil.

Marrying in the U.S. is not an option. There's a very slim chance (3-5%) a 26 year old Indian male with no property ownership and an ok job will be able to obtain a B-2 visa. This is without a U.S. citizen spouse. With the spouse, I'd confidently say 0.0001%.

Thailand is our only option is we were to marry in a third country. They offer visa on arrival for Indians or he can obtain one beforehand at the Thai consulate in India. The marriage process there seems to be expensive and lengthy for foreigners. At least we have that option. He's worth it of course

I appreciate your insight on the panic attacks. Yes I do fear things that aren't facts. A lot of it is perceived danger. This is something I'm working on.

Edited February 9, 2013 by AKSinghSingh79

[speedwell 224]

I'm going with this one:

Am I a snob if I turned off that video after five seconds because they show two men playing cellos when there is actually only one violin playing in the song?

Edited February 9, 2013 by speedwell

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

Aksinghsingh79

That sounds like a nightmare!

No wonder you are stressed, just goes to show there are racists the world over.

Did you have a traditional Hindu wedding? I went to one a number of years back and it was so interesting!

Sometimes I think it is quite unfair how those of us with spouses in "Western" countries have it so easy.

Errrrmmm, I'm a little embarrassed, but we haven't been religiously married yet. I was going to rent a big ocean side house this summer and do it, but that looks to be out of the question now.

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

Aksinghsingh79

That sounds like a nightmare!

No wonder you are stressed, just goes to show there are racists the world over.

Did you have a traditional Hindu wedding? I went to one a number of years back and it was so interesting!

Sometimes I think it is quite unfair how those of us with spouses in "Western" countries have it so easy.

Errrrmmm, I'm a little embarrassed, but we haven't been religiously married yet. I was going to rent a big ocean side house this summer and do it, but that looks to be out of the question now.

I call India the country of extremes. For the most part, Indians are curious of Americans and seem to like them. But many of the older old-school generations still don't believe in cross-cultural marriages. Many Indian parents would freak out if their son or daughter married outside of their caste let along someone from a completely different culture.

Luckily I have awesome in-laws who support us and were very warm and welcoming to me as their new daughter in law.

We did have a traditional Hindu wedding. We had our religious legal ceremony back in May with all the traditional components such as 7 rounds around the fire, tying of the mangalsutra and application of the sindoor. Then this past January we had our big wedding reception where I wore the traditional lehenga with all the (heavy) jewelry and my husband wore a sherwani suit, jutti, and turban. I have pics of the mela sangeet, the traditional ceremony preceding the reception up on VJ but my husband has not received our reception pics yet from the photographer.

If he ever gets to come to the U.S. (ha!) we will also have a contemporary American wedding for all of my family members.

[speedwell 224]

I have substantial proof that shows we followed every law to obtain our registration and have every documented attempt I and my husband have made. We have offical letters from the high courts ordering the registrar to comply and register our marriage and his subsequent decision to ignore said order.

Send in copies of that evidence as your response to the RFE, with a letter stating that the registrar refuses to comply. That's a government agency recognizing your marriage. The registrar was ordered by his own higher-ups to comply. You were able to show that evidence at your InfoPass appointments and they agree with me.

I am dumb about this and obviously don't understand that system. I'm assuming there's a legal reason why it must be THAT registrar and not some other member of his staff, or why it can't be a different registrar (locality maybe). If you could be married civilly in a different district in India (since you already had the religious wedding)... but I'm sure you've already thought about that too and there's a good reason why not.

A good long letter to your Senator might be in order. They can't force the USCIS to disobey the law, but they might make them bend and accept your evidence as confirmation of your marriage. Then maybe the process can go forward, you can get him here, get married in the US, and have a marriage certificate for official purposes. Ugh.

Edited February 9, 2013 by speedwell

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

Send in copies of that evidence as your response to the RFE, with a letter stating that the registrar refuses to comply. That's a government agency recognizing your marriage. The registrar was ordered by his own higher-ups to comply. You were able to show that evidence at your InfoPass appointments and they agree with me.

I am dumb about this and obviously don't understand that system. I'm assuming there's a legal reason why it must be THAT registrar and not some other member of his staff, or why it can't be a different registrar (locality maybe). If you could be married civilly in a different district in India (since you already had the religious wedding)... but I'm sure you've already thought about that too and there's a good reason why not.

