Just filed for Greencard, now domestic violence and mentally ill husband!

[KnJ 0]

Sorry if it was already mentioned, but I'd throw seizures into the mix. Tumors, as was mentioned, also possible. Mental stuff is also possible, but if there is any way to have an EEG -- one where they try to induce this stuff -- that would be one way of ruling out actual epileptic activity. If he's not remembering things, this can especially point to unusual brain activity. Wary of psychiatrists because they're more likely to take the symptoms as evidence of psychiatric disorder and medicate without testing. Been there.

[TBoneTX 45,313]

The OP last logged on to VJ on Feb. 2 and last posted here in mid-January.

OP, what's going on? How are you?

Edited February 9, 2013 by TBoneTX

[Sandra G. 5,048]

I am very concern about her as well.She used to send me every day 2 to 4 pm, but she disappeared.

[redflower7 0]

Hi,

I am sorry to all, my laptop has been broken and hopefully it will be fixed tomorrow. I am now writing from his job! and have to leave soon. Just quickly for now. An old psychiatrist (which i found after endless phone calls) we were there for 1 hour and he was very hesitant but said that he thinks its bipolar rapid cycling and prescribed very strong staff which he hasn’t taken yet. He waits for me to give the go ahead as he doesn’t believe in psychiatrist and medication like that. He will take it if i want him to! I do not want to be responsible if something happens. I don’t really trust that psychiatrist myself as yes he was very hesitant in my opinion too. If it was me i would definitely go for a second and third opinion but he doesn’t want that hassle and it becomes more and more clear that he wants to keep everything as easy and simple as possible. (he doesn’t even do research or read about the medication, and doesn’t even read the leaflet!). As always he doesn’t want to go deep into anything as he can’t take it with his brain and gets tired and other things from going a bit deeper into ANY subject. On Sunday we were in a church and he again was starting to get tired and a headache after half an hour, it was 1 pm during the day! As always, no matter if film, conversation or church he has a very limited capacity! (I would also do a brain scan FIRST before taking any psychiatric medication like that). Today he said he wants to get over with it and take it but I am unsure, I know he can’t make a sound decisions himself and doesn’t even care!

There was an incident last Sunday when he changed and beaten me again and i called the psychiatrist, he said i should move out as the medication might never work or take a year. I said but i am sure it will do at least something about the extremes but he said no may not. My husband already said that he won’t go back or adjust medication or never take anything else either this works or that’s it. We have agreed to try our relationship for 1 more month. (we had some crazy days were he flushed it down the toilet when we came back from the psychiatrist, yes he got upset about something and then locked himself into the bathroom, then broke some other promises as well and stayed like this for 24 hours, it was hell, I could not get through to him). The following day he agreed again to everything. Really the worst is that every time there is a problem he says: i want out of this relationship. Its not working. And other horrible things, if he is angry: I hate you, now I don’t love you anymore, yes I have a girlfriend… And doesn’t even want to do the 1 month anymore. But then as soon as 1 hour later if things are well he would say he would like to be with me forever if possible and he loves me.

He goes back and forward about taking that staff too, but to be honest me to! I read a lot about it myself and i wouldn’t take it. There are thousands of lawsuits from individuals against the company about this one medication and even million dollars law suits against the company for falls marketing AND hiding side effects from the public. I talked with one person in my church who has bipolar and she said she would never take this type of medication but has tried all the others.

It’s called Seroquel:

http://www.rotlaw.com/seroquel/

http://whyy.org/cms/news/health-science/2010/08/10/200-million-to-settle-seroquel-lawsuits/43365

http://www.avvo.com/legal-guides/ugc/dangerous-drugs-seroquel-lawsuit-information

http://www.genengnews.com/gen-news-highlights/astrazeneca-to-pay-520m-settlement-in-seroquel-lawsuit/78565333/

http://seroquellawsuitblog.blogspot.com/

"In 2008, it was reported that more than 8,700 lawsuits had been filed against AstraZeneca in federal and state courts, alleging the drug led to pancreatitis, diabetes and other personal injuries. Seroquel is AstraZeneca’s second best-selling pharmaceutical and made sales of $4.87 billion in 2009, up 12% on 2008.

