Heartbroken, she left me

[KennyJ 10]

Before we make any accusation remember we only hear one side of the story

My suggestion is you wait. You have waited 5 years to be with her so lets wait for another 6 months. Eventually they (police or lawyers) will have to contact you. Don't make any decisions that you might regret later.

[pinoyukrenyc 3]

I agree with KoJ, maybe she is broken hearted too! let's wait, women are not like men! we can forget about everything in a single bound! it takes time for women when they get hurt!

quote: "A couple of times I snapped at her" - I hope not physical? coz dude, you are in major problem if ever!

IF after sometime and all is said and done and still she opted to stay away from you, then move on and do what is lawfully right.

[Josteve 2]

I am sorry to read this kind of situation you have. Indeed it is a shame that a fellow filipina would just have a hiddne purpose of marrying a foreigner, I can feel that you love and still care for this woman but I would suggest that have your situation reported and divorce her coz she is just a USER/SCAMMER, she only love your money and not of who you are. I am proud that God lead us the way to have my loving Steven, he is GOD'S gift. I know u have a great heart and that person ddnt see that coz of her agenda. She is not worthy to love, I am sorry if I hurt someone here but just thin GOD before you do such evil things for it comes back to you in the future. MOVE ON, AND HAVE ANEW LIFE FOR I BELIEVEVED SOMEONE IS THERE FOR YOU...

[Bumbero 130]

I agree with the above posts. One side to the story and after reading the OP a few times, there are a few things that make me believe there is a LOT more to this story then what is posted. We can always blame the wife because we are not hearing her side.

OP, good luck to you and I am absolutely sure you will hear from the Police very soon, if she did file charges.

Edited December 7, 2012 by Bumbero

[CM&MI 8]

I'm a Filipina too and engaged to American man. All I can say is that, it's not nice to used someone for just it's own sake and try to play a great pretender after all then left the man when she already enter the great opportunity

awaits her. Being a Filipino, we are race to be faithful and loyal to our partners but what others do that's their choice. Try to talk to her and if she still won't listen then move forward. There are many good/nice Filipinas out there who could give love and not a user. God Bless you.

A little embarrassed, and messed up for a while, just getting over it.

Married my k1 fiance after a week. I thought she was intelligent enough to be patient and we could each learn our ways and stay married til interview time.

Luck would have it, my father got sick, died, and I was a little upset. A couple of times I snapped at her. She was acting strange. Not letting me touch her, hug her, things like that. I had a feeling she was intentionally trying to piss me off. The night my father died, I confronted her with this, and she began to cry, I never saw someone cry that much for a 38 year old! I am 55.

She went to stay at my moms house 2 weeks. I kept coming there asking, begging, crying for her to come back. She said she had friends in a Philippino neighborhood near us, and I said, go. I can't take it anymore, I'm having heart attacks seeing her here, and sleeping alone, knowing she may be crying at my mothers house.

So, my sister comes back after driving her, my sis says, she went to the BAYANIHAN COMMUNITY CENTER

40-21 69th Street, Woodside, NY 11377 She lied, no friend.

I heard though someone she called that they got her to go the police and report abuse. She has been there 2 months, and they won't answer the phone, won't answer my emails. She does not answer her phone or texts. Just like that after 5 years of supporting her and her son with xoom. She treats me like I'm dead.

I love her to death and would do anything to get her back. But the police said if she went there, she went because its a place where abused women go, and I cannot contact her.

Now heres the clincher, her friend told me they have immigration lawyers there that will get her her green card anyway. No one has contacted me to find out if her charges are real!!!!!! Any Philipino woman can do this, and I hope they do, and this place gets busted for visa fraud. Its dangerous too to allow anyone a green card these days. I don't think she is all there now if she can do this so coldly. I am 50% certain she planned it. I would take her back anyway. The interview isn't for a few months.

Sorry for the long story, but I thought you should know, it can happen to you. This girl just was not a good listener, and refused to talk at length without getting angry herself.

I was told by my therapist which I needed for my suicidal thoughts afterwards, not to go the infopass route, don't make waves. I sent a certified letter to the USCIS that I sent the 485 to. Now I figure, just wait, I won't get a divorce cause I want her to keep the medical benefits from job and texted that to her that she can still use the cards. Divorce in the future though.

I still trust Philippina girls, and in a few years may retire there and marry again after dating.

So, what do you suggest I do. Nothing?

[CM&MI 8]

I am a Filipina too but I hate this kind of people who uses a person especially to be a great pretender just for the sake of their own good. Filipinas are race to be a good lady and a loving partner but, what's others doing that's their preference/choice to make. This woman is not been true to you after all. She should think how you support her and her son. She should be thankful for the blessings that comes on her way not just throw it all away like treating u like a rag that after u have been useful to her she will ignore and put you in the corner. Me, myself is engaged to a American man and all I can say, is that we are so happy knowing we love each other with all our hearts. Just so thankful to God giving me a nice man to be my better/equal partner in life.. by this, I will do my very best to serve and love him with all that I am. Anyways, try to listen to her once more and have nice communications but if she still wont listen... there boy... move forward. Life is not just to be focus on her! You have your own life to move and not just get stranded in nowhere. There are many nice/good Filipinas outhere. God bless you.

