Heartbroken, she left me

[Sandra G. 5,070]

Mike &Sachie it's indeed a tasteless joke and very disrespectful as well. Each day 3/4 women die as a result of abuse in the USA and 1/3 million women are battered each year by their intimate partners.

"Wild animals never kill for sport. Man is the only one to whom the torture and death of his fellow creatures is amusing in itself.”

(James Anthony Froud)

Edited December 27, 2012 by sandranj

[lhesbart 1]

A little embarrassed, and messed up for a while, just getting over it.

Married my k1 fiance after a week. I thought she was intelligent enough to be patient and we could each learn our ways and stay married til interview time.

Luck would have it, my father got sick, died, and I was a little upset. A couple of times I snapped at her. She was acting strange. Not letting me touch her, hug her, things like that. I had a feeling she was intentionally trying to piss me off. The night my father died, I confronted her with this, and she began to cry, I never saw someone cry that much for a 38 year old! I am 55.

She went to stay at my moms house 2 weeks. I kept coming there asking, begging, crying for her to come back. She said she had friends in a Philippino neighborhood near us, and I said, go. I can't take it anymore, I'm having heart attacks seeing her here, and sleeping alone, knowing she may be crying at my mothers house.

So, my sister comes back after driving her, my sis says, she went to the BAYANIHAN COMMUNITY CENTER

40-21 69th Street, Woodside, NY 11377 She lied, no friend.

I heard though someone she called that they got her to go the police and report abuse. She has been there 2 months, and they won't answer the phone, won't answer my emails. She does not answer her phone or texts. Just like that after 5 years of supporting her and her son with xoom. She treats me like I'm dead.

I love her to death and would do anything to get her back. But the police said if she went there, she went because its a place where abused women go, and I cannot contact her.

Now heres the clincher, her friend told me they have immigration lawyers there that will get her her green card anyway. No one has contacted me to find out if her charges are real!!!!!! Any Philipino woman can do this, and I hope they do, and this place gets busted for visa fraud. Its dangerous too to allow anyone a green card these days. I don't think she is all there now if she can do this so coldly. I am 50% certain she planned it. I would take her back anyway. The interview isn't for a few months.

Sorry for the long story, but I thought you should know, it can happen to you. This girl just was not a good listener, and refused to talk at length without getting angry herself.

I was told by my therapist which I needed for my suicidal thoughts afterwards, not to go the infopass route, don't make waves. I sent a certified letter to the USCIS that I sent the 485 to. Now I figure, just wait, I won't get a divorce cause I want her to keep the medical benefits from job and texted that to her that she can still use the cards. Divorce in the future though.

I still trust Philippina girls, and in a few years may retire there and marry again after dating.

So, what do you suggest I do. Nothing?

Hi! Sad to hear your story...I am a Filipina and I am truly sorry for what she did. There are women like her but not much. Please have faith in God. He has better plans for you. That girl didn't know what she lost when she left you. File a divorce so she cannot benefit from your assets. She does not deserve to get a single cent from you and please NEVER think of ending your life, that will make her even luckier. SO live, be strong and move on. File a divorce ASAP my friend. Pray for strength...God is good.

[82regal 0]

sorry about the status of your marriage. not all Filipinas are like that. i feel ashamed that someone from my race could treat anyone like that most especially her husband. it's because of cases like this that the USCIS is becoming stricter. isn't it ironic for instance to have your petition approved fast, pass the interview with no issues and then when you enter the land of milk and honey, and marry the petitioner, you suddenly turn into a complete stranger, who does not know how to compromise. i assure you that not all of us are like that - cunning and predatory. when we love someone sincerely we do so with a passion, and we will do anything for our loved one. again sir pls accept my apologies in behalf of my fellow filipinas who might be put in a bad light because of what happened to you and your wife. may God bless you.

these are very nice words i think they come from your heart,i also worry about this happening to me even tho we get along great now while i am here in america and she is in the philippines i worry if she will change when she comes here cause we have a large age difference

[Septenary 0]

Am so carried away by your emotional love story. But life never ends there. Actually, i didn't find my fiance on dating site. A very good friend of mine who's currently living in the States introduced him to me. It was really unexpected and luckily we did get along well. If i were you, find your "true love" to a trusting filipino/filipina friend.

If you are ready, just keep in touch with me, i have lots of educated and trusted friends ready to love and be loved. By the way, what ideal age are you looking for?

Lastly, Happy New Year, and may you find the right woman someday.