It seems as if it’s an unlucky draw for AstraZeneca. As of February 2011, this drug company has reportedly agreed to pay another $150 million to settle its lawsuits as a result of diabetes occurring while taking the drug Seroquel. This brings the total amount for Seroquel settlements to $350 million.

It is reported that sources at AstraZeneca have told Bloomberg News that they’ve settled about 6,000 more lawsuits that implicate them of inadequate warnings about the risk of diabetes and other side effects of the drug Seroquel. It is estimated that the average payout per plaintiff will be about $25,000, according to Bloomberg News sources.

In August of 2010, it had been reported that AstraZeneca has agreed to pay $200 million to settle 17,500 lawsuits.

A growing alarm

Quetiapine has the strongest somnolent effect of all atypical antipsychotics, and is commonly prescribed troops for relieving nightmares.

But as its popularity has grown, evidence has mounted pointing to links between atypical antipsychotics and irregular heartbeat and even death — prompting critics and physicians, including Woodson, to sound the alarm on frequent prescriptions.

“Providers should use caution when these agents are used as sleep aids in service members struggling with substance use disorders, especially given the risk of such side effects as glucose dysregulation and cardiac effects,” Woodson wrote Feb. 22.

A study in the January 2009 New England Journal of Medicine found the rate of sudden cardiac death doubled for those taking atypical antipsychotic drugs, and there were three such deaths per year for every 1,000 patients taking the medication.

The risk of a fatal heart event also increased with dosage, and study author and Vanderbilt University researcher Wayne Ray said mixing these medications with others that cause irregular heartbeat, known medically as QT prolongation, could worsen the issue and possibly cause death.

“We saw this strong relationship between the antipsychotics and sudden death … and all the information we had pointed to the drugs as the cause,” Ray said after the study was published. “Our findings … would suggest avoiding other medications that prolong QT whenever possible because when you give two together, you’re … increasing the patient’s risk.”

Risk of diabetes is increased by 60%. There is also something about heart problems and a condition called Seroquel Anger and i don’t want to be killed if he gets worse from it.

I dont know at all what to do now as he is waiting on me now.

[lierre 224]

You don't trust this psychiatrist. Find another one.

Clearly, he has a problem... He needs either an antipsychotic or a mood stabilizer. Quetiapine is an atypical antipsychotic. Lithium, a mood stabilizer, is a more common first-line treatment for acute mania. But perhaps, the doctor saw something that made him decide not to prescribe lithium. All medications have side effects. Lithium does. Quetiapine does.

I suggest you look for a different psychiatrist.

It troubles me that your husband's attitude towards seeking treatment is almost non-existent. Our advice to you can only do so much.

Edited February 12, 2013 by ivyanddan

[pddp 240]

It is alarming to me that most of this thread focuses on HIM and his potential psychiatric issues. Honestly, OP, you need to focus on YOU. You are a victim of domestic violence. Try researching what that means for your future, in terms of psychiatric issues that you face, and will continue to face in the future, not to mention your physical survival. It is a known fact that domestic abusers tend to escalate the violence. This from the 2012 National Data on Intimate Partner Violence (http://opdv.state.ny.us/statistics/nationaldvdata/nationaldvdata.pdf): "About 1/3 of female murder victims are killed by an intimate partner. The risk of a woman being killed by an intimate partner significantly increases when the abuser:

• Has access to a gun and has made previous threats or assaults with a gun.

• Threatens murder.

• Forces sex.

• Attempts to strangle the victim.

• Is extremely jealous.

• Is physically violent with increasing severity and/or frequency.

• Abuses drugs or alcohol"

etc etc...

I can understand your need for an explanation and hopefully an "easy fix" in the form of a diagnosis and a treatment plan, for this horrible situation you're in. Realize that that is probably not in the cards for you. Instead of researching how you can force psychiatric care on an adult man who clearly doesn't want it (if he did, he'd find it for himself), search resources for domestic violence victims instead. This could literally save your life.

http://www.vaw.umn.edu/documents/inbriefs/domesticviolence/domesticviolence.html

I wish you all the best in the world.

