How did you filipina wife change after you married her and took her to your home country?

[Tahoma 2,292]

...I had to get her one of those short witches brooms they love over there...

^^^ Chinook wouldn't rest until she had one of those Pinoy-style short brooms and a long-handled dustpan.

Chinook isn't interested in getting any Pinoy tv channels. Her favorite shows are "I Love Lucy," "Frasier," "Ally McBeal," and "Greys Anatomy." She even bought the complete dvd box set of "I Love Lucy." She loves it whenever Lucy makes fun of Ricky's accent, but Lord help me if I make fun of Chinook's accent!

My best advice to the OP: hire a driving school to teach her how to drive...

[Juliet and Steve 93]

Hah! Put on your asbestos suit but I realize that you're just doing "as best as" you can and think it's a legit question and a wise one.

For me (Steve) I look forward to answering your question in a decade or so. Juliet, in my opinion, is rather a seed, and what she'll grow into in time is quite unknown, and I look forward to seeing it all. Culturally we're worlds apart, but we communicate well and just yesterday I asked her opinion about tampo and her response was "immature," at which point I chided her a bit for being ignorant of Pilipino cultural values (imagine that!) See http://www.seasite.niu.edu/tagalog/love.htm and enjoy...

I don't want to bash American women but since my last relationship ended over a decade ago I've had plenty of opportunity to consider a American mate (i.e. spouse (not An Aussie mate)) and not one even that I have dated during that time comes close in comparison when I consider her basic values, goals and beliefs.

I once read a book "Lust in Translation" about a decade ago and came to the simple realization that Filipina were in fact very different. Do you realize (according to that book) that only three cultures in the entire world tolerate no infidelity (when looking at the wife--for males in RP it's quite a different story). The only other two cultures that have no "cheating" (again looking only at the wife, not the husband) was Ghana and Tibet? In Ghana it's simple, cheat on your husmand and he'll kill you. Yes, not all Filipina's would never cheat, but comparatively they won't, and that is amazing.

Amerikana_abroad you're on a roll. Continue asking such questions and do some research for understanding the cultural differences allow you to focus in on just what it is you want and allows you to realize what you need to do (even if it is lambing in response to uh...hmmm...immature tampo) to be a good suitor to your dalagang Pilipina. Never underestimate the cultural difference and if there is one singular bit of advice I'd give is make absolutely sure that the two of you can communicate well.

And please don't forget to come back in 2024 for my real answer....

[rlogan 2,036]

Hopefully mine will change by becoming a better driver. Tried to teach her a few times when we lived together for a year. Scary!

I found that making her repeat the instructions back to me broke through their annoying and deadly habit of pretending to be listening while ignoring you. Saying "yes" is their way of mindlessly pretending to be agreeable while being stubborn and prideful in truth. So before every lesson she had to promise to put her attitude away.

Then I gave an instruction that made no sense like "stop" in a place where there was no reason to stop. If she didn't immediately follow the instruction then the lesson was over for the day. Before that I would say stop, stop, stop, to the point of screaming at her and she would not even react. Smiling away while heading through an intersection, about to get t-boned by a cement truck at highway speed. I grabbed the wheel and put us in the ditch that time. After that we put on the regimen about checking her attitude and repeating back instructions. If she can't repeat them back, then she is blocking you out instead of listening.

[Caryh 5,206]

Its a big jump to go from being husband and wife to being teacher and pupil. My wife doesn't use yes the way your wife does, instead she gives a little "huh" grunt. If its important I ask if thats a yes, if not I'll just make the sound right back, or use our sound un uh "no" sound which she can't for the life her distinguish from our un huh "yes" word

I found that making her repeat the instructions back to me broke through their annoying and deadly habit of pretending to be listening while ignoring you. Saying "yes" is their way of mindlessly pretending to be agreeable while being stubborn and prideful in truth. So before every lesson she had to promise to put her attitude away.

Then I gave an instruction that made no sense like "stop" in a place where there was no reason to stop. If she didn't immediately follow the instruction then the lesson was over for the day. Before that I would say stop, stop, stop, to the point of screaming at her and she would not even react. Smiling away while heading through an intersection, about to get t-boned by a cement truck at highway speed. I grabbed the wheel and put us in the ditch that time. After that we put on the regimen about checking her attitude and repeating back instructions. If she can't repeat them back, then she is blocking you out instead of listening.

