Heartbroken, she left me

[bigdog 376]

See an attorney, move on and notify immigration, sorry to hear this.

[mishka1 17]

I'm sorry to read that you were used by someone who wants to come and live in USA by circumventing immigration laws. Some of those women are will tutored about our laws specially VAWA and how to do that before using honest men like. The law mentioned below is supporting the job of many people who are employed by organization supported by the VAWA act. Among them are Pro-Bono attorneys (Volunteer Attorneys who wants to make name for themselves and advance their political agenda). The employee of such organization do not try to counsel the persons who claim an abuse, on the contrary they put oil on fire, WHY because the more cases they worked on the more justification they get to secure the $1.6 billion congress funding, it is job security to have more cases even if most of them are false claims, no doubt some women and men also are abused, but most of the persons who seeks the help of those organization are seeking immigration benefits. In Domestic Violence reporting, it is enough for the person to say that her/his partner is looking to him/.her with that look that put fear in her/him that simple look can get the person to be arrested. I do not think that you can do anything of preventing her from getting Green card, even if you will be able to withdraw your I-864 affidavit of support, which I doubted and I’m not in position to know what USCIS will do regarding the request of withdrawing the I-864. I support other VJ members’ opinion, get divorce attorney, to secure your assets and get divorce and go on with your life, she does not deserve mercy of sympathy. Good Luck

The Violence Against Women Act of 1994 (VAWA) is a United States federal law (Title IV, sec. 40001-40703 of the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act of 1994, H.R. 3355) signed as Pub.L. 103-322 by President Bill Clinton on September 13, 1994. The Act provided $1.6 billion toward investigation and prosecution of violent crimes against women, imposed automatic and mandatory restitution on those convicted, and allowed civil redress in cases prosecutors chose to leave unprosecuted. The Act also established the Office on Violence Against Women within the Department of Justice.

The Act's 2012 renewal was fiercely opposed by conservative Republicans, who objected to extending the Act's protections to same-sex couples and to provisions allowing battered illegal immigrants to claim temporary visas.^[5] In April 2012, the Senate voted to reauthorize the Violence Against Women Act,

[MIRICK02 6]

A little embarrassed, and messed up for a while, just getting over it.

Married my k1 fiance after a week. I thought she was intelligent enough to be patient and we could each learn our ways and stay married til interview time.

Luck would have it, my father got sick, died, and I was a little upset. A couple of times I snapped at her. She was acting strange. Not letting me touch her, hug her, things like that. I had a feeling she was intentionally trying to piss me off. The night my father died, I confronted her with this, and she began to cry, I never saw someone cry that much for a 38 year old! I am 55.

She went to stay at my moms house 2 weeks. I kept coming there asking, begging, crying for her to come back. She said she had friends in a Philippino neighborhood near us, and I said, go. I can't take it anymore, I'm having heart attacks seeing her here, and sleeping alone, knowing she may be crying at my mothers house.

So, my sister comes back after driving her, my sis says, she went to the BAYANIHAN COMMUNITY CENTER

40-21 69th Street, Woodside, NY 11377 She lied, no friend.

I heard though someone she called that they got her to go the police and report abuse. She has been there 2 months, and they won't answer the phone, won't answer my emails. She does not answer her phone or texts. Just like that after 5 years of supporting her and her son with xoom. She treats me like I'm dead.

I love her to death and would do anything to get her back. But the police said if she went there, she went because its a place where abused women go, and I cannot contact her.

Now heres the clincher, her friend told me they have immigration lawyers there that will get her her green card anyway. No one has contacted me to find out if her charges are real!!!!!! Any Philipino woman can do this, and I hope they do, and this place gets busted for visa fraud. Its dangerous too to allow anyone a green card these days. I don't think she is all there now if she can do this so coldly. I am 50% certain she planned it. I would take her back anyway. The interview isn't for a few months.

Sorry for the long story, but I thought you should know, it can happen to you. This girl just was not a good listener, and refused to talk at length without getting angry herself.

