Met someone

[Mithra 1,185]

While I am glad you are feeling better and are happier, I would be more impressed if you were able to find this on your own instead of with a man. This forum is a constant reminder of how weak women can be. Why does happiness ALWAYS have to involve a man? Why can't we learn to love ourselves before jumping into yet another relationship? Women are strong by nature. We're mothers and teachers, protectors of our family...why do we always have to count on the love and acceptance of a man in order to feel good about ourselves? Makes me sad.

Edit - I do not mean every woman in a marriage or relationship is weak. I'm saying that women who NEED to be in a relationship in order to feel good about themselves are weak, IMO.

We are taking it extremely slow.

We REALLY enjoy each others company. Hes been in the US like 15 years and has 2 kids. He makes me happy. And he likes me for me. And I am ALOT more broken than he is but because hes been through something similar with someone from his OWN COUNTRY ( He was used for papers by someone who did not really love him but just wanted to adjust her status) he understands the hurt I feel. He had come here on the lottery and she was over here on a tourist visa and he married her so she could adjust and she had kids with him and literally, she would tell people.. I just married him to stay in the country. So it happens to people FROM MOROCCO too. Its not just Americans who get victimised. He is truly one of the sweetest people I have met in years. We are taking things super slow and YES I have issues from what happened to me. But its nice to be with someone who is not constantly running me down and making me feel like #######. I am very attracted to people from that part of the world ( kind of against my will frankly) but ironically he is very attracted to Americans and we just kind of fit.. in a weird way. It may go absolutely no where but its nice for someone to grab me, kiss me and mean it when they call me habiba

There aint NOTHING like a good Moroccan man. Say what you will but I have been around them for years and seriously, a good moroccan man is just a gift from heaven! I have super good friends from there and when you have a really good moroccan man, you see heaven! I love moroccan people.. and when you get a sweet one, a really good friend, they are passionate, alive and affectionate. The hell I lived with with my ex and thinking about the years I lost putting up with his greencard using #### just makes me throw up in my mouth. I am so glad that all his nonsense did not make me hate men and want to live in a house with 30 cats. I am still alive and yes, kisses still feel good. And yes, I kissed him. I kissed him and kissed him and we ate amazing food and we had fun. HOORAY!

Edited January 22, 2013 by Mithra

[sandinista! 1,816]

Yeah, it's a thing. It starts as early as grade school, females whose entire selves are defined by the male they happen to be connected to at the time, and they totally flail when there's no male in the picture. Self-worth, value, etc is intrinsically tied to male approval and all that.

Seconding the Moroccans Do It Better. They're superior beings, to which I notice the only people objecting aren't involved with Moroccans and must wish they were. Moroccans for everyone!!

[Laveau 67]

I think it's pretty awesome you are getting your groove back. Life is too short. If it feels right then you are ready jmo. I know I'm in the minority here.

However, what Lisa said about that poem is legit, too.

[Mithra 1,185]

There are those who have a Moroccan man and those who WISH they had one. I guess I fall into the second category.

Yeah, it's a thing. It starts as early as grade school, females whose entire selves are defined by the male they happen to be connected to at the time, and they totally flail when there's no male in the picture. Self-worth, value, etc is intrinsically tied to male approval and all that.

Seconding the Moroccans Do It Better. They're superior beings, to which I notice the only people objecting aren't involved with Moroccans and must wish they were. Moroccans for everyone!!

[Darnell 8,478]

How'd it go, down at the shooting range? I hope you made the time to do that, and kablooie the silhouette (sp?) target to small bits.

[SaharaSunset 165]

I've been reading this thread with interest...And I'm gonna go out on limb here...

I know its quite hip to suggest that true healing can only be found if your heal "yourself" and love yourself etc. I don't necessarily disagree with that, I do think there is great value in having a healthy sense of self worth...but...

I think what I feel is said best in a quote from Les Mis: "To love another person is to see the face of God..."

I feel like there is such incredible healing power in loving someone else. I have been self critical of my body since I was 10. Sad, I know - the curse of being a woman perhaps. And when I met my husband, I was still super critical of my not being a size 0. Some would say I should have learned to love myself more before I got in a relationship. But, the incredible thing is, loving my husband, even with his imperfections, has actually helped me be more accepting of myself. And yes, the fact that he loves me despite my imperfections makes me feel wonderful....but its fleeting. The real healing for me has come from truly, deeply loving someone else despite their flaws. That I could never have done on my own.

Again, I do think there is a place for developing a healthy sense of self worth. And I also think that sex and love are not one in the same. I do not think that sex alone has the same healing power as love. So I am not advocating seeking "sexual healing." But, real love is a wonderful, powerful thing. And I just don't know if avoiding "falling in love" with someone, because of past trauma being "unhealed" is the best solution. I know some people feel that always wanting and needing to love and be loved is a sign of weakness...but I don't think it always is that. I believe we are meant to be with someone. We are not meant to be alone and to struggle to find supreme happiness being alone. For people that are able to find happiness alone, they are blessed and fortunate. But I don't think we all need to find that. I believe there is, in all of us, an innate need for love and companionship. And I am going to venture to say that if "Beauty" feels that this man she's met is a good, kind, loving man - then the relationship may bring more healing than could ever happen on her own.

So to "Beauty" - he sounds wonderful. Best of luck to you. And I think all "good men" are a gift from heaven....maybe especially the ones from Morocco My Moroccan husband is the most sensitive, affectionate, passionate, sincere, sweet, generous, wonderful man I have ever met. I'm not sure if that's because he Moroccan, or just because he is wonderful...but love is fabulous, and I hope everyone is blessed with true, sincere, pure love...broken or unbroken, we all need it

[abbi627 43]

I would like to say I agree with SaharaSunset. If this man makes you happy then why not go for it? I don't think it makes you weak. Life is just too short - so if you are finding some happiness with this man - whether friendship or more - then I say good for you!

