money problems in paradise...

[rlogan 2,036]

Welcome to the rest of your life.

[aaydrian 479]

The answer to your question is another question. What would they have done if you or an American wasn't involved with their relative? Whatever the answer is is where the money should come from. For a lot of folks once an American joins the family they begin having 'problems'. This brother may actually have a real medical issue but what about 'serious problems' in the future? What will you do then if your wife's paycheck can't make even a dent in paying off those to be bills? Why can you help this one but not the other? You have to bend the tree when it's still young.

If you have a little and have no issues letting that little go then help them but keep in mind that this could very well become a bad habit for your extended family.

Edited December 17, 2012 by aaydrian

[churawan 14]

The answer to your question is another question. What would they have done if you or an American wasn't involved with their relative? Whatever the answer is is where the money should come from. For a lot of folks once an American joins the family they begin having 'problems'. This brother may actually have a real medical issue but what about 'serious problems' in the future? What will you do then if your wife's paycheck can't make even a dent in paying off those to be bills? Why can you help this one but not the other? You have to bend the tree when it's still young.

If you have a little and have no issues letting that little go then help them but keep in mind that this could very well become a bad habit for your extended family.

That number of $10k is troublesome to me... I have a friend in the PI that got in a motorcycle accident a few years back.. He broke his leg real bad and needed surgery to allow it to heal properly... The total cost was $1500, so I loaned it to him and he is fine today... Yes I got the money back over time... Be real careful with request for money, sometimes we are seen as ATM's for every little thing that comes along... I am married to a lovely Thai women, we help her family when we want and do not get the constant request for funds... Our choice and the family is fine with our gifts when we send/give them to them... I love my in-laws and they are my family now.. Comes with the marriage and becoming part of the extended family... Money should never be part of the equation... Verify the amount as best as possible and decide if you can or want to help out... Then do what your heart and mind tell you is right... You will always be judged on your decisions and actions... That is part of life!!!!

[jimmynug 13]

My question would be is it 10k u s dollars or 10k pesos? If it's 10k pesos, i'd send it, but be careful what you start. If it's 10k u s dollar, then there is no way i would send anything. You are being played big time. Not saying your fiancee or family is involved, but someone is trying to get rich off of you and I wouldn't fall for it for one minute.

[LSnBigBear 61]

First of all these occurances are never easy and we are darn if we do and darn if we don't. I lived in the RP for 5 years and have been visiting since 1998. They Filipinos are just like any people. You give us a little we want more. In this case yes your future brother in law is in need of medical. But trust me when I say Filipinos are the most resilient people I have ever met. They find a way to make it through everything. And most of the time it is never the way we would go about handling the situation or problem from an American standpoint. I stand by others that the amount you mentioned is a lot to send. Do your best to help with meds etc from a smaller fiancial standpoint. This shows them you care but cannot swing sending that much money. They will make it. And as others stated they do believe we are all rich. Especially the more poverty families have been made to believe we are all wealthy. Middle to upper class Filipinos are more educated and understand we are not wealthy from a US standpoint.

Good luck in all this.

[LSnBigBear 61]

My question would be is it 10k u s dollars or 10k pesos? If it's 10k pesos, i'd send it, but be careful what you start. If it's 10k u s dollar, then there is no way i would send anything. You are being played big time. Not saying your fiancee or family is involved, but someone is trying to get rich off of you and I wouldn't fall for it for one minute.

I disagree as surgeries in the RP can be very expensive. Just to have a baby at the local Hospital and stay 5 days (they stay longer than we do) costs in excess of $1000.00 And meds alone for an accident like motorcycle can be very expensive. I purchased meds after my motor cycle injury there and it cost me about $150 for two meds. And not white man prices as I sent my GF. I have known others to have surgeries from hernia to heart. A heart surgery was $80,000 and that is USD. Just an FYI that GOOD medical there is costly.

[LSnBigBear 61]

Welcome to the rest of your life.

Lol

[madison925 2]

I am from the Philippines too and engaged to a US citizen. And extending financial help to each other is not normal in our relationship. So here's what I can advice, Please just give what you can give and don't pay for the whole surgery. What if they handn't meet you? What are they going to do. Let them resolve their own problem and extend a little help, the one that you can afford to give and it has to be from the heart.

[Bumbero 130]

I'm actually very lucky when it comes to this. My Fiancee actually shields her families requests and only comes to me when there is a real problem. Most of the time I never even knew something was going on until it was over and taken care of! So, I have had very very few "emergencies" and 90% of the time her family has found a way to work it out without me even being contacted. I have been VERY upfront with my fiancee and tell her that IF I HAVE money, I will gladly send it BUT her visa and my bills come first. I tell her that I am not an ATM and, like previously posted, remind them that if I wasn't in their lives, they would have had to figure out a solution themselves.