I was told by my therapist which I needed for my suicidal thoughts afterwards, not to go the infopass route, don't make waves. I sent a certified letter to the USCIS that I sent the 485 to. Now I figure, just wait, I won't get a divorce cause I want her to keep the medical benefits from job and texted that to her that she can still use the cards. Divorce in the future though.

I still trust Philippina girls, and in a few years may retire there and marry again after dating.

So, what do you suggest I do. Nothing?

[hayam 8]

Sorry to hear what u went through with your wife but for now u need to try to move on & file a divorce instead of her getting all the advantages from being marrying you...Good luck in ur life...

[MIRICK02 6]

Gentleman, your story just saddened me. Don't lose heart. You see, there are many Filipinas on this site who are truly madly in love with our white men. I am married to a true Christian USC and ours is a miracle relationship designed by God. You deserve one true love and I believe you will soon find her as you continue to move on. God bless you.

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

I'm sorry to read that you were used by someone who wants to come and live in USA by circumventing immigration laws. Some of those women are will tutored about our laws specially VAWA and how to do that before using honest men like. The law mentioned below is supporting the job of many people who are employed by organization supported by the VAWA act. Among them are Pro-Bono attorneys (Volunteer Attorneys who wants to make name for themselves and advance their political agenda). The employee of such organization do not try to counsel the persons who claim an abuse, on the contrary they put oil on fire, WHY because the more cases they worked on the more justification they get to secure the $1.6 billion congress funding, it is job security to have more cases even if most of them are false claims, no doubt some women and men also are abused, but most of the persons who seeks the help of those organization are seeking immigration benefits. In Domestic Violence reporting, it is enough for the person to say that her/his partner is looking to him/.her with that look that put fear in her/him that simple look can get the person to be arrested. I do not think that you can do anything of preventing her from getting Green card, even if you will be able to withdraw your I-864 affidavit of support, which I doubted and I'm not in position to know what USCIS will do regarding the request of withdrawing the I-864. I support other VJ members' opinion, get divorce attorney, to secure your assets and get divorce and go on with your life, she does not deserve mercy of sympathy. Good Luck

The Violence Against Women Act of 1994 (VAWA) is a United States federal law (Title IV, sec. 40001-40703 of the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act of 1994, H.R. 3355) signed as Pub.L. 103-322 by President Bill Clinton on September 13, 1994. The Act provided $1.6 billion toward investigation and prosecution of violent crimes against women, imposed automatic and mandatory restitution on those convicted, and allowed civil redress in cases prosecutors chose to leave unprosecuted. The Act also established the Office on Violence Against Women within the Department of Justice.

The Act's 2012 renewal was fiercely opposed by conservative Republicans, who objected to extending the Act's protections to same-sex couples and to provisions allowing battered illegal immigrants to claim temporary visas.^[5] In April 2012, the Senate voted to reauthorize the Violence Against Women Act,

You have a very thorough understanding of this VAWA wound on our judicial body.

Personally I think this was the last election in which I will vote as a Democrat. This country has gotten soft and we need to shake things up a bit.

[believe 46]

I'm sorry to read that you were used by someone who wants to come and live in USA by circumventing immigration laws. Some of those women are will tutored about our laws specially VAWA and how to do that before using honest men like. The law mentioned below is supporting the job of many people who are employed by organization supported by the VAWA act. Among them are Pro-Bono attorneys (Volunteer Attorneys who wants to make name for themselves and advance their political agenda). The employee of such organization do not try to counsel the persons who claim an abuse, on the contrary they put oil on fire, WHY because the more cases they worked on the more justification they get to secure the $1.6 billion congress funding, it is job security to have more cases even if most of them are false claims, no doubt some women and men also are abused, but most of the persons who seeks the help of those organization are seeking immigration benefits. In Domestic Violence reporting, it is enough for the person to say that her/his partner is looking to him/.her with that look that put fear in her/him that simple look can get the person to be arrested. I do not think that you can do anything of preventing her from getting Green card, even if you will be able to withdraw your I-864 affidavit of support, which I doubted and I’m not in position to know what USCIS will do regarding the request of withdrawing the I-864. I support other VJ members’ opinion, get divorce attorney, to secure your assets and get divorce and go on with your life, she does not deserve mercy of sympathy. Good Luck

