Need your advice please

[N-o-l-a 7,167]

There is only one line in your whole post that matters.

Now be honest...do you really need advice? Or are you just afraid to say that out loud?

I can only talk from the perspective of my relationship with a man from a culture that isn't overly emotional or romantic. We had our first Skype face to face call in late November 2011. We talked about 5-8 hours a day every day after that besides big holidays and when he was hospitalized (and even then we emailed all day). We both wanted to make sure and know that this other person was our soul mate and the person we wanted to be with forever. 5 or 10 minutes here or there wouldn't have really cut it and frankly, we just didn't want to be out of each other's presence.

I think that you need to decide whether you would think such little effort from a man you started dating in America would be acceptable to you, because it sure wouldn't be to me. When two people love each other and are devoted to each other, they got out of their way to make each other happy. If his behavior from across the world with regards to barely spending any time with you and not bothering to get immigration paperwork in order is upsetting you now, imagine how it will be like when he is living under your roof.

[LORIEandPHIL 123]

I think you already know you have no future with him. Forget him, and find someone that will love you for who you are, not because of where you live.

[Kazulie 132]

Are you sending him money for various things? Sometimes they have no intentions of moving to America but will use you for your money. They will string you along for as long as they can. As soon as it gets close to interview or paperwork, they start acting funny.

[CRAKZOR 4]

If he really loved u and he believes you're the one for him then he would have turned in those docs in a heartbeat, And alot more communication.. Where he calls. Try not calling him until he does. This gives u more dominance showing him ur not a tool to be used. Not saying u are but guys can be as manipulative as some females.

[skiptex 225]

Are you sending him money for various things? Sometimes they have no intentions of moving to America but will use you for your money. They will string you along for as long as they can. As soon as it gets close to interview or paperwork, they start acting funny.

BINGO!

[IloveHim35 2]

He is seeing someone else trust me...

Thanks. Hard to proof this since I call him in the middle of the night and sometimes when he just wakes up from bed and sometimes he is still in bed. But I will place the relationship in the Hands of God.

I can only talk from the perspective of my relationship with a man from a culture that isn't overly emotional or romantic. We had our first Skype face to face call in late November 2011. We talked about 5-8 hours a day every day after that besides big holidays and when he was hospitalized (and even then we emailed all day). We both wanted to make sure and know that this other person was our soul mate and the person we wanted to be with forever. 5 or 10 minutes here or there wouldn't have really cut it and frankly, we just didn't want to be out of each other's presence.

I think that you need to decide whether you would think such little effort from a man you started dating in America would be acceptable to you, because it sure wouldn't be to me. When two people love each other and are devoted to each other, they got out of their way to make each other happy. If his behavior from across the world with regards to barely spending any time with you and not bothering to get immigration paperwork in order is upsetting you now, imagine how it will be like when he is living under your roof.

So sad, but you are right. Thanks for the advice.

[IloveHim35 2]

Are you sending him money for various things? Sometimes they have no intentions of moving to America but will use you for your money. They will string you along for as long as they can. As soon as it gets close to interview or paperwork, they start acting funny.

No, I never once send him money and I am not and will never intend to do so. He sends me money. The entire petition he will/was going to pay for it and not me. He was the one that paid for my transportation and expenses when I went to his home country. I have not invested any money into our relationship. He is the one that has invested a lot of money and not me. But thanks

[skiptex 225]

No, I never once send him money and I am not and will never intend to do so. He sends me money. The entire petition he will/was going to pay for it and not me. He was the one that paid for my transportation and expenses when I went to his home country. I have not invested any money into our relationship. He is the one that has invested a lot of money and not me. But thanks

well.. i guess you just need to wait, until he decides to send papers..

[Fafoo 24]

N:B Everything i am going to say is my opinion

First,i will say it is sad and i am sorry you are in such dilemma but then just so you know,i am a man and i will speak to you as one,at 'least of my kind', as much as you are in a relationship ,you have equal right to be happy,immature people are not allowed in marriages or relationship heading towards that direction,relationship is meant for Adults and for people who have the mind of their own and are willing to let go whatever they have to let go to have whom they truly love.I will want to think you are probably older than him and yes you are so much in love with him and scared to loose him cos starting all over again is unthinkable right now maybe.

