Yardies, at home and a farrin'

[rhondapayter 0]

For everyone with their loved ones here, what was the biggest adjustment that they had to make? How were they able to overcome their obstacles? And what was their biggest misconception about America/Americans?

Wow, this is a loaded question For Tony one of the biggest changes was the weather in Detroit. He was used to 80 degree temperatures every day and he came here in October to mid 50's and then it just got colder from there. Then snow and ice and even colder weather as winter set in.

One of the other big issues was the major lack of public transportation here. Tony felt trapped at home all the time while I was at work. We got him a bicycle but as soon as the weather got cold he couldn't ride it. He was used to being able to walk or take a taxi to anywhere he wanted to go in Jamaica so this was a huge adjustment.

Another obvious problem was that he couldn't work right away. He's not used to sitting around all day OR depending on someone else for money or anything he needed. He was very bored and depressed for a few months until he started working somewhat steadily.

Also, I live in a neighborhood that is almost all white people so Tony was like the only black person around! This was really strange for him at first. I made a conscious effort to take him to restaurants, malls, bars, etc... where there was a more "mixed" crowd of people. I didn't want him to think he was the only black man in Michigan There is a huge population of blacks in Detroit, but we live in a suburb outside of Detroit.

One HUGE misconception I think a lot of Jamaican's have is that it's easy to make money in America. Tony was shocked at how bad the economy is here right now - jobs are not easy to come by, a lot of jobs only pay minimum wage, and they have to work a lot harder here (in some cases) to make money. AND how expensive it is to live here vs. Jamaica. The cost of housing, utilities, car insurance, etc.. just blew his mind. We still have issues getting him to understand this.

I hope this answers some of your questions. These are the most major things I can think of off the top of my head. I'm sure there are many others.

Edited February 28, 2006 by rhondapayter

[jkb919 0]

Hey everyone,

Rita and Tashi ~ beautiful pictures cant wait to see more and Rita you look so skinny!!!

Eric ~ welcome back, hope everything goes better this time around, please keep up posted.

As for me I am back at work today, I had 5 days off WOW can you believe it? although I was busy every day except for yesterday....But anyway I am hopeing to get a call from Adrians friend this week saying she recieved packet 3 and has overnighted it to me!!!!!

Have a great day

Joanna

[Shemmy 4]

For everyone with their loved ones here, what was the biggest adjustment that they had to make? How were they able to overcome their obstacles? And what was their biggest misconception about America/Americans?

Another obvious problem was that he couldn't work right away. He's not used to sitting around all day OR depending on someone else for money or anything he needed. He was very bored and depressed for a few months until he started working somewhat steadily.

One HUGE misconception I think a lot of Jamaican's have is that it's easy to make money in America. Tony was shocked at how bad the economy is here right now - jobs are not easy to come by, a lot of jobs only pay minimum wage, and they have to work a lot harder here (in some cases) to make money. AND how expensive it is to live here vs. Jamaica. The cost of housing, utilities, car insurance, etc.. just blew his mind. We still have issues getting him to understand this.

I totally agree with Rhonda on these points. It was six months before Damien could work and that the hardest part of his adjustment. But luckily he can get around easily on public transportation. And we live in area with lots of Jamaican people, resturants, clubs, etc - things he can relate to. I think it really helps.

Edited February 28, 2006 by sjb1221

[Yaads 0]

Good Morning everyone!

Rita and Tashi~ Congrats! Your pictures are beautiful.

Eric~ Nice to see you around. I hope you and your wife hear something soon.

Joanna~ I am so glad Adrian meeting your parents went well

Rhonda~ How is life? How are you doing?

Big up to everyone else. Glad everyone is going strong

I should be around a little today. I hope some of you are around to chat with.

[Fishergirl 1]

I added a few wedding pics to our yahoo site...I was gonna delete the others but couldnt figure out how to do it. I only have the black and white ones back in my possession the others are developed and with my aunt. I will post more as I get them. Enjoy and let me know what you think.

Rita,

You truly made a beautiful bride. Your family looks happy and complete. Congrats and all the best.