A good long letter to your Senator might be in order. They can't force the USCIS to disobey the law, but they might make them bend and accept your evidence as confirmation of your marriage. Then maybe the process can go forward, you can get him here, get married in the US, and have a marriage certificate for official purposes. Ugh.

Unfortunately my husband is from a smaller district in India. There is only one registrar who can grant us the registration in his district. This is opposed to some big city like New Delhi where there are maybe hundreds to choose from. Also, his area doesn't see a lot of foreigners marrying locals. I think the last case was a British man marrying a local like 10-15 years ago. Again opposed to a place like New Delhi which sees this much more frequently.

According to Indian law, the marriage must be registered in the district the parties reside in. Since I'm a foreigner, they go off of my husband's jurisdiction.

I believe that we have an iron clad case and have hopes that if it gets sent to my local office they will approve it since they have seen my paperwork beforehand, etc... The bottom line is I'm scared to death but I'm also prepared for a fight (RFE) and have been diligent in documenting everything with a solid paper trail. Thanks everyone for your support. I'd assume that since our case is unusally "tough" it will take a longer time to process than others with a more straightforward case.

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

You two are such a cute couple, what a mean registrar.

I could tell that the judge and witnesses were sort of unenthused about us getting married, but at least they followed the law.

I think USCIS knows that sometimes documents are unavailable for a whole variety of reasons and so I would try to just not worry about it until it becomes an issue.

So, what is everyone doing to distract themselves from the wait?

[AKSinghSingh79 143]

You two are such a cute couple, what a mean registrar.

I could tell that the judge and witnesses were sort of unenthused about us getting married, but at least they followed the law.

I think USCIS knows that sometimes documents are unavailable for a whole variety of reasons and so I would try to just not worry about it until it becomes an issue.

So, what is everyone doing to distract themselves from the wait?

Thanks Nola!

As for distractions, I clean my apartment a lot, netflix, amazon prime, applying for jobs, fixing my husband's resume, read a ton of books, knitting/crochet, try to figure out how my husband's clothes are going to fit in my tiny cramped closet, gather documents for NVC.....

What can I say? My life is very exciting

[DigitalSxKitten 1]

You two are such a cute couple, what a mean registrar.

I could tell that the judge and witnesses were sort of unenthused about us getting married, but at least they followed the law.

I think USCIS knows that sometimes documents are unavailable for a whole variety of reasons and so I would try to just not worry about it until it becomes an issue.

So, what is everyone doing to distract themselves from the wait?

Nothing whatsoever has changed in my case lol. My last touch was in October and Ive been told over and over I was at NBC but I am most definitely at a local field office now. But yeah...Im pulling out my hair to pass the itme miss Nola...Actually I dyed it cherry red. My hubby is coming for a visit on the 22nd O.O Been a year since Ive seen him im so excited! Ish time to wax and prune and primp until I fall over lol We have an infopass appointment the Monday after he arrives. You think if we make out in the waiting room it would help? Bwahahahaha

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

As for distractions, I clean my apartment a lot, netflix, amazon prime, applying for jobs, fixing my husband's resume, read a ton of books, knitting/crochet, try to figure out how my husband's clothes are going to fit in my tiny cramped closet, gather documents for NVC.....

What can I say? My life is very exciting

I'm lucky that besides my husband's work clothes, he has not that many clothes. He does have his own dresser though because although he doesn't have that many, his work pants take up half a drawer. I hope yours isn't a clothes horse, otherwise you are going to need a second closet.

Nothing whatsoever has changed in my case lol. My last touch was in October and Ive been told over and over I was at NBC but I am most definitely at a local field office now. But yeah...Im pulling out my hair to pass the itme miss Nola...Actually I dyed it cherry red. My hubby is coming for a visit on the 22nd O.O Been a year since Ive seen him im so excited! Ish time to wax and prune and primp until I fall over lol We have an infopass appointment the Monday after he arrives. You think if we make out in the waiting room it would help? Bwahahahaha

Since I filed, I bleached it more than a couple of times, dyed it back brown, and now I am thinking of going back red too. I have blue dye just sitting in the closet, but I can't bring myself to do it again.

Edited February 11, 2013 by Nola123

[The Mean Lady 604]

Nola, why you have empty timeline!?