God bless. [twitter][/twitter]

[New York Guy 0]

Am so carried away by your emotional love story. But life never ends there. Actually, i didn't find my fiance on dating site. A very good friend of mine who's currently living in the States introduced him to me. It was really unexpected and luckily we did get along well. If i were you, find your "true love" to a trusting filipino/filipina friend.

If you are ready, just keep in touch with me, i have lots of educated and trusted friends ready to love and be loved. By the way, what ideal age are you looking for?

Lastly, Happy New Year, and may you find the right woman someday.

God bless. [twitter][/twitter]

Thanks. It is weird, I hate her for marrying me, she could not love me if she would not contact for me all this time only 2 months after we were married. But in my mind, I wait for her to come back. It is unbelievable someone could befriend you for all this time, and then poof!!! The lure of a green card, and following the rules of not contacting me must be stronger than love. Me on the other hand, I am still considering of giving up on my own country and retiring in the Philippines in 2014. Know any good places that are not super expensive to retire there? Thanks again.

[New York Guy 0]

Move on but If i am were im not going to divorce her.

I will let her to divorce you bcoz thats what she want. dont spend money to divorce her... let her to kiss ur #### to sign the divorce paper... she cant ask for financial support coz u dont have kid to her.. in terms of property and everything.. if u can prove that u buy those things before ur marriage she cant get it....

be smart.. dont let the girl eat ur loving heart and loose everything...

Thanks for all the sympathy, I know she is human and must be going through some stuff, where she requires sympathy as well, and I still love her, I dont stab in the back. The problem is she never gave us a chance to fight a little, then make up and feel deeper in love which is normal after a discussion that leads to a little loud talking. I want her so bad to know I love her, and she does not communicate with me for months, I know she must need some love, I feel she is on the defensive all this time, I worry about her having a nervous breakdown. I know it takes two to tango, which she uses all the time on the phone i bought her. Because i care about her. But like the money i have been sending her for years, I never asked for anything in return but friendship, and love. I feel that some Filipino women are a bit immature about love and marriage, and feel the emotion of love has to be there all the time, and friendship does not matter. I got this feeling from her a while ago, but did not act on it. Friends first they say.

It funny that at this time, the Philippine govt is working on legalizing divorce. What is this world coming to? There goes my role model. I wish people would not treat marriage and divorce like a fast food restaurant and work things out. I wish VAWA would investigate these womens claims and see if they need counseling on how to be a wife.

[New York Guy 0]

There is an enormous difference between expressing hostility through the silent treatment and keeping your voice down in order to calm tensions. People who rationalize tampo are pulling the bait-and-switch: assigning the wrong motivations to tampo in order to justify it.

In terms of evolutionary cultural adaptation it is better understood as classic guerilla warfare. The weaker side is extremely foolish to take on the stronger side in an open field of battle. Elementary guerilla warfare is to conceal, to stalk silently, to strike at the soft underbelly of the enemy with the little daggar instead of beating on his heavy armor in vain. So you work the emotions of sympathy, guilt, witholding of affection etc. instead of screaming at the guy who can crush you in one blow.

When you scream at your husband where close neighbors can hear, they're also going to say that you've got what is coming to you. Silence conceals your aggression and poses you as the victim in the court of public opinion. It is all so understandable, yet remains inferior to viewing relationships as a team instead of being adversaries.

I would have loved to treat her the way you describe the Tampo. My natural tendency of an American is toa say, "awww, poor baby", as anyone would do to me if sulked that way. If I have to apologize after the discussion is over, then I do so not to say she is right, but to get back into holding and loving her like I did. If this Tampo is an art that must be mastered, it should be in writing when you get married. This softness, and tender feelings and crying, just gives me a heart attack and suicidal feelings if I cannot let her know I still love her afterward. It is sad.

[New York Guy 0]

That is a load of horse manure. He married a woman almost young enough to be his daughter (a 17 year age difference) without understanding anything about her or her culture. His outbursts and confrontations made the matter worse and instead of being an adult about it, he tells her to leave if she wants and then he broods about how life is unfair. He's mentally unstable and should first be looking to care for himself. She showed none of the signs of true fraud by having plans set in motion the moment she landed and even tried to stay with his family to allow the OP time to resolve the situation in an appropriate manner. He didn't get 'hosed'. He should have learned from all of this that his behavior towards the woman was inappropriate, his choice to marry a Filipina is likely based on a male fantasy and not a love or appreciation of the woman herself or her culture, and that he needs to set his own house in order before trying to settle down again.

She could have cleaned him out of house and home. She could have filed rape or domestic abuse charges (even if there was no evidence the charge itself is devastating) for even better results, but all she did was leave after he told her to go if she wanted. She ended up at a community center that likely put her in touch with a women's shelter which is where she would have been instructed to ditch her phone and avoid all contact with him. He likely can't contact her because those are the rules enforced by women's shelters and not because she is ignoring him.