Sorry about my epistle but let me say that,this man has shown signs of withdrawal and it is very glaring,and it is either he has the documents or not but if you are sure he truly have this documents but has refused to put together to send then the signs are written all over this,we all get 24hrs in a day,i hate to hear it when people say they are busy about things that is majorly about their life,irritating,what kind of job takes 24/7 x 31 days in a month,i do not agree with any excuse,even if you can't leave your duty post,there will be a friend or someone you can always send on errand to go post it,this things are not hard,why are men like this? Stop breaking this beautiful people's heart,stop getting committed if you not ready.

I believe you see everything better than everyone here and your spirit will already be telling you the next step to take,don't struggle cos you are in love,God didn't plan any relationship to be hell,we humans create the hell in it,we make everything hard for ourselves.

Age is just numbers and if in this case you are older,please exhibit your maturity here and be wise.

Pray.Listen to God.Think it through. Strategize. Act.Be Happy.Life is too short to wait forever for a document.

It is the divinely designed for the man to do the 'Chasing' ,a true loving man,not by mere words, will go after his woman and do everything to wake up to her every morning.

You see it all better than all of us here.

[baron555 934]

Sounds like he has a very busy life and has no time (or importance) to devote to the relationship. International relationships are very difficult and require both parties to devote extra energy towards.

If he doesn't send you the documents, then you have no need to pursue the petition.

You don't want to push him and he to you back. It will be what it will be.

Edited January 22, 2013 by baron555

[CM&MI 8]

Hello,

I and my fiance were waiting for our NOA2. Okay let's talk about your situation, just done reading your post..all I can say is that, this man is still confuse or maybe changing his mind to marry you! Why? Well first anf foremost, he can't even send you back the docs as much as possible! Yeah, let us say he's so busy.. so does everybody are busy too! but if you really loves the person..you will fing time to do it and show it even in your busiest schedules. In our case, when my fiance sent me the file/docs that I needed to fill/print out.. I had no printer at the house but, I did it as I could for no more hassles and I want everything in an apple pie order( arraged properly and do it correctly). Well, my point is, this guy is not sincere to you. Try to think twice or more, he's not the one! You just said you didn't have constant communication with him anymore. You're the one who called him up and you said he didn't like to stay/talked on phone for so long. Wow! what a heck! everyday my fiance called me on the phone but to tell you honestly, I cant get enough of him. He's so busy and so do I but, we find time to talk and chats, texts, and emails everyday. Wherever I go or him, we informed each other. It doesn't mean we dont trust each other but, it's the sign of respect and we didn't want to feel worried with each other where we are and what happened to us. True love is not just one side... it's two people who do and committed both as one. It don't mean it just a part of a woman nor a man.. both will do the effort to have a good and strong relationship. Well, best of luck with you. Don't focus on guy who didn't even bother to do a simple task.. so simple yet he can't do it... how much more if you and him living in one roof and encountered storms? Think more and more it just for your own sake.God bless you.

[ladyblue 11]

Two things come to mind, African time and shopping for the best deal.

African time, the attitude that soon means this year and quickly can take weeks. Every time I visited the plans for the day were started the night before. So we would start the morning by doing X. However the next day would start with breakfast taking forever, then soeone would be dropping something by and they would always be stuck in traffic, then it would be lunch time and why eat on the road, and then .... so whatever X was, we would get there about 3 pm and all other activities would be added to the following days schedule.

Shopping for the best deal. Many people from 3rd world countries will make several contacts in an effort to immigrate to the US. They will then see which one pans out best or is the most attractive. Because immigration is a family matter the whole family will smile and greet each contestant with equal joy and the immigrant to be will decide ( usually in african time ) which one is best suited to be his stepping stone to the US.

Hopefully it is just a bad case of african time.

My fiancee is a nigerian also and i truly understand how you feel because when he tell me soon it doesnt mean american soon. I have learned over the past 3 years there soon can mean months.So when i want something from him I tell him can you use american time not nigerian time (LOL). Also as far as conversation unless you initaiate it or you are talking about about something that they are intersetedin they dont talk much some days me and my fiancee just sit with the cam and watch each other, and maybe every now and then he make come up with a topic, but basicly thats there culture. But I do know that we have never gone a day with out talking even if it for just 5 minutes. Also you must realize they are proud men and they will never ask you for money so if its finacial issue reaasure him you have the money all you need is the documnets and see what his response is. If you ever need to talk im here. But my fiance has really informed me on there culture so I understand him a lot better and I relationship is better becuause of it.

