Divorce Update. 6 Months on..

[Ban Hammer 13,345]

OK, another quick, update that kind of shocked me but I find utterly hilarious.

So we have been separated 7 months, the divorce became final about two weeks ago.

My ex wife told me orignally that she "wasnt ready to be married, needed to be able to prove she can function on her own etc"

Do you know where this is going???.....

well I found out today that my ex is MARRIED already!!!

Well some people have said to me "that must really hurt" but to be honest it doesnt. You know I cant bring myself to say bad things about her, and I hope she is really happy and they are married for ever but....BOY THAT WAS QUICK!!!...she has only known him 7 months maximum, have only lived together for a month...she has just come out of a marriage that didnt work and was I guess kinda rushed into a little....did she not learn????????????

I spent the past several months wondering what the hell was wrong with me, where i had gone wrong, what were my failings etc. I think Im starting to feel, following all the lies etc, that maybe she isnt the person I thought she was. Until a couple of months ago I was so concerned about losing her as a friend as well as a partner etc. But to be totally honest with you, I couldnt right now give a flying %%%% if I never heard from her again. I feel like she tried to make a fool out of me, and I feel totally and utterly let down and so disappointed. Maybe Im wrong too, after all now, we are divorced, and its her business, but I dont know.

there is nothing wrong with you - you're trying to find fault with yourself for what occured and it rests solely on her doorstep. i've been there and done that, very similar circumstances.

it's time to flush the rest of that ####### away and start new with your life. she's not worth worrying over and if she ever calls to see how you are doing, she can always leave a message after the beep

[diadromous mermaid 36]

My ex wife told me orignally that she "wasnt ready to be married, needed to be able to prove she can function on her own etc"

Do you know where this is going???.....

well I found out today that my ex is MARRIED already!!!

Hmmm. Perhaps her initial statement was the old euphemism. All the same, best of luck to you. 2007 provides nothing but opportunity for real happiness for you

[Peggy 1]

I wish you the best of luck in 2007

[govols 0]

As always, it is good to hear from you. I know you must feel mixed emotions about this but you seem like you are handling things pretty well. You are a wise man to move forward and I believe that you are trying to do this. You'll find a wonderful person who will truly appreciate your good qualities. Best of luck in 2007!

Karen

[~*Dorothy*~ 2]

Hey, thanks for keeping us appraised of the latest developments.

After all that you have been thru I hope that the new year will bring you the final closure to this failed relationship, peace of mind and heart as well as a new love that will be able to appreciate your great qualities...Wishing you all the best and thanks for keeping us updated. It is such a heartbreaking story but I think that you have handled it with great dignity...

Dorothy

[Trumplestiltskin 5,791]

OK, another quick, update that kind of shocked me but I find utterly hilarious.

So we have been separated 7 months, the divorce became final about two weeks ago.

My ex wife told me orignally that she "wasnt ready to be married, needed to be able to prove she can function on her own etc"

Do you know where this is going???.....

well I found out today that my ex is MARRIED already!!!

Well some people have said to me "that must really hurt" but to be honest it doesnt. You know I cant bring myself to say bad things about her, and I hope she is really happy and they are married for ever but....BOY THAT WAS QUICK!!!...she has only known him 7 months maximum, have only lived together for a month...she has just come out of a marriage that didnt work and was I guess kinda rushed into a little....did she not learn????????????

I spent the past several months wondering what the hell was wrong with me, where i had gone wrong, what were my failings etc. I think Im starting to feel, following all the lies etc, that maybe she isnt the person I thought she was. Until a couple of months ago I was so concerned about losing her as a friend as well as a partner etc. But to be totally honest with you, I couldnt right now give a flying %%%% if I never heard from her again. I feel like she tried to make a fool out of me, and I feel totally and utterly let down and so disappointed. Maybe Im wrong too, after all now, we are divorced, and its her business, but I dont know.

Seems to me she wasn't being honest with you for a long time - otherwise a rebound marriage would suggest to me that she has a few psychological issues. But glad to see that you're getting on with things - none of this is your fault and you live and learn.

BTW - how is the writing coming? I remember you said you were going to give it a try.

[MichelleandCraig 1]

Always nice to hear from you. Best of luck to you and all good wishes for this upcoming new year... M.