[Villanelle 4,122]

All medications are going to have side effects. Thats just how it is. Unfortunately most of the medications for the types of conditions your husband is facing (or the Dr diagnosed him with quickly) are going to have side effects such as 'glucose dysregulation and potential cardiac effects'. Thats why its important for people on those types of medications to be under the care of a regular MD in addition to the pscyh who prescribed the pill so the regular MD can monitor things like their sugar/glucose levels and cholesterol/weight/blood pressure regularly. Regularly means going every 3 months for blood work and check ups. Regularly means constant communication between the patient and both Drs so that medication adjustments can be made as necessary.

The lawsuits you referred to above were because the company in question did not disclose all the potential side effects to patients. It was a crappy thing to do and they rightly should compensate people for failing to inform people of the risks.

Anyone that suffers from a condition that could be helped by medication needs to evaluate the benefits the medication will give them against the side effects the medication might cause and determine if the side effects out weigh the benefits. They also have to remember that the side effects are potential side effects not guaranteed side effects as each person reacts differently to medication. By law something is listed as a side effect on the informational pamphlet if even one person reports the symptom during the trial. They also must remember that the side effects can be managed and minimized by actively seeking and receiving care from a Dr. So someone who is taking a pill like Seroquel may also be put on a pill like Januvia a sitagliptin, which can help reduce your glucose levels or keep them in check if the Seroquel is raising them.

[lierre 224]

It is alarming to me that most of this thread focuses on HIM and his potential psychiatric issues. Honestly, OP, you need to focus on YOU. You are a victim of domestic violence. Try researching what that means for your future, in terms of psychiatric issues that you face, and will continue to face in the future, not to mention your physical survival. It is a known fact that domestic abusers tend to escalate the violence. This from the 2012 National Data on Intimate Partner Violence (http://opdv.state.ny.us/statistics/nationaldvdata/nationaldvdata.pdf): "About 1/3 of female murder victims are killed by an intimate partner. The risk of a woman being killed by an intimate partner significantly increases when the abuser:

• Has access to a gun and has made previous threats or assaults with a gun.

• Threatens murder.

• Forces sex.

• Attempts to strangle the victim.

• Is extremely jealous.

• Is physically violent with increasing severity and/or frequency.

• Abuses drugs or alcohol"

etc etc...

I can understand your need for an explanation and hopefully an "easy fix" in the form of a diagnosis and a treatment plan, for this horrible situation you're in. Realize that that is probably not in the cards for you. Instead of researching how you can force psychiatric care on an adult man who clearly doesn't want it (if he did, he'd find it for himself), search resources for domestic violence victims instead. This could literally save your life.

http://www.vaw.umn.edu/documents/inbriefs/domesticviolence/domesticviolence.html

I wish you all the best in the world.

Totally agreeing with this post.

OP, a very wise man once told me... Selfishness can be a virtue. Pity should be the last thing you feel towards a person who harms you physically, verbally and emotionally. Of course, none of this will make sense if you are in Stockholm syndrome mindset.

Have you told your family about this yet?

[redflower7 0]

Hi,

I have only my mother and her new boyfriend and of course my sister as "family". I never had a close connection with her. My dad committed suicide last year but we were not close anymore. I do not have any other relatives but a very close friend who is a psychotherapist, she lives in England.

He took Seroquel 3 days ago 200 mg and he was in agony all night and making noises and couldnt deal with it, i almost called an ambulance. He said it felt worse then pain it was like nausea in all his limbs moving around. It was like this all night and he really suffered. Then he was also like in a coma. Slept for around 20 hours. After seing him like this i wasnt sure anymore if i want him to suffer like this! Or just leave. He waits for me in the moment to make descisions it seems, he doesnt want to worry about anything and cant go deep into things as it bothers his brain. He called the doctor and he was as always complacent and quiet and he said to the doc: maybe i can break it in quarters and the doc said yes ok. And apologized for putting him on this dose. It was ridicolous. I think we both dont trust that doc anymore. Since then he is on and off again with everything. He hasnt taken them again. If i would have said please do he would have just for me. But i am not sure as i read some horrible things in some hidden web pages.

