Doubts

[Udella&Wiz 325]

Hey there - I don;t know if I've mentioned but I too am from Kitchener - spent the first 35 years of my life there. I miss it dearly and of course my family who ALL live in Kitchener as well. After 5 years I still have my moments of homesickness but it gets better with time - the more success you have to do with jobs, relationships, work friendships etc, the more you'll start to feel at home.

I only found true friendship here in VA about 2 years ago - for the first year I had nothing. Not having small children excluded me from meeting other mums at school or at sports practice etc.... I chatted with our next door neighbours but nothing more. I just didn't 'feel' anything like I should when meeting a friend...you know?

If you can't find truly satisfying work don't let that stop you.....settle into a job that's ok for now and do what you love after work. Not the best solution but it will get you by and your perspective may change. It may sound cliché but don't forget to try and look on the brightside. It's so easy to get in the grips of misery and forget there are good things about where you live, but you have to give it a chance.

I used to think I'd move back home to Kitchener eventually but I don't thik I could do it...my existence was living behind Fairview Mall in Gresham with my daughter, working in Waterloo and trucking back and forth to work everyday.I didn't have time for much. Now I live outside DC, have enjoyed going to free museums and going to cool cultural stuff that I otherwise wouldn't have. I'm happier now than I've ever been (the hubster contributes to that of course too)......not saying I'm in love with Virginia per say.....but there are a lot of good parts about living here too and at first I couldn't see them because I was so miserable and homesick.

And then something like last week happens and I was so homesick it was dreadful - cried 1 evening on and off for a couple hours...but it passes. I get to see my family in a couple weeks at ChHristmas so Im happy about that.

[Veronik 19]

Hi - I think it's safe to say that we all go through this at some point after moving. There's the honeymoon phase where things are just great, and then there are times where you wonder "why in the h*ck did I move here again?"

Being let go s*cks, no matter if you were still in Canada or here, it's the reality of our economy. And as others have mentioned, moving to a different state or city could be a fresh start for you both! I don't necessarily think that moving to Canada would be the best. Your husband would face the same challenges you are facing here. Overall, it would be the same problem all over again.

If you have a dog, try going to a dog park in your neighborhood, maybe you can meet people that way! And the community on here is great too! You are not alone

I guess what I'm trying to say is don't give up! I was an ESL teacher back in Quebec, great conditions, job I loves, friends and family close by; but my heart is here, and home is where the heart is (that sounded pretty corny)... Through it all, I'm glad I moved here and one day I hope you feel the same. Don't give up!

[joe_robin66 6]

To bad you're not in Chicago. We're desperate for a computer literate smart person that catches on fast. I'm tired of crying everyday from having to much to do.

Message me. I live in the suburbs of Chicago and an IT person...computer literate. Thanks.

[Golden Gate 530]

Ralyse - How are you doing? Hope you are hanging in there!

[ralyse 31]

Thank you everyone for the replies, I am feeling a lot better today now that things aren't as raw. It really helped to be reminded that what I'm going through and feeling is really normal and expected when making such a huge change in life. I'm still thinking about the possibility of going back home, but I'm also looking for work again here... I really can't thank all of you enough for the support, it made such a huge difference is making me feel better about everything.

*hugs to all of VJ because you are all awesome, supportive, wonderful people*

Thank-you.

[bccanadagirl 0]

I've been having a really rough time.

I don't have any friends. I've never been very social, almost all of my interaction with anyone was online before I moved here, outside of the fact I had roommates. My husband is very much the same way.

When I got my EAD I applied for a lot of jobs and had no luck despite a great resume. I finally landed a position in a call center with a bank thanks to a family friend of my inlaws. I started there in March. I did very well, was a top performer... I just didn't like it very much. I didn't have anything in common with any of my coworkers and I wasn't liking the banking industry as a place to work. I just wasn't happy. So I kept looking for a new job.

Months of nothing, not even so much as a call for jobs I was qualified for. It's fine, I *had* a job so I know how lucky I was.

In August, I got promoted at the bank call center. Pay raise, better hours, new supervisor. While my supervisor was nice and I was doing really well, he and I had... not clashing personalities or anything but we just didn't seem to click very well. There were no fights or anything, just... awkwardness and difficulty communicating. That sort of compounded my unhappiness and I went back to looking for another position. In addition, I had some really bad health problems and had missed some work.

So at the start of November I got a call from a job that was basically doing exactly what I did back in Canada. I interviewed and had the offer right away. I gave my notice at the bank and started there three weeks ago. I was really enjoying it, was really excited about the company and was getting really good feedback.

Today, they let me go. The short reasons were about how I was obviously very intelligent and well versed in the industry and the questions I was asking were making other people in the training class feel intimidated and that they had gone to HR saying that it made them uncomfortable. There were some other things going on that I'm not going to go through the headache of getting into... but I now find myself unemployed, without insurance (my husband doesn't work, he's a student), without friends... and just really wishing I could go home.

I had so much trouble finding another job and to be let go after three weeks without so much as being told there was a problem (and there were a couple others let go too, its... complicated)... And I was already having a lot of trouble dealing with isolation, unexpected culture shock (I'd spent plenty of time here before I moved here) and just... general unhappiness with things.

I love my husband, but what happened today just solidifies a lot of doubts that I had about me being here. I don't fit in, I don't seem to have the right kind of... something. I don't know.

He graduates next December and we were going to leave Michigan when that happened. Go somewhere else in the US that's more suited to my values and beliefs and the sort of atmosphere we both enjoy... Go somewhere where we had friends. But now I just wonder if we wouldn't be better off if I just went home and we went through a spousal visa process for him to move to Canada when it was over. We did the long distance thing for years and we're only a few hours apart if I go back to Kitchener...

I just don't know. I've been so unhappy here.

I have that same thought too. They're both different countries and my whole family lives in BC and I'm moving to Minnesota. My Husband is from Michigan and he say's that state is not for everybody. Maybe like the others are saying, if you try a different state? Minnesota is different but I believe it's the closest state to Canada. For the most part people are very friendly and economy is better that Michigan... Whatever you decide to do, don't worry things always work out in the end.

[The Mean Lady 604]

I have that same thought too. They're both different countries and my whole family lives in BC and I'm moving to Minnesota. My Husband is from Michigan and he say's that state is not for everybody. Maybe like the others are saying, if you try a different state? Minnesota is different but I believe it's the closest state to Canada. For the most part people are very friendly and economy is better that Michigan... Whatever you decide to do, don't worry things always work out in the end.

Yah if you want to be more like canada you can go to Minnesota, or North Dakota, or Northern WI in the Minoqua area or to the UP of michigan (which is right above northern WI)