['my_destiny' 0]

I guess. you are really not meant for each other..sorry to say that.

I think you are a good person inside and out and for sure, you deserve to be love by someone who will truely love you for who and what you are. There are many girls out there who are waiting for good man and just find your way to that great person.

I hope you will find now your one true love because everyone of us deserve to be love and be loved without hidden agenda and lies. Good luck to you and be more positive.

[cheeky^Wolf 0]

Somehow I missed this thread til now.

Great to hear things are looking up for you. Your dignity and the way you have handled the whole situation really are commendable. As I said to you before, not many would have been so accommodating.

During any break up, you go through so many emotions. Usually the last is the feeling sorry for the other person, when you realise they are the one with the problem, not you. It sounds like you've found the closure you needed and can now move on with your life not feeling you didn't try hard enough or could have changed things.

It's very clear you would be an asset in a relationship to the right woman. You WILL find that woman, probably when you least expect it. When you do, I hope you make great memories as you did before, if not better.

Congratulations on the job and the date. I hope both go really well for you. But I agree with others on the dating scene, don't settle for the first one that comes along, play the field a little, keep your options open for the one that creates that spark.

I hope 2007 brings you much happiness in your life. There's no doubt you deserve it. Remember, love like you've never been hurt

Helen

[Sofiyya 1,687]

Bummer! But remember, when one door closes, another one opens. Best wishes!

[Chris-n-Veronica 0]

I went through the same thing... took me 3 months when I finally quit calling her and her boyfriend.. took another month for it to start getting easier not to call..I starting not caring...To another month for me to realize there isn't anything you can say or do that would make her come back.. And once you've excepted that she is happier with him then you..it gettings easier...

I left the door open for 4 months.. but there is a point where you have to decide that she has been with him to long for her to safely come back without any hard feelings... in those 4 months I would've took her...Back but Now that I looked back on it..I don't think it would've lasted.. I mean Why did we have problem for all those years ? ..Now today..I know that our relationship was built on lust...and when the kids left and the lust left you have two people who care about each other..but aren't "In Love" ... Heck I had Anxiety attackes most of the 3 months...and that makes that 3 months even more hell..

But it does get easier... starting around 3-4 months... and you feel much better around 5 months.. but really it's about accepting what has happen and accepting you can't say or do anything that will bring her back..more then the time itself..

Oh...I was married 32 years..

I would've of answered you a day or so ago... but after reading your letter ..It hit home and I needed to think about something else...

Take Care and it does get better...

Hey all.

Hope everyone is well and things are going smoothly for you all. I haven't been on for quite some time. Well October 28th marked as six months since the last time I saw my (just barely still) wife. So I thought I would drop a quick update. For those who cannot remember, Im the guy who's Military wife left him over the phone whilst he was back in the UK

Not alot has changed to be honest. Been a case of SSDD. The divorce isn't final yet. I think the papers are going to be handed in to the court within a few weeks. So my divorce should come through just in time for Christmas or my 30th Birthday

Anyways, as far as I go? The actualy daily, physical, agonising heartbreak stopped a few weeks ago (more on that further down the page..). I still hurt some days, just not every day. I still have very sad days, and I do still miss her terribly and I am generaly not happy yet. But then I do have some good days you know.

Im still working for the Bank, infact I have a interview coming up for a couple of Managers jobs here. If I get one of them it will be significant in that it would be perhaps the first significantly good thing to happen to me since I got back. It would be a big pay hike, and I can finally get my own place and move out of my parents...cos thats been fun.. I also applied for a job in Paris.

We are still in touch. We speak maybe every week to two weeks. I wait for her to contact me though. Its hard not to contact her sometimes, you know if im having a particularly lonely sunday I often have to resist.

When we talk we talk like friends, talk about practical stuff like needing my Birth Certificate mailing etc. We dont really talk about relationship stuff. I tell her I miss her, but we havent told each other we love each other for a while.

Now I just typed out a whole big update on her and things I think I've found out, but Ive come back and deleted it before I posted it. Thats her business now. What I will say is she finished school top of her class, and I am incredibly proud of her. She has moved to her new duty station. I think she has moved on very quickly. I still don't know for sure what happened. If I had to guess I reckon she met someone she liked better, and in order to be with him she had to get rid of me. I think they are still together now. Ive found out stuff that has pretty much confirmed my suspicions, including a name. But again its her business. I do genuinely hope she is happy. I hope she has (if I havent added 2 and 2 together and got 5) found her true love. I hope he, if there is a he, treats her well.

