Questions about Getting Married

[Ihavequestions 419]

I don't understand what the Egyptian Embassy would have to do with fulfilling his "religious requirements," when an embassy is a civil, not religious, entity.

For the marriage to be halal, there's only a few, pretty basic requirements - a wali (if you've never been married before), the nikah and mahr, and a public announcement.

And, really, unless you're adamant you don't want to do it, ah, I would highly recommend at least considering an Islamic marriage. You will, hands down, get way more rights than you would any other way. No joke.

[Mithra 1,185]

Even a marriage at the Ministry in Cairo in EGYPT itself isn't a religious ceremony. I'm really unsure what this hang up is about getting married at the Egyptian Embassy. Is it because it's Egypt-y? And then if a marriage in NY is only recognized in NY, why would you bother? Just get married at your local courthouse (for you) and then have an Islamic ceremony (for him). It's probably less complicated.

I don't understand what the Egyptian Embassy would have to do with fulfilling his "religious requirements," when an embassy is a civil, not religious, entity.

For the marriage to be halal, there's only a few, pretty basic requirements - a wali (if you've never been married before), the nikah and mahr, and a public announcement.

And, really, unless you're adamant you don't want to do it, ah, I would highly recommend at least considering an Islamic marriage. You will, hands down, get way more rights than you would any other way. No joke.

[visaqueries 111]

Well, I just wanted to follow up with the new things I've found. As of late, I haven't thought much more about this topic than deciding to Google the requirements for marriage in New York.

What's the hangup? Well, the short version of a much longer story is...his friend went to Thailand, wanted to be married to his girlfriend, went to the Egyptian Embassy there, and was married. When his friend returned, he told my fiance about his experience. That's where the original thought came in. He felt it would be what we should do also. And, knowing my fiance's (I'm trying to find a synonym for stubornness ) personality, I promised I'd look into it.

So, I'm compiling research. My fiance is one who likes all the options. When I go to visit this summer, I'll have done my research. I'll show all the steps we'll have to go through to have a wedding in the Embassy...then in my town...then in New York as we'll probably begin our American journey there. Then he can see that it won't really matter. But, he's one who needs to see it all laid out and be convinced. Right now, I have time to figure it out...and the librarian in me is always happy to do a little research.

The other part of the hangup could be (pure speculation on my part) that he knows how different my culture is from his, and he's worried he won't find a halal marriage except in the Embassy. It's good to hear the other options suggested. They'll go on my list.

[Mithra 1,185]

Oh the old so and so did such and such so I must, too. Trust me, that will get old real quick. You're a better person than I. I'd have told my husband he's being a pain in the rear long ago if he was being that stubborn and difficult.

[Mithra 1,185]

If he thinks the only halal marriage is at an embassy then obviously he has a skewed idea of what halal marriage is. The embassy is beaurocratic not religious. Or maybe that's your view since you said you were speculating. An embassy has zero to do with halal or religion. It's basically a courthouse wedding. It also has zero to do with culture. I don't even understand how it's being miscontrued as cultural. Just because it's tied to Egypt doesn't make it a cultural necessity. A marriage officiated my an Iman is more culturally correct than showing up at a gov't agency/entity to pledge love and devotion. Sorry but the entire argument strikes me as odd. Now if you said, we both think it's super cool to get married at a gov't building tied to Egypt it would make way more sense.

[zahrasalem 114]

I know I'm kinda late to this topic, but we got married in a similar way that your fiance is wanting.

I am a USC, my husband is from Egypt, we're both Muslim. He was working in Qatar when we met and we got married in Qatar at the Egyptian embassy with the man who is authorized to do marriages.

I think I know what your fiance is talking about when he says he needs to get married at the Egyptian embassy to fulfill his religious requirement:

our marriage ceremony at the Egyptina embassy was Islamic and we spoke in arabic, followed the rules of having 2 witnesses (his cousin and a family friend). We both held each others right hands and put our thumbs together and repeated words in arabic to each other, repeating after the guy officiating the marriage (like in western style weddings). We got a huge marriage certificate with our passport pictures on it, stating both our religions as muslim, witnesses signatures and a ton of stamps all over it.

By having it done at the Egyptian embassy instead of just city hall in the USA, it is recorded in Egypt as an official Egyptian marriage and is valid in the USA. This may be what your fiance is wanting to make sure happens.

Best wishes

Edited March 7, 2013 by zahrasalem

[visaqueries 111]

Thanks for the information! I am so glad you posted as you are the first one who has actually experienced an Embassy wedding. So my next questions...did you just walk in or did you schedule an appointment? What did you have to bring with you to the Embassy?

[zahrasalem 114]

Thanks for the information! I am so glad you posted as you are the first one who has actually experienced an Embassy wedding. So my next questions...did you just walk in or did you schedule an appointment? What did you have to bring with you to the Embassy?

You're welcome!! We didn't have to make an appointment, and we brought our passports and my divorce decree and think that was it.

Actually, it's a funny story that we laugh about now;

We walked into the embassy where everyone gets their different types of visas. My husband was given the runaround by several people at the windows about how we can get married there.

