12 Liberal Pledges for the New Year

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Here are twelve comical but true resolutions that every liberal should make for 2013:

1.) Resolve to spend time with gun-owners. I have a liberal friend who says she would rather be in the same room as a cobra snake than a gun, even an unloaded gun. Guns really, really scare her. But guns don’t kill. People kill. Whether the tool is a gun or a knife or a baseball bat, unconscionable people kill, not the inanimate objects in their hands.

Banning all tools and machinery will not turn bad people into good people. Doing so would make us more vulnerable to attack and throw us back into the Stone Age. We need guns for self-defense; we need knives for cutting; we need bats to play baseball.

Whose house would you rather stay at in a shady neighborhood? A gun-owner’s house, where you can rest assured that there is a tool locked up in a safe that someone knows how to use to protect you if an intruder comes in the middle of the night? Or, a house without a gun?

By spending time around gun-owners, I think liberals will realize that owning a gun, a knife or a baseball bat will not turn you into a mass murderer. But a sick conscience or a mental illness can.

David Nathan, a doctoral candidate in counseling psychology at the University of Saint Thomas, points out: “No one has the power to keep guns away from everyone who would use them on innocent people. …Every single young man who committed mass murder over the past few years had a mental illness. We will never know what would have happened if someone had reached out to them [with counseling or friendship] before they acted.”

I think liberals will realize that guns are tools of self-defense and that banning guns will not eliminate murder when they get comfortable around guns and the people who legally possess them.

2.) Resolve to stop watching Rachel Maddow. Her negative attitude is ruining your day and you do not even realize it. At a minimum, admit that her show is rooted in hyperbole and not real news.

3.) Resolve to eat a real hamburger. Just one. If you prefer, choose a burger from free-range cattle. I guarantee it won’t kill you; it will leave you feeling full for once.

4.) Resolve to admit that the TSA scanners are carcinogenic. You attend to your body with bike helmets, yoga and organic produce. And then you negate your efforts by walking through the TSA scanners. Admit it: scanners are not keeping you safe and they are a hazard to your health.

5.) Resolve to buy property. I don’t care if all you can afford is a plot the size of a doghouse. Buy some land and hold it. Experience ownership first-hand and you will finally get upset when the federal government tries to violate your Fourth Amendment rights through the use of domestic drones.

6.) Resolve to travel to Europe. You’ll realize that public transportation is not all it’s cracked up to be. When you return home, you will have a new appreciation for wide, open spaces and the freedom to drive cars bigger than a Power Wheels Barbie Jammin’ Jeep Wrangler.

7.) (For liberal ladies) Resolve to let a guy open a door for you. Accepting this small act of chivalry is actually empowering—not demeaning—because it shows that you appreciate respect from males.

8.) (For liberal guys) Resolve to be a man. Enough said.

9.) Resolve to protest a stupid rule. Men are imperfect and therefore human laws are not inherently good; the United States has many laws on the books that violate natural law. Only God can make perfect rules. So, before you blindly follow a federal law, ask yourself: “Will I be doing the right thing by following this rule?” If your answer is “no,” protest the rule because it is probably immoral.

10.) Resolve to save endangered babies. Stop fretting about endangered animals in a rainforest thousands of miles away and realize that babies are endangered in your own back yard. Stop supporting federal funds for Planned Parenthood; encourage your friends to respect life.

11.) Resolve to tell President Obama to bring the troops home. If you hate war so much, why don’t you pressure Obama to pull the troops out of the Middle East?

12.) Resolve to read the Steve Jobs biography by Walter Isaacson. Jobs is your hero; you love Apple products; and you wouldn’t think of attending an Occupy Wall Street Protest without your iPad. But Jobs was a capitalist. He despised collectivism (see page 39) and he wanted politicians to reduce taxes and regulations and stop pushing the false notion that everyone needs a four-year college degree (see pages 544-546).