But what else can we do?

I said please get a second opinion and he said ok. But since then we had some more upsets and he says each time he is going to leave, doesnt want to fight anymore, and that he is maybe not even sick, i make him sick, or im sicker then him etc. In between he says yes i still think i have a condition, i want to be with you forever if possible, i love you a lot etc.

It is an absolute nightmare!!!

yesterday morning he came from running and said that a jewish man had stopped him running and said: are you a jew do you want to read that. and he said he would have like to hit him because you dont do this stopping people from jogging. I told him that his reaction is not normal but he thinks its normal and that the jewish man did something really unacceptable! he said its the same as if your car gets stopped in the middle of the street. I dont understand his reasoning?

This morning i wanted to read him something on my research about vitamins he said no and i said please its very important. Then he said ok and i read it to him 5 mins long. He said nothing about the doctors idea and just got upset and went in the kitchen, i followed him and he was upset with me that his brain cant take it and why i do this and go deep and read him about the numbers of the vitamins...then he said be quiet. I was very upset and said but i only wanted to help you etc. then he said he will get violent if im not quiet but i felt it was unjustified. And said its not fair please lets make peace etc. he then hit my head at the wall behind me not bad but he did. Then we sat down and he continued to blame me saying that my psychotherapist friend told me that he cant take deep things and why i do that. I then told him that he is always different and sometimes he can do it. But he didnt really listen. Then he said you dont treat me like a sick person and i replied and he replied and then he got upset and hit me with the empty water bottle. I was crying and he said from the beginning i shouldnt have read that to him as he didnt want that. And i was devestated as just 1 hour before that he was the most wonderful loving men and we were intimate and he was so kind. And now that!

I asked for a hug as i could not cope anymore but he refused and said: you know at these moments i dont feel i did something wrong im still angry, i dont feel sorry for you, even if you cry now. Well, that went on and on like this and a bit later i cried again and he took me in his arms. I asked and he said his anger is almost gone but he has a headache again! He stroked me but then before going to work said in his normal frame of mind now: you have to move out. Its not working. I could have killed you easily. And although we agreed on trying the relationship for 4 weeks and he said he wants to fight for the relationship. he now said no after i asked him. He left like this to work a couple of hours ago and since then im in AGONY. I dont get out of bed as i miss that loving kind man who is doing everything for me. I called him at work and said i feel real bad, he said: you feel bad every day. I am sick and tired of our constant things and giving you reassurance! And then said i call you when i have time. It was horrible!

I have no idea what to do now. As always i would be really glad if someone can give me their opinion on what has just happened again as im very confused as he is blaming me often for not stoping when he says stop. But at other times he doesnt and knows he is sick.

And what should i do about the medication?

Should he take a quarter tonight?

Or should i wait for monday and make an appointment at another psychiatrist the one which is good and i talked to before? (but until then he might not want this anymore!)

I am so desperate right now!!!

[tempestad 2]

Hi!

I am letting you know that my English is not good, but I hope you will understand my message.

I been following your posts with increasing worried, I want to give you my opinion based in a lot of experience with a love one, as with people I know very close.

I agree with all the posts from members which all have a factor common. "You are risking your life", "your safety is compromise". I know you love him and this obsession do not let you see the reality. Your husband is a person that needs immediate help, he is mental ill and at the present is under psychosis, he has distortion of the reality and he is pushing you away; not because he doesn't love you....it is because he has so much love for you and he knows he is a present danger in your life because he can not control his sickness.

As responsible wife you supposed to have him in a hospital of mental care, where he will be observed not in a day or week, it is been done at list in a month of observation for a proper diagnosis. It is my understanding accordingly to your posts that you do not have proper insurance as some financial problems, so is not much you could do with respect a proper care, but you should research for a different doctor where your husband could take the proper treatment. A doctor that consider the opinion of the patient in relation of dosage of medication is not a good doctor.

