Two year separation required, how can I remove condition from my GC?

[Villanelle 4,122]

Ah, well then, for the OP

You can move to whatever state you want, but they all have different divorce laws, so youd have to research them. They are specifically designed to prevent people from doing what youre seeking however (quickly moving from one state with crazy divorce laws and establishing residency somewhere else just to file for divorce there and take advantage of that states more lax divorce laws) So they have clauses that say- you must be a resident of the new state for a period of 6 months or 1 year before being eligible to file for divorce in the new state. In addition, they may also have clauses similar to PA stating if the other party is not in agreement to the divorce there is 'mandatory separation' time that could range anywhere from 6 months to 1 year as well.

(Some states will allow you to file for divorce based on the fact that you now live there and meet the residency requirements, however other states require that to file both parties must have resided in the state to be eligible to file for divorce in the state- so you need to do research if your sole motivation for moving to a new state is to file for divorce in it)

So I would suggest you gather a map, a computer, and a calendar and do some soul searching and some research. If you think your life would be better further away from your ex, and youre prepared to start over in a new location- it is possible if you do the proper research and choose the right location.

You have to find a state (that you like and can afford) and that will allow you to file divorce on your own (meaning youre eligible to file based on your residency there and they do not have a requirement that both parties resided there or were married there). You say your card was issued 5 months ago- so thats around July 2012, and your ROC would be July 2014. If you move to the new state in Jan/Feb 2013 and they have a 6mo residency waiting period to file and a 1 year mandatory separation clause, by jun/jul 2013 youd meet the residency requirement and by jan/feb 2014 you would have met the separation clause as well. Way before the date of ROC.

Youre other option would be to remain where you are in PA and file there and maybe once you serve your wife with the papers she will sign them (?) Maybe not right away, but after some time when she sees things have changed and youre not coming back. You just never really know. She may become incredibly stubborn and refuse to sign them and let it ride out until the bitter end. You know her. If you think thats how its going to play out, then it most likely will. That scenario will involve you being involved in her life for the next two-three years, lots of drama, constant worry about USCIS having your roc denied, getting a stamp, going to infopass, the ongoing separation/divorce,etc.

if it was me, id just move somewhere else if i had the means and get it done with and get her out of my life if it was truly over and it was what I truly wanted (which is what you seemed to express in your first post)

[Jacob Richard 1]

Yes, I just want to be done with her and move on. It doesn't matter where I will live, what I will do, I need to put her behind.

She's done with me too, except her effort to make my life miserable.

She went to the bank and closed the joint bank account (which I deposited my paychecks into together with the money I brought here from my home country). She said she would take the car (I paid for it, but her name is on the title too). The car cost a few thousand. I think I'm going to let her have it, because it's not worth the battle.

Other than that, we don't have any mutual assets. She keeps her money in separate bank accounts (she believes by keeping it separately it will not be counted as marital assets). The house is hers, she bought it before I came here and she never put my name on it, and I have no intention to claim any part of it. She has a car which she bought before our marriage, paid upfront, and a truck she bought on installment during the marriage- I think she didn't want to pay for it because she already planned for the divorce, in case I wanted to claim a share of the truck. They are in her name. I'm not going to fight for them. We don't have any kids together.

I'm so sick of this marriage. And I'm scared of her and her family. Her family hate people. All her brothers and sisters are divorced and they are very experienced in screwing their soon-to-be exes' life up. That's why I'm thinking of moving to another state, far away from them.

Edited December 14, 2012 by Jacob Richard

[VanessaTony 3,567]

She can't close the joint account. She can remove her name, but not close it without you. I assume she also took the money then? I would go to the bank and find out why it was closed without you.

Don't let her "win" just because. Sell the car with your name on it and give her half, that's all she's entitled to. OR tell her you'll keep the car and not go after her for support, or half of any of the other marital assets (which you ARE entitled to).

[Jacob Richard 1]

She can't close the joint account. She can remove her name, but not close it without you. I assume she also took the money then? I would go to the bank and find out why it was closed without you.

Don't let her "win" just because. Sell the car with your name on it and give her half, that's all she's entitled to. OR tell her you'll keep the car and not go after her for support, or half of any of the other marital assets (which you ARE entitled to).

I don't know how but yes, she got it closed before clearing it. Her friend works there, I think, as the director of the branch. When I came here she already had that account. But she took all her money out before she added me as an authorized signer. So every time I got a check I had to endorse it over to her. That was why I said she wanted to control the money I made.

This all is just a nightmare. I'm really tired. I don't know if it's worth hiring an attorney to fight over the car. Because my understanding is the more you want the attorney to fight for, the more time it takes him, and the more fees it costs you. I witnessed her whole family sticking together to fight her ex brother-in-law last year and then sister-in-law earlier this year. It was really frightening.