As for Moroccan men being special - well I certainly can't speak for everyone but my fiance is the most loving and kind and sweet man I have ever known. I don't know if that is because he is from Morocco or not. I just know that he is an amazing person and I am so happy to have him in my life. Are all men from Morocco wonderful? I have no idea. But mine is

[Darnell 8,478]

sexual healing? wei - get some tantric massage. about 18 hours over 2 days.

Then come back, let us know how you feel?

Seriously - tantric massage is the best thing 2 folk, naked, can do.

(No No, I not mean Tantric Sex, you pervs ! )

Edited January 23, 2013 by Darnell

[sandinista! 1,816]

There's the "healing power of love" and all that claptrap, and then there's subjecting this poor, unwitting, and pretty vulnerable sounding man to someone who is a complete trainwreck without an oz of real introspection into what their role was in the derailment of their life. Not to mention the vulnerability of both parties' children.

But by all means, jump right in there.

Edited January 23, 2013 by sandinista!

[SaharaSunset 165]

There's the "healing power of love" and all that claptrap, and then there's subjecting this poor, unwitting, and pretty vulnerable sounding man to someone who is a complete trainwreck without an oz of real introspection into what their role was in the derailment of their life. Not to mention the vulnerability of both parties' children.

But by all means, jump right in there.

Interesting point...

The reality is, I'm just responding to all the "claptrap" about how self-healing and self-love makes one worthy and ready for loving someone else. Bologna! But lets assume your "trainwreck" assumption is true - if this unwitting "vulnerable" man has already been the victim of a scam himself, then perhaps it was kismet that TWO trainwrecks found each other in a cold and sterile hospital, and and may yet find a passionate burning love, blissfully ignorant of the lack of introspection on both parts. Who's to say, who's to judge. If only non-trainwrecks/thoughtful, rational, introspective people fell in love and pro-created...then I dare say we'd soon solve all the worlds problems. Alas, the world I know is full of trainwreck romances...and somehow, life goes on and people keep on lovin...

Edited January 23, 2013 by SaharaSunset

[sandinista! 1,816]

Clearly I watch too much Bergman and not enough rom-coms.

[Nasturtium 500]

Clearly I watch too much Bergman and not enough rom-coms.

I dunno. I think this thread needs more stun grenades. That's what my TV tells me.

Kat, this is too soon. Don't make the same mistake again. Do you know people that know him? At this point, you may be better meeting someone others you know have known for a while and who has proven himself stable.

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

Yeah, it's a thing. It starts as early as grade school, females whose entire selves are defined by the male they happen to be connected to at the time, and they totally flail when there's no male in the picture. Self-worth, value, etc is intrinsically tied to male approval and all that.

Seconding the Moroccans Do It Better. They're superior beings, to which I notice the only people objecting aren't involved with Moroccans and must wish they were. Moroccans for everyone!!

L M A O

I dunno. I think this thread needs more stun grenades. That's what my TV tells me.

Kat, this is too soon. Don't make the same mistake again. Do you know people that know him? At this point, you may be better meeting someone others you know have known for a while and who has proven himself stable.

Yes.. and nothing has happened big.. I went on a date and we talk..we most likely are NOT going to be in a relationship. I m just sharing things with you guys

Interesting point...

The reality is, I'm just responding to all the "claptrap" about how self-healing and self-love makes one worthy and ready for loving someone else. Bologna! But lets assume your "trainwreck" assumption is true - if this unwitting "vulnerable" man has already been the victim of a scam himself, then perhaps it was kismet that TWO trainwrecks found each other in a cold and sterile hospital, and and may yet find a passionate burning love, blissfully ignorant of the lack of introspection on both parts. Who's to say, who's to judge. If only non-trainwrecks/thoughtful, rational, introspective people fell in love and pro-created...then I dare say we'd soon solve all the worlds problems. Alas, the world I know is full of trainwreck romances...and somehow, life goes on and people keep on lovin...

Omg hahahahahahahah

[Nasturtium 500]

Yes.. and nothing has happened big.. I went on a date and we talk..we most likely are NOT going to be in a relationship. I m just sharing things with you guys

Good it's best to just take time

[Beauty for Ashes 257]

There's the "healing power of love" and all that claptrap, and then there's subjecting this poor, unwitting, and pretty vulnerable sounding man to someone who is a complete trainwreck without an oz of real introspection into what their role was in the derailment of their life. Not to mention the vulnerability of both parties' children.

But by all means, jump right in there.

Hes actually been the one doing most of the talking about what hurts him and I listen..

Oh ps...thanks for calling ME the complete trainwreck

HA

I am actually just trying to have a normal life after 5 years of horrific abuse

Judge much? I have had years to be introspective. If I wait in my house for much longer, Ill freeze here. we are both very sick... me with auto immune and him with insulin dependent diabetes. Our kids have NOT met. We just talk to each other. We are just trying to be happy...

Good it's best to just take time

We live 20 miles apart and we have seen each other 4 times in over a month. Nothing is happening !

But thanks for worrying lol

sexual healing? wei - get some tantric massage. about 18 hours over 2 days.

Then come back, let us know how you feel?

Seriously - tantric massage is the best thing 2 folk, naked, can do.

(No No, I not mean Tantric Sex, you pervs ! )

sounds interesting..

But dont do it with a moroccan man. people will say you need to wait longer to heal from the bullshit marriage you lived through...