The Violence Against Women Act of 1994 (VAWA) is a United States federal law (Title IV, sec. 40001-40703 of the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act of 1994, H.R. 3355) signed as Pub.L. 103-322 by President Bill Clinton on September 13, 1994. The Act provided $1.6 billion toward investigation and prosecution of violent crimes against women, imposed automatic and mandatory restitution on those convicted, and allowed civil redress in cases prosecutors chose to leave unprosecuted. The Act also established the Office on Violence Against Women within the Department of Justice.

The Act's 2012 renewal was fiercely opposed by conservative Republicans, who objected to extending the Act's protections to same-sex couples and to provisions allowing battered illegal immigrants to claim temporary visas.^[5] In April 2012, the Senate voted to reauthorize the Violence Against Women Act,

Way to minimize the sheer amount of abuse going on in this country, and to blow the immigration side of it out of proportion. I'm sure the many women who have died will thank you. The lack of knowledge on domestic abuse displayed on this board is staggering. I hope all of you are this diligent in vocalizing your disgust with the corruption happening in your neighborhoods.

Domestic Violence from a prosecutor's POV

Edited December 7, 2012 by believe

[mishka1 17]

Way to minimize the sheer amount of abuse going on in this country, and to blow the immigration side of it out of proportion. I'm sure the many women who have died will thank you. The lack of knowledge on domestic abuse displayed on this board is staggering. I hope all of you are this diligent in vocalizing your disgust with the corruption happening in your neighborhoods.

Domestic Violence from a prosecutor's POV

Believe.. you underlined only the sentences you like, but you did not read carefully what I wrote” NO doubt some women and men also are abused”. That means there are true and genuine domestic Violence cases and others are not genuine. You should read carefully what define an act or the criteria of Domestic Violence in any US State law .

[RebeccaS 7]

Sorry man but I agree divorce her and report it because you have to learn not to be a pushover because thats what got you to this point. and now youre letting her get away with things now that you know her lies and true motives, you got to do something to save your dignity or else anyone else that enters your life after will know that they can do the same. but good luck in life and don't let things get to you, you have so much more to live for. if anything you have your own happiness to live for. you seem like a guy who puts others before himself every time. why don't you put yourself first for a change. and don't think of this as a curse from God or that the universe hates you so you should turn to suicide. i think its god's message to you for you to see yourself in a new light and change your life into something better. Everything happens for a reason. this could actually be a blessing in disguise

[believe 46]

Believe.. you underlined only the sentences you like, but you did not read carefully what I wrote” NO doubt some women and men also are abused”. That means there are true and genuine domestic Violence cases and others are not genuine. You should read carefully what define an act or the criteria of Domestic Violence in any US State law .

Ohh I read it... And I responded by referencing your minimization (A favorite tactic of abusers and manipulators). "Some" indeed. 1 in 4 is NOT "some." Get educated.

Genuine and fake cases exist in every sphere of human endeavor that results in conflicts. But some people feel they have the purview to declare that "most" cases are fake. How galling is that?

The OP has gotten his advice. The rest of this is off topic.

Edited December 7, 2012 by believe

[del-2-5-2014 1,339]

Believe.. you underlined only the sentences you like, but you did not read carefully what I wrote" NO doubt some women and men also are abused". That means there are true and genuine domestic Violence cases and others are not genuine. You should read carefully what define an act or the criteria of Domestic Violence in any US State law .

Well said.

[mishka1 17]

Ohh I read it... And I responded by referencing your minimization (A favorite tactic of abusers and manipulators). "Some" indeed. 1 in 4 is NOT "some." Get educated.

Genuine and fake cases exist in every sphere of human endeavor that results in conflicts. But some people feel they have the purview to declare that "most" cases are fake. How galling is that?

The OP has gotten his advice. The rest of this is off topic.