I have no negative feelings towards her. More that anything Im just disappointed she didnt think we were worth a go, that it wasnt even worth trying to make things work before giving up. I still love her, but Im not in love with her (though I admit it wouldnt take long for that to come back). I get insanely jealous every now and then. Jealous of a guy I dont even know anything about, and am not even 100% sure what their relationship is. I still want to be friends. I would, in all honesty still be back with her.

Am I over her? Im not sure. Im not even sure if you do get over someone, Im just learning to live with it I guess.

[dingding 0]

Wow just wanted to say I am really touched by all your supportive comments and best wishes.

I haven't done much writing . I planned to, but ive been going out with my friends a fair amount and also to be honest Ive not found myself in the best frame of mind to concentrate for long enough to write, or be creative. I attempted to start a blogg, but shut it down after a couple of entries. Not quite sure why but I kinda questioned why I was writing the blogg. I think i wanted it as an output but then part of me really started thinking, do I really want to tell people everything, and I just didnt know what to write, and to be honest there wasnt much exciting going on in my life. I may start another one though with the start of the new year now my outlook on things is adjusting slightly.

The date didnt actually get to happen in the end. Though I still really really like the girl, perhaps against my better judgement. She is a really, really shy girl. Honestly the shyest person I have met, particularly when it comes to someone she likes. We kinda hooked up the one night, kissed, seemed to like each other. She works at the pub my friends and I got to, and is a good friend of one of our friends who also works there. We go there every thursday, have a few drinks together and play darts. I asked her if she was working the next thursday, she said she was but that I better be going. I got there and she hardly said a word to me or even made eye contact with me the entire night, yet she kissed me on the way out. Then the next time I was there, she didnt say a word at all. If she had to serve me in the bar as soon as she did she would fly straight back into the lounge as soon as she had served me. I spoke to one our mutual friend saying, look i really like her but I cant be doing with this. I think they had a chat and she came back to me then, and let me walk her home. So here I am thinking we will get it together, next time I see her, again nothing, no reaction, and it pretty much stayed like that. She hadnt said a word to me, so I decided to give in. I was in the bar the next week and she was off again and came with us. She didnt say a word.... now this other girl we know was in there and she was talking to me. I wanted to be talking to shy girl, but she just wasnt receptive. Now the next day I saw her online and I commented "i was disappointed I didnt get to talk to you last night" to which she replied "well to be fair you were talking to THAT kelly", i replied that we were just talking and I wanted to be talking to you and she followed with "well i admit I was jealous of you talking to her, and that she felt guilty for not talking to you", at some point during the conversation I said "if you arent interested anymore I will leave you alone" to which she replied "I dont want you to leave me alone".

So I think...we may be back on again...it is just the shyness. Well what do yo know the next time I see her again she has nothing to say to me. I would say hello etc, would ask her questions and get a one word answer. A couple of weeks ago after getting a bit disheartened by this I came out straight and said, "I really like you but I dont think we are going anywhere are we" to which she said in the end "I just wanna be mates". Now obviously Im disappointed, but I respect that and do want to be friends, but we still hardly speak. She was out xmas eve with her mom and her brother and she looked stunning. I had stopped hitting on her by this point, but I did tell her that she looked really pretty, she didnt say much but again gave me a christmas hug (that she seemed to get into) and i kissed her cheek. The next night she was out and again hardly said a word. This behaviour has pretty much repeated itself!! Now if I was being sensible, or if this had been any other girl I would just be like "screw this, i cant handle this, forget it" but with her, im not sure why but it hasnt put me off. Maybe it is the shyness etc that I see as a challenge. But I really, really like her. I dont really want to give up but Ive been left with no choice really. Im going to back off, say hi when i see her and talk if we get the chance. Im going to look for opportunities to pay her a compliment. You see if you asked me for my honest opinion. I think she does really like me (she came after me first), I think she does want to take it further, but I think she is that shy that she is just taking the easy option. We will see how it goes, Im not closing any doors, but I dont think there is much else I can do!!