I do send her an allowance as well, but it's just enough to buy food for her and her family. For reasons I won't go in to here, they do need some help. 4000Php, $100, goes a long way when buying groceries for 6 people. That is a cost that my fiancee and I discussed and considered appropriate. Because of that discussion I gladly pay it though. It's just enough so they can buy food but not get used to or comfortable living off of. Not trying to be callous but I don't want her family to think they don't have to work because I send money. We have also talked about sending money to her family when she's in the US. She knows that there will be limits then as well and most of the money will come from her earnings when she gets a job.

To sum it all up, I think that being upfront, open and communicating with your fiancee is critical. Hopefully my luck won't change but I am ready to tackle the issue again if it does!

Good luck OP! You are in a tough position for sure!

[adiiann 163]

I personally don't agree on letting spouse get involve in family's financial problem. Giving money to help depends on our capability to help. As I always let people know that I went here in US and got married to build my own family, and not to gain money to support my family in the Philippines financially. I will think first my own family here in US and my kid's future before sending a dime to them. Though, I like giving gifts on occasion which is my habit even when I was still in the Philippines and it came from my own allowance in my paycheck.

I disagree as surgeries in the RP can be very expensive. Just to have a baby at the local Hospital and stay 5 days (they stay longer than we do) costs in excess of $1000.00 And meds alone for an accident like motorcycle can be very expensive. I purchased meds after my motor cycle injury there and it cost me about $150 for two meds. And not white man prices as I sent my GF. I have known others to have surgeries from hernia to heart. A heart surgery was $80,000 and that is USD. Just an FYI that GOOD medical there is costly.

Yep! Hospital bills in the Philippines is very expensive even with insurance. When I had foot surgery as I fractured my bone, it cost me $4200 in St. Lukes Medical Hospital and I was there for 3 days only, my company's insurance paid most of it but I still paid additional $500 out of my pocket and it's not included all the bi-weekly visit xray and visit to my doctor for 5 months which cost me another $1000.

So, for severe motorcycle accident, $10,000 may not enough. But as what other's posts here, give only what you can afford. Just my own principle, I would really feel awkward to ask financial help from my husband if its coming from his own pocket. Not a single dime I asked my husband (fiance then) to help me with my hospital bills as for me, it's inappropriate since he's not yet my husband that time and it's not right to make him worry about it if I can make sacrifices of saving every money I had to pay my bills. But hey, it's me. LoL.

[John&Juvy 36]

20k.... are we talking pesos here or dollars?

[madtownguy 164]

Yes $10,000 USD, 10,000 pesos is nothing. And yes at first I was kind of thinking that number was exceptionally high which is why I asked a lot of questions. My fiance didn't ask, but I assumed that her family would ask for help so when I asked her she said yes they did. And this isn't an "uncle" needing help... I kind of assumed that would be what happened but I saw her brother a couple weeks ago and saw a picture of him in the hospital. He looked like a mummy, hopefully he is better now today was suppose to be the surgery. I knew they'd find the money, but just worried about the hardships they might face from getting it. I know they sold a trike or something to get a good portion of it. The whole visa process is probably going to run around $5-7k so I think that will be enough of a financial hit for the year. I feel like I should hide my vacations now and stuff... I'm sure all will work out ok in the end, I just worry about a niece or nephew in same boat, that might push me over my ability to say no.

[James and Cynthia 70]

Every couple needs to decide early in the relationship how to handle finances. Some of us send money every month, some don't send money regularly but save for emergencies, some send no money but regularly send boxes, some help in other ways besides finances, and others do nothing. There is no right answer, just make sure that you have both agreed how things will be handled.

From my perspective, 10K (I'm assuming that is dollars) is a lot of money. Still, I would help as much as I could. But that's just me.

I just hope the brother comes out of this okay.

I agree. Good answer.

I made a decision when I first decided to ask my wife to marry me. I knew sending money home would be important to her (that's what she did before I met her, so how could I expect her to change now). I knew the best way for me to be happy, is for her to be happy. We do what we can. A little every month, a box or two a year, and a portion of emergencies. It's small compared to my whole budget, but it does add up over time. The key is, we agree on how much every time. No sneaking, no stories, and never a problem. We're happy to help when we can and taking each case one by one depending on circumstances.

If it was my brother, what would I do? My wife's brother is no different. Listen to your heart, your budget, and your wife. Welcome to being married to a Filipino, and also being part of something much more. I wouldn't change a thing in my life. Good luck.

-James

[pigmonk 16]

i am a nurse, and 10,0000$ (more or less 400,000 pesos!! for a motorcycle incident is crazzzzyyy... Yes good medical here is costly. BUT, on the first place, why would your fiancee's family go to an expensive hosp such as st. lukes when they can go to a public hospital. i mean, Maybe they should have thought about expense too.

Lets say her brother will undergo ORIF, ORIF costs like less than 150,000Pesos (total) in a public hospital. I dont have anything against private hosp, infact they are the best. But public is not that bad, he will also get treated there.

What kind of surgery is her brother supposed to undergo anyway?

[angel7407 33]

First of all, from where is your fiancée? City or province? Then what kind of hospital his brother is in? How complicated the surgery will be that it would cost $10K?