Mr. educated, are you statistician? I do not think so, Knowledgeable of English language? I do not think so either, Meaning of word "Some" by Webster’s dictionary is; 1- Being an unspecified quantity or number, 2- Unknown or unidentified by name.

[Juliet and Steve 93]

You’re in a difficult position but there is plenty in your post that shouts “warning” to any reader.

You wrote: “I thought she was intelligent enough…” That equates to: “she is not intelligent.” Starting your post out with a slur is perhaps not a wise thing to do. I fear you are not “getting over it,” but may be quite angry and perhaps not quite aware of that fact.

Your dad died and you were “a little upset?” Usually when people’s parents die they do get upset, but usually don’t snap at people. Yet anger is one of the always necessary steps to recover from a tragedy. I suspect that the way your family dealt with emotions was worlds apart from the way that her family dealt with emotions. What you may have considered “a little upset” may have come across to her as an enraged and violent and thus it is possible that you became an extremely frightening person.

Clearly there is no other guy involved as she went to your mom’s house for two weeks but what you say about the two weeks doesn’t make a lot of sense—didn’t your mom try to help out—try to mediate?

You wrote that she went to the Bayahihan Community Center and say: “she lied, no friend.” Uh, hmm… if she perceived you as enraged and thus dangerous and did have, for instance, a supportive female friend, and you at least thought that at one time she was intelligent—then don’t you think that she was intelligent to meet the friend in a safe neutral place such as a Community Center? Please explain how this scenario turns into: “she lied, no friend?”

The Bayahihan Community Center is a Community Center I don’t believe it has any residential facilities. It does have a Filipino worker’s rights support group that it supports, but it has no domestic support group. It does not appear to be a place where abused women go at all. You say that she won’t answer her phone for two months. Did you ever think to consider that she might no longer even have that phone or if you called repetitively that she blocked you. If so you may have called 20 times but she has not received one call or text.

You say that the police say it’s a place where abused women go but its main function is a community center. You think that she may have accused you of domestic violence but you have talked to the police. Well, if she even hinted at domestic violence (hitting, locking her in or out, etc.) you would have already been arrested and arraigned. You don’t even have a restraining order. Thus your facts seem very cloudy to say the least.

Yes, immigrant victims of domestic violence will find great support but I’m not at all sure that’s what’s going on. And “getting busted for Visa fraud” is a pretty harsh accusation. Is she defrauding you or running in fear?

A very important line: “This girl just was not a good listener, and refused to talk at length without getting angry herself.”

From a distance it appears that it may be that neither party can deal with each other civilly and now there is a “script” which goes no place. Such scripts are common in domestic relationships and often impossible to break.

She may be immature and selfish, or you may be immature and selfish—we can’t tell, and only you can decide; but if you really do love her and will “do anything” you might want to consider that it might be wise to try offering to “do anything” which includes an apology for being angry and a promise to never raise your voice in anger again. If not, then your relationship sounds to me to be long gone.

If that is the case what someone wrote earlier is sound advice. End the relationship earlier rather than later—in many states (state law rules) increasing length of marriage grants greater fiscal rights.

From a distance it’s hard to tell if you’re in the right, or she’s in the right, or it’s someplace in the middle—only you can tell.

As far as what can happen if she is indeed abusing you I suggest that you find a copy from your library or from half.com of “A Long Way to Go for A Date [Paperback] by

Henry Makow (Author). It’s a pretty convincing story of what happened to a guy who brought a fairly selfish and immature Filipino to America and it’s not pretty.

[Dean_De 61]

A little embarrassed, and messed up for a while, just getting over it.

Married my k1 fiance after a week. I thought she was intelligent enough to be patient and we could each learn our ways and stay married til interview time.

Luck would have it, my father got sick, died, and I was a little upset. A couple of times I snapped at her. She was acting strange. Not letting me touch her, hug her, things like that. I had a feeling she was intentionally trying to piss me off. The night my father died, I confronted her with this, and she began to cry, I never saw someone cry that much for a 38 year old! I am 55.