I appreciate constructive criticism because I married for love, and really had nothing to gain by not loving her, and I really wanted to bring her son and maybe cousins here. Was it more pity that I married her? some of my friends say this. Did she hose me, plan it all along? All my friends say this, but remember, they are my friends and wont really criticize me. I hate to hear the woman I love talked about like that, and it is true, I have some of the blame for not really understanding all about her, but this is to be expected. Most of the posts on the internet about these women are negative, so I ignored them. Where else do I find out about their culture, but by my short visit, and listening to her when she has problems, and how they handle them.

Well, when she came here, she seemed to leave me out all Tagalog conversations on her phone, many of them, I did not know she had so many friends or cousins all over the U.S. and Hong Kong that married foreigners, so she knew a little more about foreign marriages, but did not teach me anything. I cannot learn from a person that simply points their eyebrows when they want something. I am learning a lot more now, and am in contact with a woman that I started talking to 7 years ago. Should I really concentrate on the age difference if I move to the Philippines and marry her, verse bringing her here, where she can find many men her own age to get along with, then fall into that social level. You know what they all say over there when you say to them, you are so beautiful, why can't you find a husband there? They say, the men are all liars, I dont believe that. Its because they have no money and these girls want to be secure. Maybe not rich, but secure, and here with me, she had it made. Now, I think she will be happy in a homeless shelter. I will never know what will happen to her I guess. I have to learn to stop worrying about her, but, well, if I make her the devil, I make all filipino women the devil and give up on em. Cant do that, something stops me.

[New York Guy 0]

That is a load of horse manure. He married a woman almost young enough to be his daughter (a 17 year age difference) without understanding anything about her or her culture. His outbursts and confrontations made the matter worse and instead of being an adult about it, he tells her to leave if she wants and then he broods about how life is unfair. He's mentally unstable and should first be looking to care for himself. She showed none of the signs of true fraud by having plans set in motion the moment she landed and even tried to stay with his family to allow the OP time to resolve the situation in an appropriate manner. He didn't get 'hosed'. He should have learned from all of this that his behavior towards the woman was inappropriate, his choice to marry a Filipina is likely based on a male fantasy and not a love or appreciation of the woman herself or her culture, and that he needs to set his own house in order before trying to settle down again.

She could have cleaned him out of house and home. She could have filed rape or domestic abuse charges (even if there was no evidence the charge itself is devastating) for even better results, but all she did was leave after he told her to go if she wanted. She ended up at a community center that likely put her in touch with a women's shelter which is where she would have been instructed to ditch her phone and avoid all contact with him. He likely can't contact her because those are the rules enforced by women's shelters and not because she is ignoring him.

No one said she was too young for me for the 5 years I was supporting her, and her relatives cut her off from support because they knew she had me. I acted responsibly and like we were married, even though I went through five years and only saw her for two weeks. We treated each other with respect on the phone, and when she got here, for some weird reason, that still boggles my mind, every single person she met got a nice voice, and sweetness from her, I got nasty talk, like you wake me up at 4 am to put your arm around me, I am trying to sleep. I dont know why she hated me off the bat, all I did from then on was try real real hard to get her to just "like me" Like I said, I guess she looked around and saw a lot of opportunity of Americans and Filipino men with money, than she ever saw before, once she got here. Cant make a marriage work when she is trying to change me into something I am not. I am not Filipino

[Boggy1974 124]

New York Guy,

You need to heed the various advice given and get divorce asap!

I sympathize with your situation, but please stop writing and listen more to the advice.

Your continued writing seem to be a bit wayward and into the realm of rambling.

Lest, you will lose the sympathies you're getting the more you sound bad and stereotype her.

Please stop typing and posting and instead listen more and act upon the advice you're getting.

Goodluck!

[Karee 4,191]

even though I went through five years and only saw her for two weeks.

I'd hardly call that a marraige.

[Teddy B 17,252]

I'd hardly call that a marraige.

Some may think that is the perfect marriage.

[Karee 4,191]

Some may think that is the perfect marriage.

[aamirpearl 47]

I read alot of storys on here about filipino( not talking about all) using the american guy for visa fraud and im just curious as to why it seems like philliphine us embassy is so easy to get approve for visa?

[Karee 4,191]

I read alot of storys on here about filipino( not talking about all) using the american guy for visa fraud and im just curious as to why it seems like philliphine us embassy is so easy to get approve for visa?

I wouldn't say it's easy, but it's not Nigeria or Morrocco either.