Turning a Wedding Into an Unofficial Ceremony As a Backup Plan

[Ryan B 0]

All-

I have been looking through the great advice given in many other threads but haven't quite found one that deals with this question (I assume it should be a popular question though, so if it is indeed redundant I appologize and can someone point me in the direction of a thread that deals with it?)

I am a US citizen and my fiance is Turkish, we have applied for the K1 visa which is sitting in the Vermont Center now (with a NOA1 of around Nov 30 2012, though I haven't been home to check the mail for an exact date). As I'm sure most of you are in the same boat, we are trying to figure out when we can set the date to plan for the wedding (it will be a traditional wedding, not a mere run to the court-house thing). We are planning to have a reception (NOT legal marriage) in Turkey one weekend, then official marriage and reception in America the following weekend. We are looking at Sept 1, which gives 9 months, but of course we know this is a gamble with the venue and not to mention the 30+ Americans flying to Turkey for the Turkish part and 30+ Turks returning for the American part. We have been kicking around the idea of setting that date and telling people not to buy plane tickets until, say, 3 months in advance, but even then is a gamble since you wouldn't be certain of anything).

So my question is this- if the gamble doesn't pan out and we in fact do not have a visa by that time, can we have the wedding reception in America anyway, but just not apply for the marriage certificate, therefore not legally marrying, and have her return to Turkey after, finish the visa process, and return and get married legally in a courthouse afterward? We would make it abundantly clear to the visa officials and arrival officials (or should she just not mention the "wedding" since it isn't a legal wedding?). We wouldn't get legally married so I don't see any official legal problems with it, just assuming it would open a can of complicated worms about them not believing it's just a "for show" wedding, etc. Thoughts?

[jdba 22]

All-

I have been looking through the great advice given in many other threads but haven't quite found one that deals with this question (I assume it should be a popular question though, so if it is indeed redundant I appologize and can someone point me in the direction of a thread that deals with it?)

I am a US citizen and my fiance is Turkish, we have applied for the K1 visa which is sitting in the Vermont Center now (with a NOA1 of around Nov 30 2012, though I haven't been home to check the mail for an exact date). As I'm sure most of you are in the same boat, we are trying to figure out when we can set the date to plan for the wedding (it will be a traditional wedding, not a mere run to the court-house thing). We are planning to have a reception (NOT legal marriage) in Turkey one weekend, then official marriage and reception in America the following weekend. We are looking at Sept 1, which gives 9 months, but of course we know this is a gamble with the venue and not to mention the 30+ Americans flying to Turkey for the Turkish part and 30+ Turks returning for the American part. We have been kicking around the idea of setting that date and telling people not to buy plane tickets until, say, 3 months in advance, but even then is a gamble since you wouldn't be certain of anything).

So my question is this- if the gamble doesn't pan out and we in fact do not have a visa by that time, can we have the wedding reception in America anyway, but just not apply for the marriage certificate, therefore not legally marrying, and have her return to Turkey after, finish the visa process, and return and get married legally in a courthouse afterward? We would make it abundantly clear to the visa officials and arrival officials (or should she just not mention the "wedding" since it isn't a legal wedding?). We wouldn't get legally married so I don't see any official legal problems with it, just assuming it would open a can of complicated worms about them not believing it's just a "for show" wedding, etc. Thoughts?

my lawyer said once you start the visa process the chances of getting a visit visa is almost 0%. Because once people get here they can just apply for a change of status. I wanted to get a visit visa for my husband. But the lawyer told me it would be a waste of our money to apply. He also said that if he got a visit visa and came to the USA, there is a chance he could be turned away at Passport control if because if the pending Visa application. we decided not to try.

[Ryan B 0]

my lawyer said once you start the visa process the chances of getting a visit visa is almost 0%. Because once people get here they can just apply for a change of status. I wanted to get a visit visa for my husband. But the lawyer told me it would be a waste of our money to apply. He also said that if he got a visit visa and came to the USA, there is a chance he could be turned away at Passport control if because if the pending Visa application. we decided not to try.

Thanks for the response! I should clarify, she already has a tourist visa, which is valid until around 2020. What is a visit visa?