She went to stay at my moms house 2 weeks. I kept coming there asking, begging, crying for her to come back. She said she had friends in a Philippino neighborhood near us, and I said, go. I can't take it anymore, I'm having heart attacks seeing her here, and sleeping alone, knowing she may be crying at my mothers house.

So, my sister comes back after driving her, my sis says, she went to the BAYANIHAN COMMUNITY CENTER

40-21 69th Street, Woodside, NY 11377 She lied, no friend.

I heard though someone she called that they got her to go the police and report abuse. She has been there 2 months, and they won't answer the phone, won't answer my emails. She does not answer her phone or texts. Just like that after 5 years of supporting her and her son with xoom. She treats me like I'm dead.

I love her to death and would do anything to get her back. But the police said if she went there, she went because its a place where abused women go, and I cannot contact her.

Now heres the clincher, her friend told me they have immigration lawyers there that will get her her green card anyway. No one has contacted me to find out if her charges are real!!!!!! Any Philipino woman can do this, and I hope they do, and this place gets busted for visa fraud. Its dangerous too to allow anyone a green card these days. I don't think she is all there now if she can do this so coldly. I am 50% certain she planned it. I would take her back anyway. The interview isn't for a few months.

Sorry for the long story, but I thought you should know, it can happen to you. This girl just was not a good listener, and refused to talk at length without getting angry herself.

I was told by my therapist which I needed for my suicidal thoughts afterwards, not to go the infopass route, don't make waves. I sent a certified letter to the USCIS that I sent the 485 to. Now I figure, just wait, I won't get a divorce cause I want her to keep the medical benefits from job and texted that to her that she can still use the cards. Divorce in the future though.

I still trust Philippina girls, and in a few years may retire there and marry again after dating.

So, what do you suggest I do. Nothing?

I was trying to hold off and not say anything since all this Visa Fraud is really all over the Globe. But- on the hind side, I guess I should share with you something which hopefully will make you atleast be on guard IF something comes out. I want to share with you a TRUE STORY of somebody who is in the same boat as you are...well, I'll take it back, his is worst than what you have now. He had been placed behind bars by his Filipina Wife who accused him of battery, and sexual assault...he paid the bond and him seeing his child i being affected because of this Nightmare...just like you, he was blinded by LOVE and gave / supported her even when she left the house after she received her Green Card..right now, she is about to file for Citizenship and I guess her proving ABUSE is really important to be able to get her Citizenship ( her accusation never stopped from there...until this time she had been trying to come up with lies..I am not sure what protective agency she asked for help as she claimed she was a victim of Domestic Violence, but this group had provided her with an attorney. They were issued a No-Contact order, but then, since the wife has access to some of his online account, "SHE" tried to log in his account and wrote her email..just to come up with a proof that he violated the no-contact order..and have him arrested after seeing his kid.) This whole thing is really no JOKE and it is really happening - I should say...move on, but still be on guard to yourself and make sure there's no charges posted against you. All this Fraud is really time, money, and even mentally consuming...I wish you luck and hopefully everything goes well.

I am a Filipina and hearing a story like this really makes me mad.

Edited December 7, 2012 by Dean_De

[masipag 6]

Hello there,

I've been reading your post since last night & tge responces from our fellow vj members.First off you are the only one who can answer your thoughts why she cried like unbelievable,I did not come here to judge You or here I just wanna share what's in my guts,what exactly what happened can you please define the "what kind of snapped u did to her?"are you certain that you just snapped at her?we women are very sensitive sometimes specially during the period of adjusting our lives here in usa,its very hard.if we get hurt emotionally we just stay silent and hide and didn't want to talk.

Now I didn't say I don't believe your story I'm just saying what exactly the snapped thing happened?Think possibly how deep you hurt her feelings?

For those filipina fellow said she just used him...come on give me a break we don't know what exactly what happened do not conclude. you guys have to hear the two sides of the story.we did not hear her side...I am not depending her as I don't know her.

I don't say move on...but contacting uscis is best bet..God bless you...and think hard of every decision you ganna make