[VanessaTony 3,567]

I don't know how but yes, she got it closed before clearing it. Her friend works there, I think, as the director of the branch. When I came here she already had that account. But she took all her money out before she added me as an authorized signer. So every time I got a check I had to endorse it over to her. That was why I said she wanted to control the money I made.

This all is just a nightmare. I'm really tired. I don't know if it's worth hiring an attorney to fight over the car. Because my understanding is the more you want the attorney to fight for, the more time it takes him, and the more fees it costs you. I witnessed her whole family sticking together to fight her ex brother-in-law last year and then sister-in-law earlier this year. It was really frightening.

Ohhhh... so it's not actually your account. Your money, but her account.

[Jacob Richard 1]

Yes, you are right. It's technically her account. If only I had taken the money; however, there's not much I could do now, so I decided to just forget about it. I'm capable of making more. All I care about now how to get divorced, how to be done with her. I wish this were actually a nightmare- something frightening but unreal. Unfortunately, it is real.

[Villanelle 4,122]

Being an 'authorized signer' on someones account is not the same thing as having a joint bank account with someone. Different banks have different policies regarding authorized signers. Sometimes it means nothing more then the person with 'signing privileges' gets just that. They can sign checks, make deposits and perhaps limited withdrawals. But they cant close the account, its not theirs. Theyre just an authorized user. Personally, I feel it shows a severe level of distrust and inequality if your spouse adds you to her account as an 'authorized user' and not a 'joint user' where you would be on equal footing.

You are free to handle your divorce in any fashion you wish. If you want to walk away with nothing then you can. You dont need an attorney to handle your divorce, you can do it on your own, but you are correct, if you do hire one, the more complicated it gets the more its going to cost- so yeah paying a lawyer hundreds of dollars for hours of billable time to fight over property of little value makes no sense. But people do it all the time out of spite. (It seems youre not of that mindset but your ex may be with her families encouragement to go that route)

[Jacob Richard 1]

Apparently she didn't trust me. Trust issue runs in her family. They entered a marriage considering their spouse a potential enemy.

I married her and found myself in a situation which I wanted to change. At first I thought I'd just suck it up and give her time. I loved her, and I think she loved me too (in her own way). Yet, she loves herself better. And she loves money the most. I figured out that it was impossible to change the situation or change her. The only change I could make was trying to get out of that situation.

I wonder if I move to another state, can she fight the divorce from here, in PA, or she will have to go to the state where I file if she wants to fight. She and her family think they are the best, and where they live is the center of the universe, so they never travel beyond the town. They don't know anything about the world outside their shell.

[Villanelle 4,122]

If you were to move, even one state over, to Ohio, where the divorce laws are friendlier- you have to be a resident for 6 months and separated for 1 year for a no fault divorce, or willful absence of one party for 1 year for a fault divorce. You would file in Ohio and the case would be heard in Ohio- meaning your wife would have to drive to Ohio and appear in the court in Ohio in person for each and every court date (which sucks for her).

So basically you would file for divorce in Ohio. She would have to respond- if she doesnt respond in 42 days, you would go back to court and it would be granted on the grounds of her failing to respond (uncontested). If she does respond she would do so by mailing in her initial response, but eventually the subsequent hearings will take place in Ohio courtrooms (causing her to have to travel) and she would need to hire an attorney licensed in Ohio if she wanted an attorney to represent her.

Its pretty much a PITA for the out of state spouse the further from home the divorce is)

[Jacob Richard 1]

Thank you so so much! I really appreciate your opinions and advice. I don't have many options; yet, I'm trying to make a lemonade out of a lemon, hopefully I'll be able to solve the problem in a least painful manner.

[Villanelle 4,122]

Well the only other thing you should keep in mind when looking around is when they refer to residency requirements and separation requirements, they are two different things that are not dependent on each other. You dont have to be a resident first, then live separately for the time period required in that state.

I dont know if you are currently living apart from your spouse or not, but if you are, then the clock on your separation has already started ticking.

As long as you have solid proof, it will hold up in court. Solid proof would be a lease or rental agreement in your name only. (there could be someone else on it with you, as long as its not your spouse youre ok) and/or bank statements/credit card statements in your name. At the same time you would have to remove/cancel yourself from anything joint (leases, bank accounts/credit cards) that you shared with your spouse.

So if you were to obtain a new residence in PA now in Dec, even if you lived there for 6 months alone, thats fine- it still counts towards your separation time. You can even ask the landlord before you go for a letter stating you lived there ALONE. You would take that lease, the landlords letter, and a copy of your PA DL (because when you move to the new state you will have to surrender it to obtain a new DL for the new state, so make a copy before you surrender it), your bank statements with that address, and that is your proof of 6 months worth of separation time so far.

When you get to the new state, if its a 6 month waiting period before you can be eligible to file (and 12 months of separation), you set up residency, wait the 6 months, gather the same proof as you did above- combine the 2- and you have 12 months proof of separate living.

