Yardies, at home and a farrin'

[Minfay 0]

Jamie -- How are the boys doing?

[Elizabethnhenry 0]

Do you guys have any strategy when dealing with disagreements, any rules?

Our strategy is we don't fight. I am very hard headed and he is very level headed. I "snip" at him sometimes and he just rolls his eyes back in his head. Communication is most important. We talk all the time. Actually, Roy talks all the time -- HE NEVER SHUTS UP!! He is talking right now and I am typing away and not paying attention....

@ Roy talking!!

I wish Henry would talk more during the course of life....he speaks up when he has had it and is cranky. So good for chatty Roy!

[Yaads 0]

COMMUNICATION!!! That is the key right there

I agree with what has already been said regarding marriage but I want to throw something out there. While I whole heartedly agree with not digging up the past or deep sea diving I have ran into this problem with Andre.

We can have a disagreement about something - for example him spending way to much money going out for lunch when we have lots of food to eat at home and food we bought specifically to make lunches with. So I will explain to him that we can’t afford to have him go out to lunch everyday at 7-8 bucks each day, that’s what our individual spending money is for not our joint debit card (for bills) and blah blah blah. Then when I bring up how many times he has gone out this last week he will get upset and tell me that the past is the past and I should leave it there. It was yesterday! Not a year ago! I hardly consider that bringing up the past. To me that is showing a recent pattern…a pattern we can’t afford. Now if it was a problem that happened 4-5 months ago I agree to not bring it up…but a few days or weeks to me is not the past. He uses this phrase all the time “Don’t talk about what happened yesterday, today is today” I don’t agree with that. If there is a problem the slate isn’t wiped clean every night and you get to start all over again in the morning. Once a problem is resolved and there is proven improvement and change that lasts for a while that is when I think it gets moved into the past category.

So what do you all think?

When does something become the past?

[Elizabethnhenry 0]

18 more posts for my third heart!!!!

Let's go girl.....start talking!!!

17 now... Maybe tonight I'll start a fight in Off Topic and get it over with.

[Minfay 0]

He talks SOOOOOOOO much that when he's quiet I have to check to make sure he is still alive!! :energetic:

Jamie -- that's a good question and I really don't have an answer. Certainly one day is not "the past" -- it is still so recent and that is when you MUST straighten things out....before they get too old to deal with. I think it would be impossible to deal with everything the moment it is happening. If you are not with him 24/7 how could you possibly "fix" the situation before it became the past?

Hopefully someone (Elizabeth) will have some words of wisdom.....

[Elizabethnhenry 0]

He talks SOOOOOOOO much that when he's quiet I have to check to make sure he is still alive!! :energetic:

Jamie -- that's a good question and I really don't have an answer. Certainly one day is not "the past" -- it is still so recent and that is when you MUST straighten things out....before they get too old to deal with. I think it would be impossible to deal with everything the moment it is happening. If you are not with him 24/7 how could you possibly "fix" the situation before it became the past?

Hopefully someone (Elizabeth) will have some words of wisdom.....

A little girl was chatting on a bus one day - she would not stop just stringing topics together. So happens they were JA and the father said to her "ah wah wrang to you - yuh swallow a small radio?" I felt bad for the little one but we all wanted her to put a sock in it.

[Minfay 0]

18 more posts for my third heart!!!!

Let's go girl.....start talking!!!

17 now... Maybe tonight I'll start a fight in Off Topic and get it over with.

I need 246 until I get my second

[Yaads 0]

He talks SOOOOOOOO much that when he's quiet I have to check to make sure he is still alive!! :energetic:

Trust me I wish I had that problem Andre could go a whole night without saying a word. He always says he has nothing to talk about so he doesn't talk.

Edited July 13, 2006 by Jme3584

[Minfay 0]

A little girl was chatting on a bus one day......

Are you sure it wasn't Roy????? I'm gonna use that one

[Yaads 0]

Jamie -- How are the boys doing?

