Yardies, at home and a farrin'

[Yaads 0]

SJB~ Fortunatly the racism thing hasn't come up to much...and the rules and manners Working on that

I think one of the big issues is the fact that we are now on my "turf" and not on his. It was all good and dandy in JA where he knew how to shop, get transportation, handle all sorts of various issues as they would arise...he got to show off his stuff so to speak. I wasn't completely helpless but to a certain extent (especially on the first few trips) I didn't no ####### and I was very naïve. I was the one that everyone (Andre included) joked about because I did something out the norm, or the way I said a word in patois, the outfit I chose to wear, the way I did my hair...granted it was all in fun and friendly laughter...not really laughing at me but it was towards ME. They were joking about my naïve self and the way us "white girls" acted.

That’s the key. Now that Andre is the one that the joking is towards it is not ok to him...all of sudden its not ok to laugh anymore because it's about him. He is now the one that people joke about...the way he says slang in English or the way he perceives certain things, nothing that is serious or a real problem...again its amongst family and friends (even the friends he has made on his own) and its all out of love but he takes it so personally...especially coming from me. Like he thinks I am out to sabotage him or make him look stupid in front of people. What he doesn't realize is that it is exactly what happened to me when I first got to JA. It was me learning to fit in and adapt...joking was part of the learning process...and I agree at times what I did was funny and I even laughed at myself. If I were to have taken things so seriously I never would have made it through my first trip. I have talked to him about it many times and have been as sensitive as humanly possible...but there comes a time where he is being ULTRA overly sensitive and he isn't even fun to be around. Honestly this is the biggest struggle. This has caused many fights and many shed tears.

Anyone else experience this kind of thing?

Edited February 28, 2006 by Jme3584

[rhondapayter 0]

I'm trying to get finished up here at work so I can get out of here early. We're leaving tomorrow so I won't be on here for about a week. I may check back in tonight if I have time. If not:

Mindy: Good luck & best wishes on your upcoming wedding day!

Elizabeth: Hope your mom feels better soon

Jamie: Hang in there! You guys will get through it.

Joanna: Wishing you a speedy Packet 3

Rita: Hope you're enjoying the "honeymoon phase"

Everyone else, have a great week and weekend and I'll be back soon

[Yaads 0]

Have a wonderful trip Rhonda! Take lots of pictures

[Shemmy 4]

I'm trying to get finished up here at work so I can get out of here early. We're leaving tomorrow so I won't be on here for about a week. I may check back in tonight if I have time. If not:

Mindy: Good luck & best wishes on your upcoming wedding day!

Elizabeth: Hope your mom feels better soon

Jamie: Hang in there! You guys will get through it.

Joanna: Wishing you a speedy Packet 3

Rita: Hope you're enjoying the "honeymoon phase"

Everyone else, have a great week and weekend and I'll be back soon

Have fun Rhonda & Tony

[Together 0]

Hi Everyone,

It has been awhile since I've been on here. I hope everyone is doing well. I really haven't had much time to catch up on all the news (good or bad). I hope to do so soon. Congratulations on all of the good news!! And for the not so good news, I hope that everything will work out soon!

I've been really busy lately. Also, trying to research the D.C./Virginia area b/c i think that I will have to move there around August for a few years. I hope that won't have a negative affect on my paperwork process.

Anyhow, take care everyone and I'll be checking in periodically. I wish I could check this site at work b/c I would be on all day.

Saundra

[Fishergirl 1]

SJB~ Fortunatly the racism thing hasn't come up to much...and the rules and manners Working on that

I think one of the big issues is the fact that we are now on my "turf" and not on his. It was all good and dandy in JA where he knew how to shop, get transportation, handle all sorts of various issues as they would arise...he got to show off his stuff so to speak. I wasn't completely helpless but to a certain extent (especially on the first few trips) I didn't no ####### and I was very naïve. I was the one that everyone (Andre included) joked about because I did something out the norm, or the way I said a word in patois, the outfit I chose to wear, the way I did my hair...granted it was all in fun and friendly laughter...not really laughing at me but it was towards ME. They were joking about my naïve self and the way us "white girls" acted.

That’s the key. Now that Andre is the one that the joking is towards it is not ok to him...all of sudden its not ok to laugh anymore because it's about him. He is now the one that people joke about...the way he says slang in English or the way he perceives certain things, nothing that is serious or a real problem...again its amongst family and friends (even the friends he has made on his own) and its all out of love but he takes it so personally...especially coming from me. Like he thinks I am out to sabotage him or make him look stupid in front of people. What he doesn't realize is that it is exactly what happened to me when I first got to JA. It was me learning to fit in and adapt...joking was part of the learning process...and I agree at times what I did was funny and I even laughed at myself. If I were to have taken things so seriously I never would have made it through my first trip. I have talked to him about it many times and have been as sensitive as humanly possible...but there comes a time where he is being ULTRA overly sensitive and he isn't even fun to be around. Honestly this is the biggest struggle. This has caused many fights and many shed tears.

Anyone else experience this kind of thing?