[bigdog 376]

A word of caution on the wedding/reception thing/married not married issue. There have been tons of threads on this. USCIS can refuse a K1 for acting and looking married, what ever that is, then you have to repay and refile. How about an engagement party period, keep it clean and get married after the arrival in the USA. Other option is get married, come home wait till its approved and arrive in US. I have heard both sides on the K-1 visitor visa issue, yes and no. I would not do it personally. Good Luck what ever you choose.

[Enigma11561 336]

Seems there are a lot of people trying to play around estimated time frames in order to plan a wedding when the process is not even half over. I understand it can be complicated when families are spread between two countries a half a world apart, but the simplest thing is to GET THE VISA first, then make plans. You have some 6 months after the visa is issued to use it. Then another 3 months to get married once she arrives. That should give you ample time to get a venue and make concrete plans. Too often something stupid happens and then everyone gets really stressed out and you really do not need to go there.

[Ryan B 0]

A word of caution on the wedding/reception thing/married not married issue. There have been tons of threads on this.

As I mentioned, excuse my inability to find it on my own, but I have been unsuccessful in finding other threads dealing with having an unofficial wedding in America. Plenty dealing with having them in the foreign country (as we are also planning to do as well) but none that really deal with turning wedding plans in America into an unofficial ceremony if the visa does not come through. Could you point me in the right direction if you know of any?

I understand that many advise the "wait until you have the visa in hand", but we want to have a big wedding requiring lots of planning. If we waited until visa in hand we wouldn't be able to have the wedding until 2014. I know I'm not going to get much sympathy from so many others in the same situation, but we have been dating long distance for almost 5 years now, and we want to get married already so we can live together (her conservative parents won't allow it until we are legally married in a large, public marriage). Yes I realize the best option is to just get a quick and dirty courthouse marriage, but every situation is different, so without completely going into ours, I am asking for advice on this path if anyone has any.

Thanks for the help everyone

Edited December 20, 2012 by Ryan B

[sandgoose 8]

Hey Ryan,

I'm in a bit of a similar situation. We filed in early July through the Vermont center. We finally received our NOA2 yesterday! (About 5 1/2 months)

Anyway, we have also made wedding plans and such, but ours have a bit more leeway than yours I believe. We are looking at a June 1 reservation in my hometown in NW Arkansas. So that gives us nearly 10 months to comfortably receive the visa.

My fiance is in South Korea, and she's going to come and visit in March for a few weeks to meet my parents. SK is a visa waiver country, and I'm not expecting any difficulty with her getting into the country as she has visited before and has ties to work which we can prove if needed. Our plan is that we will get all of the prep done for the visa filing in Korea before she comes here and arrange an interview date for April when she returns to Seoul. Then we are planning to do a small traditional engagement ceremony in Seoul for her extended family and my immediate family will also attend. Then after all of that they will all travel to the US to attend the wedding in my hometown. Does that all make sense?

I was getting nervous until I heard the news yesterday that we got approved. It's funny, because I called for expedition 10 days before I was approved and received the rejection letter for expedited service... 2 days before approval. That process is long and arduous because you won't here anything until you are approved or if they require more information.

Anyway man, we are both kind of taking a gamble with dates. I did a lot of research on here after we applied and decided that giving ourselves 10 months would probably be enough time. This would allow for delays in the process or any additional request that would be made. Now that the longest and hardest thing is out of the way I don't worry about too much else. I've heard a lot of people here say that doing a ceremony in the foreign country is not a good idea, but ours - in all likelihood - will take place after the visa is in hand, so I don't have many fears about it.

Sorry, this isn't really advice... but we're in the same boat so I thought I'd share. Best of luck to us both man.

[Enigma11561 336]

One thing you really need to do is get the "unofficial wedding" jargon out of your and fiance's vocabulary. You don't need it to be accidentally mentioned at an interview as it can raise all sorts of other questions. It is just a party for friends and family. There is only one wedding, and it will be held in the states after she arrives.It's a bit funny that most everyone needs to have that big ceremony with white dress, food and drink, the music and the whole bit. And a few hours later the reality hits and it's now becomes whose turn is it to take out the trash.