Lee

[Yaads 0]

For everyone with their loved ones here, what was the biggest adjustment that they had to make? How were they able to overcome their obstacles? And what was their biggest misconception about America/Americans?

Another obvious problem was that he couldn't work right away. He's not used to sitting around all day OR depending on someone else for money or anything he needed. He was very bored and depressed for a few months until he started working somewhat steadily.

One HUGE misconception I think a lot of Jamaican's have is that it's easy to make money in America. Tony was shocked at how bad the economy is here right now - jobs are not easy to come by, a lot of jobs only pay minimum wage, and they have to work a lot harder here (in some cases) to make money. AND how expensive it is to live here vs. Jamaica. The cost of housing, utilities, car insurance, etc.. just blew his mind. We still have issues getting him to understand this.

I totally agree with Rhonda on these points. It was six months before Damien could work and that the hardest part of his adjustment. But luckily he can get around easily on public transportation. And we live in area with lots of Jamaican people, resturants, clubs, etc - things he can relate to. I think it really helps.

I also have to agree

I live somewhere where there is very little public transportation and very few people that are black. It is very difficult. Andre is going on 5 months of not working and it is killing him. Also trying to learn to drive is ending up to be one of the hardest things we have done so far

But honestly I think the biggest challenge that has come so far is adjusting to being together all the time. We really are different people than we were when we were dating. It isn't that we hid stuff from each other...we just never got to that point in our LDR. Getting used to being around each other all the time and sticking through the hard times...having made the ultimate committment. It is a LOT harder than either of us ever prepared for.

Money is definitely the biggest misconception. Andre is still grasping with the ideas of bills having to be paid on time or things getting cancelled or incuring late charges, budgets, checks, debit cards, how credit works, taxes, how expensive bills are, etc. We have also really struggled with wants vs. needs especially now since we are only living on one income. You need shoes...but you don't need $110 Timberlands - you just want them. Your need can be met with $40 shoes from payless. They may not be what you want...but it does fit the need. Your car needs an oil change but it doesn't need seat covers, you need new shirts but they can come from walmart...it doesn't need to come from Gap, you want a new CD but you don't need it...that kind of stuff. We have decided that each month we will get X amount of "mad" money to go towards our "wants". It is working out ok...but it is definitely a struggle to him the difference between wants and needs and what items come out of the mad money vs the house money.

There is lots more...as Rhonda said it is quite a loaded question...but those are some of the biggest ones I can think of.

Jamie

Edited February 28, 2006 by Jme3584

[rhondapayter 0]

Good Morning everyone!

Rita and Tashi~ Congrats! Your pictures are beautiful.

Eric~ Nice to see you around. I hope you and your wife hear something soon.

Joanna~ I am so glad Adrian meeting your parents went well

Rhonda~ How is life? How are you doing?

Big up to everyone else. Glad everyone is going strong

I should be around a little today. I hope some of you are around to chat with.

Hey Jamie

We're leaving tomorrow for Punta Cana I'm so excited! Just a few last minute items to pack when I get home from work today. I'll be back March 7 - so I'll check back with ya'll on March 8. How are things on the West coast?

[Yaads 0]

Darah~ So sorry to hear about being denied the tourist visa Have you heard anything? Have you gotten anywhere with the embassy?

Edited February 28, 2006 by Jme3584

[rhondapayter 0]

But honestly I think the biggest challenge that has come so far is adjusting to being together all the time. We really are different people than we were when we were dating. It isn't that we hid stuff from each other...we just never got to that point in our LDR. Getting used to being around each other all the time and sticking through the hard times...having made the ultimate committment. It is a LOT harder than either of us ever prepared for.

Jamie,

This is so true. Me and Tony go through this constantly. We really didn't know each other as well as we thought we did. It is so much different when you're just on vacation together in Jamaica every couple of months compared to actually living together. And then you go from being 2000 miles apart to being married - almost as if it happened overnight! Trust me, you are not alone in this. The word divorce has come up more than once with us, but we keep trying to work things out and stick with our committment. And yes, it's a lot harder than we anticipated Hang in there girl.