Jamie,

If it's starting 'fusses' between the two of you, try not to laugh at him in front of anyone. (Girl, laugh on the inside and he doesn't have to know. ) Seriously, you know we are supposed to feel safe with those we love and who love us so try not to make fun out of his mistakes. He's still learning. Of course it was okay for him to laugh at you but now he can't handle being laughed at but sometimes we have to let bygones be bygones and be the bigger person in order to keep the peace. So to keep it down, instead of laughing pull him to the side and lovingly whisper to him the correct way to do/say things. At least that'll be one less thing to fuss about.

Lee

[Yaads 0]

Good advice Lee We are past the minor fusses and I don't do the whole joking/laughing thing. I learned the lesson a while ago. It was more something in the past and I was just letting y'all know about it as it was one of the biggest struggles we have gone through so far.

Edited February 28, 2006 by Jme3584

[Shemmy 4]

Hi Everyone,

It has been awhile since I've been on here. I hope everyone is doing well. I really haven't had much time to catch up on all the news (good or bad). I hope to do so soon. Congratulations on all of the good news!! And for the not so good news, I hope that everything will work out soon!

I've been really busy lately. Also, trying to research the D.C./Virginia area b/c i think that I will have to move there around August for a few years. I hope that won't have a negative affect on my paperwork process.

Anyhow, take care everyone and I'll be checking in periodically. I wish I could check this site at work b/c I would be on all day.

Saundra

Hello Saundra. I live in Maryland but work in DC and from Virginia. So please let me know if you need any questions about the area. Where are you moving from? Take care

[Fishergirl 1]

Good advice Lee We are past the minor fusses and I don't do the whole joking/laughing thing. I learned the lesson a while ago. It was more something in the past and I was just letting y'all know about it as it was one of the biggest struggles we have gone through so far.

Jamie,

Thanks to you and the others for sharing some of your struggles. I think we tend to allow the anticipation of being with our significant others to take priority of our focus and we don't know/realize some of the issues that come with maintaining relationships with those who are coming into a whole new culture, way of thinking, and overall way of living. If they don't have the opportunity to get acclimated to our way of life there will be some bumpy roads until they adjust. It's just a whole other factor that has to be added to the equation when trying to make a realtionship work. As if they (relationships) aren't enough work already. All we think about is that we love them and want to share our lives with them. So, once again, thanks for sharing and enlightening/helping to prepare me.

I REALLY do appreciate it.

Lee

[Minfay 0]

Jamie -- You know we are all here for you if you need ANYTHING!! Anything at all....even if you just want to talk about the weather -- we are here to listen.

Rita -- Congratulations on your big day. Your photos are beautiful. Such a great looking family.

Joanna -- Did Packet 3 come yet?

Rhonda -- Hope I haven't missed you yet. Have a WONDERFUL vacation. Don't forget the sippie cup!!

[Yaads 0]

Mindy!!! How are you doing girl?!? Friday is the big day Excited? Nervous? Anxious? Any special plans? How is Roy doing?

[jkb919 0]

Jamie -- You know we are all here for you if you need ANYTHING!! Anything at all....even if you just want to talk about the weather -- we are here to listen.

Rita -- Congratulations on your big day. Your photos are beautiful. Such a great looking family.

Joanna -- Did Packet 3 come yet?

Rhonda -- Hope I haven't missed you yet. Have a WONDERFUL vacation. Don't forget the sippie cup!!

Hey Mindy,

No packet 3 yet still waiting...hope it comes this week, I am just waiting for his friend AnnMarie to call and tell me she got it and has overnighted it to me...I have spoke with her a few times and she is checking the mail everyday and will let me know as soon as she gets it.

So what are your big wedding plans?? cant wait to see LOTS of pictures...we still have no idea what you look like

[Shemmy 4]

I'm going home soon to pack for our trip this Friday Finally.

Damien is so excited - he probably won't be able to sleep until we get back. He thanked me so many times for strongly encouraging him go home to visit his family before July. His father cried on the phone last night when I told him Damien was coming home for a few days.....it was so sweet.

[Yaads 0]

Sjb~ Have a wonderful trip! I hope you and Damien have a blast

[Jamaica to CT 0]

Good advice Lee We are past the minor fusses and I don't do the whole joking/laughing thing. I learned the lesson a while ago. It was more something in the past and I was just letting y'all know about it as it was one of the biggest struggles we have gone through so far.

Jamie,

Thanks to you and the others for sharing some of your struggles. I think we tend to allow the anticipation of being with our significant others to take priority of our focus and we don't know/realize some of the issues that come with maintaining relationships with those who are coming into a whole new culture, way of thinking, and overall way of living. If they don't have the opportunity to get acclimated to our way of life there will be some bumpy roads until they adjust. It's just a whole other factor that has to be added to the equation when trying to make a realtionship work. As if they (relationships) aren't enough work already. All we think about is that we love them and want to share our lives with them. So, once again, thanks for sharing and enlightening/helping to prepare me.

I REALLY do appreciate it.

Lee

I didn't mean to ask such a "loaded" question. I agree with Lee your sharing indeed has helped me because once again most of my concerns have been adressed. Now I won't take it as a personal affront when he arrives since I already see some of the same "problems" cropping up.

Shemanya and Rhonda have great trips!

Mindy how are your plans going for Friday?

I just found out that my honey is very sick with a high fever and has been refusing to go to the hospital all day.

I told him that he better go and he agreed to let his mom take him. I don't know what it is with these men; he is so hard headed! Please keep us in your thoughts.