husband cheated WANT divorce and ALIMONY

dreed · December 22, 2012

Move on he spent enough money for flights, vacations, meeting & marrying, and applying for citizenship. Everyone here already pretty much explained everything. As you stated enough money to get back on your feet. Do you want to spend all that money on 2 attorneys? They will take as much as they can get. You don't have much of a case. Don't be greedy be happy!

Laser1 · December 23, 2012

It looks like you and him have taken on a plan that is too ambitious for you to carry out, to save money. I recommend that you and him go to marriage counselling.

Brother Hesekiel · December 23, 2012

I just want to welcome you to California.

As you may or may not know, California is officially the Golden State. As such California has attracted gold diggers for way over a Century. You'll feel right at home here. Weather is nice too.

Then again, Riverside is Redneck Central, so be careful when you leave the house at night.

Penny Pincher · December 23, 2012

Give him another chance dear. He's longing for you and you said, he doesn't want to get a divorce? Let it past and try to work things together. Things are diferent when you are both together. Be considerate and patient as what TRUE PINAY qualities are.

del-2-5-2014 · December 23, 2012

Hello everyone,

I jut want to ask some questions regarding my situation right now I am

married for 5 yrs, we are still married, got married in the Philippines to USC And I just have few months to get my citizenship but moved back to the Philipines for cheaper school and husband cheated while he is in Guam working after few months now I want to know what are the rules if I want to divorce my husband after I got my citizenship?

We are really miserable since 3yrs but been very happy for 2 yrs.We are friends and talk things smoothly that he will still support me and all until i get back on my feet.,but I don't want to rely to whatever he say since he is seeing another girl now.while I am here in the Philippines.

Will I get an alimony if he lives in Guam ?and I will move to

California? And got a 6 month residency there? Riverside County to be exact.

We lived Guam for 1.5yr 2010-2012 and before that we lived with his mom

for 1 yr in Florida 2009-2010. I live here in the Philippines 2007-2009 during our marriage.

We never buy anything except car when we got married.Using his hard earned money.

I worked for just 1.5yr in the states GUAM in a hospital and its just 10.50./hr job ...I don't have money now since I

am just studying right now while he supports me.He said he can save money by doing this cheaper education and wait till i became a nurse then our income will be much better.

I got two jobs while I was in Guam and still hubby is not very happy with my income and with me.Fights arises here and there cheating and all those kind of drama.IM tired I did everything I could to make him happy he doesnt want a baby yet since MY income is not big enough.for 5yrs I put up with his sshitt.Im just tired.

And he is earning good money like 80 grand a year.

What should I do I want a divorce but I don't have money right now but

will move back to the states this March to work again and to get my

citizenship. Save money and divorce him eventually.

He said he doesnt want us to get a divorce he just want I guess to fuuuck around and wait till I become a nurse.And if he thinks he is done with all his cheating he will come back to me.

WILL I get an ALIMONY? I know that it all depends on the state of residency of the two.

Please let me know what my options are.

Thank you so much.

I will appreciate all ur helpful comments...

A simple question. Why do you think you deserve to be paid by him in the future?

I would think that you would want to sever any and all ties with an alleged adulterer.

Edited December 23, 2012 by Gowon

VanessaTony · December 23, 2012

His cheating is not from his own problem. You are also responsible for that. It takes two hands to make a clap. If you are whatever he wants to hold still, he wouldn't have done that.

You are so ridiculously out of line here it's not funny. It is HIS choice to cheat. She plays no part in that. She does not control him. He makes his own choices. A good man doesn't cheat, no matter what "she does to cause it".

Edited December 23, 2012 by Vanessa&Tony

jaycali · December 23, 2012

Give him another chance dear. He's longing for you and you said, he doesn't want to get a divorce? Let it past and try to work things together. Things are diferent when you are both together. Be considerate and patient as what TRUE PINAY qualities are.

Cheating is the worst form of betrayal you can commit in any marriage. Whether or not to give the person another chance is not a matter of just getting past the fact, but also being able to sufficiently trust the person who committed the betrayal again.

