Need your advice please

[IloveHim35 2]

wow sorry that u been to this kind of situation. my advice maybe you should come visit him there. then get ALL the documentation you needed from him. but if you can"t i guess your only option is be patience. i remember my fiance (now husband) did the same he took him forever just to send all the document i needed from him. but i never rush him. now we are finally together. so try to relax..just do the rest of the document and let just sign it...maybe i'm thinking his having hard time understanding/reading english language..who knows?

goodluck!!!

Aww that is so awesome that you and your hubby are finally together! Well, he wants me to visit him in July which I will spend 6wks with him so we can learn about each other. He reads, speaks, and understands English perfectly. He just wants to send me the money before he can send the docs which is turning into ages time. Anyways, I will now removing me impatient cap and put on the patient cap and say nothing....Thanks

[IloveHim35 2]

And you see the question was asked but no one paid attention to your answer. Of course it is a scam he is from Nigeria I hate that attitude ... Let me tell you something money is not something that comes easy in Nigeria and actions do speak much louder than words. If this man is sending you money to be with him or to pay for part of the process then he is serious about being with you. That is a big action for him. As far as talking about himself you have to ask specific things if you want to know something because they are not in the habit of talking about things that they see as not important and what happened at work during the day is not very important it is the same thing that happened they day before. Now you say that you talk for free so I am not sure what you are using to communicate but also keep in mind the time difference. I am in EST so there is a 6 hour time difference between us so if he is working and going to school and staying up late or getting up early to talk to you even 5 minutes he is making an effort. The problem with the forms may very well be the fact that he doesnt have all the money he needs to submit the forms so what is the hurry for the form if you dont have the money to submit. And if there is a reason he has to be sending you money than you need to look into sponsers because you have to earn enough to support 4 people if you have 2 children. My husband took 3 months to get everything gathered to file and the reason it got done is we walked through it together to fill out the forms some of the forms I filled out and sent to him and had him sign and send back. This is not a Nigerian thing this is a MALE thing (sorry guys) men will always put things off til tommorrow and like I said if he doesnt have the finances then that would explain his delay. However he is not going to tell you that is the reason he has pride and that will not allow him to do that. So weather or not he has someone else I really dont know but I would doubt it if he is helping to support you then you are his priority. Take this time to get to know him better. Instead of asking him if he really wants to be with you tell him you would like to spend more time getting to know him and would like to Skype or Oovoo or Yahoo or whatever you do to communicate. But sometimes you need to be the one up late and let him sleep and call you in the morning his time to talk to you. Make some consessions for each other. I told my husband I dont get to see him enough and he and I came up with some ideas on how to see each other more often maybe we dont see each other more than 1 or 2 hours a day but we will have the 5 minute phone calls and we both have a blackberry so we message each other all the time. But out of all of this my biggest concern is when you said he doesnt make me happy. If that is the case than maybe you should exam this relationship a little harder before you push for him to spend the money on an applications that you may not really want to file. I wish you both the best of luck on your journey but remember it is only going to get harder and things are going to happen that you dont understand or even believe it will test your love and faith in each other more than you know. If you come out of this together then you are both very lucky to have found one another.

Hey girl! Thanks for your advice. I spoke with him this morning and he was honest with me. He said that he wants to me with me as much as I want to be with him. However, he is waiting on some funds to come in and as soon as he sends in the money, he will mail the docs to me asap! So I explained to him that he can just send the docs and the money can come later and he was in an agreement. The reason I posted he is not making me happy was pertaining to the paperwork and not on his personality. He is a good man that is why I decided to fall in love with him. Thanks for your advice. Much appreciated.

[IloveHim35 2]

Also he may be delaying because well think about it you say he is CEO of two companies. That all ends when he gets here right. He may be a year before he can work. The service centers you have to go through this again when you get married. A CEO doing nothing . can't go to school, work. I would be hesitate too. Our Nigerian men have wonderful pride and well Nigerian or not he is a man and I am sure he wants no one to take care of him. Have you complained about money or bills. You say he sends you money which is hardly the norm. Why is he supporting you? this may all come in too pkay and maybe frankly scaring him that you will always be like this. What happenes when he gets here. Ya'll need to talk and talk now. I would say another face to face visit is in order. Put the brakes on now for the petition.

Thanks for the response. Currently, I am a full time college student at my senior level. He sends money to me pertaining to our relationship not to cover my bills. I rarely discuss my financial problems to him that I complain to God not him. He sends money for the purchase of my ticket to see him along with extra money for me to buy stuff for myself for the trip. We are planning a second trip to visit again in July this time around, I will be there for 6wks (God's willing). He said he is getting funds to send me so I can file for the visa. And because of that, it is taking a while to get the docs that are needed. But I already have family members who will co-sponsor us.