They are doing good Tomorrow is the big day and I am really hoping it will help this wandering thing. I thought they learned thier lesson but they were wandering pretty far yesterday even though I was watching them. So I am really glad tomorrow is the day

[Elizabethnhenry 0]

COMMUNICATION!!! That is the key right there

So what do you all think?

When does something become the past?

Very good question and I don't think there is an easy answer. Henry and I have not drawn the same line in the sand. Henry's line is more like Andre's - mine probably would look more like yours. But I definitely draw my line at 1 year plus or if the matter has been beaten to death and resolved. If it has been resolved (whether yesterday or last year), it's history.

To get around it any other way, you have to change the focus from it being the past to WHY you are mentioning it. So what I have tried to say to him is I wont dig for the past for the sole purpose of embarrasing or hurting you, but to make a point that requires me making a comparison and to enable us to change behavior that needs changing.

But it's definitely a concept in progress

Edited July 13, 2006 by Elizabethnhenry

[tenika 0]

GREAT MAKE-UP S*X !!!

Sounds good

Communicating is the major thing!! Granted the other day, I was pissed and I got in the car and left for 20 minutes to chill out, when I came home, we talked it all out. If things get heated.....it's like having a child, you HAVE to put yourself in time out for like 20 seconds....come back and TALK !!!

Kelly

Good advice thanks..

[Elizabethnhenry 0]

He talks SOOOOOOOO much that when he's quiet I have to check to make sure he is still alive!! :energetic:

Trust me I wish I had that problem Andre could go a whole night without saying a word. He always says he has nothing to talk about so he doesn't talk.

That's my boy Henry and it makes me mental. He can literally sit or lie or drive for hours and not speak. As a kid his mom always thought he was in his room when he wasnt even there. And as center of the universe, I take his silence personally!!

A little girl was chatting on a bus one day......

Are you sure it wasn't Roy????? I'm gonna use that one

Yeah she just would not stop.

You can use this one; its my brother's. One night my niece was grilling me about every topic under the sun. Finally after an hour or so my brother noticed that my jaw was clenching and he said "okay questionnaire, that's enough." I cracked up and started calling her questionnaire. She was not amused.

11 more posts!!!!

[I need 246 until I get my second

Amateur!

(said with love! )

[tenika 0]

As for arguments - things are getting better in that I am learning how to stay calm and not to get riled up over every little thing. I am learning how to praise him more. I am learning how to make him repeat something before I go bilingual on him - We both have a temper that needs Jesus.

This is my problem, You are right , I have to walk away and I love Jonesie advise about praying before it gets too much

As for rules, I'd say fights are inevitable so we must fight fair. No hitting below the belt - if whatever is forming in your mouth is a personal stab, hold it in and bite your tongue. No yelling. No dragging up ancient history to wield against each other - Henry calls it deep sea diving - no deep sea diving to look for your spouse's past mistakes.

99% of them time I apologize. Henry usually doesnt say sorry. But I am learning to "read him" and when he's sorry he will give me gentle touch, play with my hair or something...or fix something that's been needing to be fixed for ages.LOL

Ok .. I see, one of my issues while reading your post.. I always look for an appology if I feel he was wrong, but it is kindah also about reading them, Men can be complicated..

[Elizabethnhenry 0]

Ok .. I see, one of my issues while reading your post.. I always look for an appology if I feel he was wrong, but it is kindah also about reading them, Men can be complicated..

Yeah if we don't learn to read our men's actions then we are in trouble....unless we are married to Roy.

I also always look for "thanks" and "what would I do without you" "you are so the best thing that has ever happened to me." I sometimes do extraoridnary things and he does not bat an eye. He told me last night (an many other times) that I love "praise tuh much!" He said if I do something, he should give thanks to God and not necessarily me. But I am just a little human being and like to hear well done. (I need to point out that the Lord himself set aside those words (well done) for when he sees the faithful face to face; so if the Lord knows we need to hear it, what's Henry's problem? )

And it's not just us. There is thread on this (the man's no thanks no compliment way of being) in the Asia forum.

For Rhonda if she's bored tonight!!

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/frogleap.html

This game will make you crazy!! It took me 4 minutes and then I could not remember HOW I did it.

9 more!!