Questions about Getting Married

[Nasturtium 500]

Well this isn't true. With my first marriage we did the "thumb" thing under a cloth (marriage was in the US by an Imam) and then just last night my memory was refreshed that this also occurred during our marriage in Egypt. My husband was a bit hurt that I had forgotten. I asked him, so is there some sort of thumb thing that happens during a marriage ceremony in Egypt? He said, yes and then showed me how it's done. He was like, you don't remember doing that? In my defense it was a long, exhausting day. I asked why some have that and some don't and he explained that in Egypt anyways, the ceremony for Muslims marrying Muslims is different than Muslims marrying Christians. The Christian/Muslim couples would not have had this part in their ceremony.

ETA - the thumb part occurs at the end of the ceremony and it is brief.

It sounds much more involved and interesting. Ours was pretty snoozey.

Oh! ETA-- he did grab my hand once it was done. Shocker, I know! Maybe there was touching! It was once everyone was all "mabrook!"

Edited March 8, 2013 by Nasturtium

[Mithra 1,185]

Honestly, I haven't found a single thing saying touching during a marriage ceremony is haram. Islamic "rules" seem to depend on the interpreter.

When I think about it I do remember holding my husband's hand while reciting something in Arabic about if I accept him as my husband and if he accepts me, something to that effect. I didn't remember the touching of the thumbs specifically but from what he described it was grasping each other's right hand and then having our thumbs touch. It certainly wasn't anything sexual.

I did a little research about different civil ceremonies at the Ministry and how it would differ between Muslims marrying Muslims and Muslims marrying Christians or Jews. It said that Muslims marrying Muslims, if one of them is Egyptian, would be married by a mazoon at the Ministry but Muslims marrying Christians or Jews or two Muslims marrying but neither is Egyptian would only be married civilly with no mazoon present. So I guess my husband was correct.

Edited March 8, 2013 by Mithra

[Nasturtium 500]

Honestly, I haven't found a single thing saying touching during a marriage ceremony is haram. Islamic "rules" seem to depend on the interpreter.

When I think about it I do remember holding my husband's hand while reciting something in Arabic about if I accept him as my husband and if he accepts me, something to that affect. I didn't remember the touching of the thumbs specifically but from what he described it was grasping each other's right hand and then having our thumbs touch. It certainly wasn't anything sexual.

I did a little research about different civil ceremonies at the Ministry and how it would differ between Muslims marrying Muslims and Muslims marrying Christians or Jews. It said that Muslims marrying Muslims, if one of them is Egyptian, would be married by a mazoon at the Ministry but Muslims marrying Christians or Jews or two Muslims marrying but neither is Egyptian would only be married civilly with no mazoon present. So I guess my husband was correct.

Well, I don't think that the rules are that complicated, and so it does leave a lot open for cultural addition. I don't recall ever reading about anything being haram, but I don't actually have a dog in this fight since I couldn't care less what is and is not haram. Ours was his left hand grabbing my right-- because we were just sitting next to each other. It was like holding hands at the movie theater.

[Mithra 1,185]

Yeah I really couldn't care less myself either.

[Nasturtium 500]

Yeah I really couldn't care less myself either.

Well, I'm tempted myself to call the embassy and find out what to do. OP-- surely you have prep and lunch time?

[Mithra 1,185]

I did call yesterday, during my work day, but only listened to the recording. I felt dorky asking the actual question lol. They do have an extension for marriage and divorce ceremonies performed at the embassy so fingers crossed?

If I found the time, and it's not even MY marriage, surely the OP can figure something out, no?

Edited March 8, 2013 by Mithra

[Nasturtium 500]

I did call yesterday, during my work day, but only listened to the recording. I felt dorky asking the actual question lol. They do have an extension for marriage and divorce ceremonies performed at the embassy so fingers crossed?

If I found the time, and it's not even MY marriage, surely the OP can figure something out, no?

I would think so just for no other reason than to narrow down the options and figure out what are the time constraints to the situation. It's good to know how much notice you have to have in order to do something. I know that was mentioned earlier in this thread. So it pays to know simply for that-- even if this is not a particularly burning question. If you find out you have to schedule 3 months in advance, which means then you have to schedule once visa is in hand, it would require either a trip back and be pushing it for the 90 days or for him to stay overseas and wait out that wait time/some of the wait time. So things like this are why it's good to know.

[Mithra 1,185]

I agree. However, from what the OP was saying - she's prolonging this research in order to pass the time. Honestly, I can think of so many other fun things to research that would pass the time equally as fast if not faster (because they're more fun and interesting). They can also be Egypt related, if that's the OP's main interest. Or Islam related, if that also interests her. Personally, I would be researching ways to help the fiance adjust or scoping out places where he can socialize or perhaps researching how to rearrange the house to maximize space in order to fit all of his belongings. Or research some new decorating ideas that could incorporate Egypty things.

Edited March 8, 2013 by Mithra

[Cathi 5,748]

Yeah. Jordan is no touching, no cloth, etc. But until recently there was also no touching even for married couples in public as well (now in some places you can hold hands. Exciting. Still definitely no kissing.

