Keeping Busy

[DSP 7]

We made a decision long ago (we have known each other for two and a half years) that it is important to keep our lives as normal as possible and continue with hobbies and activities we enjoy. We talk most every day, but if one of us is unavailable because LIFE DOES GO ON, we never begrudge the other an outing. It becomes very difficult to have meaningful conversation if all you do is work or sit at home waiting to talk. We do have 'online dates' such as listening to radio drama or music programs together; this takes a little planning due to the time difference. There is no denying that the waiting is unbearable, but we try to make the best of it.

Most of all, COMMUNICATE and PLAN... we actual feel that the verbal communication (since it really is all we have when we are apart) has helped us get to know each other BETTER than couples in more 'traditional' relationships. And we will never take each other for granted after going through this process. We'll just look at each other and say "3741" (our distance apart) and all those little nagging issues that many couples argue about will just melt away.

[James and Leny 0]

Are you the USC or the benificiary?

If you are the benificiary you can:

Enjoy your friends and familly while you still live with them. Never say no to a dinner invitation, call all of your friends and meet with them as often as you can, go for a tour and discover things you've always want to go see and you never did.

Try to think of what you want to do to ease your integration once in the US (want to be part of a club? etc... you can start searching for things so you look even more forward to it)

For the relationship: Talk, talk, talk. Communication is the key to any succesful relationship, but being separated, we really can't afford to let things go and miscommunicate. If you hung up the phone or skype and your fiancé(e) is upset, he/she is gonna stay that way. She/he won't miraclelously think "ok, that was stupid" because you cooked a nice dinner, smiled a lot, made jokes and made the stupid argument you had go away cause it didn't really matter. No, cause you won't be there to do that. Instead, he or she will worry about it, talk to friends who will take her/his side, make the matter bigger than it is, and still be upset next time you call (and most probably hide it, because you guys are far, and nobody wants to make it worse... so you won't have a chance to find out the problem is still there). So talk as much as you can, never assume problems are gonna desapear, express your feelings, and your fears so your significant other knows what to expect and how to react and everything. Being parted implies a fair deal of patient, self knowledge, introspection, listenning and sharing. This is all the more important in a bi-cultural relationship and with the fear of the foreign fiancé to leave her/his home country to move to the unknown.

The worst fight I ever had with my fiancé were because we kept our feelings to ourselves, could see things only through our own perspective and totally misunderstood the other person real motivation behind his actions. We were both assuming the other one didn't really care about what our own feelings were, when we just didn't even suspected those feelings existed because we had totally different perspectives.

Distance is really not an excuse for less communication, it is a nececity for more

Other than that... the wait is gonna drive you crazy. But it is ok, it does for all of us. Just remember we all survive this

So true! :-)

[Frances&Bryan 6]

separation is very tough and its the worst becaouse of all the damn holidays we have had xmas, new years, MLK ,and now friggin VAlentines day !!!! woppie!!!

anyways its hard on a couple for me its very hard and i cry and complain but at the end of the day my goal is to have my man here with me so this is what i do:

- we talk daily

- i been preparing for his arrival (saving $$ , buying things for him like socks etc.., organizing my files, buying deodorants for him lol , shopping for sales)

- stocking up my kitchen -when he gets here he will be home while i work for a few weeks waiting for a job.

- preparing his closet

- i been preparing my luggage for when i go to the interview lol - gotta look good for the interview!

- we talk on ovoo,skype you name it we do it

- getting all my proof in order.

AND WHEN YOUR MAD PHONE SEX WORKS!!! EVERYONE FORGETS ABOUT HOW SAD THEY ARE AND HOW UPSET THEY ARE LOL :lol:

Trust me while you wait you should be having fun cux if you dont you will loose your mind looking at grids, uscis.gov, checking emails and etc..

so take my advice try to ocupy your mind and lots of phone fun

hope this helps

couldnt have said it better myself!!!

[Frances&Bryan 6]

We made a decision long ago (we have known each other for two and a half years) that it is important to keep our lives as normal as possible and continue with hobbies and activities we enjoy. We talk most every day, but if one of us is unavailable because LIFE DOES GO ON, we never begrudge the other an outing. It becomes very difficult to have meaningful conversation if all you do is work or sit at home waiting to talk. We do have 'online dates' such as listening to radio drama or music programs together; this takes a little planning due to the time difference. There is no denying that the waiting is unbearable, but we try to make the best of it.

Most of all, COMMUNICATE and PLAN... we actual feel that the verbal communication (since it really is all we have when we are apart) has helped us get to know each other BETTER than couples in more 'traditional' relationships. And we will never take each other for granted after going through this process. We'll just look at each other and say "3741" (our distance apart) and all those little nagging issues that many couples argue about will just melt away.

great perspective!! i always try to keep that in mind, all the advantages over a "regular" relationship as to a long distance one!

Hi

Most of us on the website have been waiting or starting the waiting process. Its a long and miserable wait. Often resulting in tension in the relationship, arguments, nights of loneliness, crying and just overall unhappiness.

What are some of the ways you keep from going crazy during this trail seperation from your loved one?

Please give tips and advice as it might help some others cope.

Thanks

great thread! thank u for bringing it up! i was one to ask as well

[Dr. Obvious 49]

go bowling? shop for moist panties from Japan?

Might be a better use of your time to manufacture them for sale. I mean, this is an expensive process.