Edited February 28, 2006 by rhondapayter

[doodle 0]

They haven't written us back yet. I did find out some very interesting information though. On our DS230 that we sent in during Henry's interview we listed his daughter and checked that she would be following him at a later date.

My interpretation: we could file for her in the future and she would have her name in the system as his daughter/my stepdaughter.

Their interpretation: we essentially filed for a K2 without realizing it.

The visa is still valid up to one year from Henry's entry. So technically we could have her come up and adjust status...etc. BUT we don't want to do that yet. We just want her to be able to visit. I can't believe I goofed this. It's very misleading and quite frankly, I studied this stuff and can't believe I missed this detail. Now I am trying to find out if we let the K2 expire if we can somehow gain new evidence and appeal the embassies decision. I have two calls out to my congressman...hoping they can draft a letter on our behalf. Also waiting on a couple veteran VJ'ers to give me their input. I'm still in shock that I fu!@ed this one up. I feel at blame and it sucks. We thought it was all going to go so smooth.

I have heard that it is a good thing that she is in the documentation, however Kingston sees it as us trying to do two things at once. Potentially travel and immigrate with a K2 AND obtain a travel visa. It doesn't make any sense.

I'll post more as I plow through this adventure.

[jkb919 0]

Ok Jamie and Rhonda...Your scaring me!!! ...but I guess these are things we all need to know ahead of time...It is great that I have people like ya'll that have "been there done that" so you can tell me what is ahead and maybe give some insight as of how to handle the situation.

Jamie ~ I saw the pics of the puppies TOO CUTE!!

Rhonda ~ I hope you and Tony have a great vacation I know you both need it...also dont you get vacation in June or July when your work is closed? when is that?

[rhondapayter 0]

Money is definitely the biggest misconception. Andre is still grasping with the ideas of bills having to be paid on time or things getting cancelled or incuring late charges, budgets, checks, debit cards, how credit works, taxes, how expensive bills are, etc. We have also really struggled with wants vs. needs especially now since we are only living on one income. You need shoes...but you don't need $110 Timberlands - you just want them. Your need can be met with $40 shoes from payless. They may not be what you want...but it does fit the need. Your car needs an oil change but it doesn't need seat covers, you need new shirts but they can come from walmart...it doesn't need to come from Gap, you want a new CD but you don't need it...that kind of stuff. We have decided that each month we will get X amount of "mad" money to go towards our "wants". It is working out ok...but it is definitely a struggle to him the difference between wants and needs and what items come out of the mad money vs the house money.

Jamie,

You make a REALLY good point with the Needs vs. Wants topic Oh, this sounds just like Tony! I NEED some new Nikes, or I NEED some new Timberlands. No, you want them - you don't need them! We're still working through this and he's been here almost a year and a half now. Plus he's trying to save money for a new car. (he doesn't LIKE the one I bought him ) I've explained to him that when he decides to send money to Jamaica to family or friends, it's coming out of HIS savings or money that he would save otherwise. It is NOT coming out of our fund for the house & bills. I know you other ladies must be having these issues too that or they'll come up in the near future!

Edited February 28, 2006 by rhondapayter

[jkb919 0]

Well I have to admit that we are already experiencing the WANTS and NEEDS thing and Adrian is not even here yet....He wants the dang Razr cell phone soooooo bad and we got into our 1st big argument the other day about it....finally I told him fine then go get it and waste our money that we have been saving...he does not realize that in the US you have to buy a cell phone from the company that you have service with or the phone will not work... We are ok now and if he wants to waste money on it he can...I am certianly not buying it for him.

[Ms Squitto 0]

good afternoon vj fam

[Shemmy 4]

Jamie - I know what you mean. We are still getting to know each other.

Two other issues 1) racism - something Damien did not have to deal with in JA. Although we live in a middle class black area, we do most of our shopping in a mostly white areas. We have gone into stores where he has been ignored. Of course, it really hurt his feelings and he was ready to go back to JA. 2) rules & manners - we had major problems with him understanding rules and manners. He can be rude sometimes so I'm constantly reminding him to be nice and smile. It's working but I choose my battles because it's hard to keep reminding a grown man of his manners.