You are so ridiculously out of line here it's not funny. It is HIS choice to cheat. She plays no part in that. She does not control him. He makes his own choices. A good man doesn't cheat, no matter what "she does to cause it".

Amen.

Sandra G. · December 23, 2012

I don't think you should even have a green card. You do not live with him, you are living in your home Country,the only connection here is that he is sending you money, and you want to pretend to Uscis you are a happily married couple, seriously???.We need better people living in this Country.

Edited December 23, 2012 by sandranj

rlogan · December 25, 2012

Obviously the popular thing to do is bash the OP and say how much better we are than her.

We don't know anything about the history that brought them to this point. But let us remember that tens of millions of illegal immigrants are here in the US with very little worries about that, just since total amnesty was declared in 1986 for all illegal immigrants prior. Here we have someone who followed the law and is merely asking a question about alimony, and it is a pretty reasonable question to have in a country that had a long history of alimony.

Going for an education in the Philippines in order to save tens of thousands of dollars in expenses and contribute to the marriage in higher earnings is quite a sacrifice to make from someone who thinks their marriage is sound. If any one of us did that we would be whining about how much of a sacrifice we are making and getting all kinds of sympathy from other posters here.

I'm not going to judge one way or the other because I don't know the situation. But to the OP: alimony is out of the question.

jaycali · December 28, 2012

I think there is a natural trigger in many of us that goes off whenever the words "money" and "entitled" are used in the same sentence.

clowy · January 1, 2013

I appreciate all your response and I just want you to know that I ma thankful that you have enlighten my mind.

I am badly hurt and love him so much until now and I just coudnt accept the fact that he cheated on me so many times and forgive him over and over he cheated on me on the 1st year of our marriage only found out when I moved with him in the states I went through his computer and saw evidence of him cheating on me ,THIS IS after 2yrs of our marriage when I foudn out.He was apologetic he said its nothing they are just talking and all,

we moved on and we were happy again I forgive him and then few months after he did it again with few different girls in different states where he has to work.Was going to leave him but I couldnt since I love him so much.

Its so painful whe u trusted ur life to someone that u think is worthy with ur love.

ANyways I want you guys to know that I stayed with for 5 yrs becoz I love him until now its just sometimes you have to know what ur options are I just wnt to know all the negative and positve effect of all the action that I am planning to do.

Having my 13yrs GC instead of 10yrs I was given 13yrs since we were able to show them that our marriage is real and not for the sake of getting GC or being in the US.

I was doing okay here in MANILA I am educated has BAchelors degree Im not from any juicy club or bar I am bery hard working and was able to find two jobs in GUAM and one job IN the states.

SO the fraud is not an issue here I just want to know which is better to file a divorce sooner to get what I deserve.

OR to wait for my CITCIzenship...

SINCE I only have few months just to complete the requirements but then again I mvoed back to MANILA to study another DEGREE becoz he wants me to get a high paying job.

I udnertand tht thats why I came home and sacrifice being away from him for a cheaper education.

I am staying here in Manila for 8 months now.

and as far as i know I have 6month -12months for me to be away from US.

AND i cna show the immigration that MY address is still in GUAM US territory.

AND even in my school records I put down our GUAM adress.

ANYWAYS the bottom line is if someone cheated on you and u love the person and u are married ITS NOT EASY to just give up on the relatioship itself...I waited for him to change BUT I guess he will never changed .

I thought we were OK before I left GUAM.

Anyways I talked to him he said he wanted me tojust move on and leave somewhere else but not GUAM and he will still support me even IF we get a divorce.He is actualy being helpful since He knows what he did and how badly hurt I am.

He is making alot of money compare to me.SO I was jsut wondering about the spousal support that I cna atleast get from him since I need to get a job again once I come back to the states or GUAM.

NOW should I file the divorce IN GUAM or just go somehwere and FILE IT there ....

DO I have to be in Guam again to file our divorce.

Some says wherever state you are that where you file the divorce.and some says file it to where we live as a married couple which is GUAM.

I will comeback this JANUARY to save my greencard too.I just dont want to have a problem with Immig.