When we are in Jordan we hold hands just about everywhere, but definitely no kissing. When I left Jordan last August to come home after hubby's interview, he gave me a quick kiss, I was in shock, I don;t even think he realized he did it until the moment after, I saw him looking around with a panicked look on his face, he was trying to see if anyone saw what he did...lol

I did call yesterday, during my work day, but only listened to the recording. I felt dorky asking the actual question lol. They do have an extension for marriage and divorce ceremonies performed at the embassy so fingers crossed?

If I found the time, and it's not even MY marriage, surely the OP can figure something out, no?

you would think....

[Nasturtium 500]

When we are in Jordan we hold hands just about everywhere, but definitely no kissing. When I left Jordan last August to come home after hubby's interview, he gave me a quick kiss, I was in shock, I don;t even think he realized he did it until the moment after, I saw him looking around with a panicked look on his face, he was trying to see if anyone saw what he did...lol

Ha! Yes, I did that by habit on the street in Amman after my ring was fitted. Then he kissed me at the airport during Ramadan. People gt over it. But it was shocking

[visaqueries 111]

Well, the results are in. After about 2 years of waiting for our visa, my fiancé is finally coming. He arrives on May 2, and we will be married...in my back yard on May 7...in Missouri! It's amazing how waiting and waiting for this process can help make things clearer for both of us. There will not be an embassy involved, so all the "fun" I created with this thread will no longer be needed. My fiancé has finally been convinced that a civil marriage will fulfill the requirements he needs. Thanks to everyone who did make calls and tried to discover some answers for me. I really do appreciate it. It turns out all that time I had for researching this particular idea turned out to be just a diversion.

After many months, we had finally decided that we were going to be married civilly in the Courthouse by my house, but they only allowed 12 people in. Once I began to tell the plans of my fiancé's flight information, everyone told me they wanted to be there. So, since I live 2 blocks from the Courthouse, I called the officiant, and he agreed to come to my house. Now, despite my desire for simple and easy, it seems around 100 people will be there. My fiancé is actually excited. He has a friend in Egypt who is a singer/song writer and will be composing a song in both languages for us. I found a place in town that makes Egyptian food, so we are going multi-cultural...Egyptian food and pizza . I have lots of homemade Egyptian things to help make it have an Egyptian flair. Since his family can't attend, we wanted to include them in some way. I think he will be bringing a family gift for my mom from his. (Our dads have both passed away.) I'm going crazy making everything...chocolate ganache in the shapes of pyramids, cartouche with hieroglyphics of our names and wedding date, a Rice Krispie step pyramid. It's been quite fun trying to bring both cultures together. And, in the end, I'm so thankful my family wants to be a part of the experience.

I know most people have forgotten about this post, and I admit I left it for quite some time as some of the words (though maybe not intended) had felt a little hurtful. Despite all of that, I figured I'd let you know the progress. We are so thankful our time has finally come successfully in this whole process and look forward to spending many years together.

As a random aside...in April the King Tut exhibit made its way to the KC area. It's been all over the world and has made its first stop to North America in my area. When I told my fiancé, he couldn't believe it--Egypt was following him. Additionally, he works with foreign clients who come to visit Egypt. Just last week as he was working with his last client pair, he discovered one of them had the same last name as mine. My name isn't that common, so to find an Australian with my last name was quite a surprise. I don't think it means anything more...it's just fun. He leaves Egypt, and one of the first things he sees is the King Tut exhibit; he leaves Egypt and the last person he works with shares my last name. It's interesting how small the world really is. Best wishes to those of you who are still on your personal visa journey, and may those who are finished with theirs continue to find joy in their lives!

[mymarriagejourney 113]

We were married in the US. A friend of ours got licensed with our state to perform marriages. We were married outside in a park by him. He's not Muslim or Christian or any other religion; he simply got licensed by the state and that makes our marriage legal. This was our solution since neither of us felt comfortable being married by a religious leader since we don't share the same religion.

My husband is a practicing Muslim. His family are practicing Muslims living in Jordan. No one has ever questioned the validity of our marriage, either legally or religiously. This whole discussion is perplexing.

[kristen_maroc 126]

Addendum: Wait, does your fiance realize that there are Muslims living in the United States? And that many of them are American and not foreigners? GASP.

I'd be willing to bet next to none of them are queuing up at the Embassies for halal marriages.

Seriously, seriously SMH :no:

Why so judgmental? She came here for advice on process, not asking for people's opinions of her fiance! The idea that he wants to marry at an Egyptian consulate doesn't mean that he thinks it's the only place for a halal marriage... OP is trying to do research...

[kristen_maroc 126]

Well, the results are in. After about 2 years of waiting for our visa, my fiancé is finally coming. He arrives on May 2, and we will be married...in my back yard on May 7...in Missouri! It's amazing how waiting and waiting for this process can help make things clearer for both of us. There will not be an embassy involved, so all the "fun" I created with this thread will no longer be needed. My fiancé has finally been convinced that a civil marriage will fulfill the requirements he needs. Thanks to everyone who did make calls and tried to discover some answers for me. I really do appreciate it. It turns out all that time I had for researching this particular idea turned out to be just a diversion.

Congrats! Would love to see pics; sounds fantastic!