[Kevo 69]

Haha...I think she's trying to follow my instructions, she just has zero natural driving ability. She has problems keeping the car going striaght, it's from one side of the lane to the other and repeat over and over...and each time I feel I need to tell her "move over to the center of the lane, you're getting too close to that side"....then 10 seconds later she's on the other side! The concept of constant minor adjustments still isn't learned.

Also, when going around a tight corner, applying the brake in a calm even manner doesn't happen, it's either she hits the brake to soon and hard before the turn or she barely pushes the brake and she flys around the corner (that's when I just about ###### myself!).

And all this was in an area with almost no traffic, I can't even imagine her in traffic!

Yeah, I think she's going to need some in-depth professional lessons when she gets here.

[The Nature Boy 4,224]

Honestly trolling or baiting is not my intention, I found this site from another Philippine related forum. I figured this would be a good place to ask compared to the other forum because this forum is more marriage orientated.

I am a new member to this board however I didn't think it was a sensitive question and felt that it would give me and others insight as if I should consider getting married or not. I am just being a bit proactive and trying to judge from others experiences who have been down the road before me. I have always found you can learn alot this way and avoid many potential problems simply by asking the right questions.

Been married a year. There was almost no adjustment period. She is the same as the day I married her. The only differnace is she get's my jokes a little better. Sometimes at first she did not understand and might have a slight tampo. I had lot's of Philippine friends before she got here, so she had a support group from day one

Still the best decision of my life and I would do it again in a heart beat.

[actob99 156]

That's funny drving stories. My wife can't even pass the permit test, failed 3 times haha. Maybe it's a sign. We were up at the cabin a couple months ago and had her pull the car up the driveway for the first time and she ended up in the woods. I thought #######, but I guess never growing up around a car... I just assumed she knew straight. So I told her absolutely No driving without a permit as we will probably have an accident or two...

[The Nature Boy 4,224]

That's funny drving stories. My wife can't even pass the permit test, failed 3 times haha. Maybe it's a sign. We were up at the cabin a couple months ago and had her pull the car up the driveway for the first time and she ended up in the woods. I thought #######, but I guess never growing up around a car... I just assumed she knew straight. So I told her absolutely No driving without a permit as we will probably have an accident or two...

At 1 year we have a learners permit but she just flat has no interest in driving.

[rlogan 2,036]

Its a big jump to go from being husband and wife to being teacher and pupil. My wife doesn't use yes the way your wife does, instead she gives a little "huh" grunt. If its important I ask if thats a yes, if not I'll just make the sound right back, or use our sound un uh "no" sound which she can't for the life her distinguish from our un huh "yes" word

I've been a teacher and coach professionally for almost forty years. This was one of the most frustrating experiences of that entire span, although once I figured out the problems it went much better.

Kevo mentions "natural" driving ability. Americans like me were biking at six, driving rigs on the farm when we were twelve years old and before that sitting in Dad's lap with the steering wheel. Driving as a passenger facing forward - getting accustomed to it instead mindlessly riding in a jeepney looking out the sides and not paying attention to anything. So there's a lot of training they don't have - some have not even had a bicycle. She seemed to have no concept at all of speed, so cornering was extremely frightening. I had to pull the emergency brake sometimes.

I'm appalled at the eductational system there that inculcated a lack of initiative and critical thinking. If I used terms she did not understand she would not ask me to define them, which is just incredible to me. Abstract thinking was difficult, so if I said "Blind Spot" and then explained it the problem was I still had to go out of the car and stand in the blind spot and ask if she could see me. She's a bright girl, but went through a horrible education system. Never saw a map, or a 3-D representation of objects.

And with the sounds - yeah. This was a sore spot between us in the beginning: being extremely lazy about not speaking in complete sentences. She's broken of that habit and gets frustrated with her own family for it now.

In the Philippines it seems they don't have that relentless drive to follow through with things and instead take any excuse to give up. If they call a bureaucrat to get a question answered and the bureaucrat says they don't know - that's the end of it. "I called and he said his department does not answer that question". Well get back on the phone honey and ask him what department DOES answer the question. Then don't stop there: call that department and get the answer. Sheesh! Get the question answered.