[ladyblue 11]

My fiancee is a nigerian also and i truly understand how you feel because when he tell me soon it doesnt mean american soon. I have learned over the past 3 years there soon can mean months.So when i want something from him I tell him can you use american time not nigerian time (LOL). Also as far as conversation unless you initaiate it or you are talking about about something that they are intersetedin they dont talk much some days me and my fiancee just sit with the cam and watch each other, and maybe every now and then he make come up with a topic, but basicly thats there culture. But I do know that we have never gone a day with out talking even if it for just 5 minutes. Also you must realize they are proud men and they will never ask you for money so if its finacial issue reaasure him you have the money all you need is the documnets and see what his response is. If you ever need to talk im here. But my fiance has really informed me on there culture so I understand him a lot better and I relationship is better becuause of it.

Also maybe he doesnt understand how to fill the paper work out. Because I filled out everything with my fiance because some of the things they ask were confusing to him. So he filled it out emailed ot to me i doubled checked emailed it back with needed corrections and then he sent it all to me. This is a difficukt proceess and can be overwelming . We as USC are use to filling out documents and paperwork Nigeria dont keep good records and paper work absoutely not. So patience and talk to him to see what holding him up. Trust me when they love they love forever they dont play games unless you end up with a scammer but thats in every country so be prayful and God will lead you.

[Sarah Elle-Même 660]

Going to have to agree with the above posts. You deserve so much better than this! Lots of people have busy lives but they make time for the people they care about. My fiance's job sends him way far out into rural places where there is no cell phone coverage or internet during the week and only gets to come back to civilization on the weekends. Sometimes during the week he will drive over 1 hour and a half until he reaches an area with phone reception so we can talk on the phone, spending an obscene amount of money on fuel. He splits his limited free time with me and his family members. Also, he got all his errands done for the I-129F packet in one weekend, including all document translations. He even took 3 weeks off of work (foregoing pay) for my most recent visit. If someone is sufficiently motivated, trust me, they can do anything.

Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. If you keep the line out there, eventually you'll catch a real winner. I hope I don't sound crass, but at least you found this out now before you brought him here and married him. Best of luck to you.

[reese1 68]

N:B Everything i am going to say is my opinion

First,i will say it is sad and i am sorry you are in such dilemma but then just so you know,i am a man and i will speak to you as one,at 'least of my kind', as much as you are in a relationship ,you have equal right to be happy,immature people are not allowed in marriages or relationship heading towards that direction,relationship is meant for Adults and for people who have the mind of their own and are willing to let go whatever they have to let go to have whom they truly love.I will want to think you are probably older than him and yes you are so much in love with him and scared to loose him cos starting all over again is unthinkable right now maybe.

Sorry about my epistle but let me say that,this man has shown signs of withdrawal and it is very glaring,and it is either he has the documents or not but if you are sure he truly have this documents but has refused to put together to send then the signs are written all over this,we all get 24hrs in a day,i hate to hear it when people say they are busy about things that is majorly about their life,irritating,what kind of job takes 24/7 x 31 days in a month,i do not agree with any excuse,even if you can't leave your duty post,there will be a friend or someone you can always send on errand to go post it,this things are not hard,why are men like this? Stop breaking this beautiful people's heart,stop getting committed if you not ready.

I believe you see everything better than everyone here and your spirit will already be telling you the next step to take,don't struggle cos you are in love,God didn't plan any relationship to be hell,we humans create the hell in it,we make everything hard for ourselves.

Age is just numbers and if in this case you are older,please exhibit your maturity here and be wise.

Pray.Listen to God.Think it through. Strategize. Act.Be Happy.Life is too short to wait forever for a document.

It is the divinely designed for the man to do the 'Chasing' ,a true loving man,not by mere words, will go after his woman and do everything to wake up to her every morning.

You see it all better than all of us here.

ALRIGHT NOW!!! You better say it!!! Now this is what a true MAN thinks and speaks!