[CurleyHoward 1]

Dude, im in your boat also. dont you hate it when others here say "move on"?! how can we? i loved my wife like no tomorrow, and this happened to me also. I hate to say it, but the uscis needs to eliminate the K-1 visa process now. its become an epidemic! ill just soon move to th Phils, its cheaper there! All you visa fraud girls. GO HOME!

[eric LOVES janice 6]

hello NY guy.. im sorry to hear your story.. but that woman sucks. why would you want to get her back? what for? she doesn't deserve to have you. file a divoce and move on.. you should report what happened. yeah, Vaness&tony is right.

Make an INFOPASS and report what happened. You will never know what she said about you but her reports of abuse CAN affect you getting a visa for a new fiance/spouse in the future. It's best you let them know so your story HAS been told. (from vanessa&Tony)

I am a filipina and engaged to some white boy from Canton, Georgia. I love him so much and i am pretty sure that he is the one that God has made for me. I can say that He is the one that i have been looking and dreaming for to be my husband. I know in my heart that that i am not going to leave him, he is my everything and she love my daughter too.. He is someone i can't afford to lose. He is everything to me.

im pretty sure that there is someone out there who you deserve, someone who will love you so true without conditions, without using you. someone you can lean on of times of trouble, sadness and in pain.. someone you can be with for the rest of your life.

Good luck and God Bless You..

[eric LOVES janice 6]

Good luck..

Edited December 7, 2012 by eric LOVES janice

[RR136 5]

This has been a problem with Philippines. Lot of women marry for wrong reasons. I have a friend who married a Filipino and leading a very happy life,so not everyone is like that. Its time to move on, file a report to USCIS, contact your lawyer and there's plenty of fish in the sea to be upset,especially in NY

[johna1 4]

Hey New York Guy- Welcome to living in America. This is coming out to more of a routine here now. Many of us go overseas and marry someone and they get here, and next thing you know is that they are gone. And so much allegations about things you would never even think about doing. This kind of immigration fraud is very common now these days, and unfortunately they always get away with it. I know tons of people who have been through the same experience. They just use us to get to America, and boom they put to us to hell of time. Unfortunate but you have to learn to accept that there is so many ungrateful people in this world.

[N-o-l-a 7,168]

So what do you mean by "snapped at her?"

Something went wrong that she was crying quite a bit "for a 38 year old" as you so put it.

Let's not automatically assume she was a scammer.

[Artisan 138]

Honestly I am pretty appalled at the level of blind support the OP has been given based on his rather shaky story.

First and foremost, marrying just a week after your fiance arrives in the US is not something to be concerned about. You are required to have full intentions to marry when the K-1 visa is issued. The 90 day period given is to allow people to plan and execute the wedding, NOT test drive your future spouse. To enter the US or to bring someone in on a K-1 visa without the express intent to marry them is immigration fraud.

Second, the OP admits to being emotionally unstable and volatile enough to snap at his new bride. The only fault here is that the young woman didn't fully know the man she was going to marry and was ill-prepared for the stress involved in moving overseas, getting married, and trying to make a life with someone that apparently expected a different woman. The OP blames everything and everyone but himself for his problems (his father dying, his wife, the people at the shelter). At no point does he admit that he was at fault for causing the initial conflict by snapping at her. He forced a confrontation about her lack of intimacy, not by being polite and reasonable about it at an appropriate time, but instead accuses her of deliberately angering him the same night a family member has died.

She has been living at a shelter for two months after first trying to live with his mother. If there was real fraud going on she'd have a more solid escape plan from the relationship (a boyfriend and/or local friends). Let's just ignore the fact that he blew her off by telling her to go ahead and leave his mother's house instead of trying to resolve the issue with counselling or speaking with her parish priest.

The workers at the shelter are likely the ones blocking contact as that is a core element of the support structure of those institutions. A major rule of almost all women's shelters is that they will lose the support of the shelter if they communicate with the spouse/boyfriend/abuser. It's likely she doesn't even have the same number she had when the OP last saw her.

It is clear that the OP was unprepared for the marriage given his admitted mental state and reaction to events. Divorce is the best option for everyone involved. If the wife wants to attempt to fix the marriage she can make contact after the papers are filed. As for the OP's final comment about still trusting Filipinas and wanting to marry another one, it should strike everyone as repugnant that the OP objectifies and classifies women of any particular ethnicity in such a manner. Women are women the whole world over, some good and some bad. Fixating on one specific country (especially one that is known for placing foreign boyfriends on a pedestal) is not just creepy but reprehensible behavior.

[Karee 4,191]

If this kind of thing keeps happening, it's going to be more difficult for future Filipinas to obtain marriage based visas.

[GonYet 1]

Hello budy, sorry because that "girl" did, but I think she will not come back to you as you want, even if you support her medically or economically, she will not come back, she probably had a plan before she come to US. Any ways the country from she come from originaly is not the point, the point is how she act, and you must go to report to the police as abandoned married and also send a letter to USCIS do not try to give to her any other benefit, she did not respect to you and your feelings after your father died, so let her go she will not fix her imigration situation with you, any other person will help to her, she is probably with another man at this time, so just forget this situation close that book and move on. Remember you are suffering and she is probably enjoing with another man, you were only a step or a ticket to come to US she is not realy smart as she think she is. Dont be silly suicide is not an option because out there is a lot of girls WAITING JUST FOR YOU all that you did for her shows that you are a good man. Change the door locks just in case.

Sorry and just move on.

Good look