[Rebecca Jo 1,962]

She can't close the joint account. She can remove her name, but not close it without you. I assume she also took the money then? I would go to the bank and find out why it was closed without you.

Don't let her "win" just because. Sell the car with your name on it and give her half, that's all she's entitled to. OR tell her you'll keep the car and not go after her for support, or half of any of the other marital assets (which you ARE entitled to).

No, it's not so that one party cannot close a joint bank account. The words "and/or" in the signed checking account agreement presumes the money is in control of either party. People zero out joint bank accounts every day of the week with only one signature. I've always been the "money person" in both my marriages. Accounts were always jointly held. If I wanted to change banks, or move to a different type of account, I was always able to do that with just one signature. *I also was a banker for ages before changing careers midlife*

The only way an account requires both signatures is if it's stipulated on the signature card.

I will caveat all this noting State laws vary and that may affect how accounts are held.

Edited December 18, 2012 by Rebecca Jo

[Jacob Richard 1]

Thank you. This family is crazy. My wife's sisters and brothers fought their estranged spouses over adopting a dog (their argument is animals are not good for kids), having the teenager daughters nails polished, or letting the boys hang out with Catholic kids... In the mean time, they are trying to make the kids spy on their soon-to-be ex for them.

I'm not separated from my wife yet. Still trying to figure out how to do this. Yesterday she threatened that it would be either me filing for divorce and her not consenting to it to drag it on or her filing, citing "immigration fraud" ground. Of course, it's a false accusation. But she's playing a nasty game. How can I play along?

[Caryh 5,206]

Just go file. Then she can respond with contesting it and the judge will say you're legally separated. You'll have the paperwork to show you're in divorce proceedings to apply for the waiver, and the two year separation will have legally began. Two years from now it will be complete, as she can only contest assets and support then, not the divorce. You're making this hard on yourself, get your butt in gear and quit playing her game. Right now you're just dancing to her tune as she screws with your head. Get out of the house as soon as possible to. You'll be surprised how much your thinking is going to clear up when you're not in the situation of getting mind f**ked every day by her. When you're out, you no longer have to accept her calls or even deal with her at all. Tell her if she wants to sign the consent, then you'll meet, otherwise you'll see her in two years when the divorce is finalized.

Thank you. This family is crazy. My wife's sisters and brothers fought their estranged spouses over adopting a dog (their argument is animals are not good for kids), having the teenager daughters nails polished, or letting the boys hang out with Catholic kids... In the mean time, they are trying to make the kids spy on their soon-to-be ex for them.

I'm not separated from my wife yet. Still trying to figure out how to do this. Yesterday she threatened that it would be either me filing for divorce and her not consenting to it to drag it on or her filing, citing "immigration fraud" ground. Of course, it's a false accusation. But she's playing a nasty game. How can I play along?

[Villanelle 4,122]

I dont know what she would mean by 'immigration fraud' (?)

Your wife has two choices when you serve her with divorce papers- she can contest it, or she can agree to it. Thats it.

If she contests it, she needs grounds (a reason) to contest (argue). So you can file based on the fact that youve been separated for X amount of time and your wife would have to prove that you havent been separated for X amount of time, that your dates are wrong and its only been Y amount of time or no amount of time- that youre still together.(in a case like that you would each present your evidence to a judge who would examine it and rule on it)

Or she can argue that she wants the divorce granted on the grounds of 'fraud' instead of 'time separated'- this is something you DO NOT want to happen, because if it does you can not get your ROC approved. In order for her to make a case that the marriage was based on fraud and she wants the divorce granted on those grounds she would need evidence to back it up. Im assuming you had a legitimate relationship with her prior to marriage. While you are still in the home you should gather as much evidence as you can in case she attempts to go this route- this would include pictures when you were happy together, emails or correspondence from when you were dating, the application/petition she filled out to bring you to the US or adjust your status,copies of anything you had that was joint together, letters from outsiders that knew you as a legitimate married joint couple (this can include random people- neighbors, landlords, pastors, paperboys, the waitress at the diner you frequent every friday night together etc).

On her end- she would have to demonstrate to the judge that the relationship was not real, that the sole purpose of the marriage was for you to obtain status. So your proof needs to counteract that. You could perhaps look into investing in a hidden camera or recording device so perhaps next time she goes on a rant saying things like 'Ill claim the whole marriage was a sham/immigration fraud if you attempt to divorce me, you can encourage her to make incriminating statements- like but you know thats not true, we were married because we were in love and thats a lie- etc, and let her hang herself on tape.

I would also recommend you open yourself a safe deposit box at a local bank and put in it all your papers and copies of evidence and anything else you wish to keep safe now because as things get more heated things may get destroyed or you may not have access to them.