Thanks

Also he may be delaying because well think about it you say he is CEO of two companies. That all ends when he gets here right. He may be a year before he can work. The service centers you have to go through this again when you get married. A CEO doing nothing . can't go to school, work. I would be hesitate too. Our Nigerian men have wonderful pride and well Nigerian or not he is a man and I am sure he wants no one to take care of him. Have you complained about money or bills. You say he sends you money which is hardly the norm. Why is he supporting you? this may all come in too pkay and maybe frankly scaring him that you will always be like this. What happenes when he gets here. Ya'll need to talk and talk now. I would say another face to face visit is in order. Put the brakes on now for the petition.

Thanks for the response. Currently, I am a full time college student at my senior level. He sends money to me pertaining to our relationship not to cover my bills. I rarely discuss my financial problems to him that I complain to God not him. He sends money for the purchase of my ticket to see him along with extra money for me to buy stuff for myself for the trip. We are planning a second trip to visit again in July this time around, I will be there for 6wks (God's willing). He said he is getting funds to send me so I can file for the visa. And because of that, it is taking a while to get the docs that are needed. But I already have family members who will co-sponsor us.

Thanks

[IloveHim35 2]

Thank you, I hate this BS about African Time.

My Fiancee will get stuff to me within hours and she has no computer or fax. It's about priority.

There are services near every government facility that has people ready to help.

I went with my Wife to get an affidavit of change of name and the Lady typist there was all up about all the US immigration forms. Nigeria is not totally a backwards country.

Hmmm.... Houston, we have a problem.

I disagree. It's neither a Nigerian nor male thing, but a laziness or lack of motivation thing.

A male CEO of two companies in Nigeria will not, and should not be interested in coming to the US, in my opinion.

He is not crazy about America but will come only because of me. He knows he can get a decent job here too.

[BeanCamp 28]

I say one of the most important factors in any relationship is communication. If your tolerance is different than his and he is unwilling to compromise (by stepping his communication game up), then you definitely need to evaluate whether or not this is a relationship worth pursuing. "Actions do speak louder than words". I wouldn't rely on cultural practices referring to the so called "African time". There are no excuses. If a man loves a woman and wants to be with that woman he does everything in his power to be with her. Like many have said the decision relies on you. You deal with what you can. I'm just saying relationships are difficult enough and by pursing a long distance relationship and adding an immigration process to it, both should be compromising and understanding for one anothers feelings.

My fiance and I have had our share of communication issues here and there. He at times is not very verbal and can seem a bit withdrawn. However, no matter what he listens to me when I have concerns, makes every attempt to address those concerns, and shows me he values our relationship. Again its the action not the words. But not every relationship is the same.

Best to luck with you and your journey. I wish you the best.

[Tosh Love 77]

N:B Everything i am going to say is my opinion

First,i will say it is sad and i am sorry you are in such dilemma but then just so you know,i am a man and i will speak to you as one,at 'least of my kind', as much as you are in a relationship ,you have equal right to be happy,immature people are not allowed in marriages or relationship heading towards that direction,relationship is meant for Adults and for people who have the mind of their own and are willing to let go whatever they have to let go to have whom they truly love.I will want to think you are probably older than him and yes you are so much in love with him and scared to loose him cos starting all over again is unthinkable right now maybe.

Sorry about my epistle but let me say that,this man has shown signs of withdrawal and it is very glaring,and it is either he has the documents or not but if you are sure he truly have this documents but has refused to put together to send then the signs are written all over this,we all get 24hrs in a day,i hate to hear it when people say they are busy about things that is majorly about their life,irritating,what kind of job takes 24/7 x 31 days in a month,i do not agree with any excuse,even if you can't leave your duty post,there will be a friend or someone you can always send on errand to go post it,this things are not hard,why are men like this? Stop breaking this beautiful people's heart,stop getting committed if you not ready.

I believe you see everything better than everyone here and your spirit will already be telling you the next step to take,don't struggle cos you are in love,God didn't plan any relationship to be hell,we humans create the hell in it,we make everything hard for ourselves.

Age is just numbers and if in this case you are older,please exhibit your maturity here and be wise.

Pray.Listen to God.Think it through. Strategize. Act.Be Happy.Life is too short to wait forever for a document.

It is the divinely designed for the man to do the 'Chasing' ,a true loving man,not by mere words, will go after his woman and do everything to wake up to her every morning.

You see it all better than all of us here.

Someone raised this man very well!!

Thanks for your input.

[LoveNigarmostyle 164]

The answers are within you. If you are questioning his motives and intentions then you must have some proof or indication that he is not being forthcoming even though he is showing interest when convenient? No one can be busy for something which means so much to them. I am with a Nigerian who has had things ready and mailed or emailed right on time or even early so it would be ready when needed.

No one knows what is the real facts of your relationship with this man more than you do. Listen to your inner intuition. Sorry to say from what you have indicated, it doesn't sound like he is fully committed to this relationship. Maybe another trip and a longer stay will help you see facts which you need to make the right decisions? Good luck!

Edited February 17, 2013 by LoveNigarmostyle