Happy 2013 to liberals one and all!

http://townhall.com/columnists/katiekieffer/2012/12/31/12-liberal-pledges-for-the-new-year-n1475480/page/full/

[Penny Lane 8,159]

I spend every work day with gun owners! And I've never watched Rachel Maddow. I'm already ahead of the game here...

[^_^ 5,021]

I spend every work day with gun owners! And I've never watched Rachel Maddow. I'm already ahead of the game here...

You're not a very good librul.

[Mr. Big Dog 10,747]

I'm apparently not a liberal. I own property, eat real hamburgers, travel to Europe, avoid TSA scanners, been calling for the troops to be brought home for the longest time, etc. I shall resolve to become more liberal in 2013.

[Teddy B 17,252]

I'm apparently not a liberal. I own property, eat real hamburgers, travel to Europe, avoid TSA scanners, been calling for the troops to be brought home for the longest time, etc. I shall resolve to become more liberal in 2013.

Eat more soy and kelp!

[^_^ 5,021]

Eat more soy and kelp!

and embrace gender ambiguity.

[Teddy B 17,252]

8.) (For liberal guys) Resolve to be a man. Enough said.

Is it possible to be a man without having a stockpile of high powered weapons?

[^_^ 5,021]

Is it possible to be a man without having a stockpile of high powered weapons?

possible, but it's very difficult. a stable of nubile and well endowed hoes would be the only acceptable substitute.

any man can stockpile weapons, only true alphas can assemble a stable of beautiful hoes.

[Teddy B 17,252]

[quote name=' timestamp='1356973316' post='5896101]

possible, but it's very difficult. a stable of nubile and well endowed hoes would be the only acceptable substitute.

any man can stockpile weapons, only true alphas can assemble a stable of beautiful hoes.

[Ban Hammer 13,570]

Is it possible to be a man without having a stockpile of high powered weapons?

another misnomer.

[Obama 2012 1,714]

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7 - Spend Every Moment Figuring Out Ways To Screw Over Republicans and the American people, while blaming the Republicans so we can remain in power.

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10 - Spend Every Moment Figuring Out Ways To Screw Over Republicans and the American people, while blaming the Republicans so we can remain in power.

11 - Spend Every Moment Figuring Out Ways To Screw Over Republicans and the American people, while blaming the Republicans so we can remain in power.

12 - Spend Every Moment Figuring Out Ways To Screw Over Republicans and the American people, while blaming the Republicans so we can remain in power.

[Penny Lane 8,159]

Poor Republicans. Always the victims.

[Bad_Daddy 2,209]

[quote name=' timestamp='1356972685' post='5896087]

Here are twelve comical but true resolutions that every liberal should make for 2013:

1.) Resolve to spend time with gun-owners. I have a liberal friend who says she would rather be in the same room as a cobra snake than a gun, even an unloaded gun. Guns really, really scare her. But guns don’t kill. People kill. Whether the tool is a gun or a knife or a baseball bat, unconscionable people kill, not the inanimate objects in their hands.

Banning all tools and machinery will not turn bad people into good people. Doing so would make us more vulnerable to attack and throw us back into the Stone Age. We need guns for self-defense; we need knives for cutting; we need bats to play baseball.

Whose house would you rather stay at in a shady neighborhood? A gun-owner’s house, where you can rest assured that there is a tool locked up in a safe that someone knows how to use to protect you if an intruder comes in the middle of the night? Or, a house without a gun?

By spending time around gun-owners, I think liberals will realize that owning a gun, a knife or a baseball bat will not turn you into a mass murderer. But a sick conscience or a mental illness can.

David Nathan, a doctoral candidate in counseling psychology at the University of Saint Thomas, points out: “No one has the power to keep guns away from everyone who would use them on innocent people. …Every single young man who committed mass murder over the past few years had a mental illness. We will never know what would have happened if someone had reached out to them [with counseling or friendship] before they acted.”

