Yardies, at home and a farrin'

[brownnskinn 0]

David has contacted at least one girl from past relationship here in the states.... Well he said it was a friend we all know what that means... I walked in on the conversation.....I did not let him know I was a bit vexed about it, but if he is going to do anything...there is nothing I can do about it...so I act like it did not bother me. I trust him competely. It's the only way this will work. I expect the same.

[Sbys 0]

You're strong - I would have a very hard time pretending everything was ok if Michael was contacting a "friend" from the past. You're right, there's nothing you can do about it - it would upset me a lot though.

David has contacted at least one girl from past relationship here in the states.... Well he said it was a friend we all know what that means... I walked in on the conversation.....I did not let him know I was a bit vexed about it, but if he is going to do anything...there is nothing I can do about it...so I act like it did not bother me. I trust him competely. It's the only way this will work. I expect the same.

[Yaads 0]

You're strong - I would have a very hard time pretending everything was ok if Michael was contacting a "friend" from the past. You're right, there's nothing you can do about it - it would upset me a lot though.

David has contacted at least one girl from past relationship here in the states.... Well he said it was a friend we all know what that means... I walked in on the conversation.....I did not let him know I was a bit vexed about it, but if he is going to do anything...there is nothing I can do about it...so I act like it did not bother me. I trust him competely. It's the only way this will work. I expect the same.

I agree with Julie. That would be very hard to ignore and pretend it was ok. I wouldn't show my anger but I would at least inquire about it. Dee you are very right about the trust thing!

[Ms Squitto 0]

I only skim read the last few pages (as I've been in training for most of the day) but I'd like to share one observation that I've made. I've noticed a slight trend. Last year this time many of us were agonizing over approvals and missing our SO's so much and ranting about phone cards and the separation issues and LDR frustrations and all that. Now that many of us have our men right here with us, reality has set in and we now complain about the f*ckery associated with a real relationship and find our men driving us bonkers. I ask myself...was I (we) living in fantasy land all that time when he was in JA? Did I (we) just dream that everything was going to be a-ok once he finally made it to the US? Did I (we) really believe that the deep love that we had for one another would be the bridge to get us over whatever problem presented itself?

[nyseness 0]

You're strong - I would have a very hard time pretending everything was ok if Michael was contacting a "friend" from the past. You're right, there's nothing you can do about it - it would upset me a lot though.

David has contacted at least one girl from past relationship here in the states.... Well he said it was a friend we all know what that means... I walked in on the conversation.....I did not let him know I was a bit vexed about it, but if he is going to do anything...there is nothing I can do about it...so I act like it did not bother me. I trust him competely. It's the only way this will work. I expect the same.

And see I would have to agree w/Dee. I have male friends heck my best friend is a man. I actually get along better w/men then women . Females got too much drama going on and they chat too much...but at the same time I know Javon have female friends as well and I'm okay w/it. There is nothing you can do about it and if you do it's another arguement. You just have to have faith and trust your mate.

[Yaads 0]

Question: What does your SO/spouse think of online banking. Henry and I just had our long talk. He thinks the devil is at the helm of online banking and we all get robbed everyday and don't realize it. He wants me to go back to writing actual checks.

I said no way - he would take over bill payments if writing physical checks were part of the game.

I agree with everyone who said we have to choose our battles carefully. We do it at work, we do it at church, we do it at school and we have to do it at home.

That is cute

Andre doesn't even do regular banking. He prefers to do EVERYTHING in cash and refuses to use debit cards or online stuff. I just know have started to open him up to the check idea...but he hasn't gone for it 100% yet.

I have a feeling I will be balancing the checkbook and paying the bills for a LONG time

I only skim read the last few pages (as I've been in training for most of the day) but I'd like to share one observation that I've made. I've noticed a slight trend. Last year this time many of us were agonizing over approvals and missing our SO's so much and ranting about phone cards and the separation issues and LDR frustrations and all that. Now that many of us have our men right here with us, reality has set in and we now complain about the f*ckery associated with a real relationship and find our men driving us bonkers. I ask myself...was I (we) living in fantasy land all that time when he was in JA? Did I (we) just dream that everything was going to be a-ok once he finally made it to the US? Did I (we) really believe that the deep love that we had for one another would be the bridge to get us over whatever problem presented itself?