[islandgal 74]

Seems there are a lot of people trying to play around estimated time frames in order to plan a wedding when the process is not even half over. I understand it can be complicated when families are spread between two countries a half a world apart, but the simplest thing is to GET THE VISA first, then make plans. You have some 6 months after the visa is issued to use it. Then another 3 months to get married once she arrives. That should give you ample time to get a venue and make concrete plans. Too often something stupid happens and then everyone gets really stressed out and you really do not need to go there.

[LeftCoastLady 441]

There are plenty of cautionary tales on VJ of people like the OP of this thread who wanted to control the timeline when it isn't possible. The government agencies are on their own schedule and do not care about your plans. As long as you perceive the risks of making plans before the visa is in your fiancée's passport, what anyone posts will likely not make you happy. What happens if you get an RFE? Or there's a delay in getting the interview scheduled?

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/398795-wedding-plans-cancel/

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/222368-k1-timing-and-wedding-planning-advice/

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/302823-how-many-of-you-have-wedding-plans-before-your-fiance-gets-here/

[Pitaya 2,577]

A word of caution on the wedding/reception thing/married not married issue. There have been tons of threads on this. USCIS can refuse a K1 for acting and looking married, what ever that is, then you have to repay and refile. How about an engagement party period, keep it clean and get married after the arrival in the USA. Other option is get married, come home wait till its approved and arrive in US. I have heard both sides on the K-1 visitor visa issue, yes and no. I would not do it personally. Good Luck what ever you choose.

Seems there are a lot of people trying to play around estimated time frames in order to plan a wedding when the process is not even half over. I understand it can be complicated when families are spread between two countries a half a world apart, but the simplest thing is to GET THE VISA first, then make plans. You have some 6 months after the visa is issued to use it. Then another 3 months to get married once she arrives. That should give you ample time to get a venue and make concrete plans. Too often something stupid happens and then everyone gets really stressed out and you really do not need to go there.

There are plenty of cautionary tales on VJ of people like the OP of this thread who wanted to control the timeline when it isn't possible. The government agencies are on their own schedule and do not care about your plans. As long as you perceive the risks of making plans before the visa is in your fiancée's passport, what anyone posts will likely not make you happy. What happens if you get an RFE? Or there's a delay in getting the interview scheduled?

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/398795-wedding-plans-cancel/

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/222368-k1-timing-and-wedding-planning-advice/

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/302823-how-many-of-you-have-wedding-plans-before-your-fiance-gets-here/

[AmyWrites 593]

Yeah, sure, have the unofficial wedding, then get your visa denied on their grounds, and have to be a long distance relationship for another year or so.

Call your venues and ask if you can put a deposit now but that you'll find out the date later on. Once you get to the pre-interview stage, assuming your fiance doesnt go through AP, you'll have a better idea on your timeline.

Best thing to do is to wait to have the visa in hand.

[amberlynnloves 125]

NOTHING is 100% guaranteed until your visa is approved at the consulate, you have your visa sealed envelope and passport back IN HAND. After that, plan a wedding. We got our visa approved, passport and visa package arrived 2 days later. The shipping company opened our sealed envelope. So we had to send it back to the consulate. Nothing is a 100% guarantee with time. You're best bet is to just wait. You have 6 months from the time your visa is issued to move. And then anotehr 90 days to get married. Thats 9 months almost. Trust me when I say that you're best bet is to wait. I know it isn't easy. Trust me. Its not easy at all.

We are POEing on Sunday, we don't even have a set plan 100% yet except that it is February 16th. One year exactly we met in person. That's all we know. Our whole journey from I-129F File to having Resealed envelope back from consulate was 7 months, 2 days. And that was with NOA2 only 88 days after NOA1. Consulates get backed up. We waited longer for an interview after NOA2 then we did from NOA1 to NoA2.

Just hang in there. It'll be ok. Don't make any cemented plans.

[Gary and Alla 3,694]

All-

I have been looking through the great advice given in many other threads but haven't quite found one that deals with this question (I assume it should be a popular question though, so if it is indeed redundant I appologize and can someone point me in the direction of a thread that deals with it?)