It is very important to the patient with mental illness: 1) Not be contradicted because you will make him unstable and anger, 2) His environment should be caring, 3) His stress at work will contribute to aggravate his mood, so he should cut working hours 4) His medication should be taken beginning with small doses and increasing slow until find the proper dosage (I see he is on and off and it is danger because he is causing more damage to his brain, when medication are suppressed must be decreased the dosage in small doses; other way he will enter in a new psychosis) .

You must understanding that you should be strong, and that there is not room to consider your sorry because he is taking medication and he feels nausea and sick. You must know that those some side effects in the beginning of the treatment, as days will passing his body will became adapted and he will not feel so sick. Different medications have different side effects and is important to be monitored for a Doctor to find the right medication. There are some medication that will give to him some positive pyramidal effects and it could be the reason why he was with movements at his body; another reason could be because his dosage was so high.

I don't know his husband's diagnosis, but for example you could think in risperdal (risperidone is the name of the generic form). This medication work good with bi-polar, depression and schizophrenia. I know a men bi-polar that was with quetiapine and the experience with a disaster, but risperidone was a miracle. A men with schizophrenia changed his life with this medication after he tried many brands in his life, he is taking it now for 8 years and look and act normal.

I see you are looking for alternative medicine as vitamins and so on. I will not recommend it for your husband health, he needs go into the medication now, probably when he get stable, then and only then you could think in something different.

Also you must know that the mental illness is a permanent sickness, you get better but not cure. He must be in medication, maintain and healthy style of life wit exercising, eating properly and avoiding stress.

You must stop your research about all possible danger of side effects when you are taking anti-psychotics medication, he must take it because he is suffering and you will be his victim because you do not listen. Those medications could damage your liver, heart and so on, therefore it is the reason why is important the monitory with doctors trough urine and blood test.

OP you should not put more excuses to this situation. You should be strong and guide him trough his health.

[tempestad 2]

Wait for Monday when you will have a new doctor and stay in one medication until doctor change it. Remember it is your husband health and you must follows doctor instructions, do not decide for yourself.

[tempestad 2]

The OP Capri is right. Listen what she said.

[TBoneTX 45,313]

He was physically abusive again. This can't be allowed to go on.

1. For your safety, you must leave immediately.

2. He must be hospitalized until the root cause of his illness (whether physical or psychological) is determined.

3. You must not live together until a sound treatment plan is crafted and he religiously abides by it.

[happyblah 1]

Dear redflower,

I honor your patience and willingness to work on your marriage.However I am very concerned for your safety.It honestly doesnt seem like your husband actually putting any effort not only keep marriage together but putting effort into not commiting a crime!!! If he realizes himself he is cable of killing you he SHOULD be scared!!! He should RUN to any and every doctor out there to try and keep him from getting violent. Unofrtunately it doesnt seem that he is putting any effort into it. My concern is also he seem to be violent only with you. He has a very responsible and demanding job. He interacts with a lot of people working 60 hours a week and yet he hasnt hit or became violent with ANY of them. I am sure he can keep his focus for longer than 30 min and IS controling himself around people. HE KNOWS HOW to control himself with others otherwise he would be fired and be in jail by now. However he treats you as a punch bag and allowing himself being violent with you and than blaiming it on not being able to control himself. It is very strange situation!

About him being sick from pills.!Sorry but does he better like to be in jail instead?For trying to kill you? This man doesnt seem to understand the danger that he brings!!!

Women get sick from birthcontrol, they get nausea and get sick hwoever they still take the damn pill everyday. So i am sure man can handle this!

Edited February 18, 2013 by happyblah

[Ippsy Pippsy 31]

You need to get out, and he needs to get that physical examination. This sounds like mental stuff with an underlying physical basis. You have to understand that psych drugs given to ou on an outpatient basis can take a long time to be effective. You donn't have a long time. It would be best if you take the previous advice of talking to the sheriff and be looking for a way to get him into an inpatient program.

Did you get health insurance? Health and life insurance are different. Life pays out when you die. You won't get good mental coverage with health insurance, but you need to get it to cover the big stuff. Like surgery if he has a brain tumor. Work on getting that asap. You should have health insurance too, btw!

And have a place to go. Get out. Trust him if he says he's worried he'll hurt you. Have a plan on where to go when he gets like this. A relative? Friend?