We were told to go to the next building which is where the actual Egyptian Ambassador and high officials work and talk to them. My husband was very determined and would not take NO for an answer, so he actually waited for the Embassy Chief to walk out and went directly up to the man and insisted that they help him get married to his American fiance today. We had to get married that day because we had tickets to Egypt later that week. The guy even had bodyguards around him because my husband was getting kind of loud! I thought for sure there was going to be a fight, haha......They looked over at me sitting down and they agreed to let us go upstairs to meet the man who can perform the marriage. My husband finally ended paying the guy like $100 under the table to get him to do it that day without anymore runaround......what a day it was!!

Let me know if you have any other questions....

[visaqueries 111]

Funny story...so I'll make sure my fiance finds an Embassy Chief, and all will be well!

I am sure I will have more questions when the time draws nearer. Thanks again for your assistance. It is helping me to connect some dots! Have a great evening.

[zahrasalem 114]

Funny story...so I'll make sure my fiance finds an Embassy Chief, and all will be well!

I am sure I will have more questions when the time draws nearer. Thanks again for your assistance. It is helping me to connect some dots! Have a great evening.

Take care and best wishes!

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

Ohhkay... SMH... again, call the consulate in New York as I said. You will NOT get an answer from the Department of Health or New York State/City. That's fine I guess if your fiance is really dead set on having the location of your nikah be the consulate and if they are willing to accommodate that request. But the US is not Qatar. You will still need to make sure you get a civil ceremony that is RECOGNIZED by the state you marry in and USCIS as a valid marriage with a valid certificate for your new husband to pursue AOS. This must be done within 90 days of entry on his K-1. I cannot stress this enough. You do NOT want to derail your fiance's AOS just because he's acting like a petulant teenager (I gathered this from your own description... this is the impression you are giving us). I really hope for your sake he's not always like this because he's gonna have one hell of a hard time adapting to life in a new culture where you can't always get what you want, when you want it, where you want it. Funny, I don't remember Egypt being like that either. Remember, he's not done with Immigration once he gets his temporary green card. You've got at least another 3 years after that for more headaches until he becomes a citizen.

By the way Egypt will recognize your marriage when your new husband registers his marriage to you with them. The same as any Embassy in the United States. It doesn't make you any more special to them just because you have a religious ceremony on their grounds.

Mithra you never cease to make me LOL.

Edited March 7, 2013 by Sarah and Adnan

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

Addendum: Wait, does your fiance realize that there are Muslims living in the United States? And that many of them are American and not foreigners? GASP.

I'd be willing to bet next to none of them are queuing up at the Embassies for halal marriages.

Seriously, seriously SMH

[Ihavequestions 419]

But the US is not Qatar.

Right.

I think I know what your fiance is talking about when he says he needs to get married at the Egyptian embassy to fulfill his religious requirement:

our marriage ceremony at the Egyptina embassy was Islamic and we spoke in arabic, followed the rules of having 2 witnesses (his cousin and a family friend). We both held each others right hands and put our thumbs together and repeated words in arabic to each other, repeating after the guy officiating the marriage (like in western style weddings). We got a huge marriage certificate with our passport pictures on it, stating both our religions as muslim, witnesses signatures and a ton of stamps all over it.

My perfectly halal wedding - as well as the kajillion other perfectly halal weddings I've been to IN EGYPT - weren't like this.

Thumbs together? Really?

Halal marriages aren't hard to figure out; it's all in The Book.

Edited March 7, 2013 by Ihavequestions

[visaqueries 111]

Thanks again for your concern for my question. It's so interesting the strength of emotions my question has brought. My questions of "Can you...?" have turned the tables on me and become "Why would you even consider...?"

Not that it matters, but my fiance and I have not had a discussion about our actual marriage ceremony, since I originally posted this question. We've had one discussion about it(the night I posted), and nothing more has been said. Just because this thread has gone for a while does not mean that every night we are talking about this with him staunchly stating he won't do anything else but be married in an Embassy. I'm sure he has long forgotten this topic.

I had too until yesterday when I was embracing my random thoughts, I realized that I hadn't really finished answering my "Can you..." questions. Instead, I have just let my investigation sit for a while because there were other things on my mind.

Well, I decided to look into how to get an American Marriage License in New York. The information I referenced above are the guidelines for getting a marriage license--nothing more. I was excited that nothing in the guidelines negated my original questions and wasn't sure if anyone else would see something I missed. I posted it here and, just to make sure, I contacted New York to make sure an Embassy ceremony would be approved by them. It doesn't really matter what the Egyptian Embassy says about whether it's acceptable when filing my license in New York. And, if New York said, "No, sorry we wouldn't accept that type of marriage," there'd be absolutely no need to contact the Egyptian Embassy.

Because there were many people who posted on this thread before, I just thought I'd add my new findings (and I'd have a central location for all of them). I guess I forgot there were also posts expressing great disdain for my gathering of information.

[sandinista! 1,816]

I don't see anyone fussing over the research so much as the erroneous conclusions being drawn from it.