I am a US citizen and my fiance is Turkish, we have applied for the K1 visa which is sitting in the Vermont Center now (with a NOA1 of around Nov 30 2012, though I haven't been home to check the mail for an exact date). As I'm sure most of you are in the same boat, we are trying to figure out when we can set the date to plan for the wedding (it will be a traditional wedding, not a mere run to the court-house thing). We are planning to have a reception (NOT legal marriage) in Turkey one weekend, then official marriage and reception in America the following weekend. We are looking at Sept 1, which gives 9 months, but of course we know this is a gamble with the venue and not to mention the 30+ Americans flying to Turkey for the Turkish part and 30+ Turks returning for the American part. We have been kicking around the idea of setting that date and telling people not to buy plane tickets until, say, 3 months in advance, but even then is a gamble since you wouldn't be certain of anything).

So my question is this- if the gamble doesn't pan out and we in fact do not have a visa by that time, can we have the wedding reception in America anyway, but just not apply for the marriage certificate, therefore not legally marrying, and have her return to Turkey after, finish the visa process, and return and get married legally in a courthouse afterward? We would make it abundantly clear to the visa officials and arrival officials (or should she just not mention the "wedding" since it isn't a legal wedding?). We wouldn't get legally married so I don't see any official legal problems with it, just assuming it would open a can of complicated worms about them not believing it's just a "for show" wedding, etc. Thoughts?

My thoughts? Do not make any plans until the visa is in your hand. If you choose to do otherwise(I am pro choice) then be prepared for the possible consequences.

[lunaboriken 2]

All-

I have been looking through the great advice given in many other threads but haven't quite found one that deals with this question (I assume it should be a popular question though, so if it is indeed redundant I appologize and can someone point me in the direction of a thread that deals with it?)

I am a US citizen and my fiance is Turkish, we have applied for the K1 visa which is sitting in the Vermont Center now (with a NOA1 of around Nov 30 2012, though I haven't been home to check the mail for an exact date). As I'm sure most of you are in the same boat, we are trying to figure out when we can set the date to plan for the wedding (it will be a traditional wedding, not a mere run to the court-house thing). We are planning to have a reception (NOT legal marriage) in Turkey one weekend, then official marriage and reception in America the following weekend. We are looking at Sept 1, which gives 9 months, but of course we know this is a gamble with the venue and not to mention the 30+ Americans flying to Turkey for the Turkish part and 30+ Turks returning for the American part. We have been kicking around the idea of setting that date and telling people not to buy plane tickets until, say, 3 months in advance, but even then is a gamble since you wouldn't be certain of anything).

So my question is this- if the gamble doesn't pan out and we in fact do not have a visa by that time, can we have the wedding reception in America anyway, but just not apply for the marriage certificate, therefore not legally marrying, and have her return to Turkey after, finish the visa process, and return and get married legally in a courthouse afterward? We would make it abundantly clear to the visa officials and arrival officials (or should she just not mention the "wedding" since it isn't a legal wedding?). We wouldn't get legally married so I don't see any official legal problems with it, just assuming it would open a can of complicated worms about them not believing it's just a "for show" wedding, etc. Thoughts?

First of all a wedding is merely a simple day that you set up to tell people you are committing to your bride for the rest of your life... so you should be focusing more on your relationship more than a wedding day. If your fiance is driving you crazy about it she needs to chill. Marriage is a big deal and is more than a cliche "I do".

See man, when you apply as K1 Visa you must follow the proceeds as they state in the documents. You need to wait the processing time. A lawyer is not going to speed a process... do you know how many people apply for the same thing!? Read the papers you submitted and know that you need to wait.

If you get marry you are telling the Vermont Center that your K1 Visa is Void because your status has changed from engaged to married which constitutes a whole new Visa process called AOS (I-1485) where you state you are legally married and your marriage is a truthful union and not for immigration purposes (you probably need to send I-130 to provide sponsorship support)

Chill. This is a waiting game.

If you can't hold yourself... you should re-think what you are doing. You love each other... so you need to wait. Visit her, do engagement party, take her to a nice restaurant.

Vermont Center will take as long as they want.

I submitted the AOS for my husband on December 13th 2011 and we got approved in December 3rd 2012.

Trust me you won't believe this is a waiting game until you experience it in your own skin.

Best wishes.

Edited December 21, 2012 by lunaboriken