HMMM...I am going to need to think about this for a little while. You bring up some very serious yet truthful things...

[brownnskinn 0]

also from past experiences, with David as well...we must allow our men to make their own mistakes. I too found that I was babying my husband at first... it is easy to belittle and not realize you are doing it. All though we all all holing it down right now we must remember that they are men. We are their wifes and we should make them feel like men....There have been many of times that David has been wrong.... I just agree cause I know that my telling him will do no good. They have to learn to make their own way....

For the most part I am blessed....I am greatfull for him...we talk to each other often, we touch each other often, At times we find ourselves saying thank ..you Jesus at the same time... MsSquitto is right it helps. "We pray together morning and night...I would say that we are very close, He is still the same man. Than I have had conversations will our the past two years..My life has changed dramticly...I am not bragging, it's not perfect. I'm just very happy....I hope it never changes. Nothing worth having comes easy ....SO when ###### hits the fan I weigh the neg and the pos. The positives all ways win....for now that is...

[nyseness 0]

also from past experiences, with David as well...we must allow our men to make their own mistakes. I too found that I was babying my husband at first... it is easy to belittle and not realize you are doing it. All though we all all holing it down right now we must remember that they are men. We are their wifes and we should make them feel like men....There have been many of times that David has been wrong.... I just agree cause I know that my telling him will do no good. They have to learn to make their own way....

For the most part I am blessed....I am greatfull for him...we talk to each other often, we touch each other often, At times we find ourselves saying thank ..you Jesus at the same time... MsSquitto is right it helps. "We pray together morning and night...I would say that we are very close, He is still the same man. Than I have had conversations will our the past two years..My life has changed dramticly...I am not bragging, it's not perfect. I'm just very happy....I hope it never changes. Nothing worth having comes easy ....SO when ###### hits the fan I weigh the neg and the pos. The positives all ways win....for now that is...

OMG...u hit it right on the nose. I swear Dee you always say the right things.

[Elizabethnhenry 0]

I only skim read the last few pages (as I've been in training for most of the day) but I'd like to share one observation that I've made. I've noticed a slight trend. Last year this time many of us were agonizing over approvals and missing our SO's so much and ranting about phone cards and the separation issues and LDR frustrations and all that. Now that many of us have our men right here with us, reality has set in and we now complain about the f*ckery associated with a real relationship and find our men driving us bonkers. I ask myself...was I (we) living in fantasy land all that time when he was in JA? Did I (we) just dream that everything was going to be a-ok once he finally made it to the US? Did I (we) really believe that the deep love that we had for one another would be the bridge to get us over whatever problem presented itself?

Very good point and question, Ms. Squitto!! And that is how we can keep them (the daily realizations that worry, scare, disappoint and frustrate us) in check....I remind myself that last year I used to have (involuntary) shaking fits, when I the feared that we would get denied or have some other issue plague us and how I prayed to God to have this work and for him to be able to join me here. I remember praying for strength when people at church suggested that I pack for JA because JA was high fraud and I would have to go live there. And God answered my prayer. I saw a show Dateline Primetime or some such thing and a 9/11 widow said she would give anything to have her husband leave the toilet seat up again or leave the milk on the counter again...just to have him back. The host asked if he came back and left teh seat up and let the milk spoil what would she do, and she implied that she would just put the seat down again without a word and she would pour the milk away and buy more the next day...just to have him back.

So, you are right., Ms. Squitto. But, on the other hand, I think folks are venting so they don't go crazy. I hear the same complains at work from americans married to americans whom they met in a bar and lived with for years.

Edited May 10, 2006 by Elizabethnhenry

[brownnskinn 0]

I agree with Julie. That would be very hard to ignore and pretend it was ok. I wouldn't show my anger but I would at least inquire about it. Dee you are very right about the trust thing!

......

