Divorce while waiting for AOS

[evelyn1140 18]

Why don't u do the right way, because later in the future u never know u might find someone ( e.g American ) and have to do the whole process

I don't understand how ur husband don't like confrontations but u and him have it now

[Brit Abroad 166]

He doesnt want to divorce me and in argentina im still single, i have been here for less than a year. He says he loves me but his family has been in the middle way too much and he doesnt know how to put limits because he hates confrontation.

BTW thanks everyone for your replies

Why not ask your husband if he will go for counseling sessions to help him become more assertive? Everyone needs to be able to communicate effectively and it may be that he doesn't have the confidence to challenge what you see as his family's interference. Alternatively, it could be that he simply doesn't disagree with their involvement.

If you love him, don't give up. A marriage is worth fighting for and you don't want to go home and have regrets further down the line. Talk to him and see which it is before you make any final decisions.

Best of luck to you.

[Alonso&Sheryl 10]

Well, if I was you I wouldn't be too concerned about your AOS or Green Card. You want to go back home, therefore, your GC, or any sort of status you have in this country will not matter at all. So don't worry about that. Also, if you are married here, you are also married in Argentina. Therefore, what you need to concentrate on is getting divorced. Your best bet is to do it in Florida, otherwise the back and forth of papers from Argentina to the U.S. would obviously make the process longer (specially if he refuses to cooperate). I think you mentioned that he does not want to divorce you? Well, I don't know how it works in Florida, but in California, even if he does not want to divorce you, there's nothing he can do about it. He can't hold you hostage in the relationship. Best case scenario is you file for divorce, he does not response, and in 30 days you can file for a default judgment and bingo! You are divorced. Well...that's the simplified version of it, there's more to it than just that. You should look for a self help center in your area, sometimes there's groups that offer free help with the paperwork.

[Mar & Berna 0]

I think you should hold on a little longer. Is hard being in the middle. He probably wants to satisfy you but he loves and respects his family too. Is not an easy task to put your family in their place, it takes time, specially when is a new marriage. I think "less than a year" is not long enough to give up on your marriage. Marriage is not easy, sometimes you have to let go of your pride and hold on even when you think there is no hope. If he loves you he will make a way..wait patiently for the results. They will come.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

OP, it seems that you have no issue wit your Husband in terms of abuse, alcoholism, womanizing, laziness, infidelity, etc

You should count yourself relatively lucky that all you have to do is just retrain him on being firmish.

You can do this and I ask that you think carefully before throwing in the towel.

Perhaps you weren't involved in the immigration process heavily and the process relatively easy for you Guys.

But above all, your sanity has a value but from what you've written I don;t see the need for a divorce especially after a K1 journey.

[Mufmer 24]

thanks for your response, my dear

IM SUGGESTING U HERE, U N UR HUSBAND NEEDS COUNSELING, BETTER TO TRY UR RELATION TO BE STRONG TILL UR LAST TRY.

THANKS

[reese1 68]

I have a friend that use to have the same problem (neither are foreigners) and after 14 years together and 8 years of marriage her husband still does not intervene, however my friend is the one that has had to put his family and mother in their place.

She is not mean or nasty about it. She just does not let them treat her any kind of way. It has taken some time but she has a much better relationship with her mother in law and the rest of the family.

But it was not because of her husband it was because of her. You may have to be the one to stand your ground with his family and speak with your husband everyday if necessary until he gets it.

It is not going to be an overnight fix it is going to take time and you have to want to put forth the effort. Because at the end of the day it is you and him in the marriage and no one else.

Best of luck to you what ever decision you make!

[SAT 9,609]

The GC aside. If you want to leave the US that badly, then just leave.

As long as your marriage is concerned. You ay be able to get a divorce in Argentina. Some countries will process a divorce (even if you're not married there) whereas 1 spouse being a resident and the other one is not (and based on abandonment, so both parties needn't be present). I don't know about Argentina, so check with your embassy. At any rate, the US recognizes most divorces from other countries.

Case study...lol....a friend of mine had been married in NY for several years. He had dual citizenship of the US and the Dominican Republic. He wanted to divorce his wife without her knowing it. So he traveled down to the Dominican Republic by himself and was granted a divorce (based on abandonment). He came back and told his wife that they were divorced. The decree was valid in the US.

In fact, I've come to understand that the DR will process a divorce for anyone, resident or not.

Did he scam? yes. Did it work? Yes.

Good luck to you.

Edited January 26, 2013 by SteveAndTiff

[Denver422 10]

No, no abuse, his famil is damaging our marriage too much and im not gonna stay to keep on having them bothering us. my husband is not strong enough to tput them in place.