I think liberals will realize that guns are tools of self-defense and that banning guns will not eliminate murder when they get comfortable around guns and the people who legally possess them.

2.) Resolve to stop watching Rachel Maddow. Her negative attitude is ruining your day and you do not even realize it. At a minimum, admit that her show is rooted in hyperbole and not real news.

3.) Resolve to eat a real hamburger. Just one. If you prefer, choose a burger from free-range cattle. I guarantee it won’t kill you; it will leave you feeling full for once.

4.) Resolve to admit that the TSA scanners are carcinogenic. You attend to your body with bike helmets, yoga and organic produce. And then you negate your efforts by walking through the TSA scanners. Admit it: scanners are not keeping you safe and they are a hazard to your health.

5.) Resolve to buy property. I don’t care if all you can afford is a plot the size of a doghouse. Buy some land and hold it. Experience ownership first-hand and you will finally get upset when the federal government tries to violate your Fourth Amendment rights through the use of domestic drones.

6.) Resolve to travel to Europe. You’ll realize that public transportation is not all it’s cracked up to be. When you return home, you will have a new appreciation for wide, open spaces and the freedom to drive cars bigger than a Power Wheels Barbie Jammin’ Jeep Wrangler.

7.) (For liberal ladies) Resolve to let a guy open a door for you. Accepting this small act of chivalry is actually empowering—not demeaning—because it shows that you appreciate respect from males.

8.) (For liberal guys) Resolve to be a man. Enough said.

9.) Resolve to protest a stupid rule. Men are imperfect and therefore human laws are not inherently good; the United States has many laws on the books that violate natural law. Only God can make perfect rules. So, before you blindly follow a federal law, ask yourself: “Will I be doing the right thing by following this rule?” If your answer is “no,” protest the rule because it is probably immoral.

10.) Resolve to save endangered babies. Stop fretting about endangered animals in a rainforest thousands of miles away and realize that babies are endangered in your own back yard. Stop supporting federal funds for Planned Parenthood; encourage your friends to respect life.

11.) Resolve to tell President Obama to bring the troops home. If you hate war so much, why don’t you pressure Obama to pull the troops out of the Middle East?

12.) Resolve to read the Steve Jobs biography by Walter Isaacson. Jobs is your hero; you love Apple products; and you wouldn’t think of attending an Occupy Wall Street Protest without your iPad. But Jobs was a capitalist. He despised collectivism (see page 39) and he wanted politicians to reduce taxes and regulations and stop pushing the false notion that everyone needs a four-year college degree (see pages 544-546).

Happy 2013 to liberals one and all!

http://townhall.com/columnists/katiekieffer/2012/12/31/12-liberal-pledges-for-the-new-year-n1475480/page/full/

13.) Take a gun safety course and then spend a day out on the firing range. This way you at least have something of a clue when you try and debate guns.

14.) (For the LWN guys). Watch a few John Wayne movies and try and act like you have more testosterone than your ol lady. No matter what LWN propaganda you were fed, no real gal gets turned on by an emasculated pansy.

15.) (For the LWN gals). Try and look as hot & sexy as possible for your ol man, along with spending more time in the kitchen cooking what he likes to eat. Don't drink the feminazi Kool-Aid. No guy in their right mind cares about what you know and what you think.

Edited December 31, 2012 by Bad_Daddy

[I AM NOT THAT GUY 5,715]

another misnomer.

Is the .338 Win Mag considered a "high power" round?

[Penny Lane 8,159]

14.) (For the LWN guys). Watch a few John Wayne movies and try and act like you have more testosterone than your ol lady. No matter what LWN propaganda you were fed, no real gal gets turned on by an emasculated pansy.

15.) (For the LWN gals). Try and look as hot & sexy as possible for your ol man, along with spending more time in the kitchen cooking what he likes to eat. Don't drink the feminazi Kool-Aid. No guy in their right mind cares about what you know and what you think.

Ah, nothing like some good old insulting sexism to end 2012.