ANYWAYS my plan is to move back to Guam and find a new job and get a divorce.. he said he will file it and will pay for it.BUT he is completely against the thought of me coming back to GUAM so he can do what he is doing there now.

I just want to move on really I want to move somewhere else too but all my credentials and ID's is still GUAM it will be a pain IF i have to move now in the middle of eveything and change all the ADDRESS and ID's.

Thats why I just want to move back to GUAM just to get my job back and save up....

I am really not greedy..IF I am we wont last for 5yrs.becoz he doesnt give me anything no credit cards nothing like tht no house just renting no plans of babies no car ...

So If I am greedy I will jsut leave him and go find a RICH man to be with.BUT I am not like that I still believe that LOVE is the most important thing than MONEY,,,,

coz if you really love each other you can work face and face all the finacial challenges.

When he lost his job back in the US I didnt leave him I continue to support and love him coz he is so depressed.He is also alcoholic but I help him to stop the habit.

SO now I can honestly say that I am not greedy and I still love him.

GUYS thank you for the reply again I really appreciate all your response....

HAPPY NEW YEAR and GODSPEED!!!!!

clowy · January 1, 2013

It looks like you and him have taken on a plan that is too ambitious for you to carry out, to save money. I recommend that you and him go to marriage counselling.

THANK you for ur response...

Isnt too weird to do that?I know I really work so hard got two jobs to make him happy ,and he does 1 job and its a big paying job.He is just selfish to cover most of the expenses of our marriage though I work hard he said its not enough to cover all of our expenses which I cmpletely understand since He wanst happy with my joband schedule I really have to keep up with his schedule.

Its jst hard we were so fine and inlove for 2 yrs and after I move to the STATes things changed:(

I guess its really hard to love someone that is not really committed to the marriage.

He already told me that he wasnt really ready to get married.He dosent want to have kids,he just want to travel drink party and all that single life.

SO marriage counselling is not an option for him.

I already suggested him of doing that so many times and he said NO.

NOW people and other friends think that I should fight for our marriage its just useless.WHEN I AM THE ONLY ONE WHO WANTS TO WORK IT OUT> IWONT FORCE MYSELF ANYMORE to him IVE BEEN DEALING WITH HIM SO MANY YRS THAT I THOUGHT HE WILL CHANGE:(

SO yeah MOVING on is the only way...

THANK U SO MUCH and HAPPY NEW YEAR>>

GODBLESS YOU>.>>

clowy · January 1, 2013

You are so ridiculously out of line here it's not funny. It is HIS choice to cheat. She plays no part in that. She does not control him. He makes his own choices. A good man doesn't cheat, no matter what "she does to cause it".

THANK YOU for this response...I appreciate it.

LOOK he cheated on me so manyt times and still believe that he will change and its just not serious.WE ARE MARRIED and we made vows to each other NO MATTER what challenges we face NO ONE SHOULD CHEAT...

CHEATING IS NOT MY FAULT its not accetable... MARRIAGE COUNSELLING IS the optios but he said NO,

PARTLY I may say its my fault of moving back here and questioned myself so many times.

IM young HOT and attractive and I dont feel that way anymore people firends and my family are always telling me these things...

I think Cheating occur when love is gone lost of attaction and not getting what they really wnt emotinally and sexually. I may say PARTLY yes things get really tough when u r married to american guy who completely has his own different back ground values and beliefs.

BUT I respect all ur response and we dont have to fight here:)

THIS is a site where people get help from each other and should take all the comments and responses constructively.

IM NOT MAD i just felt like some people doesnt use their head.....

its his... so dont tell me that I am part of it.

I am the one who always understand him...

clowy · January 1, 2013

I just want to welcome you to California.

As you may or may not know, California is officially the Golden State. As such California has attracted gold diggers for way over a Century. You'll feel right at home here. Weather is nice too.

Then again, Riverside is Redneck Central, so be careful when you leave the house at night.

REALLY hahaha your funny thanks for the advice though:)

I am going to stay inside the base:) so probably its not a big problem:)

BUT WHO KNOWS:)

thank you:)NICE pic u got there:)

clowy · January 1, 2013