Its sad that your husband doesn't have the coconuts to stand up for you and tell his family its none of their business...... IF you are faithful and trust in the lord and honor your commitment for better or worse AND he has a good heart, maybe just maybe he might realize that his love for you is more important and stop being a coward, cos in the end a married couple will only have each other to rely on.You must try all effort to correct this behavior. Then after that it still doesn't work there can be no blame to you for divorce. Who cares if his family doesn't like you. If they are bad to you for no real reason its their problem and they will answer to God for that. If you truly love this man and he loves you it will work out for the better in time. But, if you leave now, it is wise to get divorce so no problems in the future. I pray that God help you in such a difficult time.

[EminTX 131]

The people suggesting that you straighten out the divorce BEFORE leaving. The suggestions above to just leave, as correctly advised by others, can very likely cause many problems in your future.

My sister's (now) ex-husband split and left the country after several years together. He left with no notice or communication. (Went back to one of his ex-wives in Europe.) He left a HUGE mess here and it took almost 3 years for my sister to obtain her divorce. When it is international, and one party is not absolutely helpful on the paperwork, you have to put notices in the newspapers, hire delivery companies to try repeatedly to deliver the paperwork, pay for lawyers in both countries, etc. It cost her several thousand dollars to divorce him and that was WITH PROOF THAT HE HAD ALREADY MARRIED YET ANOTHER WOMAN IN EUROPE WHILE STILL BEING MARRIED TO MY SISTER. He has already spent time in prison so criminal repercussions are not a deterrent for him. He likes to live "under the radar" and couldn't care less about his or his children's futures.

Until the divorce was final, my sister could not remove him from her health insurance plan; after 10 years, he would have the option to file for half her retirement; plus yet more "fun".

It was an expensive nightmare for my sister where she lost everything she had --house, a vehicle, most of her belongings--she was set back financially about 20 years.

Make sure that everything is as situated as possible before splitting.

[palmerita 1]

Thanks for all your responses let me explain why I came to this conclusion: Before meeting me, first, my father in law told my husband to be careful and check that Im not a latin girl trying to get pregnant to get a green card. Then when I visited for the first time and met him, gave my husband and me a box of condoms saying he found them at home and they could be "handy". Well...after we got married I had an emotional meltdown, getting married+homesick so I was in a bad mood pretty often, so one night we had an arguement with my husband (pretty strong one I talked about divorce) and he called his father, whom came home and treated me like **** saying that Im crazy that he should really divorce me and that since Im an inmigrant I should be careful of what I say/do. After that we never spoke to him again because he didnt want to apologize saying I deserved it. So....my mother in law (they are divorced with my husband s father), after this arguement sent an email to my husband again saying he should be careful and check I take my birth control pill (???) whats the obsession with pregnancy? trust me we are only 25 and 27 so we want to be alone for a while. And she keeps on calling and saying what to do, what we do wrong or right, etc. The other night we had to call 911 because I fainted after a wisdom tooth surgery and she said that it was embarassing to call 911 for something stupid like that, that I overreacted. My husband doesnt like confrontation so he always tells her yes yes yes to everything on the phone and then tells me he doesnt really agree with what she says so Im always the "bad guy". Sometimes I really want to leave back to my country and leave all this crazy people behind. Thanks for reading me!

[EminTX 131]

I know this is a tough time and the efforts to get used to each other are certainly not made any easier by the cultural differences.

Before I brought my husband here, I got warnings from all directions--coworkers, family, friends, neighbors, everybody. We see and hear stories of so much fraud and heartbreak that it is just part of what you deal with when you marry a foreigner.

Before my husband came here, he got warnings from coworkers, family, friends, everybody, too. Over there they hear so much of people from the US just wanting a worker or a servant or a sex slave (seriously!). This is just something that a foreigner has to expect to hear and deal with when taking that big leap to leave everything behind to marry someone in this country.

If his family had not warned him and been trying to look out for his well-being, I would feel that they didn't really care. I am glad that my own family and social circle all care enough about me to remind me to keep my head on my shoulders.

That being said, I know good and well that when you marry, you do NOT marry a person--you marry into a family as your spouse does with yours. You get all the fun and not-so-fun with it. The great people and the crazies and the jerks and the prejudices and the ones who can't love you enough and the ones who will never, ever accept you. For those people who can't respect proper boundaries, it is imperative for the couple to establish them and to be united ALWAYS.

If you have the option to talk to someone about this--perhaps your church has some resources or your or your husband's job or there is someone that a friend can recommend, just getting things in order can make all the difference.

I really feel for you and your situation. Hang in there the best you can and try to stay focused. Good luck.

[SAT 9,609]

Palmerita...

Both you and your husband have a lot to consider, and many questions to ask yourselves. Like how strong is your union? Is it worth certain losses? What is one willing to sacrifice for the other? See if this crisis in your marriage can be resolved.

I know its tough on you. I know how upset I get when my wife doesn't stand by me. Because I always stand by her.

Best of luck.