God Almighty though the most difficult thing of all was thinking ahead. Looking down the road half a mile and planning instead of realizing the car has now slowed down to ten miles an hour because you have been on a steep hill for half a mile. Ten miles an hour up the hill. Eighty miles an hour down the other side.

That is from having no experience in cars whatsoever before coming here.

Edited December 19, 2012 by rlogan

[kev_n_jena 89]

I've been a teacher and coach professionally for almost forty years. This was one of the most frustrating experiences of that entire span, although once I figured out the problems it went much better.

Kevo mentions "natural" driving ability. Americans like me were biking at six, driving rigs on the farm when we were twelve years old and before that sitting in Dad's lap with the steering wheel. Driving as a passenger facing forward - getting accustomed to it instead mindlessly riding in a jeepney looking out the sides and not paying attention to anything. So there's a lot of training they don't have - some have not even had a bicycle. She seemed to have no concept at all of speed, so cornering was extremely frightening. I had to pull the emergency brake sometimes.

I'm appalled at the eductational system there that inculcated a lack of initiative and critical thinking. If I used terms she did not understand she would not ask me to define them, which is just incredible to me. Abstract thinking was difficult, so if I said "Blind Spot" and then explained it the problem was I still had to go out of the car and stand in the blind spot and ask if she could see me. She's a bright girl, but went through a horrible education system. Never saw a map, or a 3-D representation of objects.

And with the sounds - yeah. This was a sore spot between us in the beginning: being extremely lazy about not speaking in complete sentences. She's broken of that habit and gets frustrated with her own family for it now.

In the Philippines it seems they don't have that relentless drive to follow through with things and instead take any excuse to give up. If they call a bureaucrat to get a question answered and the bureaucrat says they don't know - that's the end of it. "I called and he said his department does not answer that question". Well get back on the phone honey and ask him what department DOES answer the question. Then don't stop there: call that department and get the answer. Sheesh! Get the question answered.

God Almighty though the most difficult thing of all was thinking ahead. Looking down the road half a mile and planning instead of realizing the car has now slowed down to ten miles an hour because you have been on a steep hill for half a mile. Ten miles an hour up the hill. Eighty miles an hour down the other side.

That is from having no experience in cars whatsoever before coming here.

Getting a drivers license is one thing Jena hasn't accomplished here yet. She went through drivers training at the local junior college and got her permit. One problem we had after that was our vehicles. My work car was new but it was a manual transmission and my other vehicle is an F150. Neither vehicle was a good candidate for learning to drive. I gave her several lessons in the manual transmission car but it just seemed like there were too many things to think about to learn quickly. We now have a third vehicle, an SUV, but we also have an 8 month old that makes giving lessons very difficult.

We hope to work on it in the spring.

[The Nature Boy 4,224]

^^^ Chinook wouldn't rest until she had one of those Pinoy-style short brooms and a long-handled dustpan.

Chinook isn't interested in getting any Pinoy tv channels. Her favorite shows are "I Love Lucy," "Frasier," "Ally McBeal," and "Greys Anatomy." She even bought the complete dvd box set of "I Love Lucy." She loves it whenever Lucy makes fun of Ricky's accent, but Lord help me if I make fun of Chinook's accent!

My best advice to the OP: hire a driving school to teach her how to drive...

I think I am going to hire a driving school. Thing is, she just really does not care about driving. Yes the short broom was a must have .. I can't figure that out

[adiiann 163]

Where do you guys get the short broom? Is it the same as the one in the Philippines? I would love to have it for our basement.

[Caryh 5,206]

I see them in the Asian grocery stores all over around here. Sometimes they're a bit longer handled, but the same basic broom sweep part. I haven't noticed the real stiff bristle ones here, that my wife used to use in the driveway, sidewalks and grass in the Philippines. But you don't need to sweep the grass here. The Asian groceries also have the dust pans with the long handle, which beats the heck out of the standard ones in the USA.

Where do you guys get the short broom? Is it the same as the one in the Philippines? I would love to have it for our basement.

[hellINTIM 9]

Where do you guys get the short broom? Is it the same as the one in the Philippines? I would love to have it for our basement.

asian store/??

[Hank_ 9,174]

Yup, Asian grocery store, that is where we found ours as well. Two stores here near us, both have the brooms.