I inquired...He said it was a friend, I had no reason to believe it was a lie. He doesn't give to reason to believe other wise....You have to trust your instincts...Not saying that mine are always right but...I did not see a reason to force the issue. It wasn't easy. I was married for 6 years and lived with the same man for 5 years before that. I have learned a lot about being unhappy...having controll over your emotions ect.. I trust my instincts. I guess you can say that I have grown in many ways. I have a lot more to learn, I know that I don't plan on making the some mistake twice...Insecurity is not one of my issues.

[Yaads 0]

I only skim read the last few pages (as I've been in training for most of the day) but I'd like to share one observation that I've made. I've noticed a slight trend. Last year this time many of us were agonizing over approvals and missing our SO's so much and ranting about phone cards and the separation issues and LDR frustrations and all that. Now that many of us have our men right here with us, reality has set in and we now complain about the f*ckery associated with a real relationship and find our men driving us bonkers. I ask myself...was I (we) living in fantasy land all that time when he was in JA? Did I (we) just dream that everything was going to be a-ok once he finally made it to the US? Did I (we) really believe that the deep love that we had for one another would be the bridge to get us over whatever problem presented itself?

Very good point and question, Ms. Squitto!! And that is how we can keep them (the daily realizations that worry, scare, disappoint and frustrate us) in check....I remind myself that last year I used to have (involuntary) shaking fits, when I the feared that we would get denied or have some other issue plague us and how I prayed to God to have this work and for him to be able to join me here. I remember praying for strength when people at church suggested that I pack for JA because JA was high fraud and I would have to go live there. And God answered my prayer. I saw a show Dateline Primetime or some such thing and a 9/11 widow said she would give anything to have her husband leave the toilet seat up again or leave the milk on the counter again...just to have him back. The host asked if he came back and left teh seat up and let the milk spoil what would she do, and she implied that she would just put the seat down again without a word and she would pour the milk away and buy more the next day...just to have him back.

So, you are right., Ms. Squitto. But, on the other hand, I think folks are venting so they don't go crazy. I hear the same complains at work from americans married to americans whom they met in a bar and lived with for years.

Very well said. I agree that a lot of it is venting and even more so trying to determine if you are "normal" and going through "normal" things. It is awesome that we can support each other here and get it all out and cuss and scream and all that good stuff. You got to get it out sometime and getting it out around your man can be costly.

[brownnskinn 0]

Spelling and losing weight happen to be.... He's losing and I'm gaining..... Anna I need help!!!!! I've fallen into that happy fat wife syndrome

[nyseness 0]

Spelling and losing weight happen to be.... He's losing and I'm gaining..... Anna I need help!!!!! I've fallen into that happy fat wife syndrome

Girl....it's hard but you have to be strong!!!

[brownnskinn 0]

But, on the other hand, I think folks are venting so they don't go crazy. I hear the same complains at work from americans married to americans whom they met in a bar and lived with for years.

Well put...VENTING is a must have.....

[Elizabethnhenry 0]

You guys have no idea - well I am sure you do - how this network of sisterhood (and Eric LOL) helps us. I do need to know on certain days if I am nuts....like Jamie said if I am normal or if our situation is normal. Just visit the other regional forums and you see the same discussions as we are having. Everybody trying to identify and assess the differences that we see now that we are together? Is it gender? Is it cultural? Is it religion?

I feel very blessed to have you all, because I have some female friends who don't have anyone to talk to. My sisters only have me....there is NOBODY they can trust....they don't trust each other even (each wishes I would not discuss their business with the other). Scary.

And for those of you who believe - never stop praying. Today before Henry and I discussed the banking and finances, we prayed that our tongues and voices remain respectful and that we don't harm each other with our words (like the song says).

Spelling and losing weight happen to be.... He's losing and I'm gaining..... Anna I need help!!!!! I've fallen into that happy fat wife syndrome

Dee I love the way you spell! My favorite is your favorite when you spelled doubt as dought and you did this Spelling is a gift. My siblings are bad spellers and I love to spell since I was like two.

I am not teasing you in a bad way, just saying it aint everybody's thing.